Friday, May 29, 2009

Family Update

So how is the family?

Bobby:
Still working strong, praise the Lord for that. The recession is just beginning to touch his job, so like so many of you the future is uncertain. At least as far as his job is concerned. So each day I praise the Lord for another day of work and I try to be the best supporter / encourager to Bobby regardless of all the crazy hours he needs to work. Just thankful that our story is that he is still employed.
He is wrapping up this years Basketball league at church over the next couple of weeks. How he loves this season. Playing basketball and hanging with 80 plus guys at church each Friday from 6-11pm. Must say I love this season too as I get to be alone on these nights to do what I want. Which is normally NOTHING!!!! To sit in a room that is dim lighting, quiet for hours. AWWWEEE it is sweet. OOPS sorry this is about Bobby.
He is still serving in the same ministries as last update: Gospel Choir / Worship Team / Sports Ministry Leader / Children's Ministry whenever we have a need / Mr. availability to anyone who needs a helping hand. That's my man and one of the very reasons I so love and respect him so much. His genuine good heart that is blessed beyond measure to do whatever he can whenever he can is a real reflection of God's heart to Aaron and I. He sets the standard high in our home. This year for VBS he has once again taken a weeks vacation to come serve with me and run my sound system. He has acquired the name DJ Masta Bobby. If you saw him in action you would get it.
Paintball is still a passion of his that he shares with Aaron. These boys are out of control with this stuff. I have stayed true to my New Years resolution and I have chosen to see the good in all of it and rarely do I ever question any of it. Some day though I should head on out there to that paintball place and watch these boys play or fight or whatever it's called.
So Bobby he is good, running the race, trusting His God, fighting for his spiritual integrity each day as he battles the world, finding his rest and peace in a faithful Creator who already has it all figured out. Wholly devoted to his God, his family, and his serve to the Lord.

Aaron:
Days away from finishing up the 5th grade. Where in the world does time go. I look at this boy and barely recognize him except of course when he still comes to be held for a good 15 min. in the morning. O how I love that ssoooooooo much. He is 4'11'' and 91lbs. Basketball, paintball, skateboarding, and music is basically his only real passions right now. He loves to be at church all the time but this momma is not foolish I know it's more about the friends and not about the things of God. I just always have to remind myself that I can not make a christian that is Gods job. My job is to train him up in the ways I believe are right and the rest is up to him and God.
School continues to be such a big struggle for him. The learning challenges that appear to be a part of how God has created him is exhausting, frustrating and often very heartbreaking. We have some big decisions to make in regards to all of that and they need to be made soon. Daily I just have to remind myself that God does not make mistakes and that with each challenge we are ever given in life, like this one, it is there to build strength of character. Seeing that this only child lives a life of entitlement ( as most only children do) this little challenge of his just might be the key thing that God is using to build that strength of character.
Aaron is now wearing glasses for reading / school work. I have been trying to capture a picture to post so you can see how cute he is. He is currently in this I don't want my picture taken mode. I don't get it if I was that beautiful I would be beggin people to take my picture - just kiddin - sort of ;0)
Looking forward to summer these are his plans: basketball camp / VBS / dog beach ( did you hear that steph) / swimming at chads / hangin with friends / reading his new book that is 1000 pages. He doesn't know this but if he actually reads this over the summer he is getting a really big reward for that. Aaron is not a reader and seeing that over this school year he only accomplished ready 2 small novels with alot of pushing, this ought to be a giant accomplishment for him.
He got to go to Spirit West Coast last weekend and well that's pretty much Aaron's slice of heaven. All his fav Christian bands for 3 days. He was loving it. Thank you Traci and Steph for watching over my boy. Traci you are a gift and I am still so blessed that you were willing to take him. Thank you so much.
One last thing - he is trying out for a Jr. High football team. This is all very new to him. Football that is. These kids are obviously much bigger than him and well we will see what happens. I think it's great that he is trying so hard and even if he is intimidated by it he does not let it show. We should know next week if he makes it or not. ( there is a local Private Christin school that allows our home school group kids to participate in their sports program).
Geoffrey:
He's well a mess right now. Diggin holes has become his new fav past time. Waiting for 10:30pm to roll around to bark at the possum that walks across the fence (sure the neighbors love that). He is stinky, so in need of a bath. Today just might be the day as he has company coming from Arizona and I know he wants to look his best for HIS company.

Me:
same besides if you ever read this blog you basically know what's going on with me.

