Susanz Place

I DID IT !!!!!

2012-02-01T05:56:00.000-08:00

So this morning I could have slept in a couple extra hours - I never get that any more however, the Lord saw better to get me up at 4:30am and get me about my day. I am really learning to go with these gentle nudges of His guidance. Learning that there is always some unexpected sweet blessing when I am obedient. So up at 4:30am, showered, coffee made, reading my weekly Psalms / Proverbs and now sitting here thinking I need to get on this blog more. Like I said before I spend most my time on the private blog that I just tend to forget this one. So what's been going on.........let me tell ya!!!
i ran my first 1/2 marathon !!!!!
yep I did, Sunday I was blessed to run in my friends, Michelle's place at the Tinkerbell Race at Disneyland 1/2 Marathon.
Unbelievable - to think 1 year ago come next Wednesday I started this crazy idea that I was going to be a runner or at least to do a 5k. Started "Couch to 5K" and that first 60 second jog I new i was going to see my Jesus. Everything hurtful, horrible was only my experience for so so long on this road of running. Having gotten the word diligent at leader's retreat just days before that, I knew the Lord wasn't letting me off the hook. In some way I just figured if I did die running then at least people would remember me by at least trying. SSSSSSooooooooooo..... fast forward a few days shy of 1 yr and I am running 13.1 miles with 11,000 people.
So how was it you may be asking well let me sum it up this way:
Wonderful / Dreadful
Fun / Painful
Determined to quit / Diligent to not
Hot Hot Hot - dreadful hot!
The things the Lord had me deal with out on the street surrounding Disneyland was not pleasant at all. Only got honestly a few moments of enjoyment along that path and saying that I am sure I am exaggerating to the better - as I don't have to many memories of them. But having streets lined with people / bands / cheerleaders kept me going. It felt like a cloud of witnesses cheering me on. How surprised I was that all those thousands of people came out to cheer this 45yr old woman on in her first half marathon. Yes I know that all those racers think they were there for them but I know it was for me. OF COURSE IT WAS FOR ME!!!!!
A couple of months prior I had learned this amazing lesson through running that sometimes the entire run will SUCK but you need to finish get to the end - the blessings come rushing in after it is done. So spiritually profound in our trails that come our way. A lesson well learned out on the riverbed that morning, now here I am living it with 13.1 miles not 3 miles. Dreadful couldn't believe this was going to be my path for this race, yet the very day prior when a friend text me with such excitement that I was running, I told her I wanted to burst into tears I was feeling conflicted. It was hard to explain to her and she was thinking I was scared but that wasn't it. Looking back now I see that deep down I knew I was going to get out there and God was going to use it to strengthen me in ways that wouldn't be fun. Boy am I learning the really good learning curves are the really deep down ones that really cost something.
So how did I do - I finished and that is part one of the victory. AND I wasn't last.
9,000 out of 11,000 finished the race and in the 9,000 I was 44% or maybe it was 41% one of those honestly can't remember. 2hours 47 minutes. Seriously not bad when I think of the extra walk time I had to take to get my breathing under control those last few miles, the potty break and picture ops that couldn't go un-missed. Seriously I just kept thinking if I could only be under 3 hours then I can be proud of what I have done so to think but really figured it was more like 3 1/2 hours. So 2:47 was a happy surprised for sure.
So maybe I am going to lose 2-4 toenails as a result of this race ( yes gross ). But worth it!!
Thank you to my friend Michelle Tebbe who allowed me to run in her place. I know it had to be hard for her not to be there but I pray she is blessed like crazy for this gift she gave to me.
Isn't it funny I can call something that was so difficult a gift......hhhhmmmmm interesting!

LOOK AT MY MEDAL

My 14 year old

2012-01-14T08:51:00.001-08:00

17 years With this Man in Marriage!!!

2012-01-14T08:50:00.000-08:00

Today marks 17 years of marriage with the love of my life, Bobby Ray Richardson.
Now total we have been 23 years together WOW that is more years than we have been alive. CRAZY where does all that time go. If you know Bobby then you know how utterly crazy blessed I am that this girl snagged him and got to keep him. He still takes my breath away when he comes in a room. The sound of his voice makes my heart laugh. The morning kiss on my nose gives my happy bumps on my arms. SURE I could make you all know he isn't perfect and share the things that make me bonkers, but the last time I did that God took me on a journey of change in my own heart and let me tell you I am going through it enough with other circumstances so NOPE not gettin' anything out of this mouth. lol.
Truth is he is pretty stinkin' great and the best part of all is how he loves Jesus and people. he takes the things of God with such ease and simple solid faith. me I take the complicated route always. He believes the best in everyone - I can't even get that to sense in my head. He forgives without even batting an eye, I wade through layers of complicated justification to get to forgiveness. He goes through life in complete abandonment in his endeavors not ever considering that people are watching him or feeling insecure. Me I crumble at the thought that anyone is ever looking at me - it keeps me paralyzed in steppin' out ( yes i am working on this but it is everything against my grain ). he looks at every opportunity to help ANYONE as a gift. I AVOID. He loves any and all social settings - they freak me out!!!
O how very opposite we are - people always say opposites attract and indeed they do but what I can say as solid wisdom after all these years is that I believe that is how God intends for it to be because that is where the biggest growth will come if we surrender to it's process.
It is sort of like our journey with the Lord - O how opposite we are with Him. Yet if we stay in it and allow the challenges to come and not avoid them to strip self and gain Him we fall into a more beautiful union with Him.
Marriage really is just like this - at least my story is.
I love you Bobby I'm the princess of the land having roped you.
Yes i am not in denial that i roped you - poor guy you didn't have a chance getting away from me - lol

I love you beautiful man!!!!

I never Get here anymore

2012-01-13T09:19:00.000-08:00

Maybe not the best way to come back after a long hiatus form this blog BUT .......
I never seem to get to blogging here anymore. I guess for a few reasons:
- I am doing a private blog with some gals, so i blog there. It's so great we are reading one of my very favorite books, "The Privilege" - by Kay Smith. We are using it as a tool to keep us in the sanctification process that the Lord has laid out for us.
- Things i would want to blog about here might be a little to private - of course i would have no problem writing the things but i know that some may not like hearing what I have to say. SO YOU SAY 'since when has that ever stopped me before' LOL yep you're right NEVER. I guess I feel as if somethings have been a little more misunderstood then normal lately so i have wanted to be responsible. I don't know maybe it's just I'm tired of everyone being so stinkin' upset with me all the time.
DO you know how tired i am of people saying or implying how difficult it is to be my friend. Lately I have seen that it is mainly because people DO NOT like to deal in truth. Everyone comes to the table of confrontation with the #1 rule of self preservation and the fine art of doing it under the umbrella of spirituality. Well me for one I'm TTTTiiiiiiRRRRRRRReeeeeDDDDD of that. No real work really gets done and everyone leaves the table full of more delusion then when they arrive. I just can't do that and well there in lies the conflict that people have being my friend. I need progress - I don't want to live in delusion. I don't want to continue preserving self. I want to live allowing the Lord to deal with my deception and my junk and cleaning it up - I want to be of better service to Him and all that He is up to for each day. I can't bare the thought of self delusion - scares me!!!!
I can only imagine how crazy this all sounds as the hearer of this post. I'm really just venting this all out here and you have the honor of wading through the yuck of it. I just had this conversation on the phone so it is all just fresh and a bit hot in my head right now.
LET ME GET OFF THIS CRAZY TRAIN BUT LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT.
Every time you have a conversation with someone and you sit there thinking how crazy wrong their thinking is - if you do not speak up in love and give a different perspective, but you allow them to leave the conversation thinking you are on board with their thinking ( because they will believe that if you don't speak up ) - then i ask you how responsible are you in what might come next in their actions with that thinking or even their next conversation and putting your name into it as a way to validate it even more.
So you see being silent is way more tragic then the difficulty of speaking up.

There is HOPE

2011-12-22T07:47:00.000-08:00

Sitting here this morning with my coffee and my Jesus and just really realizing how much hope we have. So many hard, seemingly impossibly things we all have going on these days AND YET THERE IS HOPE. I was drinking my coffee looking at my Christmas tree, with it's light on, looking at all the ornaments and thinking of all the memorize attached to each and every one. I couldn't help but smile and think of this tree and all that it represents in my life, and then A TREE that my sweet Jesus died on to give me life, to give me hope! The combination of the two things my memorize and my Jesus, I got to thinking do i seriously think all of that stops now in my life, NO WAY !!! . He is with me, His presence is ever so near. Psalms constantly speaks of hoping in Him and His presence being near. So why the trepidation I asked myself.

SO today I walk in this truth, with all it's challenges and turmoil and I will know that He is near and I will purpose to say in all things to come, "BUT I HAVE HOPE BECAUSE JESUS IS HERE WITH ME'

Some how I believe this is going to be a pretty great day!

Did Something Fun The Other Day

2011-08-29T10:51:00.000-07:00

Last week I woke up and the name of Jesus was just resonating in my head.You gotta love times like that. So I got this fun idea to challenge myself to say "Jesus" out loud 100 times that day. Okay not sure if I did 100 or 1000 because I honestly didn't count but what I did do was seriously have Jesus on my mind ALL DAY LONG and o what fun and joy that was. Some things that stand out from that day. I couldn't say "Jesus" without smiling - you know the kind of smile that just feels so stinkin good. Going to the store was a hysterical adventure. Here i am saying "Jesus" out loud and noticing that people around me starring at me. It made me laugh so I said it again "Jesus" buy this time i figure they are wondering why is she saying Jesus. When I said it again I realized WOW I have these people thinking about Jesus how great is this. I was so amusing myself and thought even if they think I have turrets they will surely tell this story to someone today and once again the name of Jesus will be said out loud again and again. So as my day progressed and I realized the influence I had by simply saying "Jesus", it made me think why have I never done this before. Aaron asked me , "mom you have said Jesus a lot today why?" I said, "why not?" then he looked at me in that my mom is crazy look and said, "ok mom you win say Jesus all you want". I just laughed.
I bet you want to say it - go ahead just say it loud!!!!
JESUS

good morning

2011-08-05T07:40:00.000-07:00

Up at 5am to get ready for some running and walking - off to Tri-City to get in a couple of miles before Susan shows up for our Friday 3 mile fast walk. Praising the Lord for the 60degree August morning. Put in a couple fast miles before hearing from Susan that she wasn't gonna make it - O DID I SAY FAST - YES STUPID FAST. Sad to not have that sweet time of chatting with my friend but decided to use the time to put some intervals in. YUCK those stink!!!!
Back home by 6:30 to make some perfect coffee - you know what I mean by perfect: strong Colombian roast w/ SF vanilla / Carmel, w/ heavy cream. O my goodness it's so good this morning. Even now as I sit here on my back porch it's still only 62 degrees.
I was reading a devotion this morning about Joseph and his trial was in believing God's Word. Here is a piece of that devotion:
God had revealed to Joseph through dreams that he would be given great authority that he would use for God's glory. His brothers would bow before him and he would be a great deliverer of many people. I do not believe any of this was an ego trip for Joseph. His heart was so set on God that this word gave him a humble sense of destiny: "Lord, you have put your hand on me to have a part in your great, eternal plan.” Joseph was blessed just by knowing he would play an important role in bringing God's will to pass! But the circumstances in Joseph's life were just the opposite of what God had put in his heart. He was the servant—he had to bow! How could he believe that he would one day deliver multitudes when he was a slave himself? He must have thought, "This doesn't make sense. How could God be ordering my steps into prison, into oblivion? God said I was going to be blessed but he didn't tell me this was going to happen!"........
So I got to thinking about my life and the things that i know that i know God has shown / spoke to me about my life. I have with lifted hands and heart said, ' Yes Lord to everything that's in Your heart for me' - yet over time the fire in my belly seems to smolder out because things quickly seem very contrary to what I believed i heard. Looking at this devotion this morning and knowing Joseph's story I can see such a big correction to my wandering heart. O how I have ripped myself off time and time again. Well this morning - this beautiful morning I say forgive me Lord and I still say Yes to everything that's in your heart for me. May I not focus on the circumstances of today but may I see and trust in the word that You have spoken. My life is not my own and whatever You deems necessary to humble me, strengthen me, ignite me for a work that will bring glory to Your name then I'm in .
This is a good morning for sure - o and to make it just that much better my beautiful hubby text and said he got an earlier flight out of Seattle - he is on his way home as i type. Thank you Jesus bring him home safely to us.
Have a great day and always remember to keep chasing righteousness!!1

2011-07-31T09:38:00.000-07:00

Thinking back a month ago when I was really moved in my heart with this verse and thought process. I sent this email to a friend and now sitting here this morning in a moment of praise to my sweet Jesus I realized that what He gave me then was exactly what I would need to draw my strength from today in this test and trial of my life. I am just so blessed and filled with joy in how He is so faithful to prepare us beyond our understanding in the before moments for what's to come around the corner. Thank you Lord.

Psalm 135:5-6

⁵For I know that the LORD is great,
and that our Lord is above all gods.
⁶ Whatever the LORD pleases, he does,
in heaven and on earth,
in the seas and all deeps.

I got to thinking with this truth that our Lord, our Savior, our Father does whatever He pleases to do. He allows all things for His pleasure. Hard to wrap our minds around that thought when the difficult, impossible things come our way. yes we read and desperately try to believe that He allows / causes all things for good for those that love Him. I get that He has the blimps perspective on the Rose parade sort of speak. From beginning to the end He sees it. We see just the float that just passed us by, the one in front of us, and the front of the one coming our way. However, He sees the entire parade happening at the same time. Anyway, I got to thinking that if He does/ allows things because it pleases Him then it should please me as well. If it’s what he wants then it SHOULD be what I want. So why the often struggle in my heart. Romans 12 tells us the will of God is good and acceptable and perfect. We want to believe this and surrender to this but our flesh rages war against this truth. I concluded all I know how to do and all I know to tell anyone else is to take it to the cross. Unsurrendered hearts need to be broken at the cross, tears need to be shed, and the brokenness of a doubting heart needs to be left at the cross. Repentance of the sin so the healing can come is where this all needs to start. Not once in our life but every time it comes – we need to take it to the cross. Will we ever be perfected in this. I really don’t know if that will happen here on earth, pretty much doubt it but what I do know is it happens for moments at a time but a lifestyle of this not so sure, as I’ve yet to be able to say it is true of me – SO take it to the cross is what I will continue to do.

So in conclusion of this time spent with the Lord with this whole thought process. I will purpose to see what looks hard to me and impossible in my mind, as my Jesus doing what He pleases in my life because and trusting that He comes from a heart of pure untainted love towards me.

So today this moment I rejoice in the difficulties of my life.

here i am

2011-07-26T11:25:00.000-07:00

Good grief - how is it that 2 months have come and gone since I've been here. I can see that i have lots of reading to catch up on with some of my favorite blog sites that I visit as well. So let's catch up:
MY 5K: yes yes yes I did it - unbelievable at that time to see that I set a goal of 36min and made it in 34.11 - I learned something amazing that day, ok a few things but the most important thing was NEVER NEVER NEVER commit to anything within the first few hours after running a race with success. Shoot I would have said yes to anything I was so flying high on endorphins - lol - Now to look back 2 months ago and think how far I have come since then I am shocked. Saturday I ran my farthest distances 7miles yep that's right 7. Training for a half marathon in October (13.2miles). What a crazy ride this has been - so many friends from church have jumped on board with this crazy goal - but what a joy to finally feel as if I am truly taking care of God's temple / my body in the right way. No more line in the sand for me - I am a runner !!
Running has become this crazy therapy thing for me. Realizing I have so many mental blocks in my head from my past and all my insecurities and running has become the unexpected vehicle that my sweet Lord is using to heal me from so many things. Better late than NEVER - so here I am 45yrs old and saying yes to the Lord in so many things - things that I have secretly so longed to be used by Him with and just felt way to presumptuous in it all. Life is changing and I never know what the days will bring but to wake up everyday and say, ' Jesus what are you up to today and may I please play a part in bringing glory to Your name', - and this all started with a 30second run that just about killed me.... on to something else......
So Aaron is going to school this year for the first time ever!!! 8th grade - now this is about to change our lives in some very complicated way but long story short once God dealt with me in my pride in not wanting him to go, I was left with the wisdom that if this the challenge of school is going to be the vehicle that the Lord uses to bring about strength of character, then how can I say that it's not good enough. Will he drowned - maybe. Could he fail - possible. Will he make bad choices - yes. But these will all be on him and he will need to figure this out. We will be the loving home that will support him while he struggles. We will be there to pray and wipe his tears.We will be the constant source of love and the things of Jesus while he finds his way in school. I guess this might not make sense to you as the reader but to give you the history is just way to much writing and you may have already checked out my now. Anyway, my son is going to school and we will be on our knees.
FOOTBALL: so just to make sure that our life is just that much more complicated this year Aaron is playing football for the first time. Placentia Steeler!!!!!! now this is one happy mom that all her Steeler stuff will get plenty of use this year - lol The irony is that we are a house divided Daddy is Broncos all the way. Mom, Steelers ( I'm a Rain for goodness sakes ! ) and well Aaron sides with all things Daddy NEVER NEVER Mom. So to see my son with Steelers uniform - lol O the joy!!!!!! NOW will he prove to be any good - time will tell and i am sure there will be many post along the way. He is his daddy's son however so somehow I'm sure he will find himself with a lot of great ability out there - But i can still out run them both!!!

to be continued later.....

Happy Mother's Day

2011-05-08T07:32:00.000-07:00

SO this morning as I sat and thought about my Mom. I couldn't but smile from ear to ear. I so love her. Was she the perfect Mom - doubt it. But she was the BEST MOM for me. Her strengths and weakness' are the very things God used to mold some of the things I like most about myself. It gave me a fresh breath of hope this morning as i thought about myself as a Mom. Many days I think, "I'm a horrible parent - why would the Lord allow me to ever be any ones mom?" made me wonder if my mom ever had days like that. Did she ever want to walk away. - did she ever want me to be different. Somehow in all that thinking I was just filled with hope and a deeper understanding of the love and sacrifice my Mom made for me. Thanks Mom I really can say you are the best Mom for me - and I see your name a little more perfectly suited for you - GRACE!
I love you Gracie

Friday in Motion

2011-05-06T10:19:00.000-07:00

So tonight marks 1st VBS worship practice of the season. Can't wait for the gals to see these new songs. Fun choreography!!!
Tonight on the list:
So Good - Lincoln Brewster
Reaching For You - Lincoln Brewster
Our God - Chris Tomlin
Starrry Night - Chris August - so far my fav new one
and we will make sure we are all tight on:
Glorious Day - Casting Crowns
I will Follow - Chris Tomlin

long night but it will be so much fun - nothing like a bunch of aging gals who think they were the the 'Laker Girls" in their earlier days. - lol O it's a hoot. If nothing else it is a great workout

2011-05-03T07:53:00.000-07:00

"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."

- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr

O Jesus may we understand and live love as you so beautifully displayed it on that cross.
"Forgive them for they know not what they do" - JESUS

David Wilkerson with our Jesus

2011-04-28T12:45:00.000-07:00

So yesterday found the passing of one of the really really greatly used men of God, David Wilkerson. Instead of posting about the accident that took his life from this earth, I wanted to share the last thoughts that were on his heart for us. Here are the devotions he wrote this past week.
FRIDAY, APRIL 22, 2011
AN ANCHOR IN THE STORM
“Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which entereth into that within the veil” (Hebrews 6:19). The anchor referred to in this passage of Scripture is hope. Not the hope of this wicked world, but the hope founded on God’s oath to keep, bless, govern those who trust him. This hope alone is our anchor in the storm falling on the earth at this present time. The writer of Hebrews admonished, “Be not slothful, but followers of them who through faith and patience inherit the promises” (6:12).
God made an oath to the “heirs of promise” who are all those who are in Christ. He made an oath in order to end all strive—all doubts—so that “…we might have a strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold upon the hope set before us” (6:18).
Here is our hope: GOD HAS SWORN TO FULFILL HIS PROMISES AND IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR GOD TO LIE. He kept his word to Abraham—he will keep his word to you as you trust him. We need strong consolation in these times. After all is said and done—and all the sermons have been preached on
hope—it comes down to this: Are we willing to commit all into his hands—rest in his Word—and stand without wavering in the love of God, fully convinced his promises to you will be fulfilled? You can take that kind of faith beyond the veil into the holiest!
MONDAY, APRIL 25, 2011
TRUSTING GOD IN THE FACE OF DIFFICULTIES
Nothing honors God more than trusting him in the face of difficulties. How qickly we forget the miracles and past blessings.
In Psalm 106 we see Israel beholding an incredible miracle as the Red Sea caved in upon the Egyptian army, drowning every soldier. “When they saw the Egyptians lie in the sea before them, then they believed in God, and sang his praise.” And the next words that follow are, “They soon forgot his works” (verse 13). But we cannot trust our faith to past experiences—we are too forgetful and recall is too fragile. Past experience alone will not be enough to strengthen us in present difficulties. We need fresh faith—anchored in a daily supply of the Word of God—a fresh word from God! Trust God when facing difficulties and God will trust you with more of his grace, his all-sufficiency and his strength. To trust God in the face of dire difficulties requires a venturing faith—committing all things into his caring hands. There comes a time we must launch out into the deep and cast every care upon him. This venturing faith is all-pleasing to him. Faith is our only hope, our only way out of difficulties. So let us step out and commit all to him!
TUESDAY, APRIL 26, 2011
WE ARE TESTED BY OUR FALLS AND FAILINGS
I do not mean that Christians who fall back into old sins and turn back to the world are being tested. No, those believers face a shipwreck of faith. But Peter warned, “Beware lest ye also, being led away with the error of the wicked, fall from your own steadfastness” (2 Peter 3:17). Peter is warning believers who are growing in holiness and are set on following the Lord. Some of you may have taken a fall in spite of all the progress you’ve made with the Lord. If I asked you what caused your fall, you might answer, “Brother Dave, it was a fit of anger. I was provoked by my own family and I blew up. I can’t understand it. I thought I was becoming a little sweeter, a little more like Jesus. But somebody just pushed the wrong button and I lost
it.” You may say, “I’m only human. How much am I supposed to take?” It does not matter that you were provoked or even that you were in the right. The provoking simply proved you need deliverance. Scripture says, “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor [fighting], and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice [grudges]” (Ephesians 4:31). God is going to keep testing you until you say, “I’ve got a spirit in me that’s got to go.” You will see no growth in Christ, no peace at home or on the job, until you can say, “You’re right, Lord—take it out!” If you’re being tested in this area, or any other area for that matter, you may be thinking, “I feel so unworthy. How much ground have I lost? Does the Lord still love me?”
Dear saint, if you have truly repented, you haven’t lost any ground whatsoever. God puts his loving arms around you and says, “I allowed that to happen so you would see what’s in your heart. But you’re making progress. You’ve said you want to walk with me, and I’m teaching you. I know what’s inside of you and I’ll allow you to be provoked until you get rid of it all.”
Are you being tested? If so, just pray: “Lord, you’ve put your finger on some areas in me. Pluck them out of my heart. Encourage me, Lord, that I’m not going backward—I’m going forward with you!”

