40 Days of Prayer To Move A Mountian - day 1

starts today!!!
I was challenged in my faith recently from a prayer time with the Lord to have the faith the size of a mustard seed to move a mountain. Now this challenge is what started my prayer journey some 15 years ago, and indeed that mountain was moved. SO believing is the easy part. I know that things will happen in these 40days. The challenge has been what mountain do I really pick. Funny the enemy will come in to trip us up in whatever we give him and well I have been giving him my indecisiveness. uuugghhh!!!! How stupid relentless he is in his cause of confusion and darkness. Good thing that the lover of my soul is relentless in love, mercy, grace, healing, clarity, wisdom, and order. I am just hoping that sometime this morning that will take dominance over my thoughts and I will know what my mountain is I am praying for.
When I realized I was called to this, I put the challenge out to my "k" group sisters. How blown away I was when within  days 15 gals said "yep I'm in"
SO looks like in 40days Cali wont be recognizable  - somebody better warn map quest that things are about to change in this State.
Back to my original thought - i know that by the end of this day I will know what I am praying for - trust me there are many things, which is why I am having a hard time deciding. I want to pick 1. 
Here is a cute timing side note - God's timing is always just perfect. This 40days will end on the day of our Woman's Retreat . His timing not mine as i never even paid attention to the dates of the retreat this year since I knew I wouldn't be going. I just love how many of these woman that are doing this challenge will head into retreat on a high note - I am sure something great is gonna happen at that retreat for sure!!!!

going through my old uposted post

so i just went through to look at some unposted post. You see I write many post  that i never really intend to post because well i just don't......but mainly it is for a day when my son will have this blog and have all those to read. ANYWAY - not sure why I never posted this. Maybe I just didn't feel like it was finished but I'm gonna post it now, unfinished and just allow the Lord to finish it up in your own heart.


3/9/10
WHAT IF..........
So what if the very circumstance you desperately want to be done with is the very thing that is an answer to your bended knee prayers?

What if the what seems like a whole pot of crazy dysfunction is the very thing that brings unity because you choose to love, support and protect even when nothing about that makes sense?

What if you're supposed to be feeling lonely because God is desperate to be your One and Only and all the other people in your life are just the extra special fluff?

What if you're supposed to lose that house because it will only bring harder trials trying to keep it?

What if staying the course in homeschooling is Gods best because it's stripping you of pride and growing in you a patient, calm person - even if right now you scream and have no peace

What if you've been hurt and offended but the road of love is to forgive even if the other person doesn't get it at all?

what if we all stop thinking that the current trial we are in is this strange thing when the Word clearly tells us that it's NOT - do we not believe the WORD?

So what if you start spending time with the Lord each day in prayer, His Word and worship - do you think that just maybe your heart would grow peaceful or do you rather enjoy your messed up mind of confusion?

What if you knew that there was a piece of the equation in your current trial that you didn't know and if knowing it would give you a completely different view - are you willing to know that most likely that is fact - you don't know the whole picture. - - - I think we all need to clean out our filters !

What if you find out you have been deceived by the enemy with "this" yucky situation in your life and you are putting things out there according to the lie of the enemy  - remember he is the great deceiver and the best con is when you don't know you are being conned.

What if living a more simple financial life is far better for you because you can not be trusted with wealth and He is really saving you from your flesh
what if what if what if.....................