O wait let me just say I am so thankful this school year is done. Even thought i know taking the summer off school will make the fall absolutely miserable, I would much rather think that just maybe the Lord will rapture me up before that and I wont have to worry about that.
A girl can hope can't she!!!!!!!

always remember keep chasing righteousness!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

My Birthday Wish List

Turning 43 in 2 weeks is pretty exciting. Not because I like to celebrate my Birthday, because I honestly don't but I have come to actually enjoy the fact of getting older. Sure I could do without the wrinkles and the other physical yucky stuff but wisdom in aging is a beautiful thing.

I was dared and I am so not to proud so here it goes.


My Birthday Wish List

* Cream Cheese - yes seriously and lots of it. I am into making my carb-free sugar-free cheesecakes these days.


* SommerSweet -
http://www.suzannesomers.com/Original-SomerSweet-2-Can-P36.aspx

* Havianas size 9 here are a few that I love but really I love them all.
http://www.havaianasus.com/womens-sandals/slim-peacock.html?s=10222
http://www.havaianasus.com/womens-sandals/summer.html?s=9485
http://www.havaianasus.com/womens-sandals/wonder-woman1.html

*Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf - Tea Bags - this makes the yummiest decaf. ice tea.
African Sunrise Tea Bags


That's pretty much what I want. So now all my friends who do facebook will really lay into me and point the yes you are self indulgent finger my way.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

James McDonald

http://www.oneplace.com/Ministries/Walk_in_the_Word/archives.asp

He is one of my very favs to listen to. The message titled "Are You Saved" is a must hear message. Listen and you will understand why. I love the boldness and the conviction of this man to teach the pure Word of God.

Something hard in my inBox

I was going to post a piece of my study from this morning, then I got this and WOW this was some good, hard stuff to chew on.

Diabolical Wisdom
Nancy Leigh DeMoss:
Our culture rewards ambition and makes a hero out of the super-achiever who gets ahead of everybody else.
It’s a good thing to pursue excellence in whatever you do, but do you know if you are motivated by selfish ambition, the Bible calls that demonic!
James said, “If you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast . . . . This . . . wisdom . . . is earthly, unspiritual, demonic.”
The solution is to do everything out of love. The Bible tells us that love does not envy. We work hard, not to set ourselves apart and get ahead of the pack; instead, we do what He’s called us to do with all our might because of love for God and a desire to serve others.
Ask God to examine your heart. Are you motivated to do what you do out of selfish ambition or out of genuine love and a servant’s heart?


so of course I really sat with this and and contemplated it in my own life. Lord search my heart expose this ugliness. I know that I can not bear the thought of going to heaven and thinking that I did this or that for the Lord in the name of serving only to get there to see that God never recognized it as anything other than prideful, selfish ambition. What are the warning signs I asked and this is what I came up with.
- Have you really sought the Lord in fervent prayer for all of it?
- Are you irritated by others suggestions or even questioning of your ideas?
- Do you feel you are owed respect for your ideas and position?
- Are you full of joy and peace while serving or is it irritation and burdened?
- Do you own your ministry and not allow for others input because you feel like they have nothing to do with YOUR ministry?

So all these questions came to mind because I have been somewhere in all of them at one time or another. Ugliness that God calls DEMONIC.
I want to sit here and say that I have grown from all of those past mistakes and can recognize the signs when they are rearing it's ugly head. But one thing if you are anywhere in any of this You can not do this on your own. You need someone to hold you accountable. I pray you all have someone or ones in your life that care more about who you are in Jesus than who you are as a friend. If not I urge you to begin to pray that God will bring those relationships to you. I honestly believe that without true loving accountability we can not stay away from this very dangerous pit hole.

Here's a question for you:
How's your real hearts condition in your 'serving' these days?

Friday, May 22, 2009

Exodus 13:17-22

Exodus 13:17 - 22
17 Then it came to pass, when Pharaoh had let the people go, that God did not lead them by way of the land of the Philistines, although that was near; for God said, "Lest perhaps the people change their minds when they see war, and return to Egypt." 18 So God led the people around by way of the wilderness of the Red Sea. And the children of Israel went up in orderly ranks out of the land of Egypt. 19 And Moses took the bones of Joseph with him, for he had placed the children of Israel under solemn oath, saying, "God will surely visit you, and you shall carry up my bones from here with you." 20 So they took their journey from Succoth and camped in Etham at the edge of the wilderness. 21 And the LORD went before them by day in a pillar of cloud to lead the way, and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so as to go by day and night. 22 He did not take away the pillar of cloud by day or the pillar of fire by night from before the people.


