love and kindess - go along way

so here is this mornings morning and evening devotional,

"With loving kindness have I drawn thee." Jeremiah 31:3

The thunders of the law and the terrors of judgment are all used to bring us to Christ; but the final victory is effected by loving kindness. The prodigal set out to his father's house from a sense of need; but his father saw him a great way off, and ran to meet him; so that the last steps he took towards his father's house were with the kiss still warm upon his cheek, and the welcome still musical in his ears.

"Law and terrors do but harden All the while they work alone; But a sense of blood-bought pardon Will dissolve a heart of stone."

The Master came one night to the door, and knocked with the iron hand of the law; the door shook and trembled upon its hinges; but the man piled every piece of furniture which he could find against the door, for he said, "I will not admit the man." The Master turned away, but by-and-bye He came back, and with His own soft hand, using most that part where the nail had penetrated, He knocked again--oh, so softly and tenderly. This time the door did not shake, but, strange to say, it opened, and there upon his knees the once unwilling host was found rejoicing to receive his guest. "Come in, come in; thou hast so knocked that my bowels are moved for thee. I could not think of thy pierced hand leaving its blood-mark on my door, and of thy going away houseless, 'Thy head filled with dew, and thy locks with the drops of the night.' I yield, I yield, Thy love has won my heart." So in every case: loving kindness wins the day. What Moses with the tablets of stone could never do, Christ does with His pierced hand. Such is the doctrine of effectual calling. Do I understand it experimentally? Can I say, "He drew me, and I followed on, glad to confess the voice divine?" If so, may He continue to draw me, till at last I shall sit down at the marriage supper of the Lamb.

again i am reminded of how kindness and love bring about repentance and acceptance - in studying eve last week and seeing how God calls out to adam and eve once they have sinned and are now in hiding because of their sin - God calls out, 'where are you" - yes we know that God knew were they were but to see this picture of a loving parent calling out in love and kindness to their child is such a sweet picture - adam responds immediately - now if the Lord would have yelled in anger " WHERE ARE YOU" do you really think adam would have spoken up - aaaaahhhhhh no he would have been a bit freaked out i'm sure - think about when you call your child when you want to bless them - they come running with a heart ready to receive - but if you yell out in absolute anger, they don't want to come at all - it's the kindness of the Lord that leads us to repentance - - how i need to keep this at the forefront of my mind and heart today not only in dealing with my son but of course in dealing with one another - -i just really love this sweet reminder fom the Lord this day - apparently i'm gonna need it

remember - Keep Chasing Rightesouness!!!!

so i wonder why Elijah didn't seem to be bothered that the brook was drying up a little more everyday?

1 kings 17

so here you have God calling Elijah out to the wilderness for a time of hiding and how faithful the Lord is to provide for him - the brook, a source of water, but also a source that is a natural source - - then you have food brought to him daily by the ravens - -okay this is the supernatural power of God displayed here - - so each day the water diminishes more and more - he obviously knew that is was going to run out but he isn't bothered by that - so i got to thinking when you are called by God to be in a season of the wilderness and He makes birds bring you food each day - one's faith would surely grow and nothing would surprise you much - i also see the picture of the more you are with God the more the natural goes away and what is left is the Spirit - - just a neat little thing i was looking at

Hiding

so this morning in looking over a few of my studies that i am currently doing i see this theme that is a bit awkward - first, let me tell you that right now the Lord is making good and sure that I am in His Word - I have my regular inductive study with my "k" group, we are doing esther - quickly becoming my 2nd fav. book of the Bible ( Nehemiah is my #1 no doubt) - then i am teaching a small group (14) of kids ages 0-14 , how to study the Bible inductively - we are doing different stories in the Bible that they are already familiar with - i wanted to set them up for success - God is doing such great things in that class - these kids are teaching me - as it should be!!! - then i have this small prayer intercessor group and a few of the ladies wanted to be held accountable to study the word (love it absolutely love it) - so we are inductively studying women of the Bible - lastly, I have my own study time that always seems to take a long rabbit trail - i'm basically convinced that God needs me so in His Word because He knows how weak my flesh is these days and He is being that heavy handed parent right now - it just dawned on my that He is showing me an example that I need to imitate for my son - i've been praying for wisdom and look here it just came to me - Thank you Jesus!!!! - anyway, so there seems to be this theme running through alot of my studies right now about hiding 1. in studying eve: she was hiding because of her sin - she put herself there not God - He called her out of hiding and He did it with a loving call out to her and Adam - then there is Elizabeth, she went into hiding when she got preggo - it had to be so hard for her - she wanted to be pregnant so bad and finally it happens and God has her in hiding for 5 months - no doubt to teach her the discipline that it would take to raise a child with a nazarite vow - then there was Elijah when God told him to go away in hiding by the brook - this ever present idea of hiding is there in my studies - so i'm asking God now if He is calling me into hiding and if so what does that mean? - stepping down from ministry? i'm willing but it seems unlikely - keeping more to myself and not being so visible - very possible - it's all very interesting to me right now and i know My faithful Lord will clearly guide me - so if you don't see me, you'll know why ;0)

posting is getting harder and harder

so my sis reminded me that i'm not posting - the truth is things are so crazy that i'm sure to be committed if anyone actually reads this stuff - let's see God is doing so much - so much painfully hard stuff - i'm in the center of a very difficult trial and the enemy is throwing deception everywhere - now don't get me wrong i am completely aware that the enemy can not do a thing without permission from our great God but it does make it hard to discern every step along the way - i feel like i'm in the center of the greatest chess game ever - satan makes his move - God makes his - and so on and so on - it is an honor to stand firm in praying, watching the powerful Hand of our Creator do what only he can do - but it is hard - it's hard to be painfully reminded that at any moment i can be used as a tool of the enemy if i let my guard down - through all of this through the Bible I have been reminded that the after math of a battle is often the hardest part - how things get handled is key - praying and fasting have been my life this past month - pray walks which i had never done before have become a new understanding for me - i think the hardest thing that i have had to do was fast from my words - cut me at the core of who i am - which is exactly why It was necessary - one thing i would like to say is i have been in His Word day and night and He has shown me so much - it's as if the flood gates of His Word has been open in a powerful way for me - how faithful our Lord is to speak when we chose to listen - i gotta run - i will try to get back to this later tonight