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 27, 2011 -yesterday the day he passed
WHEN ALL MEANS FAIL
To believe when all means fail is exceedingly pleasing to God and is most acceptable. Jesus said to Thomas, “You have believed because you have seen, but blessed are those that do believe and have not seen” (John 20:29).
Blessed are those who believe when there is no evidence of an answer to prayer—who trust beyond hope when all means have failed. Someone has come to the place of hopelessness—the end of hope—the end of
all means. A loved one is facing death and doctors give no hope. Death seems inevitable. Hope is gone. The miracle prayed for is not happening. That is when Satan’s hordes come to attack your mind with fear, anger,
overwhelming questions: “Where is your God now? You prayed until you had no tears left. You fasted. You stood on promises. You trusted.” Blasphemous thoughts will be injected into your mind: “Prayer failed. Faith
failed. Don’t quit on God—just do not trust him anymore. It doesn’t pay!” Even questioning God’s existence will be injected into your mind. These have been the devices of Satan for centuries. Some of the godliest men and women who ever lived were under such demonic attacks. To those going through the valley and shadow of death, hear this word: Weeping willlast through some dark, awful nights—and in that darkness you will soon hear the Father whisper, “I am with you. I cannot tell you why right now, but
one day it will all make sense. You will see it was all part of my plan. It was no accident. It was no failure on your part. Hold fast. Let me embrace you in your hour of pain.” Beloved, God has never failed to act but in goodness and love. When all means fail—his love prevails. Hold fast to your faith. Stand fast in his Word.
There is no other hope in this world.

what will your last words be the week you are taken from this earth?

2011-04-28T12:09:00.000-07:00

PRAYING FOR MY SIS AND HER HUBBY IN ALABAMA. THANK YOU JESUS FOR KEEPING THEM SAFE AND GIVE THEM WISDOM AND STRENGTH TO WALK THESE DEVASTATING DAYS AHEAD. USE THEM FOR YOUR GLORY!!!

Random Thoughts on a Friday AM

2011-04-22T12:11:00.000-07:00

Sleeping in felt so so good. Haven't done that in a long time. My running schedule gets me up at 5am, but I must say I am really beginning to like this whole running thing. NOT DURING NOT AT ALL but before and after. 4 weeks from tomorrow I will actually be running my first 5k. Unbelievable! These last 4 weeks is all about building up speed for this thing. Not looking to win, just looking to produce the best run for this soon to be 45 overweight body. From a 60 second run that I was sure I would die of a heart attack, to a 38min run yesterday. Yes I was hating it but when I was done I felt so fantastic. I never never thought they could make a believer out of me. NEVER!
Good Friday this is what today is and as I sit here and think about what my Jesus did for me I can't help but get emotional. How loved I am. ME He loves ME, He died for ME, He suffered for ME!!!!! He did THAT on that cross so I could be called His - yep that is pretty stinkin perfect. may I never take that for granted.
So for Children's Worship I choreographed the song 'Glorious God' by Casting Crowns. I wanted this to be the song for the kids to worship to for Resurrection Sunday. We have been teaching it to them over the past couple of weeks. WOW that is a sight to behold. So beautiful. It's moments like that when I realize yes I'm getting pretty old and I should be hanging up my hat in this ministry soon. BUT I can't imagine missing out on moments like that. I'm very technically challenge, but I will try to figure out how to video it and post it up here. I love teaching this kids worship with all their body and voices. May they all grow up to be adults with no inhibitions in their worship to our Lord. Nay they all have that place of pure intimacy with the Lover of their souls.

This morning while doing my Bible study I was meditating on Eph 5;10 trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord.
I got to thinking is this true of me. How often am I mindful of wanting to know what pleases my Lord's heart? after a few pages of cross referenced verses and many challenging questions to myself regarding this, I came to the bottom line in my rabbit trail that in all things said and done I want to live a life pleasing to Him and if this is really my conviction then I am opening myself up to some pretty hard refining times ahead. BUT wouldn't that be a great thing to have been said of you. " she really loved to please the heart of Jesus" O Lord grow me into that truth for my life.
In closing I'm looking at how badly my house needs cleaning. I will have 18 people including dogs in my home on Sunday and you know what i think I'm better off not cleaning it before they get here. It will take 5 min before it doesn't show 1 trace of evidence that it had ever been clean. So never mind with the cleaning.
Well enjoy your Friday!

Happy Monday !

2011-04-11T09:17:00.000-07:00

Well most people dread the awakening of a Monday morning, I rather like it - no I pretty much love Mondays. I guess it's coming off a day of serving the Lord and watching all the amazing things that God is doing in and through the lives of His people. I always wake with a song of praise on my heart and just a sense of thankfulness of all i got to see displayed by our Lord the day before. This morning the song resonating in my head was "Lovely" by Chris Tomlin. I had just finished choreographing it for our upcoming VBS - AND tomorrow is Chris Tomlin at the Gibson Theater. O MY I CAN'T WAIT !!!! Going with a few friends - we all do children's worship so you can bet we will all be doing hand motions to most likely every song he sings. Seeing that we have choreography for ALOT of his songs. LOVE Chris Tomlin for kids worship: perfect words, perfect beat - everything translates just right for the kids. I should write him and share with him how his music has taught our kids how to worship and praise our Lord!!!!
To see the joy on a face of a 6 year old autistic boy who has no ability to have a back and forth conversation YET he can sing every word to Exalted / Sing Sing Sing and do every hand motion. To see that face and you know he understands. That is priceless. To watch a 5th grade teacher singing and doing hand motions then falling to his knees in total abandoned worship to our King while singing' Jesus Messiah". To see the 10 year old girl who is often picked on by her peers at school, yet she can come to church and sing and dance and laugh with her Sunday school classmates in absolute joy to the song "Made To Worship? I could go on and on but I'll just state that I am so thankful for his gift of writing music. It is perfect for kid's worship!!!!

So Monday is here: back to running after a stupid ankle injury. Minor set back but one that is leaving me with some discouragement. I did 1-10min mile then walked 1/2 mile then ran 1/2 mile. SO stinks I'm supposed to be on week 8 of C25K which means 28min run. So the plan is do what i can this week, in what is responsible for my ankle and then pick up next week with week 8. Glad i went running though it felt good to get out there.
After run, home to morning coffee and time in the Word. Looking at Ephesians 4. That is what "k" group will be doing tomorrow night - remember I wont be there I will BE AT THE CONCERT!!!! spent the last 2 weeks inductively studying it. So many nuggets. As I was reviewing it this morning to look at what changes I'm going to be accountable to doing. I was drawn once again to verses 1-3 Therefore I the prisoner of the Lord implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with all patience, showing tolerance for one another in love being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Really seeing this as a question to myself - am I walking in a manner worthy of the calling placed upon my life?( Then I see there is a check list to match the way I walk to check it by God's standards, if I am in deed walking worthy: humility, gentleness, patience, showing tolerance in love, being diligent to preserve the spirit of unity. That is a tough list but one of great self examination. So this is the standard and to not allow God to do the hard work in these areas would only mean 1 thing. NOT WALKING WORTHY. So today my prayers are focused around this verse, for the Lord to show me the true intentions of my heart in this and for me to have a conscience awareness of pulling from His strength to walk in this manner. Great piece of scripture!
Happy Monday All make it count for the Kingdom! - even if you only smile and say hello to one stranger then shoot a prayer up for them as you walk away. No telling how that could change that persons day, week, life. Yep I believe we have that kind of influence for Jesus.

Miles for Melanoma

2011-04-04T08:50:00.000-07:00

So race day is coming soon May 21st to be exact. Our team leader, Mary - yes you all know Mary she is the one I complain much about with this crazy 5k idea. ANYWAY, most of our team was formed because we are a bunch of old out of shape mommas and this was APPARENTLY a good idea. However, Mary asked if any of us are running in honor of someone. I got this idea that I would put it out there to see if any of you have battled this yucky disease or have known someone who has. I would love to write names on my race day shirt as a small way to honor them all. So please let me know and I will run with my head held high and I will even throw in a cross the finish line victory dance - just wait and see!!!!

welcome monday!!!

2011-03-28T09:29:00.000-07:00

Morning run - check
Morning time with my Jesus - check
Morning Bible study time - check
Morning coffee - check
Favorite morning weather - check ( chilly and cloudy )
So why am i feeling like I just want to run back to bed and pull the covers over my head for the rest of the day.
Well I better purpose to bless others today otherwise I think my funk might stay awhile. OR maybe a good mid-morning ramble will be good for me................aaaa never mind I got nothing!!!!
O wait here is some super fun news.
francis chan wrote a kids book
WOW look I did have something amazing to say today!!!
Happy Monday ......

let's pray for Japan

2011-03-11T06:49:00.000-08:00

Holy loving Jesus, our risen Lord, our Strength and Refuge, Creator of the Universe, Messiah, Healer, Provider You are and we are Your people. We praise You O Lord for You are Good, You O Lord are Sovereign - Praise You Jesus!!! Hold us and anoint us with your wisdom and bring clarity and guidance to our every step. Shielded us from all that is not of You, our King Jesus Christ.

We love You Jesus and we thank you for Your tender loving hand in our lives.

This morning Lord we come to you and pray on bended knee for Japan and all the catastrophic events that are happening because of the earthquake. Lord we trust that You will reign and show Yourself strong and good in all that seems so horrific for You Jesus have allowed this and we know that You are Good so Jesus we trust in that and pray for hearts to return to You, for hearts to seek and find You. We have seen revival begin in Haiti and we trust that nothing less will become of this as well. Bring aid to those in need, pour your comfort for those that are grieving, have MERCY on the suffering, bring strength to those that are exhausted, bring rescue to the displaced children, comfort the hearts of the mommas who don't know where their children are, bring a song of praise to your believers there and may they sing loud and may the hearers find rest in the praise. Bring aid quickly Lord

You are God!!!

AMEN

I'm still running

2011-03-10T07:53:00.000-08:00

So I am still running and guess what?.....I'm not dead!
This 'couch to 5k' really is a smart program. If someone like me can still be running after 5weeks ( restarted with my friend at the 3rd week ) then there really is hope for ANYONE! What I have learned at this point:
- I no longer want to strangle Mary
- God really will give you strength to take one more step
- I could never do this alone - thank you Jesus for running buddies, especially my other book end.
- Ones body really does start to crave it - the other day i said, " O I need to run (as a fond thought in my head)" i about jumped out of my skin thinking who in the world just said that, It honestly made me laugh out loud! that stinkin Mary was right all along.
- not sure what the weight is doing - tying to not let that become an idol on this road of honoring God with His temple - BUT I can tell that things are shifting - YET ANOTHER thing Mary said would happen. Shoot I'm beginning to think this Mary is smart and maybe one should listen to her a little more often - not this one but someone ;0) just kiddin I so adore her. not to mention I have complete hair jealousy. Pretty pretty pretty!

NOW this coming week is a little terrifying for me. The running sequence is jumped up way more intense ( wk4) so many have said that having to repeat it is pretty common thing. It will come for me after a 3 day no run - not sure that is a good idea. I think i may have to run while I'm in Arizona visiting my sis. Maybe my Hannie will run with me.
Well gotta get. Just wanted you all to know that I HAVE NOT thrown in the towel. I'm staying on course.
always remember............ Keep Chasing Righteousness!!!

My Memorial Service

2011-03-07T09:07:00.000-08:00

so pretty much everyone is thinking I've lost my mind or that i am an absolute control freak. Well I suppose both can very well be true. HOWEVER, I went to a beautiful memorial service this past Saturday of a dear sweet servant in our Church. To sit and listen to this woman's life I was once again challenged in my life of what in the world would my legacy be - what would people say of me. This lady lived a remarkable life and strength and love were the resounding themes in every ones testimonials of their relationship with her. I left that day to have lunch with a friend who also happened to be at that service and we got to talking about our own memorial service and and how we would like those to look. SO now I am writing out my memorial service. It's funny the responses you get from people when you tell them and share the excitement of the plan with them. Why does death freak people out so much. I'm rather enjoying planning this day out. Whether it will be a a few weeks, years, or decades. There is no doubt that I want to be the one to plan it. Here are some loosely made plans so far:
Rockin live worship music, and of course children's ministry worship with the entire place participating in choreography that I have been so blessed to create through the years.
Food: yes all my favorite yummie recipes - so that means I need to start writing them all out since I NEVER follow a recipe.
Open mic time - it has been my goal for well over 10 years to give everyone I love a crazy Susan moment so that they can share them at my service. No crying allowed - just that head scratching thought "how did God ever use that crazy woman".
What Pastor to share - well the one who really knows me is Pastor Maury, so it will be him. I pretty much just want there to be an alter call and the bold question. "why are you choosing hell with the one who seeks to destroy you instead of choosing life eternal with the lover of you soul who brings peace and joy" I want him to be in their faces - call them out - I am not worried about offenses - i am terrified of their eternal damnation.
No coffin for me burn it up - this flesh of mine has only caused me grief - no one needs to ever feel as if they should go to my grave site. Burn me up and toss it in the trash - honestly throw it away my battle with my flesh will be over and it needs to be forever gone.
Now Bobby knows for anyone who comes to my service they need to leave with the book "crazy love " - by Francis Chan. This book is everything I ever tried to say to anyone who would ever give me a minute to talk to them. he says it in such a gifted way and those are the words I want as my departing words to anyone who has ever known me. Now my current repeated read " the privilege" - by Kay Smith. Well if you are female you need to read it. This will most likely be the 2nd book to be given out at my service. I think I'm quickly building a gift bag for everyone. Hey that is not a bad idea. People love gifts - hhhhmmmmm I'm gonna have to think through that - I like that idea. SEE now you all want to come - it's always about the gifts ;0) - if you gift them they will come!!!!!
No need to dress up in something you are not comfortable in. If you know me I always pick comfort. Ladies if I didn't have to have it be coed I would pick it to be a jammie party - aren't we always most comfortable in our jammies!!! but it will be coed so dress accordingly.
So there you have it - I'm getting it all written down. rather enjoying the process but through it all really wondering what would people say about me? There is a great song by Nichole Nordeman - Legacy. In there she sings, "I want to leave a legacy How will they remember me? Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough to make a mark on things I want to leave an offering A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed Your name unapologetically And leave that kind of legacy"
Love this and want it to be true of me.

Enjoy your day and be challenged by the thought of what kind of legacy are you leaving behind?

Move That Mountain Jesus!!!

2011-03-03T09:23:00.000-08:00

I posted the other day about the mountain moving challenge I had put out there to my 'k' group and then could see the face of a handful of ladies that I knew I needed to send it to as well. ANYWAYS, of the ones I know, because I had said I didn't need to know if they were doing it or not, I heard back from 32 woman. Can you believe that! Even now writing this it brings a smile to my face and a tear of joy to my eyes. A few gals over the past few days have asked me about this challenge from when I did it 15 years ago and how that went. So here I am to share what that God experience was in my prayer/faith journey. .....
Bobby and I had been married a little over a year and even though we had already been together for 61/2 years, there were many 1st year marriage challenges that I was dealing with. I remember one day hearing this story of Doug and Bob on KWVE (I'm pretty sure that is where it was - I will post it later so you can read it). Well my heart jumped out of my chest and I knew that I wanted and needed to have a mountain moved in my marriage, God needed to change my husband. So right there that moment I committed to God that "yes Lord I will do this". I picked Monday to start, because don't we always pick Monday to start everything????? ;0) I couldn't wait to tell Bobby what I was going to do. O NO God stopped me and clearly spoke to my heart to not say one thing. Bobby was not to know. O MY THAT CANT BE!!!!! Well of course my Jesus knew my manipulative heart and knew I would use it as a tool to manipulate my husband - so here I was now with a restriction on this challenge. Then somewhere over the next couple of days I could hear the Lord tell me 2 more things that seemed weird but I knew it was Him.
1. pray in your closet on your knees - I had never done that before
here is the kicker
2. only pray the Lord's prayer!
Now how does that make sense?
So here I was getting ready to pray for the Lord to move a mountain in my marriage - meaning Bobby and I am not allowed to tell him, I'm in my closet on my knees AND praying the Lord's prayer, that has nothing to do with what I needed to pray for. O the things that God was convicting my heart about during those days was insane.
So that Monday I started - obeyed what were the rules for ME. 1st week - felt so silly - it all felt manufactured and couldn't imagine how this was going to work. But then somewhere along the way my heart began to change and I craved going in that closet and would weep when I would say 'Hallowed be thy Name" For a few days I think I forgot what I was praying for and just prayed the words to what was becoming the cry of my heart pray. Somewhere along the line with each word I prayed I could see how perfectly applicable they were to the things in my marriage I had wanted to pray for. I was seeing Bobby differently, I was seeing my marriage very differently.
Day 40 the mountain was changed. ME God changed ME! I was the mountain and had no idea. The things I thought needed changed in Bobby were now in many ways blessings in my life and I had clarity to see the beauty of what it brought to the marriage and in my life. The things I once tried so hard to manipulate a change in him with through guilt and trying so hard to get him to fight with me, were now the very things that I could see was the perfect fit to allow me to serve God on the level that He was asking me to serve Him. Even writing this now brings me so much joy and thankfulness that God knew me best and set those guidelines on me.
That was when I began to understand prayer and it's power and purpose in my life.
Thank You Jesus for moving this mountain!!!!

Just some random thoughts this morning

2011-03-01T08:52:00.000-08:00

Sitting outside in this chilly, 42degree Cali morning drinking a most fabulous cup of Colombian coffee, 20oz to be exact, with sugar-free vanilla syrup to sweeten and add a yummie touch of flavor, and a big splash of heavy cream mmmmmmm this is so good. Looks like my Lord made me a beautiful day to praise Him for. Thank You Jesus!!!!
So I decided on my mountain - well actually I had a friend decide for me. I figured since Doug chose Bob's or maybe it was the other way around that since i was still all in a quandary about my mountain that I should just have a friend pick for me. So she went a completely different route and picked my son. Yes I knew instantly she was right as this was the one i kept pushing out of my mind because It is the one I was most afraid to pray for ( honest confession ) So Aaron it is, with much trepidation I have enter these 40days for my son.
........... So tonight is Hillsong United concert. Coming off the heals of the Jeremy Camp concert where I was 2nd row I may add, I am flying high in a constant state of worshipping. This concert tonight at the Staple Center is gonna be so amazing. I have never been anywhere where 20,000 people are losing themselves in uninhibited abandoned worship. Well this girl will get to know that tonight. If my face is shining tomorrow well you know what that means.
...........going to the concert tonight means missing "k" group. I don't like to miss that but well this just seemed like a no brainer tonight ;o) It should be a great group tonight for the ladies though. We are in Ephesians 2. I love hearing all the personal applications that the gals get. So rich to hear so many different ways our Lord will speak so differently to each of us. I got 3 great nuggets out of Ephesians 2 but the one that has continued to resonate in my mind is Ephesians 2:1-2 ¹ And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, ² in which you formerly walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience.
I wont share the whole rabbit trail i did but the bottom line: to think that every time I walk in disobedience, I am walking with the enemy. The one who seeks to destroy me. To think that I can willing choose, that is a terrifying thought. To have walked with him before salvation is one thing but to willingly choose it once saved and sanctified - WOW pretty horrid to think that through.
............So Bobby thinks it's a good thing these days to have Geoffrey in our bed. NO IT IS NOT!!!!!! Don't get me wrong I love my dog - boy do I love him like crazy - HOWEVER this in the bed thing is killing me. He is this 11lb little thing that one would think wouldn't take up much room WRONG. He places himself in HIS perfect spot and will not budge. Some how I am most positive that in the middle of the night my lil'dog becomes a 200lb monster uuugghhh. All I know is this has to stop. Shoot i think he knows I'm writing about him as he is cuddled on my side licking my hand. This is one smart dog and I am one tired momma. ...................well Aaron has writing testing this morning that I need to get him too. O the joys of 7th grade.
Enjoy your day and remember who has given this day to you. make it count for His glory. When the bumps come your way, remember who brings wisdom and peace. When the temptations of compromise come across your path, remember whose intent it is to destroy you.
Choose Jesus I promise you will rest better tonight for it!!!!

40 Days of Prayer To Move A Mountian - day 1

2011-02-28T08:17:00.000-08:00

starts today!!!
I was challenged in my faith recently from a prayer time with the Lord to have the faith the size of a mustard seed to move a mountain. Now this challenge is what started my prayer journey some 15 years ago, and indeed that mountain was moved. SO believing is the easy part. I know that things will happen in these 40days. The challenge has been what mountain do I really pick. Funny the enemy will come in to trip us up in whatever we give him and well I have been giving him my indecisiveness. uuugghhh!!!! How stupid relentless he is in his cause of confusion and darkness. Good thing that the lover of my soul is relentless in love, mercy, grace, healing, clarity, wisdom, and order. I am just hoping that sometime this morning that will take dominance over my thoughts and I will know what my mountain is I am praying for.
When I realized I was called to this, I put the challenge out to my "k" group sisters. How blown away I was when within days 15 gals said "yep I'm in"
SO looks like in 40days Cali wont be recognizable - somebody better warn map quest that things are about to change in this State.
Back to my original thought - i know that by the end of this day I will know what I am praying for - trust me there are many things, which is why I am having a hard time deciding. I want to pick 1.
Here is a cute timing side note - God's timing is always just perfect. This 40days will end on the day of our Woman's Retreat . His timing not mine as i never even paid attention to the dates of the retreat this year since I knew I wouldn't be going. I just love how many of these woman that are doing this challenge will head into retreat on a high note - I am sure something great is gonna happen at that retreat for sure!!!!

going through my old uposted post

2011-02-22T15:32:00.000-08:00

so i just went through to look at some unposted post. You see I write many post that i never really intend to post because well i just don't......but mainly it is for a day when my son will have this blog and have all those to read. ANYWAY - not sure why I never posted this. Maybe I just didn't feel like it was finished but I'm gonna post it now, unfinished and just allow the Lord to finish it up in your own heart.

3/9/10
WHAT IF..........
So what if the very circumstance you desperately want to be done with is the very thing that is an answer to your bended knee prayers?

What if the what seems like a whole pot of crazy dysfunction is the very thing that brings unity because you choose to love, support and protect even when nothing about that makes sense?

What if you're supposed to be feeling lonely because God is desperate to be your One and Only and all the other people in your life are just the extra special fluff?

What if you're supposed to lose that house because it will only bring harder trials trying to keep it?

What if staying the course in homeschooling is Gods best because it's stripping you of pride and growing in you a patient, calm person - even if right now you scream and have no peace

What if you've been hurt and offended but the road of love is to forgive even if the other person doesn't get it at all?

what if we all stop thinking that the current trial we are in is this strange thing when the Word clearly tells us that it's NOT - do we not believe the WORD?

So what if you start spending time with the Lord each day in prayer, His Word and worship - do you think that just maybe your heart would grow peaceful or do you rather enjoy your messed up mind of confusion?

What if you knew that there was a piece of the equation in your current trial that you didn't know and if knowing it would give you a completely different view - are you willing to know that most likely that is fact - you don't know the whole picture. - - - I think we all need to clean out our filters !

What if you find out you have been deceived by the enemy with "this" yucky situation in your life and you are putting things out there according to the lie of the enemy - remember he is the great deceiver and the best con is when you don't know you are being conned.

What if living a more simple financial life is far better for you because you can not be trusted with wealth and He is really saving you from your flesh
what if what if what if.....................

