There is HOPE

Sitting here this morning with my coffee and my Jesus and just really realizing how much hope we have. So many hard, seemingly impossibly things we all have going on these days AND YET THERE IS HOPE. I was drinking my coffee looking at my Christmas tree, with it's light on, looking at all the ornaments and thinking of all the memorize attached to each and every one. I couldn't help but smile and think of this tree and all that it represents in my life, and then A TREE that my sweet Jesus died on to give me life, to give me hope! The combination of the two things my memorize and my Jesus, I got to thinking do i seriously think all of that stops now in my life, NO WAY !!! . He is with me, His presence is ever so near. Psalms constantly speaks of hoping in Him and His presence being near. So why the trepidation I asked myself. 

SO today I walk in this truth, with all it's challenges and turmoil and I will know that He is near and I will purpose to say in all things to come, "BUT I HAVE HOPE BECAUSE JESUS IS HERE WITH ME'

Some how I believe this is going to be a pretty great day!

Did Something Fun The Other Day

Last week I woke up and the name of Jesus was just resonating in my head.You gotta love times like that.  So I got this fun idea to challenge myself to say "Jesus" out loud 100 times that day. Okay not sure if I did 100 or 1000 because I honestly didn't count but what I did do was seriously have Jesus on my mind ALL DAY LONG and o what fun and joy that was. Some things that stand out from that day. I couldn't say "Jesus" without smiling  - you know the kind of smile that just feels so stinkin good. Going to the store was a hysterical adventure. Here i am saying "Jesus" out loud and noticing that people around me starring at me. It made me laugh so I said it again "Jesus" buy this time i figure they are wondering why is she saying Jesus. When I said it again I realized WOW I have these people thinking  about Jesus how great is this. I was so amusing myself and thought even if they think I have turrets they will surely tell this story to someone today and once again the name of Jesus will be said out loud again and again. So as my day progressed and I realized the influence I had by simply saying "Jesus", it made me think why have I never done this before. Aaron asked me , "mom you have said Jesus a lot today why?" I said, "why not?" then he looked at me in that my mom is crazy look and said, "ok mom you win say Jesus all you want". I just laughed.
I bet you want to say it  - go ahead just say it loud!!!!
JESUS

good morning

Up at 5am to get ready for some running and walking - off to Tri-City to get in a couple of miles before Susan shows up for our Friday 3 mile fast walk. Praising the Lord for the 60degree August morning. Put in a couple fast miles before hearing from Susan that she wasn't gonna make it - O DID I SAY FAST - YES STUPID FAST. Sad to not have that sweet time of chatting with my friend but decided to use the time to put some intervals in. YUCK those stink!!!!
Back home by 6:30 to make some perfect coffee - you know what I mean by perfect: strong Colombian roast w/ SF vanilla / Carmel, w/ heavy cream. O my goodness it's so good this morning. Even now as I sit here on my back porch it's still only 62 degrees.
I was reading a devotion this morning about Joseph and his trial was in believing God's Word. Here is a piece of that devotion:
God had revealed to Joseph through dreams that he would be given great authority that he would use for God's glory. His brothers would bow before him and he would be a great deliverer of many people. I do not believe any of this was an ego trip for Joseph. His heart was so set on God that this word gave him a humble sense of destiny: "Lord, you have put your hand on me to have a part in your great, eternal plan.” Joseph was blessed just by knowing he would play an important role in bringing God's will to pass! But the circumstances in Joseph's life were just the opposite of what God had put in his heart. He was the servant—he had to bow! How could he believe that he would one day deliver multitudes when he was a slave himself? He must have thought, "This doesn't make sense. How could God be ordering my steps into prison, into oblivion? God said I was going to be blessed but he didn't tell me this was going to happen!"........
So I got to thinking about my life and the things that i know that i know God has shown / spoke to me about my life. I have with lifted hands and heart said, ' Yes Lord to everything that's in Your heart for me' - yet over time the fire in my belly seems to smolder out because things quickly seem very contrary to what I believed i heard. Looking at this devotion this morning and knowing Joseph's story I can see such a big correction to my wandering heart. O how I have ripped myself off time and time again. Well this morning  - this beautiful morning I say  forgive me Lord and I still say Yes to everything that's in your heart for me. May I not focus on the circumstances of today but may I see and trust in the word that You have spoken. My life is not my own and whatever You deems necessary to humble me, strengthen me, ignite me for a work that will bring glory to Your name then I'm in .
This is a good morning for sure - o and to make it just that much better my beautiful hubby text and said he got an earlier flight out of Seattle - he is on his way home as i type. Thank you Jesus bring him home safely to us.
Have a great day and always remember to keep chasing righteousness!!1

Thinking back a month ago when I was really moved in my heart with this verse and thought process. I sent this email to a friend and now sitting here this morning in a moment of praise to my sweet Jesus I realized that what He gave me then was exactly what I would need to draw my strength from today in this test and trial of my life. I am just so blessed and filled with joy in how He is so faithful to prepare us beyond our understanding in the  before moments for what's to come around the corner. Thank you Lord.

Psalm 135:5-6 

⁵For I know that the LORD is great,
and that our Lord is above all gods.
⁶ Whatever the LORD pleases, he does,
in heaven and on earth,
in the seas and all deeps.