i'm back

so let's see so much has been going on, hence me not posting - we had our leader's retreat - it was by far the best, but in a very challenging way - the teachings this year were heavy exhortations and corrections from our Lord - now the truth is, this is how i appreciate teachings - don't give me some real pretty fluffy stuff with maybe a verse or two thrown in - i need the hard stuff - the stuff that God requires change with - the stuff that is going to take a scalpel right into my heart and show me the real me and not let me get away with any mask or delusions of grandeur - i could go on and on about the teachings and maybe i'll get to share a little bit later but the real challenges came to me when i got my WORD this year - 1st know that leaders retreat has always been like the begining of a new spiritual year for me ( i think most of the ladies view it this way) - well we get these words and they are words of God's character and or things that God from His word requires of us - truth is all the words are good and challenging - they are not to be thought of as some spiritual fortune cookie though - they have no abilites to change what God has already purposed for us - it just gives us something to study in the scriptures and think about our Lord and what He has for us in the words - it seems that it just heightens our awareness of the word through out the year - you know it's like if you buy a new red car and all the sudden you notice the same red car every where - same thing - so we get these words, chosen by God for us - they have been prayed over greatly and asked of God to put the Word He choses in each hand - so here I was coming off a year of the word righteousness - now let me tell you a little something on that word - for the first time ever i ignored it for most of the year because i was so afraid of it - i was completely focused on myself and terrified of all the stuff that i would have to work on within to be able to even begin to have that associated with me - well that was my first mistake, i was looking at ME!!!! - will i ever learn????? - finally one day i realized that it wasn't for me to focus on me, but for me to focus on my Lord and His Righteouseness - WOW it only took me half the year to get that !- so my journey began and shortly after my focus got corrected I branded the saying, ' Keep chasing righteousness' - that began my everyday to chase after His righteousness then about a month or two ago, I sat down and asked God the ever difficult question, " have I grown at all this year Lord? am I falling into the same sins? do I justify the cravings of my sins? - humbly i will say there was much that had gone to the deepest part of the ocean without me even knowing it - my journey of chasing rightesouness and taking focus off me, i let go of things without even knowing it - PRAISE THE LORD JESUS!!!!!!!!! - i got it, i really got the lesson He wanted me to see all year - focus on His righteousness and my flesh will begin to melt away and i will grow in His likeness - truth be told they were areas that were hidden and most people wouldn't even know but God knows and I know and my heart is full of great joy as He is abundantly faithful - - - - so here is this new retreat and i wait and pray until I can tell my Lord that i completely in faith trust His hand in chosing my word for me this year - this year it took a little longer to get to that honest place of faith, but i finally came to that prayer where I feel so peaceful and excited to see my word - - and there it was - ENDURE - yes i failed once again - i put my focus on me and said,' o Lord what will I have to endure this year?' - well thank you Jesus it only took a few hours for me to repent of my Me focus and I began to think about all that God endures - His word endures forever - His righteousness endures forever - His love endures forever - His grace and mercy endure forever....etc...... - so now the truth is I am excited to face this year and all that He has for me - my focus on His endurance and that will take me through anything that I will need to endure - - now the most painful difficult issue at retreat that still sits unsettled in my heart today was from being called by God to pray and pray alot for retreat and all the ladies -here's the deal - i was called by God to be an intersessor for our retreat - so 6-7 months prior the praying began - first it was a few of us 1 time a month and i was praying alsomost everyday alone at that time- then quickly it went to that few of us praying every week and me everyday - after much prayer and fasting and even taking a nazarite vow for 2 months prior, retreat was apon us - i felt as if i had lived retreat already as God continued to reveal so much about retreat and so much about the ladies hearts to us as we prayed - the truth is there is no greater honor then to be called by God for such a beautiful service as praying - the blessings i could talk about would take hours of posting - there were days that my heart couldn't contain all the love I felt from our Lord that He would entrust such a rich responsiblility to me - so i get to retreat and i am ready to have a fantastic time with all 32 ladies - i have prayed them all up many times over and i was so excited for the work that God was going to do at retreat, now i was sitting pretty just ready to bask in all the after math of the prayers - - - o me of small understanding - - steph and i get to retreat hours before everyone else so we can get the house ready and all was going well, then the ladies began to pour in and my heart was so heavy i felt like i was walking with a black cloud - for the first 20 hours i was so heart broken because i couldn't seem to shake the feeling of heaviness in my heart - i confessed - praised and worshiped my God and nothing broke the chains around me - Lord Jesus what have I done wrong? Lord what have I done wrong? was the question i asked over and over again - - then it came to me - my Lord wanted to know if this was the role I was really willing to take in this group, that of intersessor - - i wasn't feeling my heaviness, i was felling different ladies - i began to understand in my naive immature heart, i felt like my work was done over the past 6 months and the truth is it was just begining and God wanted to put me to the test of how serious are you about this praying role? - now, i need to make a decision - was i willing to allow God to show me a sister and allow me to feel her heartaches, her sins, her burdens, her walls, her mask, her irritations, her offendedness - i will be honest i was never able to answer my God up on that mountain - i went in and out of victorious and defeated moments of doing the right thing and then pulling away because it hurt and i wanted the retreat that i wanted - never did i understand the responsibility that i so desired at one time to have in this group - it's really humiliating and me posting about it is a part of my process of reconciling with my Lord on this issue - so today i stand walking baby steps towards the right things but terrified and ashamed that i am terrified - i long to be completely surrendered to my Lord's calling in my life- but for today i find it bitter sweet - so pray for me - i have begun to understand that to be an intersessor you take on the one being prayed for their circumstances within your heart - i now understand there is a difference in being a prayer warrior and and intersessor - both important but both very different - My Lord is patient as I fight this battle between my flesh and the Spirit.

if you haven't heard about little Natalie please visit this website - her daddy is rob biaigi - we do many of his great songs in our children's ministry
http://www.nataliebiagi.com/Site/Welcome.html

i was looking at the current status of little Natalie and couldn't help but just really get all my insignificant issues in ck. we could all learn a valuable lesson from this little pumpkin.
I recently went to a friends daughters birthday party where the little girl asked to please not bring any gifts but instead make a donation to this hospital bill - WOW there are so many lessons to learn from such selflessness. Check out the website it will bring a smile to your face - yes maybe even a tear or two.
God Bless and remember your blessings for the are grand.

i forgot to hit send on this the other day

Good morning - I wasn't going to post this in fact I'm not exactly sure why God is prompting me to do so but I pray you will have an open heart.This morning feeling defeated which seems to be my battle lately and trust me I get it; I understand Gods purpose in refining. In fact it is an honor, but you know how it is every now and then we have one of those,' I'm going to throw in the towel moments' well this morning that was mine. Then I went to sit with my Jesus and this is what I got from Him.
Psalm 119:35 Make me walk in the path of Your commandments. For I delight in it.

My child the path of duty is before you. It may look rugged, but it is the only way of divine blessing. Choose some other way, and you shall find only disappointment and frustration of soul. Weariness will overtake you on the smoothest road, if it is not the pathway of My ordained will. Be not deceived by doubts and be not detained by fear.Move into the center of My purpose for you. You will find glorious victories are waiting for you. and recompenses far exceeding every sacrifice.Be obedient: You will bring joy to My heart. Neither the applause nor the scorn of others should be of any consequence to you. My approval is reward enough, and without this, any other satisfaction is not worthy of your pursuit.Walk on with Me. I will be very near to give you support and encouragement, so you have nothing to warrant your fears. They will vanish as you obey.

I have a ringer

so saturday was aaron's first basketball game that he has ever officially played in - so we have been dealing with understanding having a heart of humility and i was just so positive that he wasn't going to be 1/2 as good as he wanted to be or even thought he could be and i really needed wisdom to not baby him and to let him sit with his disappointment - i was secretly happy inside that he was going to learn a very painful lesson - so there we were at this game and there is my son doing a layup - stealing the ball - making shots from everywhere - he has no special sweet spot - it's everywhere - all over the place - some how this boy can ball. Who knew?? let me go on record to officially say it is in his daddy's blood - this he did not get from me - when all was said and done i was so proud of him but mainly because he really seems to have a humble heart about it - so my lesson learned is ????????? yea not sure - just thought i'd post a little about this ringer in my family.

Make sure this day you spend it with our Lord getting to know who He is and not just for your own agenda - always remember God has an amazing agenda of His own if we would but just let Him do what only He can do.......

i was just reviewing my lesson from Esther Chapter 5 for tomorrow nights "k" group and this little thing stuck out to me that i had done before so i'll share -
Esther 5: 14
14 Then Zeresh his wife and all his friends said to him, "Have a gallow fifty cubits high made and in the morning ask the king to have Mordecai hanged on it; then go joyfully with the king to the banquet." And the advice pleased Haman, so he had the gallows made.
Observations: who are we getting our counsel from? If it is not someone with God’s heart this is essentially what it will look like just like htis mess with Hamen and his friends and wife– my super hero friend and I have a little saying “ I’m cosigning your check” or the opposite we are not in agreement – so I’ll ask who is cosigning your check? Application: it all comes down to this people will either give us Godly wisdom that leads to righteousness or natural wisdom which is fuel to satans fire and the same for us to others – be careful what we say and be careful what advice we take. I must say that I am greatly blessed to have a core circle around me that will only have Gods heart in their counsel for me – they are not concerned with making me happy – for me that is a trusted valued friend given by the Lord

lyrics to my song right now - i am nothing - by jeremy camp

He seems always in this place, Where the things I seem to take, Are the things I wish would fade I always purpose in my heart, Well to do things the right way, Then I realize I'm still clay And this piece that's being shaped, Will be a beauty you create
[CHORUS]I am nothing without Your love I'm unworthy but Your death has been enough I'm completed by Your touch, But I feel like I've been given so much so I thank You,I thank You

I wouldn't even face, All the troubles of the day, If it wasn't for Your grace Sometimes I even wait, To see if I'm awake, Seems so good I can't relate And Your every word I crave, And I'm grateful for every breath I take

[CHORUS]

When I'm feeling all my shame, You won't let it stay, I sail away into Your love I'm taking every day, To give my life away, It's the only way I know I am nothing without Your love I'm unworthy but Your death has been enough I'm completed by Your touch, But I feel like I've been given so much I am nothing You are everything So I thank you. I thank you Lord I thank you I thank you.