What A Weekend

2011-02-22T07:55:00.000-08:00

Well rested from my non-sleeping weekend up at Jr. High Youth Retreat. Seriously no sleep for this gal. No need to share the details but I will say that God is faithful to give strength to do what He has asked you to do. I am a walking testimony of that so don't ever get hung up on that kind of stuff.
Now the good stuff. It was so amazing, I need a new word let's try awe-inspiring. Yes that's good. Anyway, cooking for those kids and their leaders was such a blessing. I had the best kitchen crew and well we pretty much had a blast. Many memories to laugh for years with.
I must say I am overwhelmed with a thankful heart for the work that our God is doing in our youth group. Jon and Mike are so God's anointed for this ministry. Their heart, their passion, their conviction is so Holy Spirit fueled. I am just one thankful momma that I have a son up in that youth group. These guys serve with such excellence and full throttle commitment. The teachings: gifted, inspired by the Holy Spirit, effective, and given with such conviction and humility. The worship: flooded with the Spirit of God - from inhibited worship to abandoned freedom in singing as loud as they could to the lover of their souls. The fellowship time: from insecure clicks to bigger groups of laughing and hugging. YES these were Jr. Higher. I have been blessed to serve my Jesus in many ways but this experience is one of the best. Just to be there and find myself losing myself in the beauty of my Jesus through the teachings and the worship - it was truly a gift.
To watch one of the kitchen guys have a young man come up to him broken and pouring his heart out to him and walking away from that conversation having met his savior for the very first time. I knew then, we are not there to serve food only. We are there to be His disciples. So many stories I could share but I will just say never miss an opportunity to serve if He is calling you - you never know what the bigger picture really is.
SO - the picture up top. YEP we got snowed in and YEP that is my van in the back - lol it was crazy but we knew God so had it covered. So yes we all got down eventually - well not everything. Much of our stuff is still up on that mountain for another day to grab.
Funny to me it was profound to think that some stuff just needs to stay up there. it doesn't belong in our lives anymore.
Thank You Jesus for allowing me to serve.

On a harder note. I can't post this without making mention of the Youth group that came down that mountain yesterday and went over the cliff. My heart and prayers go out to them. These kids were just minutes away from where we were. The last I heard there was 1confirmed dead and at least 20 injured. May the peace of God flood this horrific situation and bring comfort, healing and salvation to overflowing.
http://www.ocregister.com/news/county-289171-fire-bus.html

What I know is this accident will have great power to bring many to salvation for all the youth that were up on that same mountain, that same weekend. May Salvation reign !!!!!

What a Joy it is to serve

2011-02-17T08:36:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I am off to the mountains to spend a weekend with the Jr. High group cooking their meals and standing on my feet for 3 days. Serving those crazy kids....AAAAUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH you may say!
NO WAY this girl is so stinkin excited. i am always amazed at the things my Jesus will allow me to do for Him. Looking so forward to this weekend. To bless these kids and those youth leaders, what a honor. Sometimes I don't even recognize myself when I stop and think about what I am doing.
This will be a fun weekend - sure it will be hard but who cares that is God's part to bring the strength and the wisdom. I know who my Lord is and He has it covered!
,,,,,,,NOW I may be in bed for 2 days come Monday but even this old gal needs her rest.
O and yes for those of you who know my saying about Jr. High .....well.... Yes I am aware that I broke my rule - lol

Sweet Gifts around the corner

2011-02-16T07:22:00.000-08:00

So my string of the greatest concerts ever are just around the corner. This morning sitting here listening to some great worship music and just resting in His love, I started thinking about how blessed I feel that in just a couple of weeks I will be seeing Jeremy Camp. I love him so much. To listen to him via CD is one giant blessing, but to watch him on stage and the overwhelming joy he has in his obvious deep love affair with my Jesus is quit another experience. Gosh I can't wait. he does this one thing that just makes me smile with an overflowing heart. He will sing a verse then pull away and his face is just beaming with this smile that he can not contain because of his love for my Lord. It is so so evident. I think - man this guy has sung this song 1000's of times and still he can not sing it without just feeling as if he has just sung these swords for the very first time to his beloved redeemer. It is something so great to see and I DO IN 2 WEEKS!!!!!
THEN
in a few days after that I am off to the 1 concert I have always prayed I would ever be so blessed to attend. HILLSONG at the Staples Center!!!!!! can you picture just being there with that amazing worship music - 1000's of people standing hearts and hands lifted high just worshipping with the Lover of their souls WOW I get to be there. Just thinking about it right now I can't write this without a giant smile on my face. Thinking about the non-saved workers at the Staple Center and knowing that they are about to have an encounter with my Jesus that will bring them to their knees. Holy Spirit come and and may salvation reign that night.
THEN
4 weeks later I will be at the Gibson Theater worshipping with
CHRIS TOMLIN!!!!!
so there pretty much is not many Chris Tomlin songs that i have not choreographed for our children's ministry - so Yep I will be there with some sweet friends and YEP I'm sure we will be doing our thing to all those songs. now that is going to be so great.
what a blessed season of worship in concerts that i have been given.
Thank You Jesus You sure know my love language!!!!

A perfect reminder to start this day.

2011-02-14T07:51:00.000-08:00

In "K" group we are inductively studying the life of Paul. We are starting up Ephesians this Tuesday and I needed to look back on my study since I worked ahead during our break from regular group.,
Just reminded of a sweet truth that is so encouraging to my heart this morning:
Ephesians1: 7

⁷ In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace

His blood: I had did a long study on His blood and the unimaginable love it took to shed it for selfish unworthy people and looked at the tool that it is in our walk with the Lord to assist us in battling our enemy. Here is a piece that resonated with me this morning once again.

The shedding of our Lord's blood had the power to forgive all our trespasses. I have been redeemed because of that blood. I will not have to touch, hear, smell or see the tragic abomination that hell is because of the blood of my God who humbled Himself to come to this earth and give up his essence to become flesh, to be ridiculed, hated, betrayed, mocked so that He would be able to go to a tree and hang on a cross and think of me and His unfailing perfect love towards me. He took the pain and suffered long for me. He bleed from his feet to cover everywhere I would ever walk that was not according to His will – he bleed from his hands for every sin that I would ever commit with these hands – he bleed from his head for every thing I would ever think, say, hear that is against His ways for me – he bleed from His back for every time I would choose to have my back over His – he bleed from His side for every time I wouldn’t be on His side that I would selfishly choose my own side

He bleed for me.

and for You!!!!

I'm not dead!!!

2011-02-12T12:12:00.000-08:00

week one under my belt and OMYGOODNESS!!!! I survived - the Lord must have a purpose for all this nonsense. Won't spend humiliating time on the details but I'm alive when I was pretty sure I was gonna get to see my Jesus this week.
I got to thinking all these years my tag line has been keep chasing righteousness! I guess this has become a self fulfilling prophesy....lol.....be careful what your mouths say.

Couch to 5K

2011-02-11T07:59:00.000-08:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH........... it has started. I'm pretty sure that i am going ro die!
Today is day 3 of week 1. Please Jesus let this be a sign that i just might actually do this thing.
Reader's Digest version:
exercise - NO!!!! not allowed to be apart of my life. My line in the sand with the Lord. No No No Lord don't touch that rebellious part of my heart. I will give you anything else to buffet my body. I have taken every food allergy out - which has left me with a hand full of things I can eat - BTW thank you for how healthy I have become because of that. I will fast anytime you ask Lord. But exercise, it just can't be.
This is a common conversation I have with the Lord. We will use the word terrified to explain my heart towards exercise. Sure I know that my body will NOT lose weight without it, but it's just well alot of baggage in my head why I choose not to.
So here I am in the CM office and within a moment that Mary somehow cast this horrible spell on Susan C and I and we actually agree to train for a 5k in May. Now the part that is INSANE that makes me know that she 100% drugged us or cast a spell or something crazy of that nature is we both actually for that moment was excited, believing that shoot of course we can do this. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT???? my head was spinning thinking I can't back out - Let no's be no's and your YES be YES! a principle I am trying to live by.
THEN..... I share with my son that I was going to do this and before I could walk away I'm asking him to join me. AND YES he is eager and bonding with me over this 5K nonsense. Now I have been praying so hard for our relationship as it is very challenged and here we are bonding over THIS!!!!!. So now this thing takes on a whole new life for me.
So fast forward to today - day 3 of our 1st week of training. Aaron is a great motivator trainer for me. He is encouraging me moment by moment and something so tender is happening for both of us. It's crazy how it is taking this self denying thing in my life to bring about what i am daily on my knees about with my son. hhhhhmmmmmm yea I get it!
Lesson for the day - what are you willing to die to for victory in the things you pray for?

BTW - there are 16 people who are joining our team for this 5k. What in the world has been born???

well off for this run - if i never came back my parting words to you all are
Keep chasing righteousness!!!!!

Home Rested and Ready Yes Lord Ready

2011-02-11T07:38:00.000-08:00

Not to sure if I'm ready to recap retreat so let's just see how this goes.

Home from retreat and full of so much hope. To watch answered prayers that I have prayed for so so long. Honestly - don't ever lose hope in prayer!. For me that is what this retreat ended up being for me. I got to sit there and unwrap this beautiful gift from my Jesus' heart to my heart. Answered prayer all over the place. Now to others they may not be able to see it but it was happening from the moment we arrived until the moment we left - one new OMYGOOSH moment for me one after another. To see lives change right in front of my eyes. That is what My Jesus can do and did for me this weekend. The Lord so prepared my heart of "others focused" for this retreat and it was exactly where my head and heart needed to be. There was only but a moment that i was self focused on a O O situation that I put into motion, that I regretted and had a little bit of a pity party over doing something not relying on the Spirit of God. But other than that, to be others focused was the greatest gift and somehow my need tank got full to overflowing. Lord let me hold fast to that principle.
FAITH HOPE and LOVE:
Costly Grace
Living and Loving Outside of the Box
Free To Be Me and You
Linked in Love
Every teaching was seasoned with so much flavor and some bites were hard to chew, but to see God's heart in the matter how can we not say Yes and Amen to everything that is in His heart.
For me the main thing i walked away with was - sure it's easy to keep the ones we like the most close but what about when the hard stuff comes and they hurt us. To leave them is missing out on such a beautiful work that God will do. Stay, forgive, allow restoration - YES walk in wisdom but we have a great big God who really can take any mess and bring beauty for ashes.
Well as I suspected when I first started writing this I'm not completely ready to put it all out there. This retreat sure is hard to articulate. It was the best retreat EVER for me. It was the most painful retreat to be present with EVER. yes both of those are true and only our Jesus, who is relentless in His pursuit of our complete hearts, could ever make those sentences come together be true for one event.
I have never witnessed such genuine sweet fellowship. The unity that we have been praying for 5 years for, well it was birthed at this retreat. Can I just say the labor pains are so stinkin worth it. SO DO NOT TRUST YOUR EMOTIONS - trust the Lord and His Word. Unity comes at a cost - you can't bail, You need to stay in it and be honest and forgiving. This group that I am so blessed to be apart of, we are actually learning this, we are living in it and can i just say the fruit of that is sweet O so sweet. So thankful that fruit stayed on the vine a little longer than we all wanted it too.
I know this is just a jumbled rambling where are you going post. But I'm just trying to get some of this stuff out of my head and heart.
We will see some leave this year. Some for travels afar, some because it is time, and others because well just because. In all of it what i know is God has planted a gift deep within each one of our hearts and if we allow the Vine to nurious the branch the fruit will be sweet for another group of woman elsewhere.
Thank You Jesus for a gift that I couldn't have even imagined to pray for. I knew it would come at a cost but Lord You alone script Your ways.
Thank You Jesus that I get to be................!

the eve of retreat

2011-02-03T20:29:00.000-08:00

just finished packing - sitting down with a yummie cup of decaf and just letting my thoughts go where ever they may:
What if God shows me stuff in my heart that I'm not prepared to deal with. I happen to say to a friend today to trust God's timing. So what about me now and my thoughts of His timing in my life? Don't want to think about that..........
What if I can't connect with my Lord in worship? the voice inside of me says, 'DO IT ANYWAY'. Don't like that answer.........
What if I go to pray and there are no words? there is that voice again,' then sit in silence and listen to HIM'. Awkward what if everyone just stares at me. 'Let them stare'
What if ......what if.........what if.........what if......???????
What if God breathes on my life and sets me on fire!!!!
I'm in Lord .....YES AND AMEN to everything that's in your heart!!!!

Why DO You Fight So Hard To Get Out Of Your Situation

2011-02-02T07:11:00.000-08:00

Was reading a prayer board this morning and it just seems like it's the same story in every circle
[ names have been changed to protect the real ones] hard times are here and no one is going to be free of them.
Lakwanda - wants out of her marriage because her husband is a jerk ( her words not mine)
Matilda Lou - cant deal with her kids so she just sits in frustration and borders on depression.
Shanada Kay - hates her boss and just sits at work and stews
Rolika Lilly - well everything is overwhelming to her and she just cant get a grip on anything
Margreala Kathrine - is dying in her dysfunctional home
................... so you get the idea here everyone is drowning in their circumstances and wants it to just STOP!!!!!
Praise the Lord for so many scriptures on all of these however, it comes down to this simple principle.
If it's not this situation it will be another. God is going to use whatever is in your life to bring you to your knees in repentance of whatever he is desperately trying to show you to sanctify you for His glory. Is there a constant theme that keep coming up? I recently read this amazing and very timely book by Kay Smith "The Privilege" - I took many nuggets away that I am trying to hold on to and practice in my life - one stands out right now in relation with what I am talking about. When you feel something that makes you upset, negative, critical, angry, bitter, insecure.....etc.... ask the Lord to name that root sin in your heart. He will and when He does, repent of it and allow God to forgive you of your wrong heart. This practice will soon find you not fighting your circumstances and realizing that God has allowed them to consecrate your life so that you can live a life sanctified for His glory.
I am not making light of any ones situation because we are all going through it - it's just a shift in how we view those circumstances. We need to allow the Lord to show us our sin first - always start with self and get that cleaned up. Somehow the "others" just don't seem so daunting after that.

WOW THAT WAS FAST

2011-02-01T11:06:00.000-08:00

OKAY THAT WAS WAY TO FAST - HE DICTATED OTHERS. SO YES LORD OTHERS IT WILL BE.
THANK YOU LORD FOR A FAST ANSWER.

I'm Back - with a ramble

2011-02-01T11:00:00.000-08:00

So this morning I was thinking about this blog of mine and how I really haven't even looked at it in like 15 years. Okay fine a slight exaggeration however, it has been a long time. Then i thought WHY??? truth is I've been going through some things that just have needed to be slightly protected from this blogsville. I tend to not care to much about how people interpret my post, as it is always just a raw unfiltered truth of my thoughts and emotions and what God is showing me. Well this past season I have needed to be a little more protective of circumstances and people so no blogging seemed to be the better right thing. But i'm back and just in need of a verbal unload - shoot this is my therapy!!!!
3 days from now I will be up on a mountain with 22 fellow CM leaders, in a house, in jammies :), seeking the Lord for self and for our ministry, for 3 days. Now this sure has the potential of some pretty amazing supernatural works of our Lord Jesus but the reality of it all is that it will only be what we allow it to be or to make it completely personal - what I allow it to be for myself. O sure I want the big stuff - the really great personal revival great stuff. But! will I allow it? You see with out personal brokenness, repentance before a Holy God, not much can happen in the light of revival - okay NOTHING can happen. I have spent the last 5 months praying pretty much daily for these ladies, praying and fasting desperately seeking the Lord on their behalf - however, somehow I have forgotten myself in the process. Now maybe that is a good thing because I have always been greatly encouraged and exhorted along the way. But this day I am wondering if I need to shift my focus on just self for these last few days. Now self tends to get a bit to up in the head with things and not always a good outcome so today my question before my Jesus becomes - WHAT LORD DO I DO- ME OR OTHERS? I'm sure I could debate both sides of that coin to a good resolve however I really just need my ever faithful Lord to press on my heart this day this last step before getting to retreat.
Last Friday we had an all night prayer and fast time for our ministry and upcoming retreat. Even in that evening God was showing me my stuff but all through the night I just continued to see flashes of others hearts and circumstances and felt so compelled to pray for them. Just being completely about me was a task that took so much concentration and only for moments here and there was really able to accomplish that.
Here is a perplexing thought: one girl focused only on others and I knew that God needed her to see herself more than anything - while yet another girl focused so inwardly that it messed up her head and she needed to focus outwardly. So to see both situations so strongly it just makes me wonder for myself. ME OR OTHERS - or is it balance? whatever the natural bent is then the opposite is probably true for the moment. Well that confuses me even more. 17years ago I was only ever in my head - lived an entire life as the perfect classic victim who could excuse any behavior and truly believed that EVERYONE was wrong, they just didn't get it. Light bulb moment brought me to my knees in complete disgust over myself and repentance soon followed. Since then I have learned to live thinking of others and not trusting my own thoughts on self as there is just way to much insecurities wrapped up in self for me. So would it be that after 17years the Lord would say time to balance that all out? Remember this is just a vent session and I wouldn't expect anyone to actually track what i am saying here. Maybe with this vent you can see why I'm a bit of a mess - lol PRAY FOR ME!!!!
So today i will trust in the Lord for bringing the circumstances to the table of others or me. Tomorrow will be a new day and with prayerfully a little more clarity will do the same.

I'll be back tomorrow with maybe a little recap of some things that have been going on. Or maybe just some more "WHAT IN THE WORLD IS SHE TALKING ABOUT" post.

always remember......... keep chasing righteousness!!!!!!
stand firm and don't pray for the trial to go away - God is in it and He has something super fantastic for you to learn in it - You will praise Him one day for it ! just watch and SEE!!!!!

2010-11-01T20:45:00.001-07:00

When we are frustrated it’s a big clue that our pride is flaring because we’re not getting our way, and it points us to our unwillingness to surrender.

spoken from a faithful friend!!!

Scar Me Lord - it's gonna be worth it.

2010-10-21T09:27:00.000-07:00

O Lord at what point and time will I not feel this pride and insecurity???

This season of allowing my Jesus permission to dig to "THAT" part of my heart that I have forever nurtured and "spiritually - covered up" is so stinkin painful. Studying the book of Galatians has brought me to this place of saying, enough is enough ! - I no longer choose bondage. I choose freedom!!! Now as lovely as that sounds, the reality is a process that is just about making the consequence of my chooses unbearable. Sure I get it - I see why and that it has to cost me something. It has to be painful. It has to bring me to that place of, I'm no longer breathing. However, today i have breath - which in my perspective is HOPE. Hope is being able to breathe. I feel His love and grace on me assuring me that it's gonna be worth it. His love is so perfect and knowing that this season of breaking me out of my self inflicted prison will leave scars but in those scars will be freedom that will enable me to be more useful for His glory. So this day I pray that when it hurts me, I will praise Him through the emotional pain and know that there is a day coming when I will feel light as a feather with a heart of gladness for having chosen the harder road.
OOOOOO I wonder if I will look light as a feather tooooo!!!!

I Believe!

2010-10-11T21:55:00.000-07:00

I wasn't going to post this then tonight I got to thanking God for all he did last week with the prayers that were prayed during our 3-Day Prayer and Fast for our kids and i just couldn't resist putting this praise out here in blogsville.

A little prelude: after a series of many frustrating weeks and dire situations for myself and some friends, I figured we needed to pray and fast for our kids. Satan is relentless in his desperation to destroy our kids and it's time we get proactive and go to battle with the big guns PRAY & FASTING. We know its expected of us and we know that it works, yet we are so weak to deny our flesh that we can come up with many excuses why we don't. However the Word is clear:

1. Fasting helps subject our bodies to our spirits. (I Cor 9:27)
2. Fasting is disciplining the body, mind, and spirit. (Prov. 25:28)
3. Fasting is subordinating our flesh-desires to our spirit-desires. (Gal 5:17)
4. Fasting helps set the priorities in our lives. (Mt 6:33)
5. Fasting is longing after God. (Ps 63:1-2)
Why Should We Fast?
1. Honor God - Mt 6:16-18, Luke 2:37, Acts 13:2, Mt 5:6
2. Humble Yourself - 2 Chron 7:14-15
3. Discerning Healing - I Cor 11:30, James 5:13-18, Isaiah 59:1-2
4. Deliverance from Bondage - Mt 17:21, Is 58:6-9 (loose bands of wickedness)

5. Revelation - God’s vision and will - Dan 9:3, 20-21, Dan 10:2-10, 12-13

6. Revival - personal and corporate - Acts 1:4, 14 / 2:16-21, Joel 2:12-18
7. Repentance - personal failures - Psalm 51: Jer. 29:11-14, James 4:8-10

Anyway, I called upon some friends and was blessed beyond blessed to have 14 of them say yes lets do this - so we did. We denied the flesh to feed the spirit and fight the fight for our kids. to God be the Glory!!!! So that leads me to my story that I wanted to share.

It was the last night of the fast and i was driving home from church alone as Bobby and Aaron stayed behind to play basketball in the gym with some other guys. I was just praising the Lord for all things about Aaron and his life. i started really being thankful for his health. i realized how very blessed we have been as this kid never gets sick. as active as he is there have been no broken bones and no stitches and barely any normal sicknesses. I was just enjoying my drive home thanking the Lord for good health. So I'm home for about an hour and in walks Aaron, "Mom please help me it hurts real bad" there i stood looking at his arm thinking it must be broken. It's already black and blue and the lump was huge. At first I panicked then I started laughing- really cracking up laughing. he is looking at me like 'what is wrong with you, I'm hurt!' How could it be that I was just praising God for good health and no accidents and this walks in my house. O the comedy of it in that moment. I quickly composed myself as i new it looked pretty rude and I went into real mommy mode. Bobby was assuring me that it wasn't broke but that it was indeed a pretty bad bruising. I guess you want to know how this happened - okay well it's not glamorous but the bottom line is he kept missing his layups and well his temper got the better of him and he slugged some part of the wall. yes you heard me right. Well anyways after i iced it and helped him get ready for bed ( he can't use it all). I lied there and I prayed for him, realizing this was the end of the fast so I just stayed there praying and asking God for a miracle, asking him to show Himself strong to Aaron and the power that He has to heal and bring comfort. i stayed and prayed until Aaron was at peace and ready to dose off to sleep. I begged God to do this for my son. How he needs to know the power of God for himself - his parents faith will not save him and make him a surrendered sanctified soul for the Lord. he has to know the power of God for himself. So the next morning i am sitting out on my chair having my quiet time and Aaron gets up, comes over to hug and kiss me good morning and I realize he is using his arm like it's nothing but a thing. I said, " Aaron how is your arm?", he says, " good why" I just laughed and said thank you Jesus. His response made me realize that he was saying 'why are you asking mom didn't we pray for a miracle'. So my 3 day fast ended in more than I could have hoped for and I know that this is just the beginning of many times on my knees for my son.

I BELIEVE!!!!!