Observation / Application:The harder longer path was best for them. I wonder if they complained a lot about this. Most of them would have surely known that they were seemingly going the “wrong” way.
How often this is my hang up. I see what I deem the best way to get to point A to B and often I find myself getting frustrated if others are not doing what I think is best. I am always reminded of this place in time when the COI wandered in the wilderness for such a long period of time. But of course we can see the whole picture and why it is best. Not to mention that it clearly states that God was the one who lead them this way. In this long journey they had to come to that breaking point over and over again of depending on God for everything. They had to follow the voice of a man (Moses) that was saying he was hearing from God. They had to learn more then ever how to need one another and care for one another regardless of how irritated they would become with each other. This longer path was there to break them to bring them into a right relationship with God. Yes it says "Lest perhaps the people change their minds when they see war, and return to Egypt" and that is huge because this is what we so often do. We pray for one thing and then when it comes about and we start to experience the difficulty of what that brings we so desperately want to return to the other trial from which we came.

One thing I have come to learn through the years ( of course admitting not with complete ease) is that God cares about ALL hearts involved and He will allow the most difficult situation to happen to bring about as many totally surrendered hearts to Him as possible. So if that means that I yet again get to stand and rest in the beauty of watching God love on others then surely that is good enough. If only I would do it with a little less resistance.
Currently I am in the middle of yet another one of these situations. Looking at this piece of scripture corrects my heart and once again makes me see God's love towards all hearts involved and that He is asking me to walk this with grace, compassion, and love. God forgive this heart of mine that looses this focus to often. I don't want the situation to change because I am uncomfortable. I want You to work in full power to bring about Your Glory - whatever that will mean.



Observation/Application:
vs 22 He did not take away the pillar of cloud by day or the pillar of fire by night from before the people.

The pillars of clouds and fire where pictures of how God leads, lighting the way igniting the zeal that should be present in their heart, souls and minds for God. Today we still have this pillar of cloud and pillar of fire, we have the Word of God. It is meant to do this very same thing. Day and night our Lord is still doing the very same thing. All we have to do is use the source that He has so graciously given to us.

Ps 119:105
Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path.
Ps 119:130
The entrance of Your words gives light; It gives understanding to the simple.

It always perplexes me that people are asking for prayer for some really hard things and direction and yet if you ask them if they are in the Word they will say no or not much. How can you know what God wants if You are not going to the source, The Word of God. I just had a friend tell me that people no longer want to ask me for prayer or advise because I always ask about their time in the Word. At first I was slightly offended, yes I know that is my pride that was hurt but then as I sat with it I realized well if that’s what people know of me even if it means they don’t care much about me then that’s not really not a bad thing at all at least not in the eyes of God. I guess I just don't understand, O sure I get that this is one of the key places the ENEMY will attack to keep us from being in the Word because even he knows the power in it and the ability it has to ignite a heart for Jesus, to guide us in the ways of our Lord, to strengthen us in times of heartache and confusion, to bring peace and comfort to a weary soul, to grow our faith, and to bring that zeal in our hearts that can start a revival - O he KNOWS ALL RIGHT so the other part of that is DO YOU?

Romans 10:17
So faith comes from hearing, and hearing
by the Word of God

he is Yours Lord

Exodus 13:2
2 "Consecrate to Me all the firstborn, whatever opens the womb among the children of Israel, both of man and beast; it is Mine."

Consecrate: to sacrifice – to consider something as belonging to God.
Of course I can’t read this without seeing the importance of giving Aaron over to Jesus once again. This is my ever present battle: I give him to God I take him back - over and over and over again.
How timely this is for me to have this reminder to really think about my son and All that is currently going on with him and to say, ‘Okay Lord He is yours and you have fearfully and wonderfully made this boy. He is Yours and You have a plan. Work in Aaron all that You deem important. Give me the strength to be obedient to Your wisdom in trials for Him. Give me the courage to surrender Him to You even when the times come that things look really messed up, help me to walk in the truth that he is Yours and You alone will save His soul. It is my job to raise Him without hypocrisy. To raise Him in the truth of who you are. Showing Him the joy of serving You. Showing him that everything is brought to You in Prayer. Showing Him that in Your Word is where faith grows, guidance is given, and knowledge with wisdom is shown. Showing Him a Holy Reverence for You a Holy God. It is not my job to make a Christian. It is Yours and Yours alone
So today this day I give Him back to you. Trusting that You my God are with him.