A Rule that can not be broken

okay if you are reading this post - you are required to spend 15 min. reading the Bible - this rule can not be broken so get to it - there is something extraordinary waiting for you.

prejudice - this is painful

todays rant - try to keep up - so i would love to think of myself as absolutely not prejudice being in a color mixed family - then this morning as i was praying i got to thinking about all the subtle ways our enemy comes in to bring division in the church and it seems that prejudice is really at the top of his list. we see it in parenting styles - school verses homeschool - and wow then within the homeschooling world we are what i think the worst offenders as we all have very strong opinions of what is right in God's eyes - i've been on that roller coaster for awhile now and were my eyes every so opened this morning in Romans 15:5-6 May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus. this is a powerful verse and when i asked myself "Lord how am I doing with this" - how are we as a church doing with this - how are we as a christian nation doing with this. - well no need for me to tell you because you all know the answer to these questions. - sure there is the biggest segregation of churches based on color but that's the obvious - we all know that and for some very sad reason we don't seem to care - why is that? why don't we care? - why are there so many ethnic churches that speak English - sure i understand when they are non English speaking but why when we speak English do we still separate ( the truth is i am very blessed to belong to a church that is colorblind) -but that is not the norm - but that's not what i'm talking about here - i'm talking about segregation of schooling choices - entertainment choices - Bible study choices - music choices - financial status - renters verses homeowners - thin verses heavy people - fashion choices - the list can go on and on each one just as much a painful reality as the next - gosh not sure why it's taken me so long to see this but then i remember who the master con man is and today i strip him away of his con that he has had on me and i pray that he has had on you. - if you think about it why in the world would the non-christian world want to be apart of us? - from their perspective they truly do look like the better side, more accepting side. - so now i'm wondering how are we really completely open to the work of the Holy Spirit if this is so much of our mindset - Ephesians 4:3 make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace. - unity a little word we candy coat with and believe that we are living in until you really stop and think about the list above. - Thank you Jesus for opening my eyes today I repent and ask that you forgive my prejudice heart and I ask that you will help me to see you in your people and not the way i have been so deceived - AMEN

Happy New Year

it's the end of yet another year - i think i missed most of it - i'm still trying to figure out what i'm going to do to keep aaron busy for the summer - good grief say it isn't so!!!!

i pray i honored my Lord's life - i pray my husband really does think i'm funny - i pray my son really does think i'm hip (is that even a word now?) - i pray that my family knows how much i love them and miss them terribly - i pray my friends value me as much as i value them - i pray that conversions for Jesus in loved ones will stick and grow deep - i pray that 'super chica' and i get to walk many more years together fighting crime - i pray that today i stand a better women in my Lords eyes than i did Dec 31st 2006 -

happy new year - and remember to

KEEP CHASING RIGHTEOUSNESS!!!

tis the season

so busy this time of year - i am trying so hard to stay focused on the reason for the season - to enjoy every thing that comes my way - i have been purposing to talk to people in line to bring a little laughter, add some smiles to the frustrated faces - aaron was so cute the other day (he thought he was telling on me) bobby comes home and he runs to him and says, "dad, mom is making friends AT THE STORES!" - i realized he was right - i have talked to so many strangers that turned into smiling friends if only for a moment - the strangest thing is as i have wanted to give this gift to others i have found myself feeling so blessed and joyful - i think this 41 year old bird has finally learned a valluable lesson on what it means to give Jesus to everyone you come in contact with. Go ahead try it go against the grain and talk to the people in line - you just never know what might be waiting for you.

keep chasing righteousness!!!

I Hear you Lord !

don't you just love how our Lord speaks to us - so here i was the other night writing /praying over wordsand this one kept my attention for a long time "Temperate" okay i'll be honest i didn't really want to look at it as i felt it as a word of exhortation to my heart from the Lord - so i i was praying over it looking up verses . So the morning comes and I'm working on my Esther study and Aaron's reading the Bible in the school room. He yells out to me, " Mom how do you say T-E-M-P-E-R-A-T-E okay all i could do was laugh ' i hear you God' so the truth is this word right now really does have alot more than i want to admit alot of meaning for my life right now. So I am being mindful of this word going about my life and measuring everything against it.
Am I being selfcontroled - self restraint
Am I having this or that in moderation

I think I'm going to be learning about this word for awhile

1Timothy 3:11
Women {must} likewise {be} dignified, not malicious gossips, but temperate, faithful in all things.

Have you taken yours today?

Esther 5:1-2
1 Now it came about on the third day that Esther put on her royal robes and stood in the inner court of the king's palace in front of the king's rooms , and the king was sitting on his royal throne in the throne room, opposite the entrance to the palace. 2 When the king saw Esther the queen standing in the court, she obtained favor in his sight; and the king extended to Esther the golden scepter which was in his hand. So Esther came near and touched the top of the scepter.
Observations: She chose to go before the King properly dressed – in her finest almost as if to show her respect to him and her seriousness of coming.** how do I go before my King? No it’s not about my actual clothes but it is about my actual heart – am I clothed with a state of mind of respect, and reverence. Example: in my study time I take the time to pray and be still to pray on Gods Armor considering what each piece covers on my body and what that means, to repent if repentance is necessary, I breath just thinking of Him then I read asking Him to open the eyes of my heart to what He wants to show me knowing in faith that He will show me. It’s this little ritual thing I do before I begin in the Word
- He didn’t go to her he just holds out the scepter and it is up to her to move towards it and touch it – this must be done before she can speak to him** it’s that picture of us God and the Jesus again – We can not reach God unless He gives us Jesus and we accept it– God makes the first move and then it is up to us to make the next move toward Jesus, but will we reach out and grab it. It’s there for us but are we willing to do it? Or would we rather stay in our current state of fear because we get to caught up in worrying about what it will look like once we grab on to Jesus.
J.Vernon McGee calls the scepter “ The Scepter of Grace” - I like thinking about it in that way. For Esther she didn’t deserve it she broke protocol but she got it any way. For us we deserved death but God gave us Jesus anyway. As Christians God is there to give us grace daily and it’s up to us weather we take it or not. - so I ask have you taken your step today toward Him? have you reached out and taken what He has for you this very day? - - don't miss it!!!! - Esther saved a nation what can we do today if we just do our part?

Keep Chasing Righteousness!!!!!

Trust the process

i haven't been studying the Word over the past week except for just reading it - it's always so hard for me to really study when i'm not in my home environment - i know bad excuse - anyway there are a few things that really have been on my heart this past week as i have been reading and praying - desires - what are the things that we long to do for Jesus? is there a thing you long to do for Jesus? - is it a position at church? - is it something outside of the church? - do you wonder why it just hasn't happened yet? - in fact things seem to just get more complicated -you see there is a position well not a position it's more of a secret desire of what i would love to do for Jesus - it brings that excited fire in my belly when i think about it - o to be used of God in this way ( no i'm not gonna tell ya what it is - way to vulnerable ) anyway i realized that God is preparing me and it my take along time - then i realized what have i done with this desire? i have not even done it on a small scale with what God has given me - ouch that one hurt - you see there is something really wrong with having a pipe dream, you just sit around and want it talk about it ( me only to myself and God) but never do the necessary steps to pushing through the hard stuff in order for God to bring it about -so this little slap in my face has left me asking what should i be doing that i am not currently doing in order for God to guide me in His will with this desire?
Here's a ? for you - do you feel hurt, offended, slighted, over looked? - ever think that this is Gods purpose in exposing the yuck that is in your heart so as to deal with it and better prepare you for service for Him. - you see i find it interesting that you can have a desire and then when the crushing and looking impossible comes your way we can run off hurt, mad, frustrated...etc...when the truth is that is the process for the desire to come about - our Lord is so good that He needs the real us to be exposed so that we will finally let Him have His way with that thing in our heart that He can not use - to look at the trail today as the very road to being used greatly by God it sure can bring a better perspective to the situation. so let God ask us the hard questions:
Are you standing in the humility? are you willing to wait another week, month, year, or even 5 years or more in order for our God to turn clay pots into porcelain? is your behavior proving God right or satan right about who you are? how do others view your waiting?
what are you waiting for?
a tast for Jesus
a position
a child
a spouse
a friendship
__________ you fill in the blank - what ever it is trust God's Hand in the process even when the process is yucky and painful - do you trust the Sovereign God? either you do or you don't - do not be decieved there is no other option. - make sure your actions and thoughts match up to your answer.
i don't know about you put i need to go get busy!!!