Lessons From My Yard

2010-09-18T09:44:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke with this thought on my mind. Is today His? I lied there and thought duh of course, isn't everyday His?! Then I realized that yes of course that is factually true however, will I allow it to really be His in all things in all ways. You see I'm really struggling these days with choosing all things Jesus over my deep painful hurt and insecurities. I went to my inbox and I read these 2 very separate yet somehow connected verses.
And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

The little article was talking about how easy it is to live this out at a retreat as apposed to our daily lives. Saying that it is because at a retreat everything we do is based upon Jesus. So it dawned on me that is the answer - everything I do needs to be with the mindset of Jesus. Ok sounds simple enough - let's see how this plays it's self out today.
Then I read
I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. (John 4:35)
This one made me laugh a little. I have a friend who always talks about how she and I see life so very differently. She sees the field and is overwhelmed by the work and I see it and get excited for what can be produced from it.( Ministry) The little devotion that went with it was great but it didn't seem to be the thing that God was wanting to speak to me about. So I decided to take a literal approach and go in my back yard and and look at the 'field'. So as I did this the Lord began to pour into me so many thoughts. You see I have this thing about homes and how they can really speak to the real condition of our hearts. I also have this avocado tree in the back yard that from day one God has used to speak spiritual wisdom to me about myself. Today I looked at my backyard - the grass! God was opening my eyes yet again. You see there is this weird thing going on with it. It has been dying all season. It gets watered and cut on a very regular bases. Yet it is dying. In fact 50% of the yard is painful to even walk on, as it feels kind of like dull thorns. Just very perplexing. I've been thinking I should talk to my Gardener and ask him why or for help. it's odd that he comes every week and sees it as well but hasn't done anything to help it either. I got to thinking that I'm going to have to spend some extra time with it, tilling it and planting new seeds and adding fertilizer. So all of these things make perfect sense right?! But I tend to go out side always and look at the part of the grass that is nice and just keep hoping that by some chance it will bleed into the died grass. The weird thing is I think the dead grass is taking over the good grass. So here I am this morning with this verse in my head looking at my grass and realizing that it's time for something different. I need to invest in a new way. Just going out there and spending a little extra time with water isn't helping anything. I have been doing that for months now. I know that my yard is reacting to the odd abnormal summer season we have had, it's as if it just didn't know how to behave under that condition so it just gave up and died. But why did the other part of my yard adjust and thrive?? As you can imagine my mind is pounding with these aahhaa God thoughts and I have to laugh. No seriously laugh out loud by myself in my back yard. Wonder what my neighbor who sits in her back yard all day was thinking? funny that I even care. All of this to say that I now am completely aware that God is doing a work and I'm beginning to get it. Looks like I'll be having some dates with my backyard. You may be reading this with alot of " what is she talking about" but one thing if you know anything about me God always seems to talk to me most in the everyday things and I can tell that He is beginning to really show me what i need to know from My yard and it looks like we, my yard and i are gonna be doing some work - the horrible part is I HATE LOATHE did I say HATE yes HATE yard work. So isn't it just like God to take me to the very thing that I never want to do in fact i do the very bare minimal with it always just so it doesn't look trashy. - or at least knowing that other peoples yards are struggling too i don't feel so bad about mine ( Good stinkin grief )
If you know anything about my story with my avocado tree here is a funny thing. My tree is in the part of my yard that is green and doing well. my tree is full of so many avocados -even after my gardeners cut like 5 majorly huge branches off - they did it when there were about 200 total babies on it. i was so frustrated when they did that thinking, 'seriously why now - there were so many babies on those brances' but looking at it this morning those branches that were cut have already produced new growth with many new babies on it. i hope everything I'm saying isn't nonsense and that you can see the spiritual analogy here. It's just blowing my mind. I'm just feeling thankful that today is a new day and I will make it His and consider the field!!!
Lessons from my yard:
- The part that is dead needs to be tilled up and re-seeded fertilized alot. that is a messy stinky process but the grass is dead and if it stays it will continue to kill the good that is in my yard. The dead is of no longer any use it needs to be gone and it's gonna take work.
- My Gardener comes weekly yet I never ask him for help I just expect him to do the work. I can only imagine what he is thinking. "I wonder if she even cares that her grass is dying - i can help her if she will only ask - it will only cost a little extra for her" - " if she doesn't ask soon it will cost her more as it is becoming a bigger problem" - do you see they similarities between my "Gardener" and my Jesus!!!!
- Of course the dead grass in infecting the good grass - things need to be removed and it's gonna take time and I need to be willing to get a little messy and stinky. Sure i can pay the gardener to do the whole thing for me but somehow I want to be apart of the growth. I don't want to miss out on the blessing that I know will come from it.
- There is a time in our walks that just being watered on a daily basis is not enough anymore for the deeper growth. Things like praying and fasting - taking time to be still before the Lord - yielding first before reacting - all these need to become a more substantial part of my life. We need to long for the deep things but it comes at a sacrifice and are we really willing to make it.
- this season of odd weather we have been having has made all things in my yard react very differently. I never thought that I should have been taking precautions or that it even mattered. But how like us that when the storms come or the droughts we begin to get a bit unnerved and behave differently. They show whats really deep down in our hearts - the yuck is exposed and it becomes clear what needs to be cut away.
- of course the growth will come from me becoming disciplined in doing the things that I would not rather do.
- the "Gardener" cutting my branches off my tree - he knows what is best. i never even asked him to do that and yet he went to town on that tree. I was sad and frustrated to see very fruitful branches leave but he knew best that what would grow from it would be a more healthier branch and ultimately my tree is better balanced and not breaking down my fence or invading my neighbor's yard. So like ministry right now.

so as you can see in just a few minuets of going out and 'considering the field' so many spiritual truths have begun to take root in my heart. The really really stinky thing is I still do not want to go out there and dig up that yard - why do i hate yard work so much - most people love it and find it very therapeutic. Yea well not me - I JUST DONT WANT TO DO IT!!!

I hate the truth about myself

2010-09-11T13:12:00.000-07:00

I've been going through this time of uncertainty of what is going on physically with my body. you see I found a mass in my neck 8 months ago or so. Well finally after all this time of test, Dr appts, blood work - you know the drill. I have an answer. Nothing that is going to take my life or cause me continued grief - it's only a lymph node reacting to something in my body. 1st I say Praise the Lord for answered prayer - then I have to stop and say O MY Goodness what in the world is wrong with me that I have worried off and on for over these 8 months. Bringing loved ones into a place of concern with what 'might' be happening to me. WOW crazy. Sure I know we need prayer and that is important but I get to thinking about my lack of faith and all that I have not done for Jesus because I would have rather been thinking about the "what ifs" of this situation. So not liking what I'm seeing in myself in all of this. I know these things are brought into our lives to shake us up and show us our lack of faith, our lack of trust, our lack of really living what we preach of wanting to be a disciple of His. But once the hard reality of it all hits, it becomes a bit humbling, an awareness of how much I need Jesus. Just when i think I'm growing I become that much more aware of the filthiness of who I am and all I can really do is fall on my knees in humbly surrender to a Holy God who loves me, died for me, uses me, and thinks I'm worth it. Isn't He amazing!!!!
Thank You Lord that You put the hard things in our way to expose the hardness of our hearts that are useless to You. Thank You that You never promise us a life of ease but only one of peace if we but stay the course with You and trust You in the storms of life.
Crazy how a stupid lymph node can bring such self awareness and even greater awareness to who He is.
Thank you Lord for a reactory lymph node!!!!!!

Hard Truth in my In Box

2010-08-31T08:13:00.000-07:00

I love when I'm reading the devotions in my inbox and the very thing I read is the very thing i went to bed praying about. This is just way to powerful of a painful truth to not share here.

Inquire of the Lord

1 Samuel 30:8 tells us what David did as He sought to deal with the troubles that besieged him. After grieving and strengthening himself in the Lord, here is what he did, So David inquired of the LORD, saying, “Shall I pursue this troop? Shall I overtake them?” And He answered him, “Pursue, for you shall surely overtake them and without fail recover all.”
David inquired of the Lord.
There is a story in the book of Joshua that shows the importance of inquiring of God, of seeking His guidance, no matter how things may seem. The nation of Israel had entered the Promised Land and they were gaining great victories. One day a group of Gibeonites showed up. They had bags full of old moldy bread, their sandals were worn out, their water skins were cracked and old, and their clothing was old and worn.
They told Joshua and the leaders that they had come from a country far, far away. They went on to tell them they had heard about the great things God was doing through Israel, and they wanted to make sure they would not be attacked. So they had traveled from afar to make a covenant so that when Israel eventually reached them in the future, they wouldn’t attack the Gibeonites.
The Bible says specifically that Joshua and the men did not inquire of the Lord. Rather, they looked at the people’s provisions... the moldy bread, the old sandals, the old water skins... and they made a covenant with them. It turns out they were the next door neighbors and Israel had been deceived. And it caused huge problems in Israel’s future.
I am telling you, things are not always as they appear. It pays to inquire of the Lord when you are going through difficult times. He will lead you
___________________________________________________________________________________

I've been studying/praying/ and pondering the whole idea of being deceived for a long time now. I wont get into all of that right now but let's just say that the 'church' needs to wake up, humble themselves and stop being against one another. Satan has infiltrated us and has spun such a web of deception that now he is just sitting back watching us destroy one another. We are no longer fighting the good fight. We now are obsessed with offenses, being selfish, not humbling ourselves in love, not sticking with what God calls us to so that we can learn what the real spirit of unity is. We have become a people who arrogantly stand in our rightness and leave dead bodies along the way.
God help us!
God remove the scales from our eyes!
God please save your people from themselves!

a day of golfing

2010-08-30T16:47:00.000-07:00

My Beautiful Men!!!!

End of the Summer Ramblings

2010-08-30T15:54:00.000-07:00

How did this entire Summer get away from me without blogging. Maybe that's why I've been on the verge of insanity this entire summer, seeing that blogging tends to be my therapy. Anyway, in typical Susan fashion there wont be much sense to any of this, just me trying to get A TON of thoughts out of my head. I apologize in advance if you take the time to read and at the end find yourself in need of a slap upside the head because you actually read this.
Summer started with a much needed trip to Montana. I posted some pictures of our time there and little did I know that being there in Montana was going to be the most rest I would get all Summer long. It was a great trip though being in that beautiful part of the Country and being with very missed family. I only wish i could have actually had the cup of coffee with my brother that i had hoped for but instead i got to see him for but a moment from a distance. I am however thankful that Aaron got to see him for a couple minutes and give him a hug. Time with Mom and Dad, Nancy, Brad and the kids, was so great. We shared many laughs that week.
Aaron had a Summer that was packed with all things not involving me. I guess I could see that as a blessing in some ways but there is much sadness wrapped up in all of that as well. He had 2 weeks of basketball camp - youth camp - Serving in VBS- a missions outreach - concerts - movies and many hang out dates with friends. This boy of mine is growing up so fast. All the mistakes I've made as a parent are starting to become so evident as he is getting older and going about his life. Gosh to only know then what I know now. I need to post those things someday. Just maybe they might help someone out there - OKAY NO THEY WONT we always think our situation is different. Well for the record IT'S NOT!!!!

Bobby's Summer except for the trip to Montana and taking the week off so he could serve in VBS, it was pretty much life as normal. Work / Ministry / Work / kiss the wife / Work / ministry / Kiss the wife and so on and so on. I'm just grateful I'm in that equation. See this is the benefit of being married to someone with slight OCD - the pattern in his life is forever consistent. I will never go without in his pattern of life. (heheheh). he still amazes me at how sacrificial he is. I have honestly never known anyone ever who is as sacrificial as he is - except for JESUS!!!!

Me - my summer has been one of thankfulness for the perfect weather we had here in Cali. Okay truth is my grass and avocado tree have no idea what season it is and they are both behaving very inappropriately. My poor avocado tree had it's babies way to early. I just pray the fruit is good this year. i suspect it wont be and some how this tree that continues to speak spiritual truths to me will give me many lessons in fruit that looks good but not so good to eat. So not lookin forward to this season. Or maybe the lesson will be fruit that needs to be used for something else instead of the same known way. hhhhmmmmmm stay posted for that. Regardless it will speak hard things to me about myself. It always has. O here's a big thing that happened this summer - I spent 7 hours in a salon chair doing color correction. yes you heard me correctly. In my attempt to make the black be brown, I ended up looking like a calico cat. No there are not any pictures but poor Margaret. 7 stinkin hours and finally I was brown - no hair damage either - shoot that girl sure knows her stuff. To top it off at the end of a very long day with my hair she reaches in her pocket and slices her finger on a razor blade she had in there. So not only did she waste her day on my hair and barely get any money for it, her tip was to cut the tip off. Good thing I'm a good conversationalist - other wise her day would have completely stunk. But i got my brown hair!!!!

VBS - The Adventures of The Apostle Paul. I love VBS. My favorite time of the year in ministry. I was super blessed to wear many hats this year. Worship / Food / Worker Kid entertainment / Janitorial and many services of registration. The more the better. for me it's always just a giant blessing to see Gods hand in all things so I get pretty hoggish to do what ever I'm allowed to do. Not sure why but i tend to thrive on serving with exhaustion. Seems like it's easier to die to self and allow God to do what only he can through me.
I tried to make many dates with friends this summer but well 97% of them never panned out. hhhmmmm I wonder why God continues to think aloneness is best for me. I must not be learning the better lesson in all of this.
Well regardless of what any given days agenda became one thing I know for sure. God is Good - God is Faithful - God is Strength - God is Love - God is Peace - God is Forgiving - God is Truth - God is Mine and I am His!!!!!! Thank you Jesus for a good Summer and beautiful weather and lessons.

A few pix from our Montana trip

2010-06-04T07:23:00.000-07:00

tryin to get a pic of my boy is just short of impossible - we were at Giant Springs, my fav place at Mom's house.

Giant Springs - this is the smallest river in the nation or maybe even world - any whoseit i love to just sit there and listen to that water - it's peace at it's finest.

Everything Green - really really green!!

This had to be taken from very far away and zoomed in - I wonder what he's thinkin??

Morgan, Madison and my love - these girls ,ove them some uncle Bobby but duh who doesn't love Bobby. My nieces are so pretty.

Daddy, Aaron, and mom - I had to pay the child to take a pic with his grandparents - Yes I am that horrible of a parent. You see I figure it doesn't matter how much I mess the kid up God can fix anyone - shoot look at me!!!!!

Mom was telling him something so i actually got a real smile out of the kid.

Now this is Fred~ he is the squirrel that has lived in Mom's yard for 4 years. He is stealing the birds food. Now picture this Mom is outside yelling at Fred that he is stealing food. He just stares at her. it's hysterical. I just know that the neighbors call her the 'crazy old lady who talks to the squirrels" It's funny: all 4'9" of this lil'ol grannie shakin her finger at a lil'squirrel - lol

Now here's Taylor my nephew - this pic happened by complete accident because this kid is just like Aaron - no one ever gets a pic of him. Him and Aaron were actually in cahoots to take my camera and delete pics - UGH!!!!! He's a love though. I'm so glad him and Aaron had a great time together.

Bobby and Morgan (Mouch) - sweet!!

Madison and Bobby - proud uncle!

Just goofin around and no that is not my Geoffrey that is Josie down there. She helped me make it through the week w/out my baby.

MY BIGGIE TO MY SON

2010-05-11T11:48:00.000-07:00

I love this devotion I just read. This is the big one~ I live to give my son. I always tell him the only thing we ever have that no one can take from us ( beside our salvation ) is our integrity. We live in a world today that most people have no idea what that really is and the compromise of it, is nothin but a thing. Enjoy this - it's a keeper for sure.

Sowing Righteousness

The Bible says in Galatians 6:7, Whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.

And in Proverbs 11:18 it says,
The wicked man does deceptive work, but he who sows righteousness will have a sure reward.
The Bible teaches the law of the harvest, that what you sow, you will also reap. If you treat others fairly and uprightly, it will come back to you.

We live in a world that doesn't put much stock in integrity, fairness, uprightness, and righteousness. We must be careful to not give in to that influence. We need to be different.
How? By not cutting corners. By putting in an honest day's work. By giving people what they pay for and more. If you will pursue righteousness, it will come back to you.
You may remember a story back in the eighties about an armored car that crashed in Columbus, Ohio. Two million dollars in cash spilled out on the highway, and the motorists helped the armored car company gather all of its money.
But, when it was all said and done, only $400,000 of the $2 million made its way back to the armored car company. $1.6 million ended up in the pockets of the people who stopped along the highway to "help."
I'm sure they had every excuse under the sun. Some probably even said, "Well, I've been praying for God to meet my needs, and it was a miracle!" No, it was not a miracle. They were thieves!
You cannot make an excuse for that kind of thing. And yet, that is the way the world thinks. There should be a difference between us and the world. We need to pursue uprightness, integrity, honesty, and godly character. They need to be hallmarks of our lives.

Just a random thought I'm trying to figure out.

2010-05-04T20:46:00.000-07:00

How to be effective in encouragement or exhorting a mature christian.
It is hard to just give people the Word of God. They know it and somehow they have rationalized their situation as not really fitting into the boundaries of what the Word says. Yes, I know that sounds ridiculous, but think about it for a minute. How many people do you now that hear the Word of God all the time, they have walked with the Lord for years, and somehow they still do not choose the right thing. See, now you hear what I'm saying. It's not that God's word is ineffective, it's just that their hearts have become hardened. They have chosen disobedience for so long that they now have a hardened, often times dead heart, therefore causing their minds to be without any clarity for anything in their lives. Do you know anyone like that?
So what do we do, how do we help this kind of person.???
Try to find out why their hearts are wandering. What is the real root issue going on. Try to get them to a place of choosing prayer, Meditation with Jesus. Somehow they need to find that connection of abiding back with the One who loves them more then anything. Show them how to meditate on the scriptures. Get them to pray and meditate. This is a good place to start to begin to break down those walls they have build around their hearts. Please know that I am not saying not to give them scripture but the purpose of the scriptures needs to look different. they need to find themselves in the Lord. People often have way more Bible knowledge then they are apply - so what is the missing link? The bridge between knowledge and doing is meditation. This is a place God can work.

add some wisdom to this table - trying to figure it all out. Just tired of "mature" believers not choosing God.

The Word - YOU NEED IT

2010-04-30T09:23:00.001-07:00

I love how the Word of God is "LIVING AND ACTIVE". It doesn't matter what you read if you allow God to open your eyes, ears , and heart, He will speak straight to your very situation. I always find it interesting that people will be going through many trials and consequences of their sins and they try to do so without any guidance from the Lord. O you'll hear them say, " I just wish God would tell me what to do" but then if asked if they are in the Word they himha around it and try to say, 'well sometimes'. Which actually means sure maybe a month or so ago. Really people how do you think God speaks His love, His heart, His correction, His guidance to you if not from His Word??? Yes I know prayer, but for argument sakes let me just state this. Are you really praying and fasting? Okay, back to the Word. I know there are a million and one perfectly good reasons why we all can not be in the Word daily - at least that's what I've been told over and over again by so many people who claim to desire a sanctified walk with Him yet well honestly I have never heard one reason that I can say, 'you're right, you get a pass'. I guess this is sounding way harsher then I intended but to anyone who may be out here reading this, the days are dark and there will be no getting back to good ol' days. We need God and Him alone. Crazy doctrine that tickles our ears are around every corner, just like the Word has warned us. IF WE DO NOT KNOW THE REAL DEAL WE WILL NOT KNOW THE COUNTERFEIT! If you are His, please guard yourselves. There is not one of us that is exempt from falling away. From being pulled into false teaching. Now if I can make one big giant praise to God in all of this it would be that we are finally living in a day that it is getting way easier to recognize the wheat from the tares. And for that I praise the Lord - I shout it from the mountain top "THANK YOU FAITHFUL LORD JESUS".
If you are trying to live your life in Jesus apart from His Word then please I say with the most love, encouragement, and exhortation. You can't, you are listening to the great deceiver, it will never work for you. Please make this right in your life before the enemy gets a bigger foothold in your life. To continue to walk just an inch of His path, you eventually will be as far away from Him as one who serves and worships the the enemy. Today is the day to make right with your Heavenly Father who chose the cross for you, in your place, who has a blessed life in Him for you, who has peace and grace abundance for you.

Deuteronomy 30:2-3 and when you and your children RETURN to the Lord your God and obey Him with all your hearts and with all your souls according to everything I have command you today then the Lord your God will restore your fortunes and have compassion on you and gather again from all the nations where He scattered you.

This my friends is a promise of restoration from the Lord. If we but return to Him with all our hearts and souls then He is faithful to restore. So let me ask you what is in need of restoration in your life today? Return to Him and do what he says in His Word and you WILL be restored.

One last little key thing. Repentance - then comes healing - then comes restoration. This is what the Word teaches. So today is the day to return to Him and repent!
may this day end for you in great victory, for he is faithful to do as He has said!!!

HE PROMISES!!!!

gotta get back to my blog

2010-04-20T20:06:00.000-07:00

so here's a post about a bunch of stuff - it'll sound like a bunch of rambling but I just wanted to get alot of this out there. besides if it didn't sound like rambeling you would wonder who took over this blog.

On the home front:
Bobby - he's good, working real good. praise the Lord he still has a job. everyday i am thankful that he has a job to go to. Now of course he is working WAY TO MANY HOURS. You know when one works over 60hrs a week the decent salary pay just doesn't seem so decent any more. But AGAIN I say thank you Jesus for Bobby's job! Now one crazy thing his company does is every 50,000 miles they give him another brand new car. good grief he has only had this one 2 1/2 years maybe less. it looks brand new and well in a few weeks there will be another new one in our drive way. But let's also say thank You Jesus for company cars. He is still busy in ministry: sports, men's , children's, worship, youth - yes he wears many hats. But he loves it that way. I honestly do not think I know anyone who loves to serve as much and with such excellance as my husband. you see we learned the secret many years ago - when you serve alot you get to see the Hand of God ALOT!!! now that's the good stuff. It's basketball season at church and this is what Bobby lovcs loves loves - the extra pound and extra years sure hasn't stopped this man from dunkin on the youngens. Him and Aaron are still playing alot of paintball. These 2 boys are crazy for this hobby.
Aaron - he is finishing up 6th grade this coming month. he is so excited to finally officially be upstairs in the youth group. Now he has been participating in that group over this past year alot; going street witnessing, youth camp, broom hockey, discipleship classes but he will be officially a Jr. higher in 1 month. he is growing so much he is aunt Tammy's size 5'1" and wears a size 9 shoe. I'm not ready for this!!!! My baby is gone and this monster crazy thing has taken his place. HHHEEELLLPPPP!!!!!! We are still homeschooling so guess what I TOO am excited that 6th grade is ending in 1 month. The summer will bring a couple of weeks for basketball camp, a week of youth camp, a trip to Montana, a trip to Arizona, a week of Youth Ministry outreach. 1st year serving in VBS and many trips to DLand, beach and prayerfully kisses for mom at the start of every day. WOW sounds exhausting to me - I think I'll stay home and read a book.
Geoffrey - he is great in need of a good bath but I'm waiting for his new shampoo from HSN to arrive. he really is such a gift to us. I love my Geoffrey!
Me - I'm doing the same thing as always, anything God will let me do. I'm learning alot from the Word these days. Still studying the life of Moses inductively. Should be finished with this study in about 2 months. Crazy to think it's been 2 years. Exodus / Numbers and now Deuteronomy. yea makes sense 2 years.
I'm crazy busy with VBS prep. LOVE IT!!! My Favorite time of year. Just finished recording the training DVD for all 15 new praise and worship songs. Great stuff this year. The choreography was real easy this year. Thank you Jesus!. Now the fun begins of teaching the 11 member worship team. 1st practice this Sunday. We will be posting the training DVD on You Tube this year so you can go check it out if you want. I'll let you know when that happens. we decided to do it this way this year because i now send the DVD's to 8 different churches so this just seemed to make sense. It's so great to see all that God is doing through His vision for worship at our church and to think that I get to be the part that i am just blesses my socks off. A little story about worship from this past Sunday. So I was teaching the kids Chris Tomlin's Exalted. when we did it with the music and of course if you know the song you know how powerful it is. This little girl 1st grade, is sitting on her knees, she stops doing the hand motions and she closes her eyes and lays her open hands palms up on her knees and sinks about 2 inches down, as if she exhaled . She just sat there and sang her heart heart out and praised our Lord. NOW THAT IS WHY I DO WHAT I DO. I began to cry and just with such a grateful heart that I get to see the fruit of ministry so fast. To watch a child connect with the Lord on that level that most adults wont ever allow themselves to do is such a great joy and blessing.