I got to thinking with this truth that our Lord, our Savior, our Father does whatever He pleases to do. He allows all things for His pleasure. Hard to wrap our minds around that thought when the difficult, impossible things come our way. yes we read and desperately try to believe that He allows / causes all things for good for those that love Him. I get that He has the blimps perspective on the Rose parade sort of speak. From beginning to the end He sees it. We see just the float that just passed us by, the one in front of us, and the front of the one coming our way. However, He sees the entire parade happening at the same time. Anyway, I got to thinking that if He does/ allows things because it pleases Him then it should please me as well. If it’s what he wants then it SHOULD be what I want. So why the often struggle in my heart. Romans 12 tells us the will of God is good and acceptable and perfect. We want to believe this and surrender to this  but our flesh rages war against this truth. I concluded all I know how to do and all I know to tell anyone else is to take it to the cross. Unsurrendered hearts need to be broken at the cross, tears need to be shed, and the brokenness of a doubting heart needs to be left at the cross. Repentance of the sin so the healing can come is where this all needs to start. Not once in our life but every time it comes – we need to take it to the cross. Will we ever be perfected in this. I really don’t know if that will happen here on earth, pretty much doubt it but what I do know is it happens for moments at a time but a lifestyle of this  not so sure, as I’ve yet to be able to say it is true of me – SO take it to the cross is what I will continue to do.

So in conclusion of this time spent with the Lord with this whole thought process. I will purpose to see what looks hard to me and impossible in my mind, as my Jesus doing what He pleases in my life because and trusting that He comes from a heart of pure untainted love towards me.

So today this moment I rejoice in the difficulties of my life.

here i am

Good grief - how is it that 2 months have come and gone since I've been here. I can see that i have lots of reading to catch up on with some of my favorite blog sites that I visit as well. So let's catch up:
MY 5K: yes yes yes I did it  - unbelievable at that time to see that I set a goal of 36min and made it in 34.11  - I learned something amazing that day, ok a few things but the most important thing was NEVER NEVER NEVER commit to anything within the first few hours after running a race with success. Shoot I would have said yes to anything I was so flying high on endorphins - lol  - Now to look back 2 months ago and think how far I have come since then I am shocked. Saturday I ran my farthest distances 7miles yep that's right 7. Training for a half marathon in October (13.2miles). What a crazy ride this has been - so many friends from church have jumped on board with this crazy goal - but what a joy to finally feel as if I am truly taking care of God's temple / my body in the right way. No more line in the sand for me - I am a runner !!
Running has become this crazy therapy thing for me. Realizing I have so many mental blocks in my head from  my past and all my insecurities and running has become the unexpected vehicle that my sweet Lord is using to heal me from so many things. Better late than NEVER  - so here I am 45yrs old and saying yes to the Lord in so many things - things that I have secretly so longed to be used by Him with and just felt way to presumptuous in it all. Life is changing and I never know what the days will bring but to wake up everyday and say, ' Jesus what are you up to today and may I please play a part in bringing glory to Your name',  - and this all started with a 30second run that just about killed me.... on to something else......
So Aaron is going to school this year for the first time ever!!! 8th grade - now this is about to change our lives in some very complicated way but long story short once God dealt with me in my pride in not wanting him to go, I was left with the wisdom that if this the challenge of school is going to be the vehicle that the Lord uses to bring about strength of character, then how can I say that it's not good enough. Will he drowned - maybe. Could he fail - possible. Will he make bad choices - yes. But these will all be on him and he will need to figure this out. We will be the loving home that will support him while he struggles. We will be there to pray and wipe his tears.We will be the constant source of love and the things of Jesus while he finds his way in school. I guess this might not make sense to you as the reader but to give you the history is just way to much writing and you may have already checked out my now. Anyway, my son is going to school and we will be on our knees.
FOOTBALL: so just to make sure that our life is just that much more complicated this year Aaron is playing football for the first time. Placentia Steeler!!!!!! now this is one happy mom that all her Steeler stuff will get plenty of use this year - lol  The irony is that we are a house divided Daddy is Broncos all the way. Mom, Steelers ( I'm a Rain for goodness sakes ! ) and well Aaron sides with all things Daddy NEVER NEVER Mom. So to see my son with Steelers uniform - lol O the joy!!!!!! NOW will he prove to be any good - time will tell and i am sure there will be many post along the way. He is his daddy's son however so somehow I'm sure he will find himself with a lot of great ability out there - But i can still out run them both!!!

to be continued later.....

Happy Mother's Day

SO this morning as I sat and thought about my Mom. I couldn't but smile from ear to ear. I so love her. Was she the perfect Mom - doubt it. But she was the BEST MOM for me. Her strengths and weakness' are the very things God used to mold some of the things I like most about myself. It gave me a fresh breath of hope this morning as i thought about myself as a Mom. Many days I think, "I'm a horrible parent - why would the Lord allow me to ever be any ones mom?" made me wonder if my mom ever had days like that. Did she ever want to walk away. - did she ever want me to be different. Somehow in all that thinking I was just filled with hope and a deeper understanding of the love and sacrifice my Mom made for me. Thanks Mom I really can say you are the best Mom for me - and I see your name a little more perfectly suited for you - GRACE!
I love you Gracie

Friday in Motion

So tonight marks 1st VBS worship practice of the season. Can't wait for the gals to see these new songs. Fun choreography!!!
Tonight on the list:
So Good - Lincoln Brewster
Reaching For You - Lincoln Brewster
Our God - Chris Tomlin
Starrry Night - Chris August - so far my fav new one
and we will make sure we are all tight on:
Glorious Day  - Casting Crowns
I will Follow - Chris Tomlin

long night but it will be so much fun - nothing like a bunch of aging gals who think they were the the 'Laker Girls" in their earlier days.  - lol O it's a hoot. If nothing else it is a great workout

"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."

- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr

O Jesus may we understand and live love as you so beautifully displayed it on that cross.
"Forgive them for they know not what they do"  - JESUS

David Wilkerson with our Jesus

So yesterday found the passing of one of the really really greatly used men of God, David Wilkerson. Instead of  posting about the accident that took his life from this earth, I wanted to share the last thoughts that were on his heart for us. Here are the devotions he wrote this past week.
FRIDAY, APRIL 22, 2011
AN ANCHOR IN THE STORM
“Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which entereth into that within the veil” (Hebrews 6:19).  The anchor referred to in this passage of Scripture is hope. Not the hope of this wicked world, but the hope founded on God’s oath to keep, bless, govern those who trust him. This hope alone is our anchor in the storm falling on the earth at this present time. The writer of Hebrews admonished, “Be not slothful, but followers of them who through faith and patience inherit the promises” (6:12).
God made an oath to the “heirs of promise” who are all those who are in Christ. He made an oath in order to end all strive—all doubts—so that “…we might have a strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold upon the hope set before us” (6:18). 
Here is our hope: GOD HAS SWORN TO FULFILL HIS PROMISES AND IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR GOD TO LIE. He kept his word to Abraham—he will keep his word to you as you trust him. We need strong consolation in these times. After all is said and done—and all the sermons have been preached on
hope—it comes down to this: Are we willing to commit all into his hands—rest in his Word—and stand without wavering in the love of God, fully convinced his promises to you will be fulfilled? You can take that kind of faith beyond the veil into the holiest!
MONDAY, APRIL 25, 2011
TRUSTING GOD IN THE FACE OF DIFFICULTIES
Nothing honors God more than trusting him in the face of difficulties. How qickly we forget the miracles and past blessings.
In Psalm 106 we see Israel beholding an incredible miracle as the Red Sea caved in upon the Egyptian army, drowning every soldier. “When they saw the Egyptians lie in the sea before them, then they believed in God, and sang his praise.” And the next words that follow are, “They soon forgot his works” (verse 13).  But we cannot trust our faith to past experiences—we are too forgetful and recall is too fragile. Past experience alone will not be enough to strengthen us in present difficulties. We need fresh faith—anchored in a daily supply of the Word of God—a fresh word from God! Trust God when facing difficulties and God will trust you with more of his grace, his all-sufficiency and his strength. To trust God in the face of dire difficulties requires a venturing faith—committing all things into his caring hands. There comes a time we must launch out into the deep and cast every care upon him. This venturing faith is all-pleasing to him. Faith is our only hope, our only way out of difficulties. So let us step out and commit all to him! 
TUESDAY, APRIL 26, 2011
WE ARE TESTED BY OUR FALLS AND FAILINGS 
I do not mean that Christians who fall back into old sins and turn back to the  world are being tested. No, those believers face a shipwreck of faith. But Peter warned, “Beware lest ye also, being led away with the error of the wicked, fall from your own steadfastness” (2 Peter 3:17). Peter is warning believers who are growing in holiness and are set on following the Lord. Some of you may have taken a fall in spite of all the progress you’ve made with the Lord. If I asked you what caused your fall, you might answer, “Brother Dave, it was a fit of anger. I was provoked by my own family and I blew up. I can’t understand it. I thought I was becoming a little sweeter, a little more like Jesus. But somebody just pushed the wrong button and I lost
it.” You may say, “I’m only human. How much am I supposed to take?” It does not matter that you were provoked or even that you were in the right. The provoking simply proved you need deliverance. Scripture says, “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor [fighting], and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice [grudges]” (Ephesians 4:31). God is going to keep testing you until you say, “I’ve got a spirit in me that’s got to go.” You will see no growth in Christ, no peace at home or on the job, until you can say, “You’re right, Lord—take it out!” If you’re being tested in this area, or any other area for that matter, you may be thinking, “I feel so unworthy. How much ground have I lost? Does the Lord still love me?”
Dear saint, if you have truly repented, you haven’t lost any ground whatsoever. God puts his loving arms around you and says, “I allowed that to happen so you would see what’s in your heart. But you’re making progress. You’ve said you want to walk with me, and I’m teaching you. I know what’s  inside of you and I’ll allow you to be provoked until you get rid of it all.” 
Are you being tested? If so, just pray: “Lord, you’ve put your finger on some areas in me. Pluck them out of my heart. Encourage me, Lord, that I’m not going backward—I’m going forward with you!” 

