Lessons From My Yard

This morning I woke with this thought on my mind. Is today His? I lied there and thought duh of course, isn't everyday His?! Then I realized that yes of course that is factually true however, will I allow it to really be His in all things in all ways. You see I'm really struggling these days with choosing all things Jesus over my deep painful hurt and insecurities. I went to my inbox and  I read these 2 very separate yet somehow connected verses.
And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

The little article was talking about how easy it is to live this out at a retreat as apposed to our daily lives. Saying that it is because at a retreat everything we do is based upon Jesus. So it dawned on me that is the answer - everything I do needs to be with the mindset of Jesus. Ok sounds simple enough - let's see how this plays it's self out today.
Then I read
I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. (John 4:35)
This one made me laugh a little. I have a friend who always talks about how she and I see life so very differently. She sees the field and is overwhelmed by the work and I see it and get excited for what can be produced from it.( Ministry)  The little devotion that went with it was great but it didn't seem to be the thing that God was wanting to speak to me about. So I decided to take a literal approach and go in my back yard and and look at the 'field'. So as I did this the Lord began to pour into me so many thoughts. You see I have this thing about homes and how they can really speak to the real condition of our hearts. I also have this avocado tree in the back yard that from day one God has used to speak spiritual wisdom to me about myself. Today I looked at my backyard - the grass! God was opening my eyes yet again. You see there is this weird thing going on with it. It has been dying all season. It gets watered and cut on a very regular bases. Yet it is dying. In fact 50% of the yard is painful to even walk on, as it feels kind of like dull thorns. Just very perplexing. I've been thinking I should talk to my Gardener and ask him why or for help. it's odd that he comes every week and sees it as well but hasn't done anything to help it either. I got to thinking that I'm going to have to spend some extra time with it, tilling it and planting new seeds and adding fertilizer. So all of these things make perfect sense right?! But I tend to go out side always and look at the part of the grass that is nice and just keep hoping that by some chance it will bleed into the died grass.  The weird thing is I think the dead grass is taking over the good grass. So here I am this morning with this verse in my head looking at my grass and realizing that it's time for something different. I need to invest in a new way. Just going out there and spending a little extra time with water isn't helping anything. I have been doing that for months now. I know that my yard is reacting to the odd abnormal summer season we have had, it's as if it just didn't know how to behave under that condition so it just gave up and died. But why did the other part of my yard adjust and thrive?? As you can imagine my mind is pounding with these aahhaa God thoughts and I have to laugh. No seriously laugh out loud by myself in my back yard. Wonder what my neighbor who sits in her back yard all day was thinking? funny that I even care. All of this to say that I now am completely aware that God is doing a work and I'm beginning to get it. Looks like I'll be having some dates with my backyard. You may be reading this with alot of " what is she talking about" but one thing if you know anything about me God always seems to talk to me most in the everyday things and I can tell that He is beginning to really show me what i need to know from My yard and it looks like we, my yard and i are gonna be doing some work - the horrible part is I HATE LOATHE did I say HATE yes HATE yard work. So isn't it just like God to take me to the very thing that I never want to do in fact i do the very bare minimal with it always just so it doesn't look trashy.  - or at least knowing that other peoples yards are struggling too i don't feel so bad about mine ( Good stinkin grief )
If you know anything about my story with my avocado tree here is a funny thing. My tree is in the part of my yard that is green and doing well. my tree is full of so many avocados -even after my gardeners cut like 5 majorly huge branches off - they did it when there were about 200 total babies on it. i was so frustrated when they did that thinking, 'seriously why now - there were so many babies on those brances' but looking at it this morning those branches that were cut have already produced new growth with many new babies on it. i hope everything I'm saying isn't nonsense and that you can see the spiritual analogy here. It's just blowing my mind. I'm just feeling thankful that today is a new day and I will make it His and consider the field!!!
 Lessons from my yard:
 - The part that is dead needs to be tilled up and re-seeded fertilized alot. that is a messy stinky process but the grass is dead and if it stays it will continue to kill the good that is in my yard. The dead is of no longer any use it needs to be gone and it's gonna take work.
 - My Gardener comes weekly yet I never ask him for help I just expect him to do the work. I can only imagine what he is thinking. "I wonder if she even cares that her grass is dying - i can help her if she will only ask - it will only cost a little extra for her"   - " if she doesn't ask soon it will cost her more as it is becoming a bigger problem"  - do you see they similarities between my "Gardener" and my Jesus!!!!
 - Of course the dead grass in infecting the good grass - things need to be removed and it's gonna take time and I need to be willing to get a little messy and stinky. Sure i can pay the gardener to do the whole thing for me but somehow I want to be apart of the growth. I don't want to miss out on the blessing that I know will come from it.
 - There is a time in our walks that just being watered on a daily basis is not enough anymore for the deeper growth. Things like praying and fasting - taking time to be still before the Lord - yielding first before reacting - all these need to become a more substantial part of my life. We need to long for the deep things but it comes at a sacrifice and are we really willing to make it.
 - this season of odd weather we have been having has made all things in my yard react very differently. I never thought that I should have been taking precautions or that it even mattered. But how like us that when the storms come or the droughts we begin to get a bit unnerved and behave differently. They show whats really deep down in our hearts  - the yuck is exposed and it becomes clear what needs to be cut away.
 - of course the growth will come from me becoming disciplined in doing the things that I would not rather do.
 - the "Gardener" cutting my branches off my tree - he knows what is best. i never even asked him to do that and yet he went to town on that tree. I was sad and frustrated to see very fruitful branches leave but he knew best that what would grow from it would be a more healthier branch and ultimately my tree is better balanced and not breaking down my fence or invading my neighbor's yard. So like ministry right now.

so as you can see in just a few minuets of going out and 'considering the field' so many spiritual truths have begun to take root in my heart. The really really stinky thing is I still do not want to go out there and dig up that yard - why do i hate yard work so much - most people love it and find it very therapeutic. Yea well not me - I JUST DONT WANT TO DO IT!!!

I hate the truth about myself

I've been going through this time of uncertainty of what is going on physically with my body. you see I found a mass in my neck 8 months ago or so. Well finally after all this time of test, Dr appts, blood work - you know the drill. I have an answer. Nothing that is going to take my life or cause me continued grief - it's only a lymph node reacting to something in my body. 1st I say Praise the Lord for answered prayer - then I have to stop and say O MY Goodness what in the world is wrong with me that I have worried off and on for over these 8 months. Bringing loved ones into a place of concern with what 'might' be happening to me. WOW crazy. Sure I know we need prayer and that is important but I get to thinking about my lack of faith and all that I have not done for Jesus because I would have rather been thinking about the "what ifs" of this situation. So not liking what I'm seeing in myself in all of this. I know these things are brought into our lives to shake us up and show us our lack of faith, our lack of trust, our lack of really living what we preach of wanting to be a disciple of His. But once the hard reality of it all hits, it becomes a bit humbling, an awareness of how much I need Jesus. Just when i think I'm growing I become that much more aware of the filthiness of who I am and all I can really do is fall on my knees in humbly surrender to a Holy God who loves me, died for me, uses me, and thinks I'm worth it. Isn't He amazing!!!!
Thank You Lord that You put the hard things in our way to expose the hardness of our hearts that are useless to You. Thank You that You never promise us a life of ease but only one of peace if we but stay the course with You and trust You in the storms of life.
Crazy how a stupid lymph node can bring such self awareness and even greater awareness to who He is.
Thank you Lord for a reactory lymph node!!!!!!