What A Weekend

Well rested from my non-sleeping weekend up at Jr. High Youth Retreat. Seriously no sleep for this gal. No need to share the details but I will say that God is faithful to give strength to do what He has asked you to do. I am a walking testimony of that so don't ever get hung up on that kind of stuff.
Now the good stuff. It was so amazing, I need a new word let's try awe-inspiring. Yes that's good. Anyway, cooking for those kids and their leaders was such a blessing. I had the best kitchen crew and well we pretty much had a blast. Many memories to laugh for years with.
I must say I am overwhelmed with a thankful heart for the work that our God is doing in our youth group. Jon and Mike are so God's anointed for this ministry. Their heart, their passion, their conviction is so Holy Spirit fueled. I am just one thankful momma that I have a son up in that youth group. These guys serve with such excellence and full throttle commitment. The teachings: gifted, inspired by the Holy Spirit, effective, and given with such conviction and humility. The worship: flooded with the Spirit of God - from inhibited worship to abandoned freedom in singing as loud as they could to the lover of their souls. The fellowship time: from insecure clicks to bigger groups of laughing and hugging. YES these were Jr. Higher. I have been blessed to serve my Jesus in many ways but this experience is one of the best. Just to be there and find myself losing myself in the beauty of my Jesus through the teachings and the worship - it was truly a gift.
To watch one of the kitchen guys have a young man come up to him broken and pouring his heart out to him and walking away from that conversation having met his savior for the very first time. I knew then, we are not there to serve food only. We are there to be His disciples. So many stories I could share but I will just say never miss an opportunity to serve if He is calling you - you never know what the bigger picture really is.
SO - the picture up top. YEP we got snowed in and YEP that is my van in the back - lol it was crazy but we knew God so had it covered. So yes we all got down eventually - well not everything. Much of our stuff is still up on that mountain for another day to grab.
Funny to me it  was profound to think that some stuff just needs to stay up there. it doesn't belong in our lives anymore.
Thank You Jesus for allowing me to serve.

On a harder note. I can't post this without making mention of the Youth group that came down that mountain yesterday and went over the cliff. My heart and prayers go out to them. These kids were just minutes away from where we were. The last I heard there was 1confirmed dead and at least 20 injured. May the peace of God flood this horrific situation and bring comfort, healing and salvation to overflowing.
http://www.ocregister.com/news/county-289171-fire-bus.html

What I know is this accident will have great power to bring many to salvation for all the youth that were up on that same mountain, that same weekend.  May Salvation reign !!!!!

What a Joy it is to serve

Tomorrow I am off to the mountains to spend a weekend with the Jr. High group cooking their meals and standing on my feet for 3 days. Serving those crazy kids....AAAAUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH you may say!
NO WAY this girl is so stinkin excited. i am always amazed at the things my Jesus will allow me to do for Him. Looking so forward to this weekend. To bless these kids and those youth leaders, what a honor. Sometimes I don't even recognize myself when I stop and think about what I am doing. 
This will be a fun weekend - sure it will be hard but who cares that is God's part to bring the strength and the wisdom. I know who my Lord is and He has it covered!
,,,,,,,NOW I may be in bed for 2 days come Monday but even this old gal needs her rest.
O and yes for those of you who know my saying about Jr. High .....well.... Yes I am aware that I broke my rule - lol

Sweet Gifts around the corner

So my string of the greatest concerts ever are just around the corner. This morning sitting here listening to some great worship music and just resting in His love, I started thinking about how blessed I feel that in just a couple of weeks I will be seeing Jeremy Camp. I love him so much. To listen to him via CD is one giant blessing, but to watch him on stage and the overwhelming joy he has in his obvious deep love affair with my Jesus is quit another experience. Gosh I can't wait. he does this one thing that just makes me smile with an overflowing heart. He will sing a verse then pull away and his face is just beaming with this smile that he can not contain because of his love for my Lord. It is so so evident. I think - man this guy has sung this song 1000's of times and still he can not sing it without just feeling as if he has just sung these swords for the very first time to his beloved redeemer. It is something so great to see and I DO IN 2 WEEKS!!!!!
THEN
in a few days after that I am off to the 1 concert I have always prayed I would ever be so blessed to attend. HILLSONG at the Staples Center!!!!!! can you picture just being there with that  amazing worship music - 1000's of people standing hearts and hands lifted high just worshipping with the Lover of their souls WOW I get to be there. Just thinking about it right now I can't write this without a giant smile on my face. Thinking about the non-saved workers at the Staple Center and knowing that they are about to have an encounter with my Jesus that will bring them to their knees. Holy Spirit come and and may salvation reign that night.
THEN
4 weeks later I will be at the Gibson Theater worshipping with
CHRIS TOMLIN!!!!!
so there pretty much is not many Chris Tomlin songs that i have not choreographed for our children's ministry - so Yep I will be there with some sweet friends and YEP I'm sure we will be doing our thing to all those songs. now that is going to be so great.
what a blessed season of worship in concerts that i have been given.
Thank You Jesus You sure know my love language!!!!

A perfect reminder to start this day.