Do you see my Branding

Chapter 12
13 'Now the blood shall be a sign for you on the houses where you are. And when I see the blood, I will pass over you; and the plague shall not be on you to destroy you when I strike the land of Egypt. 14 'So this day shall be to you a memorial; and you shall keep it as a feast to the LORD throughout your generations.

It's the blood that saves me from death. Is the blood of Jesus worn with honor and complete visability in my life? Can everyone see it?

His eye has always been on me.

Chapter 11
vs 1-3
And the LORD said to Moses, "I will bring yet one more plague on Pharaoh and on Egypt. Afterward he will let you go from here. When he lets you go, he will surely drive you out of here altogether. 2 "Speak now in the hearing of the people, and let every man ask from his neighbor and every woman from her neighbor, articles of silver and articles of gold." 3 And the LORD gave the people favor in the sight of the Egyptians. Moreover the man Moses was very great in the land of Egypt, in the sight of Pharaoh's servants and in the sight of the people.

Observation :
vs.3 Moreover the man Moses was very great in the land of Egypt, in the sight of Pharaoh's servants and in the sight of the people.
Interesting thing happening here - These people obviously could see that Moses’ God was more powerful than their gods and somewhere along the line for each one of them they lost respect for Pharaoh. Who knows maybe it was just simply that they saw that he was driving out their slaves and now were they gonna be expected to take care of everything? So what would motivate them to go with the Hebrews? To uproot their lives and follow? I know there are alot of things to see in this. The fact that their are always tares among the wheat. / People make emotional commitments, not always wholehearted commitments to the God of the Universe. People will move with the next best thing of the moment. and so on and so on BUT....
Personally I just love the simple yet beautiful picture here that it has always been God's plan to save the gentile.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Crazy Love


So I'm not typically one to tell people about books that they need to read. Mainly because I know that most people struggle to read the Word of God and to put anything in it's place because I recommend it just really does not sit well with me. So this is me treading lightly on that fine line to tell you that you absolutely NEED to read, Crazy Love by Francis Chan. One thing I do believe though is after you read it you will so want to pick that Bible up and read it if for no other reason than you must know more about this perfect God that is Crazy in love with you.

This book is so fantastic. So much so that I have told Bobby that when I die if any one comes to my memorial service, he must pass out copies of this book. This is everything that is in my head that I just don't have the ability to eloquently get out of my mouth.
- Do you need a reminder of who our God is?
- Do you need to have a deeper understanding of His love towards you?
- Do you need to have complete clarity on what lukewarm is and what the Bible really says about it?
- Do you need a crazy intimate love affair with the creator of the Universe?
Well then you better run and get this book. it's an easy read, like sitting down with a great friend and talking about Jesus. But trust me you will find yourself slowing it down as to not ever wanting it to end.
Go get it
Hurry up
You will not be disappointed
This is where I have acquired my new catch phrase~
Overwhelmed by a relentless God

A little knock upside the head

I found this in my Inbox this morning. Now I just had this very conversation with a dear friend last night about how easy it is to make things seem like we are really doing the right thing on the outside yet all along on the inside we are wrestling with God, having no peace, begging for our situation to change. The very thing that He has allowed so that we will come to that place of realising we have NO RIGHTS and all He wants from us, His beloved is complete surrender.
Anyway just found it interesting with a smile attached that this was in my InBox after that convo. I hope she reads this and gets that little knock upside the head like I did. ;0)

Wrestling with God
"I was tossing and turning all night, trying to figure out what to do about this illness in my family. Finally, I said, 'Lord, I don’t like this situation, but I trust You. I can’t handle it on my own.’ And then—peace."

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: That sounds like the biblical story of Jacob. He schemed and manipulated his way through every problem, until one night when he got alone with God.
In the stillness of the long night, Jacob wrestled for all he was worth. He refused to give up the struggle, until finally, exhausted, he realized he would never be able to control God.
His will was broken; his hip was out of joint; his name had been changed, and he was a new man.
Is there some circumstance you’re trying to manipulate or control? Maybe it’s time to get alone with God and surrender to His will.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Exodus 11:1

Ex 11:1


And the LORD said to Moses, "I will bring yet one more plague on Pharaoh and on Egypt. Afterward he will let you go from here. When he lets you go, he will surely drive you out of here altogether. "



Observation / Application:
vs.1 he will surely drive you out of here altogether

Even once it comes to leaving it will be under hardship – this is an interesting thing to look at. It’s not like he said, ' ok I surrender you can leave' and they do so with some sort of ease – no it’s apparently with a heavy hand ( drive you out ). People who assert authority in the flesh will go down fighting to the very end.
To look at this is terms of serving the Lord in ministry.
What does it look like to be serving in the flesh VS the Spirit: I pulled out the comparison list of a prideful heart vs a broken heart and put my heart before God. I did a little evaluation with this sheet. I did this one before and to compare the two to see where there has been growth and what has stayed the same. Very telling for me, I could also understand more why the trials I am currently in, what God is desiring to strip away in me.