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 27, 2011   -yesterday the day he passed
WHEN ALL MEANS FAIL
To believe when all means fail is exceedingly pleasing to God and is most  acceptable. Jesus said to Thomas, “You have believed because you have seen, but blessed are those that do believe and have not seen” (John 20:29).
 Blessed are those who believe when there is no evidence of an answer to prayer—who trust beyond hope when all means have failed. Someone has come to the place of hopelessness—the end of hope—the end of
all means. A loved one is facing death and doctors give no hope. Death seems inevitable. Hope is gone. The miracle prayed for is not happening. That is when Satan’s hordes come to attack your mind with fear, anger,
overwhelming questions: “Where is your God now? You prayed until you had no  tears left. You fasted. You stood on promises. You trusted.”  Blasphemous thoughts will be injected into your mind: “Prayer failed. Faith
failed. Don’t quit on God—just do not trust him anymore. It doesn’t pay!”  Even questioning God’s existence will be injected into your mind. These have  been the devices of Satan for centuries. Some of the godliest men and women who ever lived were under such demonic attacks.  To those going through the valley and shadow of death, hear this word: Weeping  willlast through some dark, awful nights—and in that darkness you will soon hear the Father whisper, “I am with you. I cannot tell you why right now, but
one day it will all make sense. You will see it was all part of my plan. It was no accident. It was no failure on your part. Hold fast. Let me embrace you in your hour of pain.”  Beloved, God has never failed to act but in goodness and love. When all means  fail—his love prevails. Hold fast to your faith. Stand fast in his Word.
There is no other hope in this world.

what will your last words be the week you are taken from this earth?

PRAYING FOR MY SIS AND HER HUBBY IN ALABAMA. THANK YOU JESUS FOR KEEPING THEM SAFE AND GIVE THEM WISDOM AND STRENGTH TO WALK THESE DEVASTATING DAYS AHEAD. USE THEM FOR YOUR GLORY!!!

Random Thoughts on a Friday AM

Sleeping in felt so so good. Haven't done that in a long time. My running schedule gets me up at 5am, but I must say I am really beginning to like this whole running thing. NOT DURING NOT AT ALL but before and after. 4 weeks from tomorrow I will actually be running my first 5k. Unbelievable! These last 4 weeks is all about building up speed for this thing. Not looking to win, just looking to produce the best run for this soon to be 45 overweight body. From a 60 second run that I was sure I would die of a heart attack, to a 38min run yesterday. Yes I was hating it but when I was done I felt so fantastic. I never never thought they could make a believer out of me. NEVER!
Good Friday this is what today is and as I sit here and think about what my Jesus did for me I can't help but get emotional. How loved I am. ME He loves ME, He died for ME, He suffered for ME!!!!! He did THAT on that cross so I could be called His - yep that is pretty stinkin perfect. may I never take that for granted.
So for Children's Worship I choreographed the song 'Glorious God' by Casting Crowns.  I wanted this to be the song for the kids to worship to for Resurrection Sunday. We have been teaching it to them over the past couple of weeks. WOW that is a sight to behold. So beautiful. It's moments like that when I realize yes I'm getting pretty old and I should be hanging up my hat in this ministry soon. BUT I can't imagine missing out on moments like that. I'm very technically challenge, but I will try to figure out how to video it and post it up here. I love teaching this kids worship with all their body and voices. May they all grow up to be adults with no inhibitions in their worship to our Lord. Nay they all have that place of pure intimacy with the Lover of their souls.

This morning while doing my Bible study I was meditating on Eph 5;10 trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord.
I got to thinking is this true of me. How often am I mindful of wanting to know what pleases my Lord's heart? after a few pages of cross referenced verses and many challenging questions to myself regarding this, I came to the bottom line in my rabbit trail that in all things said and done I want to live a life pleasing to Him and if this is really my conviction then I am opening myself up to some pretty hard refining times ahead. BUT wouldn't that be a great thing to have been said of you. " she really loved to please the heart of Jesus" O Lord grow me into that truth for my life.
In closing I'm looking at how badly my house needs cleaning. I will have 18 people including dogs in my home on Sunday and you know what i think I'm better off not cleaning it before they get here. It will take 5 min before it doesn't show 1 trace of evidence that it had ever been clean. So never mind with the cleaning.
Well enjoy your Friday!

Happy Monday !

Well most people dread the awakening of a Monday morning, I rather like it  - no I pretty much love Mondays. I guess it's coming off a day of serving the Lord and watching all the amazing things that God is doing in and through the lives of His people. I always wake with a song of praise on my heart and just a sense of thankfulness of all i got to see displayed by our Lord the day before. This morning the song resonating in my head was "Lovely" by Chris Tomlin. I had just finished choreographing it for our upcoming VBS - AND tomorrow is Chris Tomlin at the Gibson Theater. O MY I CAN'T WAIT !!!! Going with a few friends - we all do children's worship so you can bet we will all be doing hand motions to most likely every song he sings. Seeing that we have choreography for ALOT of his songs. LOVE Chris Tomlin for kids worship: perfect words, perfect beat - everything translates just right for the kids. I should write him and share with him how his music has taught our kids how to worship and praise our Lord!!!!
To see the joy on a face of a 6 year old autistic boy who has no ability to have a back and forth conversation YET he can sing every word to Exalted / Sing Sing Sing and do every hand motion. To see that face and you know he understands. That is priceless. To watch a 5th grade teacher singing and doing hand motions then falling to his knees in total abandoned worship to our King while singing' Jesus Messiah". To see the 10 year old girl who is often picked on by her peers at school, yet she can come to church and sing and dance and laugh with her Sunday school classmates in absolute joy to the song "Made To Worship? I could go on and on but I'll just state that I am so thankful for his gift of writing music. It is perfect for kid's worship!!!!