Happy Thanksgiving

so if i don't get a chance to post again before thurs. you all have a very blessed and safe Thanksgiving full of many conversations of all the things you are thankful here is a very small part of my list:
I am Thankful for:
my salvation - that Jesus chose to redeem and restore this wretched soul and then chose to deem me usable
- for my husband, who really is one of the great ones from that secret island
- for my son, who brings his names meaning to my life: bright laughter
- for my family, who add so much love and joy to my life and of course the laughter - - have you meet josh? i have decided he is bob hope reincarnated - don't go gettin all wierd on me of course i don't believe in reincarnation but if you know josh you get what i'm talkin about
- for my friends, o my how wealthy i am in friendships - i really think i hit the friendship jackpot you know the kind of friends that don't have my best interest at heart they have Gods best interest at heart for me and are willing to be completely honest with me because they love me that much
- my ministry, i am allowed to serve my Jesus is some of the most fun, most exciting, most rewarding, most challenging, most fulfilling ways - my cup runneth over
- my home, how blessed i am to have a house a real house - thank you Jesus for this gift
- for my sweet Geoffery, i sure never thought i could love a pet - he sure has brought so much joy in our home - thank you steph!!!!!
- i am thankful for Thanksgiving it is my favorite holiday - i love to cook turkey and i love to eat it - o how i love to eat it

just a few things i am thankful for - how about you?

sleep just not an option

saturday nights just do not amount to sleep for me - no matter how much i try it just really does not seem to be what my Jesus wants for me - i've come to learn that He needs me at the end of me come sunday morning while i'm serving at church and i get it - i can't say that i appreciate it yet and maybe that's the place that God is taking me to really come to that place where i value the stripping me down process - so anyway this morning at about 3ish i was taken to look at the temptation of Jesus ( it came from a message I had heard this past week) so i went Matthew 4 and read it again - this time something stuck out to me that made me look at my walk and ask some tough ?'s - we have satan tempting Jesus 3 times before he leaves Him - 1st with hunger - Jesus was hungry - he came at him with his appetite - where/what are the appetites that satan comes at me with? - then he came at Jesus with the Word - this one can really trip us up and the only way to fight it off is to know the Word of God, really know it and understanding it - this will not come from prayer times, quiet times with Jesus this comes from hard core studying the Word of God - i know this is not what some want to hear but how do we meditate on it day and night if we do not know it by studying it? - then this 3rd one that hit me hard this morning - satan comes at Jesus with using the Word against Him in trying to have Him apply it wrong - Maybe, just maybe, we can apply it in a different way - satan says basically all that stuff about betrayal and rejection, and all that stuff about being persecuted, forsaken, and sacrificed, you know, there is an easier way to obtain the promise, Jesus. Just bow down and worship me, and I will give You the kingdoms of the world. It is what You came for. We have a shortcut. We just need to tweak the word just a little bit, and Walla! Promised blessing obtained.” - dang this is a hard one think about it how often we see the Word of God twisted to fit into someones life style - we see churches dying because of it - so my ? to myself and to you is where is this happening in our life today - do we try to find the gray areas of sin? - do we try to cheat our Lord out of His first fruits (tithing) - do we fool ourselves into believing fellowship is just not that important - do you think that pray is important but you just don't need to participate on the level that some do - do you draw a line in submitting to your husband because you will not become a door mat - do we dishonor the Lord with our bodies (His Temple) , what do we eat what do we drink and then we wonder why are bodies are breaking down - okay the list can go on and on as you can see this twisting of Gods Word is rampet - so in closing today i will strive to live aware of this application and i pray that the eyes of my heart will be open to the truth - the beautiful part of all this is that once Jesus fought off this temptation Satan finally retreated - Hallelujah!!!!! - just keep in mind that it did not mean satan was gone for good he just retreated and waited for another opportunity to come at Him. - well it's 5:30am and i need to get to church - okay first stop starbucks - praise Jesus for starbucks

Every now and then i have to use someone elses words

so this morning i was reading one of many of these little devotionals i get sent to my email and this one was really powerful to me - compelled to post it i know that someone that needs it will read this post and have one of those uuuuuuuhhhhhhaaaaa moments - so i pray that as you read this that the our faithful all powerful Lord will open the eyes of your heart and place this message in your life where it belongs. - -read on

Day By Day By Grace
Bob Hoekstra
November 16
"Unusual" Consequences of Accessing Grace through Faith


Still others had trial of mockings and scourgings, yes, and of chains and imprisonment. They were stoned, they were sawn in two, were tempted, were slain with the sword. They wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, tormented. Hebrews 11:36-37
Very often, when people are trusting in the Lord to work by His grace, they are anticipating many of the delightful workings of God that are in the testimonies we have been considering. These saints "subdued kingdoms, worked righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, quenched the violence of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, out of weakness were made strong, became valiant in battle, turned to flight the armies of the aliens" (Hebrews 11:33-34). Yet, others experienced what might be called "unusual" consequences of accessing grace through faith. They had to trust in the Lord when the aforementioned blessings did not occur. They had to trust God to sustain them in and through great difficulties of life.
Some had to endure by faith "trial of mockings and scourgings, yes, and of chains and imprisonment." Jeremiah exemplifies these. "O LORD...I am in derision daily; everyone mocks me...Therefore the princes were angry with Jeremiah, and they struck him and put him in prison" (Jeremiah 20:7; 37:15). Some "were stoned." Zechariah was killed in this fashion for giving warnings from the Lord. "So they conspired against him, and...stoned him with stones" (2 Chronicles 24:21). Some "were sawn in two." Tradition tells us that Isaiah died in this vicious manner. Some "were tempted." In the midst of their sufferings, they were further pained by enticements to ungodly responses. Job endured this from the bad counsel of his own wife. "Do you still hold to your integrity? Curse God and die!" (Job 2:9). Some "were slain with the sword." King Saul had godly priests, who were loyal to David, executed this way." 'Kill the priests!' So Doeg the Edomite...killed on that day eighty-five men' " (1 Samuel 22:18). Others "wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, tormented." By faith, these saints had to endure homelessness, poverty, distress, and harassment.
These servants of the Lord (who are all examples of living by faith!) are a reminder to us that our trials, sufferings, and anguishing impossibilities do not necessarily mean we are failing to trust God. Often, these challenges mean that we are being given an opportunity to humbly, dependently, draw upon the grace of God in ways that we need to experience or others need to observe.
Lord God of the "unusual" blessing, please give me the wisdom to discern and the grace to endure when Your answer to my prayer is to be a mocking, a verbal stoning, an affliction, or a season of lack, in Jesus' name , Amen.

there are times in the life of one who loves Jesus that the rescue from the hard stuff just does not come for a long time or even on this earth and as in as much as the trial is for us it is also for those watching and God preparing you to be watched and to be an influence to those that are watching - Satan wants to give people a reason to mock and gossip about you but God's intention is to draw people closer to Himself by your example of walking through the fire, praising our Lord- i suppose the bottom line is if God is getting ready to take you or your spouse to a place of influence in work, ministry, in your neighborhood, or even in the family are your actions going to bring respect in Christ or a good reason to gossip and slander - - yes i know there was alot more to that devotion up top but this is where God busted my heart.

keep chasing righteousness!!!!