In "K" group we are inductively studying the life of Paul. We are starting up Ephesians this Tuesday and I needed to look back on my study since I worked ahead during our break from regular group.,
Just reminded of a sweet truth that is so encouraging to my heart this morning:
Ephesians1: 7

⁷ In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace

His blood: I had did a long study on His blood and the unimaginable love it took to shed it for selfish unworthy people and looked at the tool that it is in our walk with the Lord to assist us in battling our enemy. Here is a piece that resonated with me this morning once again.

The shedding of our Lord's blood had the power to forgive all our trespasses. I have been redeemed because of that blood. I will not have to touch, hear, smell or see the tragic abomination that hell is because of the blood of my God who humbled Himself to come to this earth and give up his essence to become flesh, to be ridiculed, hated, betrayed, mocked so that He would be able to go to a tree and hang on a cross and think of me and His unfailing perfect love towards me. He took the pain and suffered long for me. He bleed from his feet to cover everywhere I would ever walk that was not according to His will – he bleed from his hands for every sin that I would ever commit with these hands – he bleed from his head for every thing I would ever think, say, hear that is against His ways for me – he bleed from His back for every time I would choose to have my back over His – he bleed from His side for every time I wouldn’t be on His side that I would selfishly choose my own side

 He bleed for me.

                             and for You!!!!

I'm not dead!!!

week one under my belt and OMYGOODNESS!!!! I survived - the Lord must have a purpose for all this nonsense. Won't spend humiliating time on the details but I'm alive when I was pretty sure I was gonna get to see my Jesus this week.
I got to thinking all these years my tag line has been keep chasing righteousness! I guess this has become a self fulfilling prophesy....lol.....be careful what your mouths say.

Couch to 5K

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH........... it has started. I'm pretty sure that i am going ro die!
Today is day 3 of week 1. Please Jesus let this be a sign that i just might actually do this thing.
Reader's Digest version:
exercise  - NO!!!! not allowed to be apart of my life. My line in the sand with the Lord. No No No Lord don't touch that rebellious part of my heart. I will give you anything else to buffet my body. I have taken every food allergy out - which has left me with a hand full of things I can eat - BTW thank you for how healthy I have become because of that. I will fast anytime you ask Lord. But exercise, it just can't be.
This is a common conversation I have with the Lord. We will use the word terrified to explain my heart towards exercise. Sure I know that my body will NOT lose weight without it, but it's just well alot of baggage in my head why I choose not to.
So here I am in the CM office and within a moment that Mary somehow cast this horrible spell on Susan C and I and we actually agree to train for a 5k in May. Now the part that is INSANE that makes me know that she 100% drugged us or cast a spell or something crazy of that nature is we both actually for that moment was excited, believing that shoot of course we can do this. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT???? my head was spinning thinking I can't back out  - Let no's be no's and your YES be YES! a principle I am trying to live by.
THEN..... I share with my son that I was going to do this and before I could walk away I'm asking him to join me. AND YES he is eager and bonding with me over this 5K nonsense. Now I have been praying so hard for our relationship as it is very challenged and here we are bonding over THIS!!!!!. So now this thing takes on a whole new life for me.
So fast forward to today  - day 3 of our 1st week of training. Aaron is a great motivator trainer for me. He is encouraging me moment by moment and something so tender is happening for both of us. It's crazy how it is taking this self denying thing in my life to bring about what i am daily on my knees about with my son. hhhhhmmmmmm yea I get it!
Lesson for the day  - what are you willing to die to for victory in the things you pray for?

BTW  - there are 16 people who are joining our team for this 5k. What in the world has been born???

well off for this run - if i never came back my parting words to you all are
Keep chasing righteousness!!!!!

Home Rested and Ready Yes Lord Ready

Not to sure if I'm ready to recap retreat so let's just see how this goes.