So Monday is here: back to running after a stupid ankle injury. Minor set back but one that is leaving me with some discouragement. I did 1-10min mile then walked 1/2  mile then ran 1/2 mile. SO stinks I'm supposed to be on week 8 of C25K which means 28min run. So the plan is do what i can this week, in what is responsible for my ankle and then pick up next week with week 8. Glad i went running though it felt good to get out there.
After run, home to morning coffee and time in the Word. Looking at Ephesians 4. That is what "k" group will be doing tomorrow night - remember I wont be there I will BE AT THE CONCERT!!!! spent the last 2 weeks inductively studying it. So many nuggets. As I was reviewing it this morning to look at what changes I'm going to be accountable to doing. I was drawn once again to verses 1-3  Therefore I the prisoner of the Lord implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with all patience, showing tolerance for one another in love being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Really seeing this as a question to myself - am I walking in a manner worthy of the calling placed upon my life?(  Then I see there is a check list to match the way I walk to check it by God's standards, if I am in deed walking worthy: humility, gentleness, patience, showing tolerance in love, being diligent to preserve the spirit of unity. That is a tough list but one of great self examination. So this is the standard and to not allow God to do the hard work in these areas would only mean 1 thing. NOT WALKING WORTHY. So today my prayers are focused around this verse, for the Lord to show me the true intentions of my heart in this and for me to have a conscience awareness of pulling from His strength to walk in this manner. Great piece of scripture!
Happy Monday All make it count for the Kingdom! - even if you only smile and say hello to one stranger then shoot a prayer up for them as you walk away. No telling how that could change that persons day, week, life. Yep I believe we have that kind of influence for Jesus.

Miles for Melanoma

So race day is coming soon May 21st to be exact. Our team leader, Mary - yes you all know Mary she is the one I complain much about with this crazy 5k idea. ANYWAY, most of our team was formed because we are a bunch of old out of shape mommas and this was APPARENTLY a good idea. However, Mary asked if any of us are running in honor of someone. I got this idea that I would put it out there to see if any of you have battled this yucky disease or have known someone who has. I would love to write names on my race day shirt as a small way to honor them all. So please let me know and I will run with my head held high and I will even throw in a cross the finish line victory dance - just wait and see!!!!

welcome monday!!!

Morning run  - check
Morning time with my Jesus - check
Morning Bible study time - check
Morning coffee - check
Favorite morning weather - check ( chilly and cloudy )
So why am i feeling like I just want to run back to bed and pull the covers over my head for the rest of the day.
Well I better purpose to bless others today otherwise I think my funk might stay awhile. OR maybe a good mid-morning ramble will be good for me................aaaa never mind I got nothing!!!!
O wait here is some super fun news.
francis chan wrote a kids book
WOW look I did have something amazing to say today!!!
Happy Monday ......

let's pray for Japan

Holy loving Jesus, our risen Lord, our Strength and Refuge, Creator of the Universe, Messiah, Healer, Provider You are and we are Your people. We praise You O Lord for You are Good, You O Lord are Sovereign - Praise You Jesus!!! Hold us and anoint us with your wisdom and bring clarity and guidance to our every step. Shielded us from all that is not of You, our King Jesus Christ.


We love You Jesus and we thank you for Your tender loving hand in our lives.

This morning Lord we come to you and pray on bended knee for Japan and all the catastrophic events that are happening because of the earthquake. Lord we trust that You will reign and show Yourself strong and good in all that seems so horrific for You Jesus have allowed this and we know that You are Good so Jesus we trust in that and pray for hearts to return to You, for hearts to seek and find You. We have seen revival begin in Haiti and we trust that nothing less will become of this as well. Bring aid to those in need, pour your comfort for those that are grieving, have MERCY on the suffering, bring strength to those that are exhausted, bring rescue to the displaced children, comfort the hearts of the mommas who don't know where their children are, bring a song of praise to your believers there and may they sing loud and may the hearers find rest in the praise. Bring aid quickly Lord

You are God!!!

AMEN

I'm still running

So I am still running and guess what?.....I'm not dead!
This 'couch to 5k'  really is a smart program. If someone like me can still be running after 5weeks ( restarted with my friend at the 3rd week ) then there really is hope for ANYONE! What I have learned at this point:
 - I no longer want to strangle Mary
 - God really will give you strength to take one more step
 - I could never do this alone - thank you Jesus for running buddies, especially my other book end.
 - Ones body really does start to crave it  - the other day i said, " O I need to run (as a fond thought in my head)"  i about jumped out of my skin thinking who in the world just said that, It honestly made me laugh out loud! that stinkin Mary was right all along.
 - not sure what the weight is doing - tying to not let that become an idol  on this road of honoring God with His temple - BUT I can tell that things are shifting - YET ANOTHER thing Mary said would happen. Shoot I'm beginning to think this Mary is smart and maybe one should listen to her a little more often - not this one but someone ;0) just kiddin I so adore her. not to mention I have complete hair jealousy. Pretty pretty pretty!