concerts and God's Word

it's getting harder for me to post these days - all the sudden i 'm feeling a bit to vulnurable - then it dawned on me that this is exactly what the enemy wants me to think because the truth is blogging helps me stay focused on these truths that my God is showing me - you know, they are out there for anyone who may stumble upon it and even though my faithfulness should souly be because of Jesus there is that thing that once you say it out loud (and this is pretty out loud)yikes integrity is really on the line !- so i say thank you Jesus because what ever works in my life to keep me moving forward on His path - so be it
so we seem to be concert goers these days - we as a family went to the mercy me concert a couple weeks ago - aaron's 1st real concert - amazing - we had awesome seats and sang - praised - and worshiped for 2 1/2 hours - this band is probably my favorite band to see in concert - great music and they LLLLOOOOVVVVEEEEEE my Jesus sssssssssooooooooo much. ( if i already posted about this sorry i forgot ) - so now we bought tickets for Jeremy Camp & Toby Mac in concert together - insane - we have front row seats at Gibson Universal Amphitheater - Toby Mac is Aaron and Bobby's favorite - i love him too but definitely going for Jeremy Camp - he is my favorite single artist. One of Aaron's dreams is to ride in a limo - so for his Christmas gift we might get him a limo for the concert - it would be just to much fun to live this night out with that smile that would shirley be plastered on him face. - he's so cute i can here him screaming and laughing now about it - yes he would scream as he thinks he is a christian rock star (that's a post for another day)- so let's get on to some sweet time in God's Word:
Esther 3: 7-9 - from my inductive study - this is the shortened version - be thankful ;0)
7 In the first month, which is the month Nisan, in the twelfth year of King Ahasuerus, Pur , that is the lot, was cast before Haman from day to day and from month to month, until the twelfth month, that is the month Adar. 8 Then Haman said to King Ahasuerus, "There is a certain people scattered and dispersed among the peoples in all the provinces of your kingdom; their laws are different from those of all other people and they do not observe the king's laws, so it is not in the king's interest to let them remain. 9 "If it is pleasing to the king, let it be decreed that they be destroyed, and I will pay ten thousand talents of silver into the hands of those who carry on the king's business, to put into the king's treasuries."
Observations:
God sure did use this lot business – the way they landed this gave Esther plenty of time to do the Lord’s work. (who says God isn't working behind the scenes even in the wicked situations)
Haman is very clever – a smooth talker orchestrating a slaughter house and doing it so that it seems to be honorable –
Rabbit trail: now Haman was quit manipulative the King never really saw his real intent it is most often difficult to really know ones heart intent in situations which is one reason why we need to be asking always for God’s wisdom at all times in all situations:
Wisdom: Ps 111:10 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; A good understanding have all those who do His commandments; His praise endures forever.

Pr 1:2 To know wisdom and instruction, To discern the sayings of understanding,

Pr 1:7 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction.

Pr. 2:7 He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; He is a shield to those who walk in integrity, - – walking in uprightness is walking in the place that honors God – now it is going to look different for each of us according to the things God has shown us - with knowledge comes responsibility – once God has opened our eyes to truth we must walk in it in order to be upright – to have spiritual integrity – other wise we are choosing to live in the verse in Hebrews that says – once you have learned the truth and do not obey there no longer remains a sacrifice for sin – basically you throw a attitude hand up to what our Jesus did on the cross – so with that I know that my desire is to live a life that is has spiritual integrity.
To look at Daniel 6 - to see the integrity that Daniel lived. He was appointed positions because of his integrity - it would not waiver in his beliefs because of his integrity - yes it ultimately got him in the lions den but look at what God did there.
Daniel did not waver his integrity survived
Living a life of integrity cost but the favor of God will rest in your life:

Application: so taking this whole integrity issue and applying it to my life here are some vows for me to take:
1. keep my word
2. always do the harder right over the easier wrong
3. guard my principles
4. do the right thing according to the Word of God

it will cost me - it will not keep me out of the lions den – it could cost me relationships – job – ministry – but to lose because of integrity is to gain for my Jesus

- so as you know i'm studying the book of Esther - currently i'm in chapter 3 so here is my findings from a few verses, yes it is a rabbit trail
CHAPTER 3
1 After these events King Ahasuerus promoted Haman, the son of Hammedatha the Agagite, and advanced him and established his authority over all the princes who were with him. 2 All the king's servants who were at the king's gate bowed down and paid homage to Haman; for so the king had commanded concerning him. But Mordecai neither bowed down nor paid homage.
Observations:
Here is Mordecai – a backslidden Jew yet we can see that he is stepping more and more in line with the things of God – when the hard things come one tends to run towards the things of God – like a nonbeliever friend or family member that will ask you for prayer. Funny how that is.
also reminded of myself and the years i chose to walk away from the things of God and my testimony of what brought me back ( a story for another day)

Application: is there something in my life or some things that would be viewed as bowing down to another God? Am I willing to ask a close friend and Bobby how they would answer this in my life? What are the things in my life that cause my flesh or satan more glory than God?
Are there duties in my life that do not honor my Lord that my God may be wanting me to take a stand with?
- during our prayer meeting after "k" group last week, our Lord took us to the next level of Holy Spirit lead prayer – a word came out of it from God to us through Lori ( there were only 3 of us) – Nazarite Vow – when this was spoken I knew it in my whole being that this was from God our Father - later after speaking to Heidi she to had known it was from God and had started studying it and purposed to take the vow – for me I needed to look up some stuff and understand what God was calling me to - this is what I found:
Numbers 6:1-27
The vow of the Nazarite was voluntarily made by those who desired “to separate themselves unto the LORD” (v.2) for a determined season. “All the days of his separation he is holy unto the LORD” (v.8). During the time of his separation, the Nazarite was bound by three absolute restrictions.
First, he could “eat nothing that is made of the vine tree, from the kernels even to the husk” (v.4).
Second, “there shall not razor come upon his head: until the days be fulfilled” (v.5).
Third, during the days of his separation, “he shall come at no dead body” (v.6).
At the end of his separation, specific sacrifices must be made at which time “the hair of his separation is shaven” (v.19). At that time, the restrictions of the vow are removed.
The vow was offered voluntarily. Evidently, the Nazarite himself determined the length of the vow. Therefore, he decided how much he was willing to sacrifice. Yet, after the vow was made, its requirements were very strict. Consider the three restrictions placed on the Nazarite. As a whole, they illustrate the cost of discipleship for the believer today.
Sacrifice – what food or beverage do I consume that brings me joy ( I love it ) what food or bev causes me to not have clarity? - this is what I must get rid of - you see wine represents joy which is how i have come to this conclusion on riding myself of what brings me joy and then to look at the original vow and to abstain from wine because with wine you are not clear headed so is there something i take into my body that takes my clarity away?
First, the Nazarite could drink no wine or grape juice or eat anything that came from the vine. Wine and grape juice have a wide and varied use in typology. They picture many things. Yet, one Old Testament type remains fairly consistent. The fruit of the vine pictures joy – as in the joy of harvest.
Psalm 4:7 – “Thou hast put gladness in my heart, more than in the time that their corn and their wine increased.”
Psalm 128:3 – “Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table.”
One who separates himself to the service of Christ must be willing to give up some of the joys of this life for the sake of the Saviour. Christ said, “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself” (Luke 9:23). To serve the Lord fully, you must be willing to deny yourself some of this earth’s pleasures. Sinful pleasures must certainly go. But God may ask you to sacrifice seemingly harmless pleasures for His service. If you really want to serve Him, you must be willing to sacrifice whatever He requires.
Shame – what is my outward adornment that I can change that #1 bobby would allow and #2 would shame me and bring acknowledgement to me of my vow?
Second, the Nazarite could not cut his hair during the time of separation. If his vow was for a long time, his hair would grow long. But in the Bible, long hair on a man indicates shame (1 Corinthians 11:14). Someone who willingly takes upon himself that which causes shame has conquered his pride. The disciple must be willing to take upon himself that which causes the world to scorn and laugh at him.
“If any man will come after me, let him…take up his cross daily” (Luke 9:23). Paul speaks of “the offence of the cross” (Galatians 5:11). Peter teaches the believers who suffer for the cause of Christ to “rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings (1 Peter 4:13). True discipleship requires us to be willing to suffer shame for His name’s sake.
Separation - from what who from whom do I need to separate myself from? Is there a Christian friend that feeds more of my flesh in my life than honoring God? Would I need to set separation from them?
Third, the Nazarite was prohibited from touching any dead body. He must totally separate from death. Once again consider the requirements of discipleship as found in Luke 9:23. (You may have noticed that the three restrictions on the Nazarite perfectly match the three requirements of the disciple as found in this verse.) “If any man will come after me, let him…follow me.”
The entire world is dead in trespasses and sins. In order to serve the Lord with all our hearts, we must follow Christ entirely and turn our backs on the things of this world. Christ told the would-be disciple, “Follow me; and let the dead bury their dead” (Matthew 8:22). To follow Christ requires us to separate from the deadness of this world.
Paul taught this truth in Galatians 6:14 – “But God forbid that I should glory, save in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world is crucified unto me, and I unto the world.” Paul got to the point where the world had no attraction for him. It was dead (“crucified”) to him. We must separate ourselves from the death of this world if we would be true disciples.
Conclusion:
What would God have you sacrifice for His sake? Whatever pleasure it may bring you, the joy of obedience is greater still. What shame would He have you take upon yourself? That is your cross. Bear it with thanksgiving and Christ will reward you accordingly. From what, or from whom, would God have you separate? Separate yourself and Christ will be ever so glorious in your sight! May we all separate ourselves to be holy unto the Lord.