The house - well i'm hoping painting is on the horizon for the inside walls, carpet cleaned, and finish getting baseboards done.

That's been on my summer list for 3 years so who knows what will happen.

2010-03-21T21:55:00.000-07:00

When Others Fail Us - Charles F. Stanley

Scripture: 2 Timothy 4:9-18

I. Introduction: Friendship brings us some of the greatest joys in life—but also can cause immense pain. If you haven’t experienced rejection or betrayal yet, you probably will someday. The apostle Paul learned to forgive others for their failures and reconcile with them when appropriate. Let’s discover how he dealt with betrayal and abandonment by trusted friends.

II. Friends Sometimes Fail Us
A. Despite Paul’s faithfulness to the Lord, his friends failed him. They weren’t reliable when he desperately needed them (2 Tim. 1:15; 4:14-16).
B. What are some reasons why friends might desert you in times of trouble? They . . .
1. Feel inadequate and/or unsure of how to help.
2. Don’t want to be identified with you in a conflict, for fear they could end up on the losing side.
3. Are jealous and hope to see you fail.
4. Selfishly don’t want to sacrifice their time to support you.
5. Judge you and thus excuse themselves from the responsibility to help you.

III. Forgiveness Must Prevail
A. Paul responded to betrayal and abandonment with forgiveness: “At my first defense no one supported me, but all deserted me; may it not be counted against them” (2 Tim. 4:16, emphasis added). Both Jesus and Stephen said something similar in the final moments of their lives (Luke 23:34; Acts 7:60).
B. Paul practiced what he preached—the importance of forgiving. Don’t be a fair-weather friend, interested only in what you can get from another person. Be willing to help even those who mistreated you in the past. Waiting for a chance to get them back—to let them down as they did to you—indicates that you have an unforgiving spirit.

IV. The Presence of the Lord Sustains Us
A. Paul was able to forgive because he knew that God would never leave him: “The Lord stood with me” (2 Tim. 4:17). Although Paul’s friends all left, he knew that the Lord Himself was with him. Christ promises all believers, “I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you” (Heb. 13:5).
B. The apostle was able to forgive because he trusted God to empower him: “The Lord . . . strengthened me, so that through me the proclamation might be fully accomplished, and that all the Gentiles might hear” (2 Tim. 4:17). Paul could rely on the presence of God to accomplish his calling—taking the gospel to the world (Phil. 2:13). Chances are, people will persecute you, and some of your friends will abandon you in tough times. But God has promised that all adversity will eventually come to an end (1 Peter 5:10).
C. He was able to forgive because he was confident that God would deliver him: “The Lord will rescue me from every evil deed, and will bring me safely to His heavenly kingdom” (2 Tim. 4:18). The Father may deliver us from hardship or through it (Isaiah 43:1-4). He also rescues us by bringing us home to be with Him. God delivered Paul by allowing Nero to execute him. Four years later, the ruler committed suicide. No one can violate the principles of God and avoid His judgment.

V. Conclusion: What kind of friend are you? Are you dedicated to those you love? Or do you often disappoint them? Perhaps you are faithful, but your friends consistently fail you when trouble comes. I urge you not to hold it against them. Hurt and rejection are painful but unavoidable parts of life. Healing is always available if you are willing to forgive. And you and I can take comfort in knowing that the most faithful Friend—the Lord Jesus—never leaves our side, even if everyone else deserts us

Found a TREASURE!!!

2010-03-14T07:41:00.000-07:00

There was a Pastors Conference out in Tuscon Arizona this past Mon-Wed. Some of my favorite pulpit boyfriends were there teaching. I was so thrilled to see that i can watch and or listen to them all online. SO I HAVE!!!!! WOW there really isn't enough adjectives to describe what a powerful life changing tool these are. The 2 that have impacted me the most so far are James McDonald and Damien Kyle. I hope you check them out.

http://www.calvarytucson.com/listen.asp?id=21

always remember
Keep chasing righteousness!!!

do we really chose Him

2010-03-04T14:11:00.000-08:00

to say YES means we say YES to HIS WAYS and trust HIS WAYS. Even when it's messy and goes against everything that makes sense in our heads.
What if He takes things away that we hold close?
What if He needs us to leave?
What if He needs us to stay put and love with humility?
What if He needs us to suffer great pain?
What if He needs us to give up our place of comfort?
What if He needs us to lose our Home?
What if he needs us to lose our jobs?
What if through all of it He promises to pour His peace, strength, and love on use daily.
DO WE STILL CHOSE HIM?

Just Missin Her

2010-03-01T16:01:00.000-08:00

Don't be mad
If I cry
It just hurts so bad, sometimes
'Cause everyday it's sinking in
And I have to say goodbye all over again

You know I bet it feels good to have the weight of this world off your shoulders now
I'm dreaming of the day when I'm finally there with you

(Chorus)
Save a place for me
Save a place for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon
Save a place for me
Save some grace for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon

I have asked the questions why
But I guess the answers for another time
So instead I pray, with every tear
And be thankful for the time I had you here

(Chorus)

I wanna live my life Just like you did
Make the most of my time Just like you did
And I want to make my home up in the sky Just like you did
Oh, but until I get there...
Until I get there...

(Chorus)

VBS ~ already

2010-02-27T14:10:00.000-08:00

WOW here it is that time when i kick it into fast drive and start plannin' worship for VBS. Sure it's not until July but shoot do you have any idea how much time it takes to plan one of these things. Ok it sounds like I'm complaining NO WAY!!! this is what I love. Find songs, 16 new songs - learn 16 new songs - choreograph 16 new songs - make training DVD for 16 new songs - teach 16 new songs to a worship team, 10 - 12 people. Then it will be here, the craziest, no sleeping most exciting week ever - VBS. Lord give me 16 new awesome songs: songs that will minister to every person in that Gym from the little 4yr. old to the oldest 75 year old. May we be a sweet sweet sound in Your ear. Here is what I'm playing with right now, does anyone have any to add to this list:

Never Will - by Tim Timmons
With All Of My Heart - by Stand In Awe
You Are the One - by Lincoln Brewster
Joyful Sound - by Scarlet Hope
Big House - Audio Adrenalin
Sing Sing Sing - Chris Tomlin

I want that Mountian!

2010-02-23T13:26:00.000-08:00

I wonder if Caleb knew what that mountain would hold for him. Did he just see the biggest one and desired to bring glory to God by wanting what seemed the most impossible without the empowerment of God. Sure he remembered the promise of God to have it but here was this mountain full of enemy, full of what would seem everything most difficult and all Caleb can do is stand on the promise of God and desire with his whole heart that mountain. Change is good - painful, sad, and lonely but when it means to be able to bring glory to God then change is perfect, sweet and full of peace.
Where is my ginormous mountain? I want it!

#200

2010-02-16T23:55:00.000-08:00

OK this snuck up way to fast but what in the world could i do for my #200 blog post???? So I know you're praying that I won't do something crazy like list 200 _ _ _ _ _ (fill in the blank) well I wont because quite frankly I can't even begin to think what I would put in that blank. So let's just bless everyone and say a hip hip hooray I actually have made it to 200 post. See I do know how to be sweet and simply.

Guess what I got for Valentines?

2010-02-14T07:23:00.001-08:00

When Donna passed, I prayed for almost a year that I would have a dream to see her face again. How I longed to look in those eyes and see that smile again. But, no that would never be my dream. I eventually decided to just let it go, trusting my Jesus that he knew best as He has with everything else, so I let that desire go and moved on from those thoughts. But how very odd that I never dreamt of her. Along with those days I often regretted time that I could have spent with her that I chose not to out of pure laziness. Lord was I wrong in not taking every single moment I could have ever spent with her???
So this morning at 3:45am I awoke from the best gift I could have gotten on this Valentine's Day. Dreaming that Donna came back from heaven and we were hanging out in her house like we used to. It was a normal day. When I woke up I was so full of love and thankfulness. The thing that struck me most was that I wasn't doting over her, it was just normal how we always were before. What this gave my heart was no more regrets of if I never spent enough time with her. I felt like the Lord was telling me -' no Susan it was as it should have been and having her back the 2 of you would fall right back into the same perfect way'.
So this day I am thankful that I have finally had a dream about Donna just hanging, laughing, talking, just sitting with her - just being who we always were.

So thank you Jesus for my Valentine's gift.

So how was the rest of the RETREAT

2010-02-11T14:49:00.000-08:00

Our Leader's retreat was so amazing. This year more then ever it seemed as if God did so many different layers of hard work in the lives of so many of us. For me retreat started back in August as I began to make certain commitments to the Lord as to how I would pray and what I would be willing to do leading up to and at retreat. This was the first year that I started a prayer journal that I was committed to writing and although I regrettably did not write every prayer I did manage to write appox. 600 7 1/2 by 10 1/2 pages of prayers / thoughts over a period slightly over 5 months. This morning looking over this journal and reading so many prayers and the constant theme of "Lord whatever it takes may we be yielded to the process of consecration so that our hearts will be pliable ready to receive all that You want and need for us" "may we learn love for one another as this process gets messy, offensive, and often fighting mad" " give us Your strength to exercise love, grace, compassion and mercy living in an understanding way with one another". WOW what was I thinking praying those crazy difficult prayers - lol

The week before retreat I was so super blessed to be ask of God to head up a prayer and fast vigil for our leadership team for the process of praying for our retreat / ministry and each leader and the spiritual needs of all of us. This was such a great work of God. We started the night 18 strong ( way more then I could have ever believed would come) and ended the next day 8 strong. It's hard for me to write about that time of praying all through the night with a group of ladies but I am sure your mind can fill in the blanks. The thing I took away from that night was freedom - for me in ways I never knew I wasn't living in freedom with. Cleansing - healing and a strengthening of my ability to Believe that He is more then able!!! I had to just lift my hands to the Lord and smile saying " of course there's 8 of us standing - this is a new season for our ministry. ( 8 - the number of new beginnings) I love how God loves to work in the details - that is often where I hear His voice the clearest. Well this laid a solid foundation for us getting ready to go the following week up to that mountain, in that house, with 24 women ready to seek God with all their hearts, souls, minds, and strength.
So retreat came and we worshipped, gurlll did we worship - I'm sure Lori must have known putting me in charge of worship what that could potentially look like. O how I love to worship. And guess what I had a giant answer to prayer - I was able to let myself go and have freedom in worship. It's a crazy prideful thing but in a group of people I get so caught up in my inabilities that I never let go and let God, well not this weekend - it was me and my Jesus lovin each other up. Do you have any idea how loud one can sing "Jesus Lover oF My Soul" ? - lol LOUD!!!!!

Okay let's sum this up - how was retreat?
The Word - came forth in Power and with great conviction challenging us to make the final choice either "Yes Lord I will obey' or " No Lord I chose DISOBEDIENCE" so which camp each heart is on remains to be seen but shoot I'm way to terrified to not chose obedience.
Thank you Lori for being willing to go to the hard places of truth with us.
Prayer - much needed and a lot really alot of praying
Worship - now I'm super partial but this was good worship - I only regret that I didn't add more. Not sure anyone else holds that truth but i do (lol)
Praise - we are growing in this - WOW what a year we could have if we allow this work to grow in our lives.
Discussion Time - this was a great new addition to our retreat. To sit after the teachings and reflect on what we heard / felt and questioned. This for sure gave us insight into what is going on in all of our heads.
Fellowship - good solid times: long over due apologies / difficult conversations that needed to happen for walls to be torn down / funny stories / sad stories / many nails to be painted / catching up with friends that we barely get a chance to really talk with at church / sitting in silence just holding each other / things happening in bedrooms with one another that well guys think they only hold those things sacred (tee-hee) / stories stories and more stories that knit us closer together / friends running away to the loft to let God do the needed work to take the friendship to the next God level. So much good stuff
Food - I'm not at liberty to disclose anything in this category for fear of being accused of gluttony :0D but when you get this many women together and so many of us love to cook well you can imagine - like I said sinful gluttony!!! :0D
Weather - sunshine/fog, sunshine/rain, sunshine/snow, sunshine/hail - we had it all and it was all beautiful. Even the foundational leak that got me wet had it's purpose. Funny thing there, so I'm standing in my socks praising God and all of the sudden my socks are soaking wet - literally that much water. When it first started happening I thought Lord what is going on my feet feel wet, what does this mean - DUH !!!! It meant my stinkin feet were wet. shoot you know me I'm always lookin for a spiritual picture. It was pretty funny though. So 4 blankets, 20 towels, 10 sheets later that small little area where I stood finally was dry enough for me to stand once again in socks.

O by the way our retreat was

Devoted - Mark 12:20 Love the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.

We have been greatly challenged in this verse and we come home with lots of homework. May this time next year each one of use point to this retreat as the crossroads that we picked His road. Hard YES regreats NO worth it YES!!!!

2010-02-08T09:55:00.000-08:00

Going into retreat I had shared with Lori that I knew I was going to get the word obey or yield. It just seemed like in all my conversations and in all my studies that those were the resounding ideas. I hadn’t been ready to let go of my last year’s word “BELIEVE” and get a new one. I was actually a bit sad, because God had tested me so much in that word over the year and I felt like I was just beginning to live in a place of victory in it. So when it came time to receive the new word I had to really take a moment to pray and tell the Lord that ‘yes I was ready and could receive it in faith that He had a good work for me in the new word”. Looking at these pretty little red bags, which one Lord do I grab? I took the one closest to me. Unzipping it revealed the word YIELD. My heart was beating so hard, it was this complete sense of thank you Jesus, You told me this and yes I heard. Do what you need and want Lord. Sharing my word with many of my friends it became comical because of course that’s what I got.
I choose not to do the study time for my word during the designated time. I just wasn’t ready yet. So come Sunday morning I sat down in a very quiet private living room to look at my first verse for YIELD. There it was Joshua 24:23. Now what you need to know is that Joshua is my current Bible boyfriend. In ‘k’ group we are inductively studying the life of Moses but ever since the beginning when Joshua is mentioned in any small verse I am drawn to him, what he is doing, what he is not doing and am desiring to acquire his character. So here I was with my new word ( that God had already prepared me to get) and looking at my first verse (in the book about my Bible boyfriend). How could I not believe that God was showing me something solid to start my year off on His path.
Joshua 24:23 "Now then," said Joshua, "throw away the foreign gods that are among you and yield your hearts to the LORD, the God of Israel."

Great verse but as I sat there and thought Lord what are my foreign gods? Nothing came to mind. Well I’m not one to be deceived by my self in thinking that I’m doing great. So I sat there and told the Lord I wouldn’t move on to the next verse until I could dig through my deceptive heart and hear truth from Him, in what my foreign gods were. I decided to read the verse in context. And of course guess what was the ending verse of that - - obey. The other word I thought I might get. So now I knew God was trying to reveal something to me just in case my flesh or the enemy wanted to deceive me. Good grief how could I not see His fingerprints all over this. I sat there for awhile and still nothing. By this time there were the kitchen girls up getting coffee / breakfast started. Joanne, Mary, Becky, and Nidia. I knew what I should do, humble myself enough to go to them and ask them if they would please be willing to share honestly with me what they thought my foreign gods are. Yes I know CRAZY-COO COO. Who does that??? I'll blame it on sleep deprivation ;0D
Well Joanne piped in right away (this girl loves me so I know anything she says comes from a pure heart of love towards me). She looked at me and said,” your expectations of people” uuhhgggg – the rest of her words are a blur because as the words came out of her mouth I knew exactly what she was saying. OUCH this hurt so much but I knew she was right. Then Becky came over and sat at the table with me. Now Becky is someone I am barely getting to know. She sat there and shared with me that she sees in me a mom that has expectations on her son that is driving him to become a bitter angry person. She didn't say it that matter of fact but that was the bottom line. “O God rescue me from this conversation – I’m dying here” As we sat there and talked I could see the wisdom in what was being said. Now I knew that everything that God was preparing me for over the past very long time, was for this moment. This was MY RETREAT moment. The faithful God in Heaven who loves me with that perfect relentless love had prepared me for this truth. A few things flooded my mind: In the months leading up to the Prayer / Fast vigil that I organized, the main thing God asked of me was to not have any expectations on who I thought "should" be there. For months I was tested over and over again, but I can stand with honest words saying that I did it, I made it to the very end not assuming who should be there – I chose to barely have any conversations with people except that which was necessary. In fact walking in that was a lesson in love that I could have never understood not walking it the way I did. The other thought was how I had handled things at home with Aaron ( school ), for the last 2 weeks, I had made the decision to make school simple. We did 2 subjects a day. I did this for selfish reasons, not wanting the 3-6 hour fighting battle that I deal with on a daily basis. With the prayer / fast vigil and then retreat I needed to have a different focus ( so I thought that was the only reason I was doing it) Well what came out of that was a kid that was excited about getting his work done, a light-heartedness in him that I never saw with school. Aaron saw that he could do it! I saw a glimpse of a child I pray constantly that I would have. So you see when these 2 women spoke these difficult truths to me I was well prepared by the Lord to receive them. So now here I am beginning my year (Leaders Retreat always marks the beginning of my new spiritual year) with a solid truth from God as to the road He is taking me on. I am both thankful and scuuurrreeed!!!!. But in both I BELIEVE He is in it, He will walk with me through it all, and that somewhere along this year I will become a yielded heart to my Jesus.
So in closing to all of you that I have ever not loved purely because I put expectations on you. If I have ever hurt or offended you please forgive me. Never my intention EVER. I don’t get all of this yet I only have this first step of obedience that I need to walk. I know that as I take this step God will bring clarity to my mind and show me the next step. Please be patient with me.

Thank you Becky and Joanne for loving me enough to be boldly honest!

Thank You Jesus for loving correction - I love You and feel Your love right back to me

Happy Birthday Bobby

2010-02-01T14:17:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Bobby's birthday. What a kick in the pants time we had with some friends at the House of Blues Gospel Brunch. Awesome food - crazy fun music and super friends. We had a blast. They took Bobby up on stage and he danced his hiney off - well sort of lol !!! it was so much fun. Now that's how you celebrate a Birthday - hint hint hint hint!!!!!!

By the way did you know you can sing "Jesus" for about 10 minutes and its AWESOME!!!! - I just kept thinking Danette should have been there, she would have been lovin' that up.

Happy Birthday Honey

16 years with Jesus

42 years on this earth

It's Gonna Be Worth It

2010-01-27T09:45:00.000-08:00

so I just finished reading my friends blog post of her Thank you letter to Jesus for 2009. She has had a very difficult year with her health. As I read that post all I could hear was this song playing in my head. I thought I'd post the words here as we all could probably use a good reminder this day. If you don't know the song go listen to it and allow the words to become your true hearts cry.

Worth It All - Rita Springer

I don't understand Your ways

Oh but I will give You my song

Give You all of my praise

You hold on to all my pain

With it You are pulling me closer

And pulling me into Your ways

Now around every corner

And up every mountain

I'm not looking for crowns

Or the water from fountains

I'm desperate in seeking, frantic believing

That the sight of Your face

Is all that I need

I will say to You

It's gonna be worth it

It's gonna be worth it all

I believe this

It's gonna be worth it

It's gonna be worth it all

I believe this

You're gonna be worth it

You're gonna be worth it all

I believe this

You're gonna be worth it

You're gonna be worth it all

I believe this

pass this website on

2010-01-26T17:22:00.000-08:00

If you have a High School or collage age student have them ck out this website. Some of the kids at church started it . It's amazing and so worth getting kids across America on this journey with them.

http://liveitoutnow.com/
Vision
We pray that our generation will be the generation that stands steadfastly for Jesus Christ.That doesn’t conform or compromise to this world, but instead transformed through the Word of God.May we not be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good.Oh God, let us be a generation that is after your own heart.All praise, honor and glory to God and God alone. Amen.

It's all about LOVE

2010-01-25T10:31:00.000-08:00

So this morning I was actually going to write about love and what God has been showing me, correcting in me, and requiring in. Then I went to my inbox and found this little devotion and well I figured shoot why overly vomit all the info I was gonna say when this sums it up in a perfect little box.

Building Each Other Up by Nancy Leigh DeMoss:
The apostle Paul wrote the book of 1 Corinthians to a group of believers who were dividing into factions and fighting with one another. He addressed their problems by writing about love. Throughout 1 Corinthians you’ll discover things we can avoid from their example.
For instance, in a community where there’s love, we’ll build each other up. We’ll limit our own personal freedoms if it edifies others. Even if something is scripturally permissible, we won’t do it if it causes someone to stumble in their walk with God. That's the way of love.
If we're walking in the way of love, we’ll yield rather than claim our rights. We'll even be willing to suffer for the sake of the gospel.
Are you walking in the way of love? Are you demonstrating the beauty of God’s love in your church?

Larry - thanks for the memories

2010-01-21T16:31:00.000-08:00

Our last visit with the ol' wise Larry

Today Larry needed to go be in that permanent place of rest. How blessed Bobby, Aaron and I were to 'Larry sit' when ever we got the opportunity. My heart is sad today thinking we won't ever get those visits with a big giant smelly dog. I always wished Larry could talk. Every time I would look at him I could just see a giant think bubble above his head full of great wisdom. Larry and Bobby had this love affair with one another it was pretty cute. How Bobby would tend to all of Larry's hurts was a pretty sweet thing. This last visit we knew it would be our last. Even our Geoffrey knew - dogs are so interesting. Geoffrey, this last visit never once tried to dominate the poor ol' guy. He even stopped to lick Larry's belly one night. I know he knew it was a final goodbye.
So to all the people who loved the Lar Bear - Sorry for your lose - we're sad too over here at the Richardson home.
Thanks Steph and Kevin for allowing us to care for him. xoxoxo

Christmas time at the Richardsons

2009-12-30T14:49:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Jesus!!! Brownie cake decorated by Aaron

Grandpa John and Grandma Di made a special appearance.

Auntie Karen and Uncle Osmel crashed us too - What a sweet treat to have them here with us.

Skate wheels - talk about an expensive stocking stuffer.

Tradition - but this just might be the last year Uncle Brian's back can handle Aaron

ZUU ZUU or is it GOO GOO pets I don't know it's just some hamster city for a bunch of little mechanical rodents. Hannie seemed to love it though so who am I so say anything

Hannie and Aaron it's fun to be with cousins - Ipods and Cell Phones - good grief they grow up fast - what happen to the Buzz and Elmos?

Bobby's impersonation of Tyson ( not the model the fighter)

These 2 are a MESS!!!!!!

Uncle Bobby and Hannie - now that's a super sweet picture

O My - who would have thought the ears would have been such a big hit.

So thankful to have spent this Christmas with family and friends. So very blessed we are.

just a few pix from our Leaders Christmas dinner

2009-12-12T11:12:00.000-08:00

All of the RED HEADS - actually it wasn't intended that way but when I saw this picture I had to laugh at all the shades of red.
joannie and steph - where are you lookin' girl?

here we are bookends - i think its very Adams Familyish

becky lou who and the other susan

melody and jennifer - and she thinks she's moving in the summer - NOT

Nidia and Joannie - good grief women why won't you look at me?

and to think they take care of the office YIKES!!!!

now that's better

I'll leave this blank and let you all comment on this ones title - o plz don't disappoint

Joannie and Rochelle - Joanne over here girl right in front of you HELLO!!!!!!