Home from retreat and full of so much hope. To watch answered prayers that I have prayed for so so long. Honestly -  don't ever lose hope in prayer!. For me that is what this retreat ended up being for me. I got to sit there and unwrap this beautiful gift from my Jesus' heart to my heart. Answered prayer all over the place. Now to others they may not be able to see it but it was happening from the moment we arrived until the moment we left - one new OMYGOOSH moment for me one after another. To see lives change right in front of my eyes. That is what My Jesus can do and did for me this weekend. The Lord so prepared my heart of "others focused" for this retreat and it was exactly where my head and heart needed to be. There was only but a moment that i was self focused on a O O situation that I put into motion, that I regretted and had a little bit of a pity party over doing something not relying on the Spirit of God. But other than that, to be others focused was the greatest gift and somehow my need tank got full to overflowing. Lord let me hold fast to that principle.
FAITH HOPE and LOVE:
Costly Grace
Living and Loving Outside of the Box
Free To Be Me and You
Linked in Love
Every teaching was seasoned with so much flavor and some bites were hard to chew, but to see God's heart in the matter how can we not say Yes and Amen to everything that is in His heart.
For me the main thing i walked away with was -  sure it's easy to keep the ones we like the most close but what about when the hard stuff comes and they hurt us. To leave them is missing out on such a beautiful work that God will do. Stay, forgive, allow restoration - YES walk in wisdom but we have a great big God who really can take any mess and bring beauty for ashes.
Well as I suspected when I first started writing this I'm not completely ready to put it all out there. This retreat sure is hard to articulate. It was the best retreat EVER for me. It was the most painful retreat to be present with EVER. yes both of those are true and only our Jesus, who is relentless in His pursuit of our complete hearts, could ever make those sentences come together be true for one event.
I have never witnessed such genuine sweet fellowship. The unity that we have been praying for 5 years for, well it was birthed at this retreat. Can I just say the labor pains are so stinkin worth it. SO DO NOT TRUST YOUR EMOTIONS  - trust the Lord and His Word. Unity comes at a cost - you can't bail, You need to stay in it and be honest and forgiving. This group that I am so blessed to be apart of, we are actually learning this, we are living in it and can i just say the fruit of that is sweet O so sweet. So thankful that fruit stayed on the vine a little longer than we all wanted it too.
I know this is just a jumbled rambling where are you going post. But I'm just trying to get some of this stuff out of my head and heart.
We will see some leave this year. Some for travels afar, some because it is time, and others because well just because. In all of it what i know is God has planted a gift deep within each one of our hearts and if we allow the Vine to nurious the branch the fruit will be sweet for another group of woman elsewhere.
Thank You Jesus for a gift that I couldn't have even imagined to pray for. I knew it would come at a cost but Lord You alone script Your ways.
Thank You Jesus that I get to be................!

the eve of retreat

just finished packing - sitting down with a yummie cup of decaf and just letting my thoughts go where ever they may:
What if God shows me stuff in my heart that I'm not prepared to deal with. I happen to say to  a friend today to trust God's timing. So what about me now and my thoughts of His timing in my life? Don't want to think about that..........
What if I can't connect with my Lord in worship? the voice inside of me says, 'DO IT ANYWAY'. Don't like that answer.........
What if I go to pray and there are no words? there is that voice again,' then sit in silence and listen to HIM'. Awkward what if everyone just stares at me. 'Let them stare'
What if ......what if.........what if.........what if......???????
What if God breathes on my life and sets me on fire!!!!
I'm in Lord .....YES AND AMEN  to everything that's in your heart!!!!

Why DO You Fight So Hard To Get Out Of Your Situation

Was reading a prayer board this morning and it just seems like it's the same story in every circle
 [ names have been changed to protect the real ones] hard times are here and no one is going to be free of them.
Lakwanda - wants out of her marriage because her husband is a jerk ( her words not mine)
Matilda Lou - cant deal with her kids so she just sits in frustration and borders on depression.
Shanada Kay - hates her boss and just sits at work and stews
Rolika Lilly - well everything is overwhelming to her and she just cant get a grip on anything
Margreala Kathrine - is dying in her dysfunctional home
................... so you get the idea here everyone is drowning in their circumstances and wants it to just STOP!!!!!
Praise the Lord for so many scriptures on all of these however, it comes down to this simple principle.
If it's not this situation it will be another. God is going to use whatever is in your life to bring you to your knees in repentance of whatever he is desperately trying to show you to sanctify you for His glory. Is there a constant theme that keep coming up? I recently read this amazing and very timely book by Kay Smith "The Privilege"  - I took many nuggets away that I am trying to hold on to and practice in my life - one stands out right now in relation with what I am talking about. When you feel something that makes you upset, negative, critical, angry, bitter, insecure.....etc.... ask the Lord to name that root sin in your heart. He will and when He does, repent of it and allow God to forgive you of your wrong heart. This practice will soon find you not fighting your circumstances and realizing that God has allowed them to consecrate your life so that you can live a life sanctified for His glory.
I am not making light of any ones situation because we are all going through it  - it's just a shift in how we view those circumstances. We need to allow the Lord to show us our sin first - always start with self and get that cleaned up. Somehow the "others" just don't seem so daunting after that.