NOW this coming week is a little terrifying for me. The running sequence is jumped up way more intense ( wk4) so many have said that having to repeat it is pretty common thing. It will come for me after a 3 day no run - not sure that is a good idea. I think i may have to run while I'm in Arizona visiting my sis. Maybe my Hannie will run with me.
Well gotta get. Just wanted you all to know that I HAVE NOT thrown in the towel. I'm staying on course.
always remember............ Keep Chasing Righteousness!!!

My Memorial Service

so pretty much everyone is thinking I've lost my mind or that i am an absolute control freak. Well I suppose both can very well be true. HOWEVER, I went to a beautiful memorial service this past Saturday of a dear sweet servant in our Church. To sit and listen to this woman's life I was once again challenged in my life of what in the world would my legacy be - what would people say of me. This lady lived a remarkable life and strength and love were the resounding  themes in every ones testimonials of their relationship with her. I left that day to have lunch with a friend who also happened to be at that service and we got to talking about our own memorial service and and how we would like those to look. SO now I am writing out my memorial service. It's funny the responses you get from people  when you tell them and share the excitement of the plan with them. Why does death freak people out so much. I'm rather enjoying planning this day out. Whether it will be a a few weeks, years, or decades. There is no doubt that I want to be the one to plan it. Here are some loosely made plans so far:
Rockin live worship music, and of course children's ministry worship with the entire place participating in choreography that I have been so blessed to create through the years.
Food: yes all my favorite yummie recipes - so that means I need to start writing them all out since I NEVER follow a recipe.
Open mic time - it has been my goal for well over 10 years to give everyone I love a crazy Susan moment so that they can share them at my service. No crying allowed - just that head scratching thought "how did God ever use that crazy woman".
What Pastor to share - well the one who really knows me is Pastor Maury, so it will be him. I pretty much just want there to be an alter call and the bold question. "why are you choosing hell with the one who seeks to destroy you instead of choosing life eternal with the lover of you soul who brings peace and joy" I want him to be in their faces - call them out  - I am not worried about offenses - i am terrified of their eternal damnation.
No coffin for me burn it up - this flesh of mine has only caused me grief - no one needs to ever feel as if they should go to my grave site. Burn me up and toss it in the trash - honestly throw it away my battle with my flesh will be over and it needs to be forever gone.
Now Bobby knows for anyone who comes to my service they need to leave with the book "crazy love "  - by Francis Chan. This book is everything I ever tried to say to anyone who would ever give me a minute to talk to them. he says it in such a gifted way and those are the words I want as my departing words to anyone who has ever known me. Now my current repeated read " the privilege" - by Kay Smith. Well if you are female you need to read it. This will most likely be the 2nd book to be given out at my service. I think I'm quickly building a gift bag for everyone. Hey that is not a bad idea. People love gifts - hhhhmmmmm I'm gonna have to think through that - I like that idea. SEE now you all want to come - it's always about the gifts  ;0) - if you gift them they will come!!!!!
No need to dress up in something  you are not comfortable in. If you know me I always pick comfort. Ladies if I didn't have to have it be coed I would pick it to be a jammie party - aren't we always most comfortable in our jammies!!! but it will be coed so dress accordingly.
So there you have it  - I'm getting it all written down. rather enjoying the process but through it all really wondering what would people say about me? There is a great song by Nichole Nordeman - Legacy. In there she sings, "I want to leave a legacy How will they remember me? Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough  to make a mark on things I want to leave an offering A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed Your name unapologetically And leave that kind of legacy"
Love this and want it to be true of me.

Enjoy your day and be challenged by the thought of what kind of legacy are you leaving behind?

Move That Mountain Jesus!!!