Stephanie and I - yes there's more then 1 Stephanie 3 actually and then there's 4 Jennifers and 2 Susans - aaaggghhhhh can't keep it all straight

Lea and Lori - now aren't they just cute as buttons

What do you see it O My Goodness I think she actually is looking straight on. Good job Joannie!!!

Susan ( the other one) and Stephanie

looks like a stand off to me - YIKES!!!!!!

Fun Friends at the Matthew West Concert

2009-12-12T11:02:00.000-08:00

It's gotta be the age because these 3 just WELL you'll see. They crack me up!! this is a perfectly see no evil, hear no evil, speck no evil - hahahah

posers!!!!!

now these boys know how to pose!!!!

the peanut gallery!!!

great night - fantastic music - very timely message on the love of Jesus and why not to be striving to be better - lots of laughter - just all around perfect fellowship!!! Thank you Lori for the tickets we were blessed to go.

Broncos defeat in the Richardson household

2009-12-12T10:56:00.000-08:00

The boys take it to the table to get out all that aggression after a good Bronco spankin. I think they really were trying to kill one another. No mercy on the table in this house. I snapped a few pixs and went to watch HSN. Somehow I just didn't feel the frustration these two did. :0D

Dec 10th Aaron's 12th BDay!!!

2009-12-12T10:17:00.000-08:00

I can't believe he's 12. Where is that little yummie boy of mine. Somehow I have this quickly growing pre-teen "thing" living in my house :0) Here are some pix from his day. He so hates his picture taken and well the fact that we got any of these is a small miracle for sure.

Sending the boys off into DLand for the day. Okay so yes I cryed as I walked away. When did he get so big?

Aaron and his friend hangin at NORMS for a late night BDay dinner - these 2 have known each other their whole lives. I should post the pix I have of them in their diapers I'm sure they would really appreciate that. Beautiful boys, beautiful friends, even when we as moms want to ship them off to Dobson til their 18.

If he's gonna pose like that I am so gonna post it!!! DUDE!!

The gang that hung at Dland for the day getting ready to eat dinner. No it's not a date it's his 16yr. old DLand chaperon believe it or not. Poor thing she'll always look 10.

Bday morning - that's a poptart in his mouth not a muzzle but that's a fantastic idea as well.

Chris Cole Thunder trucks ( skateboard) - his 2nd fav gift. His cell phone was his very fav.

Yes I am one of those parents that gives a young kid a cell phone. O the power it brings me!!!

This is the best he'll give up for his momma. You know you just gotta love this kid. He is everything that is bratty from both Bobby and I . I just can't wait to see how our perfect God in Heaven is gonna fix this one. I keep saying "fearfully and wonderfully made"

Aaron we love you so much baby. No matter what always remember that you have Jesus who will never leave you or forsake you. Times will come that seem impossible and completely crazy but don't focus on that, look for Jesus, you will find Him and He will bring you strength, understanding and peace in the situation. Live life LOUD for Jesus. Laugh alot it's good for your heart. Remember God is working in ALL things. Everything that the "pigmonster" throws at you God will make it useful for good growth in your life. Jesus loves you and has a good plan for your life. The things that are challenging for you have been placed there by a loving kind Lord Jesus to give you strength of character so that you my dear son can be used greatly by God.

Love you Love you Love you and always remember...

Keep chasing righteousness.!!!!

xoxoxo not a perfect mommy just the one Jesus knew was perfect for you!

Lessons from Exodus 34

2009-10-23T06:42:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted lately from our Exodus study. I'll try to summarize ( really I will) some nuggets I am marinading in from our current chapter.

Exodus 34
1 The LORD said to Moses, "Chisel out two stone tablets like the first ones, and I will write on them the words that were on the first tablets, which you broke. 2 Be ready in the morning, and then come up on Mount Sinai. Present yourself to me there on top of the mountain. 3 No one is to come with you or be seen anywhere on the mountain; not even the flocks and herds may graze in front of the mountain." 4 So Moses chiseled out two stone tablets like the first ones and went up Mount Sinai early in the morning, as the LORD had commanded him; and he carried the two stone tablets in his hands. 5 Then the LORD came down in the cloud and stood there with him and proclaimed his name, the LORD. 6 And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, "The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, 7 maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation." 58 Moses bowed to the ground at once and worshiped. 9 "O Lord, if I have found favor in your eyes," he said, "then let the Lord go with us. Although this is a stiff-necked people, forgive our wickedness and our sin, and take us as your inheritance." 10 Then the LORD said: "I am making a covenant with you. Before all your people I will do wonders never before done in any nation in all the world. The people you live among will see how awesome is the work that I, the LORD, will do for you. 11 Obey what I command you today. I will drive out before you the Amorites, Canaanites, Hittites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites. 12 Be careful not to make a treaty with those who live in the land where you are going, or they will be a snare among you. 13 Break down their altars, smash their sacred stones and cut down their Asherah poles. 14 Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God. 15 "Be careful not to make a treaty with those who live in the land; for when they prostitute themselves to their gods and sacrifice to them, they will invite you and you will eat their sacrifices. 16 And when you choose some of their daughters as wives for your sons and those daughters prostitute themselves to their gods, they will lead your sons to do the same. 17 "Do not make cast idols. 18 "Celebrate the Feast of Unleavened Bread. For seven days eat bread made without yeast, as I commanded you. Do this at the appointed time in the month of Abib, for in that month you came out of Egypt. 19 "The first offspring of every womb belongs to me, including all the firstborn males of your livestock, whether from herd or flock. 20 Redeem the firstborn donkey with a lamb, but if you do not redeem it, break its neck. Redeem all your firstborn sons. "No one is to appear before me empty-handed. 21 "Six days you shall labor, but on the seventh day you shall rest; even during the plowing season and harvest you must rest. 22 "Celebrate the Feast of Weeks with the firstfruits of the wheat harvest, and the Feast of Ingathering at the turn of the year. 23 Three times a year all your men are to appear before the Sovereign LORD, the God of Israel. 24 I will drive out nations before you and enlarge your territory, and no one will covet your land when you go up three times each year to appear before the LORD your God. 25 "Do not offer the blood of a sacrifice to me along with anything containing yeast, and do not let any of the sacrifice from the Passover Feast remain until morning. 26 "Bring the best of the firstfruits of your soil to the house of the LORD your God. "Do not cook a young goat in its mother's milk." 27 Then the LORD said to Moses, "Write down these words, for in accordance with these words I have made a covenant with you and with Israel." 28 Moses was there with the LORD forty days and forty nights without eating bread or drinking water. And he wrote on the tablets the words of the covenant--the Ten Commandments. 29 When Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the two tablets of the Testimony in his hands, he was not aware that his face was radiant because he had spoken with the LORD. 30 When Aaron and all the Israelites saw Moses, his face was radiant, and they were afraid to come near him. 31 But Moses called to them; so Aaron and all the leaders of the community came back to him, and he spoke to them. 32 Afterward all the Israelites came near him, and he gave them all the commands the LORD had given him on Mount Sinai. 33 When Moses finished speaking to them, he put a veil over his face. 34 But whenever he entered the LORD's presence to speak with him, he removed the veil until he came out. And when he came out and told the Israelites what he had been commanded, 35 they saw that his face was radiant. Then Moses would put the veil back over his face until he went in to speak with the LORD.
Observations / Applications:
vs 1 which you broke
it's just a little hhhmmm - God seems to want Moses to remember his anger towards the sin of the people. Don't be unwise Moses remember who you are dealing with and the tendency they have. O how I know this place. I need to have forgiveness in my heart however, I believe it's wise to remember who and what you are dealing with. Lately it seems as if the intent and condition of hearts are being exposed. I believe that part of Gods plan in this is so that we walk forward in wisdom not ignorantly. It is always good to know who we are dealing with. I know this sounds pretty sticky but lets put it this way. If you became aware of someones secret sin life, you wouldn't continue to go to this person for Holy Spirit filled wise council now would you? So this is my thought process on this piece of verse 1 - Moses remember who you are dealing with and approach them in a more wise way.

vs. 2 Present yourself to me there on top of the mountain.
What did Moses do to present himself to God? what did his act of consecration look like? I am walking a road of consecration right now and it is painful, messy and often times a little destructive. As God is revealing the deep yuck in my heart, bringing it to the surface so that I no longer live a life with scales over my eyes. Behavior isn't always the most glorifying. I know it's not really supposed to - it's supposed to be painful so that my response will be that of bended knee repentance before a Holy God so that He can consume the ties that bind me and bring healing with freedom to my soul. Consecration so that filling can come - this is my lifes walk right now.
Another chunk that we need to be mindful of is that in this process it is messy so we need to walk with grace, mercy and understanding with those around us - God is working and the killing of the flesh is often bloody.

vs 4 So Moses chiseled out two stone tablets like the first ones and went up Mount Sinai early in the morning, as the LORD had commanded him; and he carried the two stone tablets in his hands
these tablets could not have been as big as we always see depicted. But they had to be a heavy. I see a picture here for us that we need to consider the cost in meeting with the Lord at times. Are we willing to go that extra uncomfortable mile in order to spend time with the Lord. Shoot I think about the excuses I hear all the time and looking at this I think really you want to go there with your excuse. A good reminder that yes meeting with the Lord will not often times NOT be easy.

vs 7 Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation."
This is a piece of scripture that actually helps hold me accountable. I can only imagine the hell that my son will have to live in as this country continues down the path that it has been. To think that the sins of Bobby and I will effect Aaron and he will have to live in the consequences of those sins is a very daunting thought. He already is living in the consequences of our sins from our early beginnings but for us to know better now and add to that. Well let’s just say that this is a piece of scripture that has been used in my life to halt me more times then 100,000,000

vs 8 Moses bowed to the ground at once and worshiped
worship here is the act of reverence, a yielded body and heart before God. I’ve been doing a study for the past 4 months or so on the physical / spiritual blend of our acts of praise, worship, and blessing towards God. I am fascinated with the fact that I have gotten it wrong for so long. Until this last little while I never understood the importance of the physical act of worship( raising hands / bending knees / throwing hands etc...) Sure it feels manufactured in the beginning but somewhere along the way something happens in the heart as a result of the physical act.

vs.12 Be careful not to make a treaty with those who live in the land where you are going, or they will be a snare among you. & vs15 "Be careful not to make a treaty with those who live in the land; for when they prostitute themselves to their gods and sacrifice to them, they will invite you and you will eat their sacrifices. 16 And when you choose some of their daughters as wives for your sons and those daughters prostitute themselves to their gods, they will lead your sons to do the same.
I see this as a piece of wisdom in how we are to live our lives now. Be careful who we get into company with [ Ministry, business, relationships] to see that those that we engage with in these areas that we are unequally yoked how can we not expect them to be a snare. It’s right here in this verse as a warning and yet how often I have been so misguided. Sure we are to be salt but to allow people intimately into your life that you are not equally yoked with is foolishness.

vs14 Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God.
I just learned the difference in Jealous and Envy - how did I go 43 years never knowing this.
Jealous: when someone has something that you want as well
Envy: when someone has something and you want it but you DO NOT want them to have it at all.

vs 19 "The first offspring of every womb belongs to me
20. Redeem all your firstborn sons.
I need this reminder that Aaron is the Lords. This is timely for me as I am struggling so much with him these days. Of course I know that all children belong to Him and we are only on loan with them. But this verse came at the right time as I so often take him back from the Lord. He is yours Lord NOW FIX HIM!!!!!! (please ;0) )

vs26 "Bring the best of the first fruits of your soil to the house of the LORD your God.
I am reminded once again to bring the first of everything in my life to the Lord. He gets the best of me and all that I have. It belongs to the Lord. My tithe, my time when I get up, my task and duties, my desires, my all - as I walk in this truth I am seeing that all things really do line up without it being this painstaking plan that we can often make it. Give the first to God and the next step just seems to happen, make sense, be energized, etc..

vs 28 Moses was there with the LORD forty days and forty nights without eating bread or drinking water
I have been on a 2 year journey of understanding a lifestyle of prayer and fasting. The first year I stumbled through it with many wrong motives. Many failed attempts but what I am learning is that I just needed to continue to do what God requires. I am learning the power of God that is unleashed during these times of dying to the flesh and fixing it with the act of prayer for another person, a circumstance - whatever it may be at that time that I am praying and fasting for. O how I wish I would have understood the power of this piece of God earlier in my walk. A friend said this most profound statement,
" God tells us to fast, prayer, and give in private. However people do not have any problem praying and giving with wrong motives yet they allow the knowledge that they have of fasting with wrong motives keep them from it their entire walk walk with the Lord" this is a most accurate statement. At least it was my story that's for sure. Fasting is one of the most misunderstood privileges we have in Christ and yet I'm not surprised, Satan knows the power it unleashes and he will do WHATEVER it takes to keep us from doing it. I could go on an on about this one but I told myself I was only going to post snippets of each nugget I got from this chapter.

vs 29 he was not aware that his face was radiant because he had spoken with the LORD. & vs 33b 34 35 , he put a veil over his face. 34 But whenever he entered the Lord's presence to speak with him, he removed the veil until he came out. And when he came out and told the Israelites what he had been commanded, 35 they saw that his face was radiant. Then Moses would put the veil back over his face until he went in to speak with the LORD.
Does my face show the glory of the Lord when I have communed with him. It needs to. My desire is to stay put until I am different. Each time we are with Jesus it should change 'us' a death should take place and a new radiant life should be brought to the surface. I love that it says each time he spoke with the Lord he took of the veil. A reminder to always go before the Lord in complete honesty and transparency ( as if God doesn't already know - duh!)

so there are my main nuggets that I'm working through in this chapter. Just be thankful I only gave the snippets or you would have been here about 2 hours or so. I pray you read something that prompts you this day to dig into and find a nugget for yourself. I promise you God has one for you. Just ask Him and He will give.

always remember to
keep chasing righteousness!!!!

Words I wish I would have wrote

2009-10-21T08:28:00.000-07:00

There is nothing I could write myself this day that would be better then this message. If you have ever been blessed to have seen the Spirit of God working through this man, you will be effected greatly by this message. If you have no idea who he is, well guess what you're still gonna be affected by this message. My only other words to you would be to check out his ministry. God is doing a powerful, cross doctrinal work of the Holy Spirit that is effecting thousands for the Kingdom of God.

Here's a message from Nick:

LIFE WITHOUT LIMBS- NICKS NOTE:

Recently, I went to a well-known Southern California theme park with some of my friends who were visiting from Australia. The ride we went on was a tour bus that took us around the park and in and out of some pretty spectacular attractions. Since we were the first to board, my friends and I saw every person who got on the same tour bus. Immediately, I noticed something about each person that I found pretty interesting. I was intrigued by the faces of the people getting on because every person showed a different emotion. I noticed that some faces had smiles from ear-to-ear with great anticipation and excitement, while others had a look of determination, actually pushing their way on to be sure they got the “best seat on the bus”. But honestly, it was seeing children laughing and clapping their hands in candid zeal and eagerness of the ride that really caught my attention and made me laugh the most. The pure delight these kids expressed just before going on a new ride was contagious to me. It made the ride seem so much more exhilarating to me! Later on as I reflected on this experience, I wondered how people, young and old can be in the same situation, like going on the same ride, yet to some it is an exhilarating and breath-taking adventure to be enjoyed, while to others it brings out a selfish determination that seems to ruin the moment for others, and even for themselves.
“Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth.” Matthew 5:5I believe that our perception begins with our attitude – the attitude we harbor in our hearts. “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it? I, the LORD, search the heart, I test the mind, even to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his doings.” Jeremiah 17:9 We can get so caught up in the details of daily living and “fighting for our rights” that we forget to simply enjoy life and be thankful for God’s goodness. Everyday, we have a choice to either be angry at something, or be thankful for the experience of it. Our heart attitude will strongly influence our perception, which then determines the way we think, feel, act or react. Will you let God determine the attitude of your heart today? “Then I will give them a heart to know Me, that I am the LORD; and they shall be My people, and I will be their God, for they shall return to Me with their whole heart.” Jeremiah 24:7 Remember, there is a purpose to every stretch of our earthly journey. Even in the midst of a bad time, I want to challenge you to simply thank God for who He is and what He has done (Psalm 123:3, 136:1). He is so worthy! Whatever life situations you are anticipating or experiencing, just know that all things must come to pass, but His mercies endure forever. So, get excited, hold on, and enjoy the ride!! “…for with the LORD there is mercy, and with him is plenteous redemption.” Psalm 130:7 “Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; His love endures forever!” 1 Chronicles 16:34
Nick Vujicic
http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/about-life-without-limbs.php

Today I chose it and I pray tomorrow I will make the same decision.

2009-10-06T11:32:00.000-07:00

The ever resonating conversation these days seems to be the difficult times we are in and the understanding that we will continue to head down this path. There doesn't seem to be any debate about the fact that our Lord is sifting us, exposing the weeds from wheat. Teaching us how to walk the harder more blessed road. Each day I pray that I will see everything that comes my way as from the Hand of our sovereign Lord Jesus. Knowing that if it irritates me, good. If it makes me praise Him, good. If I get angry, good. If I feel blessed, good. Each thing is meant to show me and often times others the true nature of my heart. So once again make His Hand in my life real by showing me my complete dependence on a Holy Risen God. Now sure it would be so great to write this if I was in constant victory, but well, no sense lying since I'm on this path of truthfulness. It's crazy hard but today I chose to praise Him. Thanking Him for odd interruptions. Knowing that His narrow road is the blessed road.
I picked up one of my little devotionals earlier and was taken to holding my breath, as I read the following words.

The Road Is Steep

"Narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it"

Matthew 7:14

You are a chosen vessel to Me, so do not be filled with filthy lucre. Be undefiled by the lusts of the flesh and untarnished by the pride of life. Be wholesome, humble, simple; for simplicity and a spirit of humility befit one who serves the Lord.

Pride lifts you up. It exalts self rather than Christ. Humility brings down to the level of service, and you are not to be worshiped , but to serve.

You are My treasure. I delight in you when, and only when, you are fully yielded to Me with no thoughts of personal ambition or achievement. If you wish for anything, wish for more of My nearness. If you long for anything, long for more of My place, and My righteousness and more of My love. I will not occupy second place, and My Spirit will leave and impure vessel. Just as sin has no place in heaven, I will not dwell in peace in a heart that harbors evil.

So put away all that defiles you, just as you would cast away an evil-smelling, filthy rag. teach others,a s well, how to maintain mental wholesomeness, and how to experience inner cleansing through confession and rejection of all that offends the Holy Spirit.

Tolerate nothing that dulls the perception of My presence. Cut off, purge out, plead the blood of Christ, use every avenue available to you to rid your soul of sin. Never be satisfied with half measure. Never be deterred by satisfaction with the progress already achieved. Know that this is only the beginning.

Holiness is arrived at by no low road. The road to holiness is narrow and steep and exceedingly lonely. There is no other road.

"It is the way the Master went,

Shall no His servant tread it still?"

Praise and Thanks for this day.

2009-10-02T09:25:00.000-07:00

Holy Lord Jesus Father God in Heaven~ I come to You this day Lord thanking You with lifted hands and heart for all that You are Lord Jesus. For being sovereign and seeing everything from both sides of the rod, intricately placing every single thing in alignment with Your pre-ordained purpose. I praise You Jesus for Your kindness that leads us to repentance, where bondage is broken in healing and a life of restoration is possible. I praise You for providing and making provisions according to Your plans and not my own. I praise You for being a place of refuge that is covered in love, peace and tenderness. I praise You for hands to serve, feet to walk, eyes to see, and a mouth to speak. Thank You for Your strength that You give to bear the load that You have placed in my path. I praise You for this difficult season knowing that it will produce a purer heart before You if I but surrender to Your complete work. I look to You and Your promises and keep my eyes fixed there and not on the difficult circumstances that surround me. For You O Lord are worthy to be praised. I thank You for difficult circumstances with people knowing that in it You bring wisdom to know truth of others and it brings wisdom in moving forward. I thank You for teaching love for all. I thank You and Praise You for Your Word: the power and wisdom that it brings. Thank You Lord Jesus - praise You praise You praise Your Holy Name~ AMEN

Where there is a lie - there is no God!!!

2009-10-01T15:49:00.000-07:00

So since my reprove has been painful lately, you get to share in the potential conviction of it for your own life. O how I love the power of a blog. I get to be completely honest and no one can interrupt me. ;0) - I just gave one of those creepy, slightly dark sided robust laughters(hahahah)! yes and if you pictured it correctly I was stirring the pot at the same time - really I was!!!

so here it goes......

If you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you were being deceived, would you want that deception exposed so that you could live a more victorious life in Jesus?

Well guess what YOU ARE - WE ARE and the sooner we go to bended knee before the Author of Truth, the Lord Jesus Christ and ask Him, " what Lord show me - turn over stones - remove the scales from my eyes, ears, mind, and heart" The sooner we begin to live in the blessing and promises of God more abundantly.

Here is a GIANT AHA!!!! moment as of late:
Honesty - I have always pretty much prided myself ( which should have been my first clue) on being an honest person. Honest to a fault of giving many a very critical attitude towards me. I've always figured if people are gonna ask me then I have to tell the truth. I expect honesty in all my relationships and have lived according to the principle, 'where there is a lie - there is no God'. So you can imagine how I reacted when the Lord showed me that I am not a truthful person. When this conviction came to me it was very painful because God began to show me many times where my words were slightly slanted to either protect someone I was talking to because it would be uncomfortable in that moment, make things easier for myself, or just because I thought it sounded better my way. As I began to allow ( key part of this work) God to show me my lying tongue, I was so heavy hearted. Physical anguish to my heart broke me to tears and some how in the repentance of this sin I began to feel a sense of healing and joy. To spare you as the reader from the details, although the details are what brings me such reward, I will edit this greatly. I know this is the work God is doing in me and my story will not necessarily be others. I have become to aware of my words. Daily I ask God to guide me in all I say. Now let's just be real here for a moment, those around me are most likely thinking I'm slightly touched, as my speech seems to be rather slow these days. It's pretty funny actually but what it is - is that I am so much more aware of what I am saying. I must say having people think I'm touched is pretty fun. ;0) - - I have become so much more aware of others and their words of untruthfulness. I just need to be very careful how I respond to this. Let's just say I have responded pretty badly at times and am aware that I have traded one sin for another. How like "the great deceiver" this is to do to us. I am hopeful that at the end of this refinement God will have changed me so to unrecognizable to my former lying self.

This is what I see and some are things God should me in myself.
* Do you say the things people want to hear to make yourself look better? to be liked?
*Do you not say the whole truth and therefore never giving the other person the opportunity to grow. All you do is enable them to stay stuck. You know what's funny / sad about that one is by not being honest with people they don't grow and then we sit around and get frustrated that they are not growing. How crazy backwards is that !
* even in fun not so anything conversations, do you add things or delete things to make the story more interesting.
* Do you say your spouse feels a certain way to bring validity to something when they have no knowledge of it at all - or even maybe it's another person and it's just that you want to make your point sound better so you use someone else of higher respects name.
* are you not honest because you're to embarassed to tell the truth

Feel free to add to the list. All I know is that I am so very thankful of reprove and the healing power that comes from repentance. I chose to write about this because it's freeing and sure I could keep this private however, I am more terrified of the enemy trying to find another way to trip me up by keeping it private. Expose it and it thwarts his work - AMEN for that.
So my orignal statement is still true - honesty is my main thing - I'm just so very thankful that now I am living a more pure of heart truth with that.

just some pix

2009-09-18T14:17:00.000-07:00

He eats now!