so this is some heavy stuff - yet i know that in this God is speaking to my heart - so what am i giving up and from whom am i separating? - this is the place of wisdom i am asking of God right now - i know that i am to take this vow as a season of seeking God for the Leaders Retreat. May it not be in vain. Lord help me!

dumb and useless but dared to post it

so the question asked to me was how would you spend $100,000,000 i have to spend it in 1 day - so here is my list from off the top of my head:

$50,000,000 - church ours and surprise -

1,000,000 - trust for aaron

300,000 - aaron's college fund

2,000,000 - college fund for all neices and nephews

60,000 - my escalade

50,000 - bobby's car
4 - 100,000 = 400,000 - gas card
1,000,000 - house fully furnished for my parents anywhere they wanted

1,500,000 - one for us too

500,000 - house in mountains

2,000,000 - house for 2 friends that really need it
8000 - $50 = $400,000 - target cards
300,000 - purchase of all the children's ministry things needed
100,000 - sports minsitry needs

10,000,000 - for 10 years - vaction with entire family for 2 weeks - any more than that and someone would surely die

10,000,000 - vacation in Hawaii with friends and 2 babysitters for the next 10 years

800,000 - 3 week vacation for bobby aaron and i for the next 8 years

1,000,000 - 2 week vacation for bobby and i alone - alone - alone - alone for the next 20 years
500,000 - girlfriend's 1 week vacations for 5 years
25,000 - me alone 3 day vacation for 10 years


450,000 - Bobby to go to school of ministry than off to finish college with out having to work

10,000,000 - homes for the families at the sheepfold in nice areas

100,000 - adopt 3 kids

3,000,000 - those kids trust funds

900,000 - those kids college funds
40,000 - for my little boyfriends therapy
50,000 - a car for jacob and to finish college
20,000 - clothes for aaron
20,000 - clothes for bobby
25,000 - splurge money for me
12,000 - to pay for Mathnesium for aaron until he graduates from school

1,200,000 - pay insurance for 40 years for health and home and auto
50,000 - brian needs a truck
200,000 - 1 have 4 vehicles to buy for some friends

1,700,000 - pay off entire families debt
100,000 - lessons for kids surfing - scuba - snowboarding - guitar - voice
87,500 - disney passes for 40 people for 5 years
150,000 - 3 church vans

so this is what i came up with in 7 min. - don't judge me it was just for fun - notice i gave nothin to uncle sam

Having to dig deeper

About 9-12 years ago i had studied the book of Esther and I remember gleaning so much insight and wisdom - really looking at all the awesome typology that is in that book - so fast forward to now and here i am studying it again and really struggling to find what our Lord has for me in this book - so i searched for my old study and to no triumph it's no where to be found - yes i know it wouldn't be right to copy what i got so many years ago and try to say it's what i got now but i really wanted to see the typology stuff more than anything - not to mention it's always encouraging to look where you've come - so a dear friend who will remain nameless, let's just say she's real cute with red hair ;0) - anyway she said well maybe God wants to show you new things, that was then this is now and God anointed that time and He wants you to bla bla bla bla bla bla bla- so you get it she is right and i am wrong (of course she's right) - yes of course i would use it as an easy way out - dang i hate when i'm called on the carpet - so note to self, next time i want to cheat on a Bible study DO NOT CALL THE PRETTY RED HEAD - so i'm struggling with this one we are in chapter 2 and there's alot of stuff but you know when you just know there is something big for ya - well that's how i'm feeling - i'll share some of the little things that i'm gettin with ya though -
here's a neat little fact to remember when reading Esther - God's name was is hidden in this Book. Remember the Lord told Israel that if they forsook Him, He would hide his face from them (Deut. 31:16-18). The Lord hid his face from his people, because they had deliberately chosen to stay in the land of their captivity, dwelling among the heathen, instead of returning to Jerusalem (instead of returning to him) with Zerubbabel. - this is interesting to remember when reading Esther because I know for me I want to over spiritualize Mordicai and Esther and I really do not think that can be accurate. - let's look at some things- - - 2:1 After these things when the anger of King Ahasuerus had subsided, he remembered Vashti and what she had done and what had been decreed against her. - -so the king comes back from war a war he has lost and finally when he can be quiet with his thoughts ( obviously that is not gonna happen out in war ) he really regrets what he has done to Vasti - boy how many times i have done this - in the heat of the moment making a decision and later regretting it - You can never have clarity when you are emotional - how many times have i set something in motion and regretted it: in parenting (disciplining while angry)- in my marriage ( being so frustrated at Bobby and trying to start a fight - o that's a real mature one) - in ministry ( being so busy and having so many fires to put out that i get task driven and become a discouragement to those around me instead of an encouragement) okay the list can go on and on but you get the point. - I have all too often made a rash decision in the heat of the moment and have later come to regret that decision – thank the Lord this is not quit as frequent in my life as it was when I wasn’t walking with the Lord. I have come to live by a basic principle in my life – when you are emotional you never have clarity – when emotions are running high it is just about impossible to be acting through the power of the Holy Spirit in us we are functioning on flesh and usually mixed in with a bit of satans lies - - -another interesting thing is in verse 11 Every day Mordecai walked back and forth in front of the court of the harem to learn how Esther was and how she fared. - - keep in mind he is disobeying God. God had told His people not to intermarry with the heathen. He is definitely breaking the Mosaic Law - - now of course we know the whole story here and we see God's providence and sovereignty but all these bad choices - i suppose it's evident in all our lives when we think from where we have come and how God's hand was there guiding even in the most horrible of circumstances - J Vernon McGee puts it like this Providence is the way God leads the man who will not be led. - i love that - you know i'm writing this and i see that i need to have trust in my sovereign God that this is true for those in my life that I pray for all the time - there is some comfort in that on dwelling on God's providence. - well i have a few more Esther chapter 2 things to share but i want to sit with it a bit more so i'll get back to ya later - - so until then chose Jesus - chose to live this day for His glory - chose to honor Him with your body mind and soul - chose to bless someone or maybe just maybe go out a bless 10 people today - now that's a great goal - i'm gonna do that - you in?

Surrounded by fire

so this morning is glum - gloom - whatever the word is......fires everywhere - these winds - this heat - this day will have many challenges. we woke to our fence down -basketball hoop destroyed all i know is i am so thankful that it wasn't worse. so on and on i could go about how bad everything is and trust me it is bad - california is burning - but then i am quickly reminded to keep praying - keep trusting - make wise choices - this to shall pass - and be incredibly grateful that my house is standing and my family is safe. i have some friends whose husbands are fighting these fires and i was thinking it must be so hard knowing they are in the thick of it then this thought came to me - yes they are but they are with the proper instructed attire and equipment they are prepared - so i had to ask myself am i prepared wearing the right equipment for my fire today - my battle - to fight against my enemy?