I posted the other day about the mountain moving challenge I had put out there to my 'k' group and then could see the face of a handful of ladies that I knew I needed to send it to as well. ANYWAYS, of the ones I know, because I had said I didn't need to know if they were doing it or not, I heard back from 32 woman. Can you believe that! Even now writing this it brings a smile to my face and a tear of joy to my eyes. A few gals over the past few days have asked me about this challenge from when I did it 15 years ago and how that went. So here I am to share what that God experience was in my prayer/faith journey. .....
Bobby and I had been married a little over a year and even though we had already been together for 61/2 years, there were many 1st year marriage challenges that I was dealing with. I remember one day hearing this story of Doug and Bob on KWVE (I'm pretty sure that is where it was - I will post it later so you can read it).  Well my heart jumped out of my chest and I knew that I wanted and needed to have a mountain moved in my marriage, God needed to change my husband. So right there that moment I committed to God that "yes Lord I will do this". I picked Monday to start, because don't we always pick Monday to start everything????? ;0)   I couldn't wait to tell Bobby what I was going to do. O NO God stopped me and clearly spoke to my heart to not say one thing. Bobby was not to know. O MY THAT CANT BE!!!!! Well of course my Jesus knew my manipulative heart and knew I would use it as a tool to manipulate my husband - so here I was now with a restriction on this challenge. Then somewhere over the next couple of days I could hear the Lord tell me 2 more things that seemed weird but I knew it was Him.
1. pray in your closet on your knees - I had never done that before
here is the kicker
2. only pray the Lord's prayer!
Now how does that make sense?
So here I was getting ready to pray for the Lord to move a mountain in my marriage - meaning Bobby and I am not allowed to tell him, I'm in my closet on my knees AND praying the Lord's prayer, that has nothing to do with what I needed to pray for. O the things that God was convicting my heart about during those days was insane.
So that Monday I started - obeyed what were the rules for ME. 1st week - felt so silly - it all felt manufactured and couldn't imagine how this was going to work. But then somewhere along the way my heart began to change and I craved going in that closet and would weep when I would say 'Hallowed be thy Name" For a few days I think I forgot what I was praying for and just prayed the words to what was becoming the cry of my heart pray. Somewhere along the line with each word I prayed I could see how perfectly applicable they were to the things in my marriage I had wanted to pray for. I was seeing Bobby differently, I was seeing my marriage very differently.
Day 40 the mountain was changed. ME God changed ME! I was the mountain and had no idea. The things I thought needed changed in Bobby were now in many ways blessings in my life and I had clarity to see the beauty of what it brought to the marriage and in my life. The things I once tried so hard to manipulate a change in him with through guilt and trying so hard to get him to fight with me, were now the very things that I could see was the perfect fit to allow me to serve God on the level that He was asking me to serve Him. Even writing this now brings me so much joy and thankfulness that God knew me best and set those guidelines on me.
That was when I began to understand prayer and it's power and purpose in my life.
Thank You Jesus for moving this mountain!!!!

Just some random thoughts this morning

Sitting outside in this chilly, 42degree Cali morning drinking a most fabulous cup of Colombian coffee, 20oz to be exact, with sugar-free vanilla syrup to sweeten and add a yummie touch of flavor, and a big splash of heavy cream mmmmmmm this is so good. Looks like my Lord made me a beautiful day to praise Him for. Thank You Jesus!!!!
So I decided on my mountain - well actually I had a friend decide for me. I figured since Doug chose Bob's or maybe it was the other way around that since i was still all in a quandary about my mountain that I should just have a friend pick for me. So she went a completely different route and picked my son. Yes I knew instantly she was right as this was the one i kept pushing out of my mind because It is the one I was most afraid to pray for ( honest confession ) So Aaron it is, with much trepidation I have enter these 40days for my son.
........... So tonight is Hillsong United concert. Coming off the heals of the Jeremy Camp concert where I was 2nd row I may add, I am flying high in a constant state of worshipping. This concert tonight at the Staple Center is gonna be so amazing. I have never been anywhere where 20,000 people are losing themselves in uninhibited abandoned worship. Well this girl will get to know that tonight. If my face is shining tomorrow well you know what that means.
...........going to the concert tonight means missing "k" group. I don't like to miss that but well this just seemed like a no brainer tonight ;o) It should be a great group tonight for the ladies though. We are in Ephesians 2. I love hearing all the personal applications that the gals get. So rich to hear so many different ways our Lord will speak so differently to each of us. I got 3 great nuggets out of Ephesians 2 but the one that has continued to resonate in my mind is Ephesians 2:1-2 ¹ And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, ² in which you formerly walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience.
I wont share the whole rabbit trail i did but the bottom line: to think that every time I walk in disobedience, I am walking with the enemy. The one who seeks to destroy me. To think that I can willing choose, that is a terrifying thought. To have walked with him before salvation is one thing but to willingly choose it once saved and sanctified - WOW pretty horrid to think that through.
............So Bobby thinks it's a good thing these days to have Geoffrey in our bed. NO IT IS NOT!!!!!! Don't get me wrong I love my dog - boy do I love him like crazy - HOWEVER this in the bed thing is killing me. He is this 11lb little thing that one would think wouldn't take up much room WRONG. He places himself in HIS perfect spot and will not budge. Some how I am most positive that in the middle of the night my lil'dog becomes a 200lb monster uuugghhh. All I know is this has to stop. Shoot i think he knows I'm writing about him as he is cuddled on my side licking my hand. This is one smart dog and I am one tired momma. ...................well Aaron has writing testing this morning that I need to get him too. O the joys of 7th grade.
Enjoy your day and remember who has given this day to you. make it count for His glory. When the bumps come your way, remember who brings wisdom and peace. When the temptations of compromise come across your path, remember whose intent it is to destroy you.
Choose Jesus I promise you will rest better tonight for it!!!!