Dare to evaluate


Proud people focus on the failures of others. Broken people are overwhelmed with a sense of their own spiritual need.

Proud people have a critical, fault-finding spirit; they look at everyone else’s faults with a microscope but their own with a telescope.Broken people are compassionate; they can forgive much because they know how much they have been forgiven.

Proud people are self-righteous; they look down on others.Broken people esteem all others better than themselves.

Proud people have an independent, self-sufficient spirit.Broken people have a dependent spirit; they recognize their need for others.

Proud people have to prove that they are right.Broken people are willing to yield the right to be right.

Proud people claim rights; they have a demanding spirit.Broken people yield their rights; they have a meek spirit.

Proud people are self-protective of their time, their rights, and their reputation.Broken people are self-denying.

Proud people desire to be served.Broken people are motivated to serve others.

Proud people desire to be a success.Broken people are motivated to be faithful and to make others a success.

Proud people desire self-advancement.Broken people desire to promote others.

Proud people have a drive to be recognized and appreciated.Broken people have a sense of their own unworthiness; they are thrilled that God would use them at all.

Proud people are wounded when others are promoted and they are overlooked.Broken people are eager for others to get the credit; they rejoice when others are lifted up.

Proud people have a subconscious feeling, “This ministry/church is privileged to have me and my gifts”; they think of what they can do for God.Broken people’s heart attitude is, “I don’t deserve to have a part in any ministry”; they know that they have nothing to offer God except the life of Jesus flowing through their broken lives.

Proud people feel confident in how much they know.Broken people are humbled by how very much they have to learn.

Proud people are self-conscious.Broken people are not concerned with self at all.

Proud people keep others at arms’ length.Broken people are willing to risk getting close to others and to take risks of loving intimately.

Proud people are quick to blame others.Broken people accept personal responsibility and can see where they are wrong in a situation.

Proud people are unapproachable or defensive when criticized.Broken people receive criticism with a humble, open spirit.

Proud people are concerned with being respectable, with what others think; they work to protect their own image and reputation.Broken people are concerned with being real; what matters to them is not what others think but what God knows; they are willing to die to their own reputation.

Proud people find it difficult to share their spiritual need with others.Broken people are willing to be open and transparent with others as God directs.

Proud people want to be sure that no one finds out when they have sinned; their instinct is to cover up.Broken people, once broken, don’t care who knows or who finds out; they are willing to be exposed because they have nothing to lose.

Proud people have a hard time saying, “I was wrong; will you please forgive me?”Broken people are quick to admit failure and to seek forgiveness when necessary.

Proud people tend to deal in generalities when confessing sin.Broken people are able to acknowledge specifics when confessing their sin.

Proud people are concerned about the consequences of their sin.Broken people are grieved over the cause, the root of their sin.

Proud people are remorseful over their sin, sorry that they got found out or caught.Broken people are truly, genuinely repentant over their sin, evidenced in the fact that they forsake that sin.

Proud people wait for the other to come and ask forgiveness when there is a misunderstanding or conflict in a relationship.Broken people take the initiative to be reconciled when there is misunderstanding or conflict in relationships; they race to the cross; they see if they can get there first, no matter how wrong the other may have been.

Proud people compare themselves with others and feel worthy of honor.Broken people compare themselves to the holiness of God and feel a desperate need for His mercy.

Proud people are blind to their true heart condition.Broken people walk in the light.

Proud people don’t think they have anything to repent of.Broken people realize they have need of a continual heart attitude of repentance.

Proud people don’t think they need revival, but they are sure that everyone else does.Broken people continually sense their need for a fresh encounter with God and for a fresh filling of His Holy Spirit.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

I betcha all thought I was still waiting for Stephnette and Tammy

It's such a bummer to be so busy that I don't get to blogging. I realized today that it's coming up on my 2 yr. anniversary of blogging. WOW and I've never made my blog all fun like everyone else. O well I'm pretty boring anyway. SO let's catch up.