The Armor of God
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. 14 Stand firm therefore, HAVING GIRDED YOUR LOINS WITH TRUTH,( may i keep what is truthful completely surrounding me - may i be truthful in everything i say and do - may my gut instinct be prompted from the Holy Spirit) and HAVING PUT ON THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS,( may my heart be protected with His righteousness and may it penetrate my heart to keep me chasing His righteousness) 15 and having shod YOUR FEET WITH THE PREPARATION OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE;( may every step I take be in peace, God's will and as I step and there is no peace I will know that i have veered off His course and I will step back) 16 in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith( may my measure of faith grow more muscle today as i trust the shield that protects me - the only thing that is getting through to me is because my God is allowing it and I trust Him - He places it there to refine me to turn dirt into clay - clay into porcelain - coal into diamond - sand into a pearl) with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 And take THE HELMET OF SALVATION, ( that covers my head - Jesus is my salvation and He is the head on my life and let this helmet cover my thought life - my words that i speak - the words that i hear) and the sword of the Spirit, ( my only weapon to battle any warfare - Your Word Lord is the answer to everything may I remember this very day that with everything ..."BUT GOD" - you are able Lord)which is the word of God. 18 With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints,( Lord help me to remember to always be ready for battle fully clothes with Your Armor before fighting in Prayer for everyone - Your saints19 and pray on my behalf, that utterance may be given to me in the opening of my mouth, to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains ; that in proclaiming it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak. Eph 6:10-20
May we all chose this day to pray - may we all chose this day to walk His walk - may we all chose this day to trust Him in everything.
Holy Loving Faithful Lord - please stop the wind - stop the fires - bring the rain - keep these fire fighters safe Lord please keep them safe - We are calling for miracles - Thy Will be Done - Amen

It's so hard to be a parent these days

to chose to live a life with Christ in Christ and for Christ - and parent with wisdom often that gets blurred - i am living a very uncomfortable situation lately - 1st off about a year ago we had a major break through in God's wisdom that we were sheltering Aaron in a very unhealthy way "the christian bubble"- i won't get into all that right now as it is not the premise of my post today - anyway long story short aaron has been wanting this vidoe game 'guitar hero' -bobby had promised it to him and was the main reason why he traded in all of his xbox stuff so he could get playstation and have this game - anyway it sounded harmless even though we didn't really know anything about it - besides many people we know have it - so by the gracious hand of God i saw a demo at the video store and was shocked at the songs - not sure what i was expecting but it just never really crossed my mind - i also didn't realize that you have no choice in what song you play until you have them all unlocked so not only do they learn to play the song but they learn the lyrics - many giving full hail to satan and the list goes on and on - yes i know the songs since i was into that music in the 80's (sort of) anyway we had to have the never fun conversation when you have to tell your child no after we already said yes - the good thing is we have been having many conversations lately as a family about the form of entertainment that we can be oblivious in that opens a door for the enemy to come in. Then sunday ( thank you Jesus) in aaron's 4th grade class they were teaching on this very thing - aaron was able to recognize that the Lord is really trying to talk to him. - well let's skip to tuesday morning - here comes my sweet boy strutting down the hall singing at the top of his lungs - ' here i am rock you like a hurricane'....and on and on...you see when he got to the video store that day he was playing the demo of the game....so here i was children's ministry worship director with my son singing this song about sex.....all i could think was o my goodness my innocent boy and o no he is gonna start singing that song in church and O MY GOSH!!!!!!! - yes we talked about never singing that song again but like i really believe that's gonna work especially since as i sit here typing that song is playing over and over again in my own head. you know you have to hate the humiliating situations. I know this is gonna come back to bit me. This morning i read this and well there is nothing more to say.


REGULATED CHASTISEMENT

"I will correct thee in measure" Jer. 30:11

To be left uncorrected would be a fatal sign: it would prove that the Lord had said, "He is given unto idols, let him alone." God grant that such may never be our portion! Uninterrupted prosperity is a thing to cause fear and trembling. As many as God tenderly loves He rebukes and chastens: those for whom He has no esteem He allows to fatten themselves without fear, like bullocks for the slaughter. It is in love that our heavenly Father uses the rod upon His children.

Yet see, the correction is "in measure": He gives us love without measure, but chastisement in measure." As under the old law no Israelite could receive more than the "forty stripes save one, which ensured careful counting and limited suffering, so is it with each afflicted member of the household of faith -every stroke is counted. It is the measure of wisdom, the measure of sympathy, the measure of love, by which our chastisement is regulated. Far be it from us to rebel against appointments so divine. Lord, if thou standest by to measure the bitter drops into my cup, it is for me cheerfully to take that cup from thy hand, and drink according to thy directions, saying "Thy will be done."

What does the Law say

This morning while reviewing Esther Chapter 1 for "K" group tonight ,I saw a little something that I didn't pick up while doing the study last week - in verse 15 it says - according to the Law what must be done - okay yes this was all a complete pagan situation with drunken people and nothing seemingly of God. But this came to me. They were first going to the Law. We know that Psalm 1:2 reads But his delight is in the law of the Lord and in His Law he meditates day and night.
yes 2 different laws here but it was a little reminder that we too should always go to the Law (Bible) first. If we go to the Bible first with all situations we would live a much more peaceful secure life. I know that when I go to the Bible seeking God's truth and I recieve wisdom there I know it, I trust it, I live it - no matter how unpopular it is i have complete confidence in it. So today let us exercise this chunk of wisdom and first go to the source - our SOVEREIGN LORD.

Solitude - soon.

there are times that i want solitude - like now i really have been wanting it now - Even my Jesus in Matthew 14 was seeking to go to a place of solitude - i just seem to be in this mind set right now and i was looking in the Word to seek the Lord for guidance because it seems like the more i desire solitude the more opportunities to minister to others comes up. So i was looking at Matthew 14 and realized some very sweet truths from our Jesus' life on solitude. let me set the scene: Jesus had just heard of John the baptist murder He was heartbroken - so he had went away to a secluded place by Himself. - when he got there he saw a large crowd of hurting people and healed their sick. - ....so i can see from our Lords life that yes there are times that i may seek solitude yet God will call me to minister to others even when I may be hurting myself......this i do know it does always lift my spirits and gives me something else to focus on - i suppose this is sort of like slapping "the pig monster" in the face - he desires me to go by myself and potentially even if i start out right in wanting solitude, when i'm hurting the enemy or upset he has a better chance at really getting me twisted up in my circumstances and feeding me lies and yet my Jesus has the victory He brings someone to me to minister the love of Jesus to and my spirits are lifted - .....later in Chapter 14 we see that Jesus did eventually get that time of solitude to pray this happened after the time of ministering to the people and eating ( the feeding with fish and loaves to 5,000 ) he sent the crowd and the disciples away and went to pray. - this is encouraging to me - solitude is coming for me it will just be once my Lord knows my heart is ready for such a time - it's sort of like this time right now for me is a time of purging out all the sadness, the frustration, the me me me focus - - -So it comes to this - solitude i seek but my Jesus calls me to be used for His glory right now when my heart is in a sweeter more receptive place of folding onto His heart then He will allow the solitude.
By the way - Keep chasing righteousness!!!!

waiting with Jesus

sometimes when studying the Word of God it just doesn't come easy - as I have been reading Esther Chapter 1 for the past couple of weeks - I still had not really found anything in our 2nd set of verses for our Inductive study than this morning it came. Thank you Jesus!
here it is:

Esther 1:4-5 And he displayed the riches of his royal glory and the splendor of his great majesty for many days, 180 days. When these days were completed, the king gave a banquet lasting seven days for all the people who were present at the citadel in Susa, from the greatest to the least, in the court of the garden of the king's palace.

Application: Even in such a pagan place God is there watching setting things up for His glory – We know this because we know the whole story of Esther. We need to remember that in our circumstances that God sees the whole story, yes there is a complete story. Remember He is faithful to complete what He started. We need to be mindful that even in the most crazy of our circumstances that seem so of enemy and not of our God we need to trust the Hand who is allowing it. Every thorn has been placed in our life by love. If we believe that God is sovereign then we must conclude that He has allowed everything in our lives and we know that God is love and He can never depart from that so my perspective our perspective needs to be everything in our life is there by love. There is a little bit of exhaling in that thought. I know I've seen this perspective before I just think that my Jesus is really trying to drive this truth home to me
What are the areas in my life that is hard for me to think that it is there from love? I need to think about these things and see Gods hand in each area. I need to look up scripture to combat everything that is a struggle for me. Use the Word of God against the lies.
If we look at our Challenges and ask God what we could possibly be learning by it just maybe our perspective on the issue would change. I did this with 4 of my current biggest issues and although I am not vulnerable to put them out here in cyberspace I can assure you that I see God in everything. So today I can say pure of heart - Thank you Jesus for all that you have allowed in my life - may I walk in this truth and bring Glory to Your Holy Name.