We love the phony smile look - O the pre-teen years what fun!

Bobby and Lil Ms. Thing

Yes he really is that color.

Steph drowning in Awana stuff - but she's still smiling!

Trying to convince his Aunt that he is 6ft. tall.

Proof that he really will do school work

Lori playing with Bear. Bear loved her because she would sneak her food ALL THE TIME!!!

Baby doing what she spent the whole weekend doing to Bobby - eating his head off

I'll leave it up to your own imagination

Geoffrey and Baby doing what dogs do best. She so wants to play with him and all he wants to do is be an Alpha snotty dog.

Geoffrey kissing Steph - of course he remembers his first mommy.

sleepy boy!

Sleepy kid and protective doggy!

Two very exhausted boys after a long VBS day.

Forgotten God

2009-09-18T08:15:00.000-07:00

I loved the book. I am so blessed by how bold Francis Chan is about the things we so easily taint of the things of God. May God continue to pour wisdom, discernment and love upon this man.
I want to first say that Francis and I differ in our beliefs on the baptism of the Holy Spirit. When I first sat down to read the book, I finished half of the book. Once I realized that we still hold our different opinion, I had to let God do some business with my heart. I realized that I would not be able to give the book it's full due with the way my heart was secretly thinking. I am so very blessed by his ministry that I knew until God fixed my slightly irritated heart, I wouldn't be able to receive all the GIANT nuggets that the rest of the book would hold. So the interesting thing is as I let God do business with my heart I began to really seek Him on some powerful truths about the Holy Spirit. What a journey this has been - one I am most grateful for.

I think one of the most profound things Francis talks about is the lack of the Holy Spirit in our Churches today. You see what we do is we put people in ministry according to what we see in them as their natural abilities. So whether you are someone who is saved or not, abiding or not, you still can function in the task and duties of your ministry. There becomes no need at all to really pray, to really seek God for His strength, for His empowerment of His Spirit. People are not fasting and praying at all. Look around at some of the churches that we know without a doubt are not Spirit lead. They grow, they seem to succeed, all the ministries are thriving and fun - they are a well oiled machine, yet there is no Spirit of God any where close to running their church. I think you get the picture. In fact I was so convicted when I read this because I know I am guilty of seeking people for ministry that I see are "gifted" yet knowing NOTHING about their real heart and private worship with God. So this happens so much of the time and then we wonder why we are not seeing real modern day miracles / signs and wonders / freedom in worship / 100 - 1000 of people coming out for prayer meetings. Well this is the reason. May God shine His light powerfully on this veil of deception that we all have allowed the enemy to win with. It's time to rip that veil!!! We have been given power like no other and yet we choose to crawl like the Caterpillar instead of flying like the butterfly. may we all become desperate for the baptism of the Holy Spirit. May we all stop the compromise that taints the name of God. May we all see our sin and repent before a Holy God so that THEN we can have healing from our bondages and live the remaining years of our lives in the restoration of His love.

Go get the book and read it!

2009-09-12T15:19:00.000-07:00

And to expose our hearts to truth and consistently refuse or neglect to obey the impulses it arouses is to stymie the motions of life within us and, if persisted in,to grieve the Holy Spirit into silence.
A.W. Tozer

This is a painful truth that we ought to really take a look at.
How many times have you gone to Church to hear a great message or even read it for yourself and in the moment you are encouraged, exhorted and often reproved but you leave and do nothing with it. Well this is exactly what his quote is stating. We always want to know the will of God yet when that prompting inside of us happens we more times then not neglect it. In case you weren't sure, that prompting inside of us is the Holy Spirit who has been sent to live and dwell inside of us as believers to empower us to do the very will of God. So let me ask the tough question here do you really want to know the will for God for your life?

Did you know??????

2009-09-05T15:53:00.000-07:00

Francis Chan has a new book - okay let me tell you when I got this phone call yesterday from Heidi, I could barely contain myself especially when she told me that it was about the neglect of the Holy Spirit in the Church. Well let's just say Bobby was ever so sweet of a husband and drove me over to Life Way THEN and there is was in all it's beauty - this brown book with a really cool graphic of a dove made out of pages of the Bible. very cool!!!
I grabbed it and let's just say I wanted to scream in excitement - I wanted to give Shabach!!!!!! for fear of having the workers there ask me to leave I somewhat contained my excitement. Okay I'll be honest I was sort of loud. Shoot who cares, I was excited!!!!!

Forgotten God
Reversing Our Tragic Neglect Of The Holy Spirit

If you already have your solid reading of the Word of God time and you have some extra time you may want to grab this one.

Obama to Address our Children

2009-09-04T08:57:00.000-07:00

So it seems like everyone is really up in arms over this President Obama addressing the children September 8th. Well Let me offer possibly a different perspective. First let me go on record as saying that We at the Richardson house hold do not hold the same political views as our current President. Yes we too see that he is taking our Country straight into Socialism. Yes we see that the greatest help we give terrorist against our country is our tolerance and our President is giving us a fast one way ticket in that direction. So without turning this into why I do not agree with President Obama let me offer this up on the table. We do not want to be raising ignorant children who can not defend why they believe the things they believe. I will be allowing Aaron to view this speech. I will record it watch it live myself, then I will sit down with Aaron and have him watch it. I will be ready with many questions for him to consider as to why what our President is saying, even though it may seem good, why exactly it is not God's good. For us as a family we will approach this the same way we will approach the conversations as to why other religions are wrong and therefore are doomed for hell. You educate your kids. You give them the truth from the other side then you help them understand why it is against the Word of God and therefore can not be apart of our belief system. Tell me this have you ever seen a situation for a child where they were always told this is right that is wrong and never giving them any grounds for either, other than saying it's against God. Have you ever seen any of those children grow up to not rebel or to not completely walk away from their faith that they grew up with in their home. Or even have you ever seen any of those kids be able to effectively give an account for the things they say. The answer is no you haven't and neither have I.
Ok so fine we are all mad that this speech is going to happen. So what we need to do is get over it and turn this around in a way that brings truth. To stir up all this hate and bitterness is not productive at all. Help your kids win by grounding them with knowledge. Don't make them ignorant - please we have enough of those walking around. Let's give our kids a far chance at becoming young adults who can take information that sounds so good, perfect, loving, and kind and see it for what it really is and then be able to debate it with others who come against their belief systems. If we don't start this process with our kids we will raise yet another generation that so easily gets pulled into wrong teaching.
This my friend is the teaching of our children that blesses the Fathers heart.
1Peter 2:5
For such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men.

Ok let me have it I know you are hot under the collar now.

it's been a year????

2009-09-03T14:25:00.001-07:00

So It never seems to be the best conversation to have with anyone, so this is always my safe place to get it out and prayerfully feel better. If you choose to read this I'm just letting you know that it will surely be a bit all over the place. I just need to get this out. So this time last year I was spending every minute in the hospital with my dear friend Donna. Having just gotten the news that she would not be with us much longer. From the day we got that news in the hospital, to the day she went to be with our Lord Jesus from her living room, it was 7 weeks. 7 of the most difficult, complicated, insane, tender, loving, fulfilling, agonizing, painful, intimate, endearing, frustrating, horrific, beautiful moments in my entire life. How each one of those words can perfectly describe each day of a 7 week period is beyond me but they do and how perfectly fitting they are. I remember that day so vividly. It was a 'k' Tues. and I was missing a time of celebration with all my 'k' sisters to say goodbye to our dear friend Carrie who was leaving to move to Santa Barbra. The group was preparing to celebrate and I was at the hospital with Tony kissing my girl up before she was wheeled into surgery. Tony and I shared a really nice meal together, talking and opening up to one another in what was an eye opening surprising conversation so ordained by the Lord. As we went back up to the surgery waiting area, we barely sat down when up walked Dr. Brown with the look of agony. When he sat down and told us that she would not make it and all the words that came after that, I had no idea that breath was able to be sucked out of you like a vacuum. The many hours that followed are a bit to painful to even write about but they are forever in bedded in my heart and mind. The irony in one place a celebration to a dear friend because she is moving away but laughter is the thing in the air. Then across town the very opposite of a celebration is happening because we will be saying goodbye to a friend who is moving away in quit a different fashion. I wonder why the Lord chose it that way. I do know that His way is always best, and I do not doubt that.
I miss my friend. I know that what we shared together in friendship is a rare, treasured gift. But SHOOT sometimes I get a bit self focused and grieve the lose and hate that I won't have THAT friendship again.
I miss our phone conversations through the night hours. Now I know she would have been perfectly able to go to bed at a normal time but she hated that I was not capable of doing so. Therefore, we would talk all night seriously all night. We would pray, we would solve every single issue that Children's ministry ever had. We would share everything we had studied in the Word that day with one anotherand often would end up doing a phone Bible study together. We would grieve for our friends who didn't share our love for prayer, worship and studying the Word of God. We would try to come up with clever ways to encourage them in the very things that we found the greatest joy in. Gosh what I would do for another one of those all nighters.
I think most people would find it interesting to know that Donna and I didn't get to go out and date. In fact Donna and I never once ever shared a meal together alone in a restaurant. I remember one Mother's Day all her and I wanted was to be together alone shopping at Walmart. We did get that wish and well let's just say it got interrupted after 1 hour from a husband that was wondering when we were coming back. lolololl ahahahaha - that still cracks me up. Tony Thompson you are a funny man. Bobby was outside playing with the kids and you were in the house watching some sporting thing alone. Good grief! Donna and I laughed about that all the way home that day well after she said a few other things first. We knew that our friendship just wouldn't ever have the luxury of dating.
I'm gonna continue this later - I have hubby calling and he's gonna be off to baseball in a few so I need to spend a bit of time with him before he's off being Mr. HR hitter.

School's In - and I feel like ranting a bit.

2009-08-28T14:24:00.000-07:00

So most people get real happy when it's time for kids to go back to school. However, as a home school mom this isn't exactly my emotion attached to starting a new school year. Aaron is in the 6th grade and to think that I have been in this home school mindset for 7 years now makes me wonder just why am I not any better at it, or why don't I enjoy it any more then I do. Why do I still have the same daily frustrations with Aaron. Why why why why why???. Home schooling for me is not a way of life. Now I know many of you home school moms are probably getting ready to throw a tomato at my head right about now for saying what you would consider such blasphemy. Well home schooling is simple the way I chose or better yet the way God has chosen for now, for me to educate my son. Trust me each year I beg Him to allow me to stop and so far the answer has been "No persevere". I do not subscribe to a one way, one mindset of education. O O there it is again "outlandish" statement that no good christian home school mom would ever say, at least not out loud. There is very little I like about homeschooling. But for my current state of ranting allow me to list the things I enjoy then I will get to the good stuff what I don't enjoy.
1. I love the freedom it gives us as a family - days on days off.
2. I like that my son can work at his level and speed.
3. I like that I can let Aaron sleep until 9am if I want so that I have more time with my Jesus.
4. I like that there will be a day that I will look back and just maybe see that I have grown as a person because of it.
5. I like kickin it in PJ's as long as we want.
6. I LOVE the organization of it. I could write lesson plans for days. If the success of my home school life was based on my ability to organize and do lesson plans then O I so have you all beat. But as we know it's the execution of the lesson plans that matter - - UUGGHHH! good grief!

What I do not like:
1. The daily battle that I endure from my son who despises learning.
2. The frustration I get when I just can't help him understand something.
3. That there are days that Aaron finds it better to fight me for 3-5 hours for something simple then to just do the 20min. exercise.
3. I really do not enjoy teaching so therefore it makes the daily life of homeschooling an act of obedience for me.
4. That somehow in this home school world most mom's think there is one way and one way only to do this and apparently they have the answer and everyone else is wrong and they find great pleasure in talking about that. Never does it cross their mind that they are the very source of much division in the christian community. I sit back and if it wasn't so pain staking sad I would be amused. Okay I didn't tell the truth I am still slightly amused. It is sad though that they can't see the division they bring about, all in the name of education.
5. There are actually home school groups out there that if you do not file your own affidavit or belong to certain Christian ISP's you are not welcomed to join their group. And in some cases they won't even allow their kids to associate with your kid. WOW - now they would never say it as blunt as I have but we all know it is very much the truth.

So school is in and I'm in it for yet another year. How I wish I enjoyed it like so many of my friends. But so far that is not my story. At our church we have a home school group. It is very large and we do allow all facets of homeschooling families to join. I actually sit on the leadership board for the time been for the main purpose of doing everything I can to fight against the division that this home school world so produces. We are pioneering a different way of looking at it and prayerfully we are breaking down walls but I can assure you it has come at such a cost and when it comes down to it most really don't see that the division is a problem. I do and I know my Lord does to. So there is my rant after 1 complete week of being back to school. How ever let me say that this first week did go better than I expected and for that I am grateful to the Lord for giving me extra help this week.
I suppose it's possible that some may read this and find it offensive. I pray not. Maybe my delivery is raw but it is 100% how I believe.

2009-08-24T12:58:00.000-07:00

Just having this conversation yesterday I couldn't help myself but to post this devotion I found in my inbox. To understand these words is to understand why we all are being sifted, pruned, sandpapered, or whatever word you want to attach to your current situations. I so believe we are in the days that the heavier Hand of God is upon us to bring that clearer knowledge of who is truly His. may we always allow God to examine our own hearts to keep us far far far away from this very tradgedy.

Day By Day By Grace
Bob Hoekstra
August 24, 2009

An "Unpopular" Prophetic Promise of Apostasy

Now the Spirit expressly says that in latter times some will depart from the faith, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons, speaking lies in hypocrisy, having their own conscience seared with a hot iron. (1 Timothy 4:1-2)

As we continue to alternate between "precious promises" and "unpopular" promises, we come to a prophetic promise of apostasy. Among those who are actually drifting into apostasy, this promise is certainly "unpopular." Additionally, in a church world that wrongly accepts what sounds positive and rejects what sounds negative (instead of rejecting error and accepting truth), this promise is often met with disinterest or, worse, disdain.

"The faith" is the message of the word of God. It is the divine truth in which we are to place our faith, our trust. It especially includes the good news of the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. Our present promise forewarns that there will be those who fall away from "the faith" as the days press closer and closer to the end of the church era. "In latter times some will depart from the faith." Since this is a departure, they seemed to adhere to the word of God for a season. Then they turned away from it. If they remain active in the church world, their message will no longer reflect the true content of the Scriptures. Peter gave a similar warning. "There were also false prophets among the people, even as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Lord who bought them" (2 Peter 2:1). As sure as Israel had false prophets, the church would have false teachers.

Paul provided some insights into their path of apostasy. They would be "giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons." Paying attention to concepts that were perpetrated by demonic deception would result in errors in their doctrine. The devil and his army of evil spirits are intent on confusing and distorting the teaching of the word of God. Typically, such errors feed man's fleshly desires to glorify self.

These apostates would also be "speaking lies in hypocrisy." Not only would their teaching be erroneous, their lives would be marked by falsehoods related to pretense. They would add untrue testimony to their inaccurate message. Perhaps the reports of their ministerial prowess would be grossly exaggerated.

They would also be "having their own conscience seared with a hot iron." They would teach errors and live lies until their consciences were no longer convicted of sin. We are forewarned. Such apostates undoubtedly abound in these last days.

Here I am

2009-08-06T08:24:00.000-07:00

Gosh where to begin? The business of my summer has been insane but insanely great even in what seems like a very dark valley. I suppose because I can see the very Hand of God doing a radical, difficult work. But the key to that sentence is I see His Hand. There is something about hard times that when you see Jesus in it there is a peace that passes all understanding - WOW that's good, I bet I read that in a really GREAT BOOK ;0)
So almost a month since I last posted let's see if I can recap my last month.
CCEA VBS 2009 - God Odyssey - The Wonders of God
I love VBS I think it's pretty much my favorite thing we do in Children's Ministry. There is SSSOOO much hard work that goes into it and it brings us all to the point of insanity / frustration / and complete utter dependence on God but then to see it happen and watch the kids get it. It's so great. Now I would say contrary to what anyone else has to say, I have the greatest job for VBS. Worship - and we get the kids for 1hour and 15 min. just the worship team part of it. That's right you heard me right. You see we entertain the worker kids that check in 45 min before anyone else and we have a blast. Then we have worship and this year we had 370ish kids. Can you picture 370 kids along with about 150 workers singing songs like Shine - Matt Redman / Today is The Day - Lincoln Brewster and many others just like it. It's insane these kids are singing and dancing and lifting their hands high high high to Jesus praising and worshiping. Seriously it's the best. I've been to a few Worship Workshops over the years for Children's Ministry and all of the challenges that they always are addressing that happen in Children's Worship, none of it has been our issues. God gave about 9 years ago a vision for kids worship and we have grown and flourished in that vision. I am so spoiled to head this ministry up now for that past I don't maybe 7 years, I really can't remember. Sometimes I wonder what I ever did right in my life to deserve this ministry. So anyways VBS was wonderful and lives were changed, souls were saved and God did what only He can do.

CCEA Pure Passion 2009
This was our Churches 2nd annual Purity Conference. Now Bobby and I worked it last year. He heads up the security team for most all events at our Church. And I staff the janitorial workers so I am there to oversee that and to lend a helping hand wherever. This event is for the Youth. Well this year God seemed to think it would pretty hysterical to have me MC the girls part of the weekend. Well I won't get into all the details about that cause it's still weird for me to talk about it but with 15min to spare I went from knowing I would MC the Q&A time to MCing the entire girls event. So big deal you may say - - WELL people think that I am very comfortable in front of a crowd of people with a mic but that couldn't be farther from the truth. What I do in Children's Ministry really is an act of God and those that know my journey know what it took all those years ago to even get me upfront in front of kids to lead worship. I suppose because I have this out loud BIG personality that one would think, ' o she's not shy' - well yea I am in fact I'm so deeply insecure that it keeps me from many things. So I guess I haven't been letting God deal with that ugly sin in my life fast enough because He clearly had this event for my growth. Truth is as much as I was dreading it and was desperate for as much prayer as I could rally up when all was said and done I knew my life was different. I won't even go into the many backwards reasons God had me to do it but the change in my heart for these teenage girls. Okay I'm gonna be real here and you will no doubt think poorly of me but here it goes. Up to this point I pretty much was hands up in front of my face with 99.9% of teenage girls. Sort of wrote them off. I won't go into the reasons for that but that is the cold hard truth of it all. So God calling me to an event like this really didn't make any sense at all. Something happened that weekend in my heart. I was broken and God gave me this extraordinary love for these girls. I saw myself in them and all the yuck from my bad choices in my youth. A messed up desperately needing attention young girl who needed to know she was worth anything. She had a purpose. She was desperately loved by the God of the Universe and He chose her. I found me! in them and the connection happened. I get these girls and it scares me that I feel like I have a purpose with them. So what in the World is My Jesus doing in me?

So I started off talking about a hard season and ended up sharing a couple of the most wonderful gifts that God gave me over the past month. That's funny to me - I suppose the sweet things of Jesus are the key things at the forefront of my mind - as it should be!!!!

A touch of hard stuff - okay I can not go into the circumstances but this is what I have come to understand this month in the hard stuff.
We all live in the consequences of our sins and our families sin and so on and so on just like the Bible says. That's life we can't get away from that. So everything puts these scales up around our heart and it's God's job to break them down during the course of our lives because He has created us to worship Him and we will worship something the question just becomes what?. So I hear people say things like, 'if I were only single', 'if I were only married', 'if i could have a different job' and so on you get the picture. Well this is the deal. God is going to use no matter what is in our lives to break us of the bondage of our sins, and to remove those scales that we have put over our hearts. So fine if you were single sure the issues of that would be ok but let me tell you God would then in fact use whatever is in your life to break you. Do you get what I'm saying. We all need to stop fighting the process of what God is using in our lives to refine us. Stop praying it away and surrender to it and know that if it wasn't health issues, broken friendships, depression, marriage, weight issues, job issues, prodigal children issues, raising kid issues it would be something else and hurt just as much. So what do we do.????stop looking at you - I need to stop looking at me. We need to look to Jesus and work on our relationship with Him and not for the sole purpose of fixing our issues but for the sole purpose of knowing Him. Somewhere in there I can promise you we will find peace and joy in the midst of yuck. It doesn't have to make sense the greater things of God rarely do. But our Lord is taking "THE CHURCH" not just CCEA but "THE CHURCH" through that refining time of separating the wheat and the weeds. The real intent of our hearts are being exposed and we are yelling and screaming through the process but we need to find Jesus to See Jesus and hold on with everything we have. It's gonna be a bumpy road my friends.

So now it's time for me to go get ready for my day. I need to pack as I am heading to the mountains this weekend. I can't wait to see what God is going to do this weekend. I'll share the details of this unexpected getaway with you later. My prayer is
Holy Spirit Come!!!!!

always remember
keep chasing righteousness - it matters!!!!

Chasing Righteousness!!!

2009-07-11T09:19:00.000-07:00

okay so many know that this is my life's catch phrase. Sometimes I think I should put it on magnets, t-shirts and everywhere in my life just to keep that constant reminder. I wont write about how it came about as I know I did that about a year or so ago. What I love is that God continues to pull Me to a life of chasing righteousness. How faithful my Jesus is, that even when things seem to get it's hardest and most difficult to only look at the Living God behind every situations, He barges in and brings in peace, love, comfort and truth to the situation. Of course He only barges in once you put your hand on that door knob and turn it to open it, then he'll jump in I promise.
So today I read one of my favorite Blogspots, David Wilkerson Today http://davidwilkersontoday.blogspot.com/
and he said the most profound thing,
"The Bible could not make this any clearer. Simply put, righteousness is believing the promises of God, being fully persuaded he’ll keep his word."

So well put - love it and so thankful for this reminder that puts me on the road to continue to live a life..... CHASING RIGHTEOUSNESS!!!!

Hard Days REALLY REALLY Hard Days

2009-07-03T08:45:00.001-07:00

Why is it that when the tidal wave comes I get frustrated, I think that the easy road is best, I so easily get critical of those involved that seem to be in the wrong. Why can't I learn. It's the same ol' lesson time and time again. I so identify with the Children of Israel - you know they sure get a bum wrap don't they. I get it I really do. This flesh of ours is really pretty pathetic. Somehow we think we have rights - now that's a laughing matter because if we were to simple believe the Word of God we will see that we have no rights EVER, it's all about dying to self daily, picking up our cross and walking the hard road that is laid out for us by a loving, Father who needs us to see our deceitfully wicked hearts and depend completely on Him. Knowing that the harder road from point A to B is going to refine us to strip us of the bondage we have allowed the enemy to ensnare us with. The hard road is the Good road.
"When the going gets hard the hard gets good"

But Lord I want to be heard - "Just Pray"
But they are wrong - "Just Pray"
But It's going to cause great pain - "Just Pray"
But It's compromise Lord - "Just Pray"
But But But But But - " Susan Just Pray"

So today I will pray

but tomorrow Lord will you help me again?

Lessons from Exodus 16:1-3

2009-06-30T07:34:00.000-07:00

Exodus 16:1-3
1 And they journeyed from Elim, and all the congregation of the children of Israel came to the Wilderness of Sin, which is between Elim and Sinai, on the fifteenth day of the second month after they departed from the land of Egypt. 2 Then the whole congregation of the children of Israel complained against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness. 3 And the children of Israel said to them, "Oh, that we had died by the hand of the LORD in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the pots of meat and when we ate bread to the full! For you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger."

Observation / Application:
VS. 3 And the children of Israel said to them, "Oh, that we had died by the hand of the LORD in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the pots of meat and when we ate bread to the full! For you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger."