I did make it to retreat. Now keep in mind that Debbie Alsdorf is one of my all time favorite Bible teachers. In fact she really is one of 5 that I will actually listen to any chance I get. If you are not familiar with her then you need to ck her out or better yet book her for your retreats. I promise you will not be disappointed. Retreat for me was really great. I had 2 defining moments that filled me to overflowing.
1. What I believe when something happens will determine how I walk through it.
2. I am blessed beyond measure to be an 'everyday vessel' - nothing special just someone who loves Jesus and that I love to serve Him anyway I can. To hear Debbie put words to my heart was so rich for me.
Debbie also talked alot about finding the "sparkle" in everything. This was so great because ever since I walked along side my sweet Donna in those last couple of months I learned this most valuable lesson of looking for Jesus everyday. It's like a treasure hunt. Everyday I find Him and everyday my heart smiles and is filled with so much love, joy, and hope. So when Debbie was talking about the 'sparkle' i so got what she was saying.

GLASSES GLASSES GLASSES - yes 3 times for 3 pair. Aaron and I are now both 4-eyes. this is a long story but it would only lead me to complain about an incompetent eye Dr. and I need to be more focused on praying for her salvation then in her horrible bedside manners.

School is soon to be over!!!!! can I get a big loud HALLELUJIA on this one. We are in the home stretch and soon it will be summer break. So let's see Aaron's greatest accomplishment this school year, he memorized 76 Bible verses. Sure he learned math, language arts, science, history but WOW 76 verses is pretty stinkin impressive.

MY Heart Issue: let's see if i can summarize this. about 9 weeks ago now I had a hard racing heart for about 6 hours one night. Very scary. Through that night I prayed / read the Word alot. Begging God to speak to me and help me in this awful feeling that I was having. He began to show me my sin. How I have dishonored His Temple, my body eating things I know my body is allergic to and with that carrying to much weight / being foggy headed all the time / felling chronically tired / just basically feeling all around yucky all the time. Then as I was in His Word I started so see how much I have become a person that worries and is stressed out. This whole season that our country is in and knowing that things will never get better that we are in those last days before we deny Israel and become a nation greatly judged by our God, really started to freak me out. Instead of finding hope in Jesus knowing that we are living in the prophesy of the end I was instead terrified. Secret sin. Praising God with my mouth over seeing the end in sight but terrified as to the kind of life we will be soon living. Terrified that my son is so ill-equipped to live in a socialism country that will be at war with it's self once again. Where we will really begin to know real persecution for our faith. I was and in some ways still am terrified. Sure I can block it out and keep myself so distracted with other things but it was always there nagging me. So that night I began to break, to sob before my Lord as I realized I was living in such gross sin. I made commitments to the Lord that night. My life changed that night. how I would like to say that is the end of the story well it's not. weeks later after my heart was 70% better I ended up in the ER. After many test and many more test to be done by my Dr. we still can not see that there is anything wrong with my physical heart. Most would be thankful for that but somehow for me it is bitter sweet. You see if this is all my spiritual heart then this means I am living in sin still. This is a hard thing for me to wrap my mind around. It's just as bad as having to have heart surgery especially when i really am not sure what I am doing. I know in time God will show me but right now were I stand I am struggling with this.

Missing Donna - so this is where I really only talk about this. well I'm not gonna there really just isn't any words right now. I am just sad -sad alot - sad through the smiles and laughter just sad. Some people don't understand why I don't talk about it but what they just don't seem to understand is I don't know what to say about it. I'm just really sad, missing her like crazy. In a couple of weeks it will be the anniversary of Peggy passing away and I've been thinking so much about her too. so this is me missing my 2 friends and being sad in that hidden part of my heart that just doesn't know how to come to the surface. How lucky they are to be in Heaven with my Jesus where there is no sadness, no pain - but the whole in my life still isn't closed up with Jesus yet and with that I'm JUST SAD!

EXODUS STUDY - this one has been fantastic. We are studying the life of Moses and talk about the perfect book to go through while living in the day that we are under our govt. I'm gonna post separately some of the applications that I have been getting since I'm sure by now I have lost most of the readers on this one.

So there it is the ups and downs of my life over the past while. But the greatest thing ever is that the God of the Universe loves me like crazy - oooooo that reminds me I need to post about the book I just read. Crazy Love. - look for that later - trust me you will want to know about this book.

always remember.......
keep chasing righteousness!!!