Rabbit trails

it's been awhile since i've been here to post - so here we go - We just started Esther in our "K" group here is my first rabbit trail.........

Last week I told my ministry leader that I believed that God was requiring the practice of Prayer and fasting to be incorporated into our ministry - i really wanted God to speak to me in His Word regarding this before I went (go) before the group ,so here before I get to What our Lord confirmed in my heart through His Word let me share briefly where we are at as a ministry – for awhile now many of us have Known that things are changing in the ministry and as uncomfortable as it often can be, somethings will need to look different – we are growing so much - even our Pastor had come and spoke to us a few months ago regarding the big changes that he believes God is doing – he even spoke of us (leaders) doubling in number. ( our church is growing ssssssoooo much )Praise the Lord for that - many people are hearing pure anchanged Word. One of our prayers always on Sunday Mornings and on our Tues. night prayer times is for our Lord to open our eyes and ears and hearts to the things in our ministry that we need to be aware of as leaders for the better of the ministry - areas that God requires change and growth in - so we should not be surprised that lately we are experiencing and seeing many little challenges. We need to keep in mind that this is all an answer to prayer.

We saw in Nehemiah the practice of prayer and fasting – in fact in our group it became quit the conversation and a lot of us felt as if God was requiring that of us in our walks- we know it is important the Bible speaks of it many times: – yet it seems to be one of the most lacked areas of most of our walks, I know it is of mine.

I wasso blessed that our Lord had shown me in my quiet time, through His Word confirming what I had shared with my ministry leader last week:

Bare with me while I share my little rabbit trail to be able to communicate the end result – here we go.

Esther 1:21-22
This word pleased the king and the princes, and the king did as Memucan proposed. 22 So he sent letters to all the king's provinces, to each province according to its script and to every people according to their language, that every man should be the master in his own house and the one who speaks in the language of his own people.

I was impressed with this thorough communication. I could see wisdom in this example of how our communication should be in life & in our ministry - we should leave nothing to chance –

Prov 13:17 17 An unreliable messenger can cause a lot of trouble. Reliable communication permits progress. ....
Kings would send reliable messengers to accurately rely their message. If the message received is different than the message given the relationship between giver and the hearer will always break down.
It is of the utmost importance to choose our words well with integrity / clean hands / pure heart. When we hear something it is also best not to react until we clearly understand what the other person is saying.
I started looking at all the many ways that God has communicated to people in the Bible:
Angels: Jacob, Zachariah, Mary, Shepards
Dreams: Jacob. Joseph, a baker, a cupbearer, Pharaoh, Isaiah, Joseph, the Magi
Writing on the Wall: Belshazzar
Talking donkey: Balaam
Pillar of cloud & fire: children of Israel
Verbally / Audibly: Abraham, Moses, Jesus at His baptism, Paul
Fire: Moses
Us: - through Jesus Heb 1:1-2 God, after He spoke long ago to the fathers in the prophets in many portions and in many ways, in these last days has spoken to us in His Son, whom He appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the world .
And we know that now Jesus speaks to us through His Holy Spirit that dwells within us (as believers - Christians) He said - But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you. John 14:26

So as I was meditating on this whole idea of how our Lord effectively communicates with us I was lead to

Acts 13:1-4 Now there were at Antioch, in the church that was there, prophets and teachers: Barnabas, and Simeon who was called Niger, and Lucius of Cyrene, and Manaen who had been brought up with Herod the tetrarch, and Saul. One day as these men were worshiping the Lord and fasting, the Holy Spirit said, "Set apart for Me Barnabas and Saul for the work to which I have called them." 3 Then, when they had fasted and prayed and laid their hands on them, they sent them away. 4 So, being sent out by the Holy Spirit, they went down to Seleucia and from there they sailed to Cyprus.

I could see the difference between man orchestrated ministry and Holy Spirit orchestrated ministry - At times the man orchestrated ministry may seem neater, cleaner, faster and more comfortable but we know that this is not always how our Lord works – we can have complete confidence in the most obscure work when we know it is of God – (that the Holy Spirit has spoken it to be. )

Sometimes thing can seem so smart and ideal yet if it is not Holy Spirit orchestrated it’s not God in it– so the bottom line is we need to know beyond all measure what our Lord is requiring of us in our ministries and life – we need to be on board when He speaks to us and our Leaders –-things often need to change and for some of the changes there is no easy way - it will require us accepting hard things but trusting our Lord in the process -(remember that little story of the COI walking around a great big wall in order for it to fall down - there was a reason God told Joshua they had to do that in silence - can you imagine what could have been going on in some of their minds) the need to be unified and in agreement is so vital for the effective work of the Holy Spirit in our ministries – so the bottom line is this:
We need to be praying and fasting:

So to see the beginning and the end of this rabbit trail – I guess I can say this - I was intrigued by the effective communication from the king to the people of all his land and that took me through a trail that led me to prayer and fasting – and we all know that prayer is where our hearts can become lined up with Gods heart – there it is pure communication perfect communication and the fasting is the stripping away of self and showing our Lord our seriousness in seeking Him. because we need to understand prayer is not a place where we go to our Lord to change His heart to our wills but it is the opposite - and when we are fasting there is a differant stripping away of self.
In Esth 4:15-16 Then Esther told them to reply to Mordecai, "Go, assemble all the Jews who are found in Susa, and fast for me; do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my maidens also will fast in the same way. And thus I will go in to the king, which is not according to the law; and if I perish, I perish."
Just like Esther sent word to fast for she was entering unknown territory - here we are now:

It is by far the most ignored things in our walk and often in our churches - My Bible reads that Jesus said "My house shall be called a house of prayer". ......it didn't say of programs or teachings - music..etc...all of these are very important but what i believe Jesus was getting at is that prayer is the most important thing ( there is a whole other rabbit trail there ) - and of course it is because just like i stated above - when we pray our hearts become aligned with God's - when that is happening than all the other eliminates of church become Holy Spirit lead.
so there is my little rabbit trail that i am so thankful for - i am encouraged by my Lord to have prayer and fasting this next level for my walk and i pray that God will use me to encourage others in my ministry to jump in - we are facing so many new changes and many of them will be hurdles that we most definitely need to be committed to this practice of seeking God.
I pray this makes sense - i'm not gonna proof it - so Jesus please bring understanding to this.

God Bless and keep Chasing righteousness!!!!!

* When they had appointed elders for them in every church, having prayed with fasting, they commended them to the Lord in whom they had believed. A cts 14:23

*Consecrate a fast, Proclaim a solemn assembly; Gather the elders And all the inhabitants of the land To the house of the LORD your God, And cry out to the LORD. Joel 1:14

* So we fasted and sought our God concerning this matter, and He listened to our entreaty. Ezra 8:23


* Jehoshaphat was afraid and turned his attention to seek the LORD, and proclaimed a fast throughout all Judah. 4 So Judah gathered together to seek help from the LORD; they even came from all the cities of Judah to seek the LORD. 2 Chron 20:3-4

best grapes in the drought

so did you know that in a season of drought that is when the best grapes are produced? you say hummmm - yea well me too. - apparently when you water a little bit every now and than the roots tend to go down then come up go down then comes back up - you see the roots are trying to get to the water - so in a season of drought the roots keep going deeper and deeper to get to the source of water deep within. - WOW - do you see it - the spiritual application is amazing.
if we just go to church because it's sunday and that's what we do we are nourished but we leave and do nothing with it - we might pick up our Bible one or two times during the week say a little prayer here and there but all of it is never enough to allow our roots in Jesus to go deep - the roots just stay near the top because we've never had a saturation of water -but when our Lord allows the difficult trials you know the really hard ones to come our way (drought) -he has done this to us so we will dig deep for the source of the water - in our desperation prayers in our urgent reading of the Word - our calls to friends for prayer - everything we do during those really hard times (our drought) it is then that our roots are going deeper and deeper and always the fruit that comes forth is sweeter than before.
so if you feel like you are in a drought - praise Jesus through it because it is there to bring forth the really really yummie grapes.

remember behind every thorn in our lives is love - because everything has been in our lives by our Lords permission. and His heart for us is always love ALWAYS!!!

goodnight - keep chasing righteousness