Here they are 30 - 60 days after their departure and now they are already forgetting the hardship of life in bondage. Going back to Pharaoh seems far better to them then this unknown wilderness.
I see an interesting thing here 30 - 60 days in and now they are complaining. It’s interesting to me that this is so often my battle. When trying to depart from areas of sin that God exposes to me ( Idols) it’s usually around that 30 - 60 day marker that I to start feeling the tug to compromise what I know God has shown me. Why is that I wonder? I know in the beginning I’m passionate about what I need to do so early on it’s often pretty easy. My victory in doing the right thing carries me in encouragement but then somewhere along that 30 - 60 day marker, the passion begins to fade, the thoughts of compromise begin to take over my thoughts. To the point of actually being able to rationalize it. I think there is a pretty good chunk of wisdom here from God. The temptation to go back will come. Know it and make preparation for it. We don’t always have a Moses to push us through. So that must be the provision we need to make. We all need that Moses person who holds us accountable and helps fight that battle for us.
Right now with me and this med. for my RSL that I am taking, I did exactly this very thing. I talked to a couple of friends that I knew would be boldly honest with me to help me through this adjustment period. And I have a friend that when I can't stand it any more and I need to eat something that I’m craving I can call her and she will kick my butt. You see certain foods are not an option for me anymore my health / heart depends on me doing the right thing. All this stuff with my RSL med and my food allergies are key to living a life honoring God with His temple, my body.
So this should be the same with the things of God. We all need to have that person or persons that will keep us on that right road and when we begin to lose focus, they will boldly, lovingly guide us back. We can’t live without a Moses. If you have been then let me ask you, How’s that been working for you? To live a life for Jesus with only "yes people" around us will never allow us to grow very far. We need each other in that way God intended.
So who comes to your mind right now that is your Moses? Take a moment and thank Jesus for that friend.

Hebrews 10:23-26

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another-and all the more as you see the Day approaching. If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left,

2009-06-27T06:55:00.000-07:00

Jeremiah 18:4
The pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.

Yes i am marred but how grateful i am to a faithful, merciful Lord that will reshape me into another pot that will still be useful for His serve.

thank you Jesus!

Heavy on my heart - it's not going to be an enjoyable read. I just need this written down for myself.

2009-06-26T08:15:00.000-07:00

Can you hear the Lord calling you to wake up, to stand firm? He is and we need to ready ourselves. Are you prepared for persecution? Are you ready for the Church to fall away? Are you ready for the most horrid of all circumstances to come flooding into your life? We pray and sing, 'Blessed be your name On the road marked with suffering Though there's pain in the offering Blessed be your name', and 'Bring me anything that brings You glory And I know they'll be days When this life brings me pain But if that's what it takes to praise You Jesus, bring the rain'. Are you ready to be a person of your word now? Am I?????

We need to stop being about our comfort zone and realize that the day is drawing near that our Lord is taking us up to meet Him in the Heavens. Life will continue to get more and more difficult before that happens. Are you going to let the offense of a friend, a family member, a church leader draw you away into self preservation emotions and sin, or are you going to keep your eyes focused on the One who is allowing the hard stuff to come. To bring wisdom into your life to draw you to that sweet place from brokenness, Surrender. Is your current hardship exposing your truth, your real hearts condition? Good then it's doing it's job. Are you repenting, I mean really repenting before a Holy God who died on a cross for those sins. Are you on your knees repenting asking for forgiveness - you know the kind of repentance that breaks that chain of suffocation around you. Okay maybe you don't know that kind of repentance. You better figure it out. There is no greater place of freedom in Jesus then when we figure out that real repentance.

Gods calls us to GO and make Disciples. Are we doing that, are we even one of those Disciples? Do you even know what it looks like to be one? My heart is greatly convicted this morning knowing that when I read what a disciple is my life just doesn't match up. So what the heck am I doing with my life. We (I) have become a generational Christian nation that is all about us. How everything effects us. The sound system at church acts up and I get completely irritated running around looking for someone who can fix it. Sure God cares about that but do you see what I am saying. Does He care more about that then the person who desperately needs Jesus and they are right in front of me. I get more emotional about the sound system then I do this dying, hurting soul. Somehow I (we) have made service about us and not about them, the lost, the hurting, the dying.

Lord Jesus what has become of us. We have become the Church in Corinth that you gave great warnings about.

1Corinthians 11:17-34

As Tony Huy so Spirit filled put it on Saturday night - the church in Corinth was doing more harm then good. It became more isolated then congregational. It was full of division. It became more about indulging its self then giving. They were going through the motions but it was so not their reality. They had made church about them. They had forgotten to really REMEMBER.

Wow does any of this seem vaguely familiar? I sit here and with regrettable honesty I must say Yes Lord I have made church about me. How did I allow such deception to dominate my life?

I have lived church with a greater purpose of isolation than anything else.

So what now Lord Jesus, forgive me for making church something you never intended it to be. This day Lord show me my error and get me back on the right path. I do Lord Jesus desire to be Your disciple.

1Corinthians 6:12 10:23
Everything is permissible for me - but not everything is beneficial nor is it constructive,
Everything is permissible for me - but I will not be mastered by anything.

"k" Group Leaders Appreciation Dinner - Darya's

2009-06-25T14:56:00.000-07:00

Dinner at Darya's

Me & Melissa - she's my friend!!!!! - isn't she cute - I'm so glad we get to serve together.

Melody & Jenny - look at those perfect smiles - someone call Colgate!

Shelley & Dana - these are the nice ones of the group. I never knew people could be so nice.

Jennifer & Lyn - wait a minute these are the nice ones of the group. Am I the only one not nice?

Yes this is what they did ALL NIGHT!!!! ALL NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!

Karen and Kim - Kim I didn't mean to put a handicap label by your head - sorry

Karen - I love the color of your hair - to think that was the color I was going for - - hhhmmm well at least it's in the same color palette - well sort of.

Susan & Linda - I think if you really could blend these two women that you very

well would have the perfect woman. Don't tell them I said that I like them to think that I believe they are greatly flawed.

Lori & Becky - They have started the short hair leaders club - I think they just wanted an excuse to hang with each other. I'm offended.

Melody & Nidia - perfect little Angels - see the folded hands - aaawwwweeee

This looks forced

Susan & Shannon - see shannon it's a good picture. You know I was hoping for one of those scary ones. When you are as cute as you are it's a great releif to some of us that you take bad pictures.

Jennifer & Joanne - yes I do believe Joanne really is that short. Or maybe it's that Jen is that super tall. WOW

Deanne, Rochelle, and Lyn -Lyn over here look at me. I'm wondering what she was looking at that was more intriguing than I ;0)

Melissa C and Lori - pretty smiles !

but don'tcha get the impression they are both thinking something about the photographer? (me)

Steph and Steph - good grief look at Finn she looks 20. It's gotta be the Avon.

Nidia, Steph and Joannie - see how short she is I told you. Yes I see that Nidia is too.

Aren't they adorable. I wanna be their friend.

And to think they run the office - frightening!!!

Danette and Lori - Wow they're really close.

Okay what's with all the attached heads?

Yes a Mohawk

2009-06-25T11:48:00.001-07:00

Pictures of Donna's Kids

2009-06-25T11:40:00.000-07:00

Every year Donna would get the kids pictures done and well I wanted to do that for Tony for Father's day this year. Here are some of them. Thank you Lisa and Jennifer for making this happen.

Happy Dad's Day!

2009-06-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

Bobby -
Outside of my salvation you are the greatest gift I have ever been given. I could have never have dreamt up the quality of a Dad you are to Aaron. Your constant love, patience, and guidance with him is a beautiful thing to watch and I count myself most blessed having you as my husband. I praise our sweet Jesus for giving Aaron to us. You are a good man Bobby Richardson and I love you dearly. I pray your day with Aaron out there paint balling will be one of great fun and memories.

Daddy - Happy Daddy's Day !! I love you and miss you so much. If I could fly to Montana today to even just give you a giant hug and a kiss I would. I pray that today you feel that constant showering of peace, love, and joy knowing that you are an amazing Daddy. I love our long talks or better yet that you are so patient with me that you listen to my long talks (hahaha) You have always, my entire life made me feel like I mattered and what I have to say is important. Now truth be told I'm sure everyone else might want to smack your bum for that one because now I believe I need to be heard (hahahah) yes daddy you have created this monster!!!!
I love you Daddy - xoxoxoxo
p.s take care of Mom for us and love her up real good - I hear she is sportin quite the tan these days - I bet she looks HOT!!! - she's always been a hottie. I love it when people say i look like her.

Dad John - Happy Dad's Day!! today I pray you have sweet joy knowing that you have always been a kind, loving Dad. How blessed I am to get to have you. I pray you always know how important you are to me. Your love of my Jesus has always resonated loudly to me and I am so thankful for your example. When are you coming over so I can cook you up something really yummie? You know I love to feed you. I miss you and pray that we will see you and Di very soon. God bless you dad - I love you much!!!

What do you have for me tonight Lord?

2009-06-20T16:20:00.000-07:00

So I'm sitting here in the CM office killing some time and I got to thinking about tonight's service and I wonder what God has laid on Tony's heart to teach from the pulpit. Tony Huy is one of our Pastors actually he is our Youth pastor and every now and then we get the privilege to have him take Bob's pulpit for a Sat/Sun service. If you haven't ever heard Tony well you are missing out, go to our Churches website and pull something up of his to listen to.
Calvary Chapel East Anaheim
Trust me you won't be disappointed. Tony has this way of bringing Bible people to life and making you feel like you are there living it with them understanding who they were and why they made decisions that they did. Very gifted / very insightful / and every time he teaches I walk away with a huge nugget to chew on for sometime. So tonight I eagerly await to see what God deems necessary to speak to us through this man.
I always approach each service with a question at the top of my note pad. Usually seeking God on wisdom for something that I need answers and His guidance with. It's a fun way to listen to service, not to mention that it keeps me focused on me and not sitting there thinking that so and so should be listening to this message. I love that I pretty much always get some chuck of wisdom that takes me to either complete answer or it gives me a spring board to which direction I need to be seeking in. So all day I've been praying about a couple of things and asking God for wisdom so tonight that will be at the top of my note page.
I was going to write the questions here then I realized that someone could very easily misunderstand the questions so I'm opting out of full disclosure. I guess i should be thankful God laid that on my heart before I hit publish now.

one last thing......

keep chasing righteousness!!!!

Where He Leads Me - I will follow (?)

2009-06-19T09:20:00.000-07:00

What a difficult season this is right now. Of course can't we always say that from one season to another. Growth is His purpose and surrender should be ours so getting those 2 things to blend in perfect harmony is the real challenge. Well at least that's my story right now.
This is always the most busy time of year for me, which I love because it's VBS time. The rub right now is that I am taking this med for my RLS that is really messing me up. I'm giving it the proper time to level out in my body but I'm pretty much very anti anything that messes with your state of mind. I figure battling my flesh is hard enough let alone having to battle it with an uncooperative state of mind. Or it blocks out something that God is trying to get me to deal with, SIN so that I can be more devoted to Him. This is my thing, if we are anxious, uptight, stressed, whatever you want to call it, well it's from sin in our life, somewhere somehow we allowed this sin to stay and now it has caused issues that we can barely even recognize the original sin because we are so focused on our state of mind of the above mentioned. Then there is the part that it takes away the ability to deeply touch the Lord (intimacy) and that absolutely freaks me out because that is my craving, my source of strength is to be able to be intimately worshiping my Jesus in prayer, in worship, in quietness. Taking this med was an act of submission to my dear husband who desperately wants his wife to be able to sleep. The lack of sleep from my entire life had begun to take some drastic health issues on my body. My Dr basically said until we get you to sleep at night your body will not heal. So there in lies my challenge. So I'm taking this med, sleeping far better then I ever have in my intire life except when I was pregnant but now this intensity I feel through out the day is driving me crazy. So enough of this - God help me see even but one purpose for this during a season that I need to be so much about your work. Lord please show me that You are in this!
Then it began to come over me the past couple of weeks and when He began to speak to me I realized these are Words that He has been preparing me for all year long.
Meekness
Meekness is a calm temper of mind, not easily provoked.

I have been forced to be calm and quiet, well quiet for me ;0) desperately trying to not react to the things going on around me. I have learned many things along the way so far. I know I am far from really understanding meekness because my inner heart is far from being meek - so really what I guess I am currently living is false meekness. You know what I mean when it shows on the out side but so not the truth for the inside. It's just like humility. You can act humble but inside your acknowledging to yourself that you are humble - hahaha that cracks me up!
Back to meekness I read this radio broadcast everyday online and the past 2 days it's been on this very thing. She states it far better than I so I will share some of her thoughts.
Meekness matters to God. You can’t avoid that in the Scripture. Zephaniah 2:3 says we are to seek meekness. Colossians 3:12 says we are to put on meekness. First Timothy 6:11 says we are to pursue meekness.

Psalm chapter 37 tells us "the meek shall inherit the land and delight themselves in the abundance of peace" (verse 11). Now that’s something I’d like to have. People who are not meek do not have an abundance of peace. They can’t have settled hearts and minds. But the person who is meek can be delighted with an abundance of peace. Peace of mind. Peace of heart. Peace in relationships.

Psalm 25:9 “The meek will He guide in judgment: and the meek will He teach his way” If we want God to guide us, to teach us the way that we should go, if we want to know good judgment, if we want to have insight and wisdom and understanding, we have to be meek.
Meek people are:
teachable people
humble people
open to counsel.

There was so much fantastic stuff in that message but the bottom line is this is me, this is where God has me, this is my training ground right now and He is using this season of me taking a med that provokes what is obviously already in my heart to be exposed to myself so that I can come to repentance, come to consecration and then grow in what God requires of me as His - Meekness!

I must say as I have been more silent I have been able to see so much more around me and this has given me great insight for prayer - so somehow I pray this makes even but a little bit of sense to you. Everything always comes back to God is desiring more of us for Him and the question becomes AM I WILLING TO WALK THIS HARD ROAD RIGHT NOW IN ORDER TO BE MORE LIKE HIM???? I pray the answer to that is YEs but we will see.
The proof is in the fruit!

Our VBS theme song this year - God You Reign!

2009-06-16T07:54:00.000-07:00

I'm stealing this from David Wilderson's Blog - it's to good not to post.

2009-06-16T07:49:00.000-07:00

Recently I reread the life story of George Muller who, in the mid-1830s, cared for over 2,000 orphans in England – all by faith in God. Muller was a known as the man who got answers to his prayers. Before he died, he had listed in his journals over 50,000 answers to prayer.

When asked how he determined the will of God on any matter, Muller listed the following steps he believed were necessary:
1. “I get my heart into such a state that it has no will of its own in regard to any particular matter.”
2. “I do not leave the result to feelings or simple impressions. That can make one open to great delusions.”
3. “I seek God’s will through, or in connection with, his Word. If you look to the Spirit without the Word, you open yourself to delusion.”
4. “I consider providential [God-controlled] circumstances.”
5. “I ask God in prayer to reveal his will to me.”
6. “I make sure I have a clear conscience before God and man.”
7. “Every time I listened to men instead of God, I made serious mistakes.”
8. “I act only when I am at peace, after much prayer, waiting on God with faith.”

Those who walk by faith, seeking only God’s perfect will, are often sorely tested and tried. More and more in my own life, I am finding out how important diligent prayer and Bible reading are. Sadly, not many of God’s people pray diligently nowadays. Instead, there is much TV viewing and very little of waiting on God.

When I give myself to prayer, my faith rises. And when I feed on God’s Word, my confidence in his power to lead and help me increases. The Lord becomes my banker, my advisor, my attorney.

May you find him doing the same for you.

2009-06-16T07:44:00.000-07:00

We don’t think “God has things for me to do today”, we think we have things we need to do and so we go to God to help us.

He becomes the means rather than the end – Francis Chan

Exodus 15:22-25 Bitter waters made sweet

2009-06-03T08:37:00.000-07:00

Ex. 15:22-25
22 So Moses brought Israel from the Red Sea; then they went out into the Wilderness of Shur. And they went three days in the wilderness and found no water. 23 Now when they came to Marah, they could not drink the waters of Marah, for they were bitter. Therefore the name of it was called Marah. 24 And the people complained against Moses, saying, "What shall we drink?" 25 So he cried out to the LORD, and the LORD showed him a tree. When he cast it into the waters, the waters were made sweet. There He made a statute and an ordinance for them. And there He tested them,

The Lord often uses unusual things to accomplish His purposes. This stick is something that can so easily be overlooked. Looks like nothing special in fact there are so many of them around that they basically look the same. No one but God would have ever known the potential in this stick just laying there in the dessert. But God sees it God sees the potential and He knew that this stick could be used by Him to save millions of lives. Even if you are not aware of the things that God has put in you, trust me He has and He will use you if you will only but be willing, be present. Just let go and let God. God has a purpose for you!
another little thing here - isn't it comforting to realize that the God of the Universe notices even this normal, nothing spectacular stick. He saw it and He used it greatly.
another thought on a more yucky side
Here we can see this picture of who we ( I ) can so easily be. We just come from a season where we have seen the wonders and love of God shown towards to us, then we come to a little pond (new circumstance/ trial) and what do we do, we complain. Good grief just days prior we were praising God for all that He is and all that He has done. But today we have a need and it just doesn’t seem like God will help us with this one. It does not matter that He has NEVER failed us. This time O No He Just Might. Good grief do you see what I am saying and how absolutely crazy it sounds. Yet we do it. In fact we always will. I think the prayer needs to be that even if our first response is slightly panic our very next thought will be “BUT GOD” . Truth is trials are meant for us to see our weakness, to see our absolute dependence on a Holy, Righteous, Loving God.
So let me ask what pond are you stressing over today? I have this really great way to make the stress go away. Ready you may want to take notes on this one. Here it is
Praise God!
Yep you read it right that’s it just begin to praise God, out loud. For all that He has done and all that He is – just praise Him. Gosh that’s good I wish it had been my original thought ;0)

I was thinking about this bitter water. Feeling the conviction of where my own heart is bitter these days. O sure it’s camouflaged by many things that most people would never even have a clue that there was anything wrong but who am I kiddin, surely not Jesus.
So I looked at this passage and read it over and over and over again. Thinking about what it looked like then, and wondering what it could look like now for us, for me in my heart today. To cry out to the Living, Merciful, Gracious God. He will give me a stick. A stick that represents Calvary. Where a stick and the blood that was shed on it become a way for salvation, forgiveness, healing, a way to be set free.
So today go ahead be set free - it is there for the taking.

Weekend Family Visit

2009-06-01T16:01:00.000-07:00

Just a typical Josh and Aaron moment. These two are a mess but they are our cute mess.

xoxoxox

Can you see how he really felt about getting this picture taken.

Aaron, Hannie, and Josh - we really do raise them to love Jesus

not sure what I'm supposed to say about this - just pray for him

Mommy and daughter - sweet kodak moment

Family Update

2009-05-29T07:14:00.000-07:00

So how is the family?

Bobby:
Still working strong, praise the Lord for that. The recession is just beginning to touch his job, so like so many of you the future is uncertain. At least as far as his job is concerned. So each day I praise the Lord for another day of work and I try to be the best supporter / encourager to Bobby regardless of all the crazy hours he needs to work. Just thankful that our story is that he is still employed.
He is wrapping up this years Basketball league at church over the next couple of weeks. How he loves this season. Playing basketball and hanging with 80 plus guys at church each Friday from 6-11pm. Must say I love this season too as I get to be alone on these nights to do what I want. Which is normally NOTHING!!!! To sit in a room that is dim lighting, quiet for hours. AWWWEEE it is sweet. OOPS sorry this is about Bobby.
He is still serving in the same ministries as last update: Gospel Choir / Worship Team / Sports Ministry Leader / Children's Ministry whenever we have a need / Mr. availability to anyone who needs a helping hand. That's my man and one of the very reasons I so love and respect him so much. His genuine good heart that is blessed beyond measure to do whatever he can whenever he can is a real reflection of God's heart to Aaron and I. He sets the standard high in our home. This year for VBS he has once again taken a weeks vacation to come serve with me and run my sound system. He has acquired the name DJ Masta Bobby. If you saw him in action you would get it.
Paintball is still a passion of his that he shares with Aaron. These boys are out of control with this stuff. I have stayed true to my New Years resolution and I have chosen to see the good in all of it and rarely do I ever question any of it. Some day though I should head on out there to that paintball place and watch these boys play or fight or whatever it's called.
So Bobby he is good, running the race, trusting His God, fighting for his spiritual integrity each day as he battles the world, finding his rest and peace in a faithful Creator who already has it all figured out. Wholly devoted to his God, his family, and his serve to the Lord.

Aaron:
Days away from finishing up the 5th grade. Where in the world does time go. I look at this boy and barely recognize him except of course when he still comes to be held for a good 15 min. in the morning. O how I love that ssoooooooo much. He is 4'11'' and 91lbs. Basketball, paintball, skateboarding, and music is basically his only real passions right now. He loves to be at church all the time but this momma is not foolish I know it's more about the friends and not about the things of God. I just always have to remind myself that I can not make a christian that is Gods job. My job is to train him up in the ways I believe are right and the rest is up to him and God.
School continues to be such a big struggle for him. The learning challenges that appear to be a part of how God has created him is exhausting, frustrating and often very heartbreaking. We have some big decisions to make in regards to all of that and they need to be made soon. Daily I just have to remind myself that God does not make mistakes and that with each challenge we are ever given in life, like this one, it is there to build strength of character. Seeing that this only child lives a life of entitlement ( as most only children do) this little challenge of his just might be the key thing that God is using to build that strength of character.
Aaron is now wearing glasses for reading / school work. I have been trying to capture a picture to post so you can see how cute he is. He is currently in this I don't want my picture taken mode. I don't get it if I was that beautiful I would be beggin people to take my picture - just kiddin - sort of ;0)
Looking forward to summer these are his plans: basketball camp / VBS / dog beach ( did you hear that steph) / swimming at chads / hangin with friends / reading his new book that is 1000 pages. He doesn't know this but if he actually reads this over the summer he is getting a really big reward for that. Aaron is not a reader and seeing that over this school year he only accomplished ready 2 small novels with alot of pushing, this ought to be a giant accomplishment for him.
He got to go to Spirit West Coast last weekend and well that's pretty much Aaron's slice of heaven. All his fav Christian bands for 3 days. He was loving it. Thank you Traci and Steph for watching over my boy. Traci you are a gift and I am still so blessed that you were willing to take him. Thank you so much.
One last thing - he is trying out for a Jr. High football team. This is all very new to him. Football that is. These kids are obviously much bigger than him and well we will see what happens. I think it's great that he is trying so hard and even if he is intimidated by it he does not let it show. We should know next week if he makes it or not. ( there is a local Private Christin school that allows our home school group kids to participate in their sports program).
Geoffrey:
He's well a mess right now. Diggin holes has become his new fav past time. Waiting for 10:30pm to roll around to bark at the possum that walks across the fence (sure the neighbors love that). He is stinky, so in need of a bath. Today just might be the day as he has company coming from Arizona and I know he wants to look his best for HIS company.

Me:
same besides if you ever read this blog you basically know what's going on with me.

O wait let me just say I am so thankful this school year is done. Even thought i know taking the summer off school will make the fall absolutely miserable, I would much rather think that just maybe the Lord will rapture me up before that and I wont have to worry about that.
A girl can hope can't she!!!!!!!

always remember keep chasing righteousness!