WOW THAT WAS FAST

OKAY THAT WAS WAY TO FAST  - HE DICTATED OTHERS. SO YES LORD OTHERS IT WILL BE.
THANK YOU LORD FOR A FAST ANSWER.

I'm Back - with a ramble

So this morning I was thinking about this blog of mine and how I really haven't even looked at it in like 15 years. Okay fine a slight exaggeration however, it has been a long time. Then i thought WHY??? truth is I've been going through some things that just have needed to be slightly protected from this blogsville. I tend to not care to much about how people interpret my post, as it is always just a raw unfiltered truth of my thoughts and emotions and what God is showing me. Well this past season I have needed to be a little more protective of circumstances and people so no blogging seemed to be the better right thing. But i'm back and just in need of a verbal unload  - shoot this is my therapy!!!!
3 days from now I will be up on a mountain with 22 fellow CM leaders, in a house, in jammies :), seeking the Lord for self and for our ministry, for 3 days. Now this sure has the potential of some pretty amazing supernatural works of our Lord Jesus but the reality of it all is that it will only be what we allow it to be or to make it completely personal - what I allow it to be for myself. O sure I want the big stuff - the really great personal revival great stuff. But! will I allow it? You see with out personal brokenness, repentance before a Holy God, not much can happen in the light of revival - okay NOTHING can happen. I have spent the last 5 months praying pretty much daily for these ladies, praying and fasting desperately seeking the Lord on their behalf - however, somehow I have forgotten myself in the process. Now maybe that is a good thing because I have always been greatly encouraged and exhorted along the way. But this day I am wondering if I need to shift my focus on just self for these last few days.  Now self tends to get a bit to up in the head with things and not always a good outcome so today my question before my Jesus becomes - WHAT LORD DO I DO- ME OR OTHERS? I'm sure I could debate both sides of that coin to a good resolve however I really just need my ever faithful Lord to press on my heart this day this last step before getting to retreat.
Last Friday we had an all night prayer and fast time for our ministry and upcoming retreat. Even in that evening God was showing me my stuff but all through the night I just continued  to see flashes of others hearts and circumstances and felt so compelled to pray for them. Just being completely about me was a task that took so much concentration and only for moments here and there was really able to accomplish that.
Here is a perplexing thought: one girl focused only on others and I knew that God needed her to see herself more than anything - while yet another girl focused so inwardly that it messed up her head and she needed to focus outwardly. So to see both situations so strongly it just makes me wonder for myself. ME OR OTHERS -  or is it balance?  whatever the natural bent is then the opposite is probably true for the moment. Well that confuses me even more. 17years ago I was only ever in my head - lived an entire life  as the perfect classic victim who could excuse any behavior and truly believed that EVERYONE was wrong, they just didn't get it. Light bulb moment brought me to my knees in complete disgust over myself  and repentance soon followed. Since then I have learned to live thinking of others and not trusting my own thoughts on self as there is just way to much insecurities wrapped up in self for me. So would it be that after 17years the Lord would say time to balance that all out? Remember this is just a vent session and I wouldn't expect anyone to actually track what i am saying here. Maybe with this vent you can see why I'm a bit of a mess - lol PRAY FOR ME!!!!
So today i will trust in the Lord for bringing the circumstances to the table of others or me. Tomorrow will be a new day and with prayerfully a little more clarity will do the same.

I'll be back tomorrow with maybe a little recap of some things that have been going on. Or maybe just some more "WHAT IN THE WORLD IS SHE TALKING ABOUT"  post.

always remember......... keep chasing righteousness!!!!!!
stand firm and don't pray for the trial to go away - God is in it and He has something super fantastic for you to learn in it - You will praise Him one day for it !  just watch and SEE!!!!!