40 Days of Prayer To Move A Mountian - day 1

starts today!!!
I was challenged in my faith recently from a prayer time with the Lord to have the faith the size of a mustard seed to move a mountain. Now this challenge is what started my prayer journey some 15 years ago, and indeed that mountain was moved. SO believing is the easy part. I know that things will happen in these 40days. The challenge has been what mountain do I really pick. Funny the enemy will come in to trip us up in whatever we give him and well I have been giving him my indecisiveness. uuugghhh!!!! How stupid relentless he is in his cause of confusion and darkness. Good thing that the lover of my soul is relentless in love, mercy, grace, healing, clarity, wisdom, and order. I am just hoping that sometime this morning that will take dominance over my thoughts and I will know what my mountain is I am praying for.
When I realized I was called to this, I put the challenge out to my "k" group sisters. How blown away I was when within  days 15 gals said "yep I'm in"
SO looks like in 40days Cali wont be recognizable  - somebody better warn map quest that things are about to change in this State.
Back to my original thought - i know that by the end of this day I will know what I am praying for - trust me there are many things, which is why I am having a hard time deciding. I want to pick 1. 
Here is a cute timing side note - God's timing is always just perfect. This 40days will end on the day of our Woman's Retreat . His timing not mine as i never even paid attention to the dates of the retreat this year since I knew I wouldn't be going. I just love how many of these woman that are doing this challenge will head into retreat on a high note - I am sure something great is gonna happen at that retreat for sure!!!!

going through my old uposted post

so i just went through to look at some unposted post. You see I write many post  that i never really intend to post because well i just don't......but mainly it is for a day when my son will have this blog and have all those to read. ANYWAY - not sure why I never posted this. Maybe I just didn't feel like it was finished but I'm gonna post it now, unfinished and just allow the Lord to finish it up in your own heart.


3/9/10
WHAT IF..........
So what if the very circumstance you desperately want to be done with is the very thing that is an answer to your bended knee prayers?

What if the what seems like a whole pot of crazy dysfunction is the very thing that brings unity because you choose to love, support and protect even when nothing about that makes sense?

What if you're supposed to be feeling lonely because God is desperate to be your One and Only and all the other people in your life are just the extra special fluff?

What if you're supposed to lose that house because it will only bring harder trials trying to keep it?

What if staying the course in homeschooling is Gods best because it's stripping you of pride and growing in you a patient, calm person - even if right now you scream and have no peace

What if you've been hurt and offended but the road of love is to forgive even if the other person doesn't get it at all?

what if we all stop thinking that the current trial we are in is this strange thing when the Word clearly tells us that it's NOT - do we not believe the WORD?

So what if you start spending time with the Lord each day in prayer, His Word and worship - do you think that just maybe your heart would grow peaceful or do you rather enjoy your messed up mind of confusion?

What if you knew that there was a piece of the equation in your current trial that you didn't know and if knowing it would give you a completely different view - are you willing to know that most likely that is fact - you don't know the whole picture. - - - I think we all need to clean out our filters !

What if you find out you have been deceived by the enemy with "this" yucky situation in your life and you are putting things out there according to the lie of the enemy  - remember he is the great deceiver and the best con is when you don't know you are being conned.

What if living a more simple financial life is far better for you because you can not be trusted with wealth and He is really saving you from your flesh
what if what if what if.....................

What A Weekend

Well rested from my non-sleeping weekend up at Jr. High Youth Retreat. Seriously no sleep for this gal. No need to share the details but I will say that God is faithful to give strength to do what He has asked you to do. I am a walking testimony of that so don't ever get hung up on that kind of stuff.
Now the good stuff. It was so amazing, I need a new word let's try awe-inspiring. Yes that's good. Anyway, cooking for those kids and their leaders was such a blessing. I had the best kitchen crew and well we pretty much had a blast. Many memories to laugh for years with.
I must say I am overwhelmed with a thankful heart for the work that our God is doing in our youth group. Jon and Mike are so God's anointed for this ministry. Their heart, their passion, their conviction is so Holy Spirit fueled. I am just one thankful momma that I have a son up in that youth group. These guys serve with such excellence and full throttle commitment. The teachings: gifted, inspired by the Holy Spirit, effective, and given with such conviction and humility. The worship: flooded with the Spirit of God - from inhibited worship to abandoned freedom in singing as loud as they could to the lover of their souls. The fellowship time: from insecure clicks to bigger groups of laughing and hugging. YES these were Jr. Higher. I have been blessed to serve my Jesus in many ways but this experience is one of the best. Just to be there and find myself losing myself in the beauty of my Jesus through the teachings and the worship - it was truly a gift.
To watch one of the kitchen guys have a young man come up to him broken and pouring his heart out to him and walking away from that conversation having met his savior for the very first time. I knew then, we are not there to serve food only. We are there to be His disciples. So many stories I could share but I will just say never miss an opportunity to serve if He is calling you - you never know what the bigger picture really is.
SO - the picture up top. YEP we got snowed in and YEP that is my van in the back - lol it was crazy but we knew God so had it covered. So yes we all got down eventually - well not everything. Much of our stuff is still up on that mountain for another day to grab.
Funny to me it  was profound to think that some stuff just needs to stay up there. it doesn't belong in our lives anymore.
Thank You Jesus for allowing me to serve.

On a harder note. I can't post this without making mention of the Youth group that came down that mountain yesterday and went over the cliff. My heart and prayers go out to them. These kids were just minutes away from where we were. The last I heard there was 1confirmed dead and at least 20 injured. May the peace of God flood this horrific situation and bring comfort, healing and salvation to overflowing.
http://www.ocregister.com/news/county-289171-fire-bus.html

What I know is this accident will have great power to bring many to salvation for all the youth that were up on that same mountain, that same weekend.  May Salvation reign !!!!!

What a Joy it is to serve

Tomorrow I am off to the mountains to spend a weekend with the Jr. High group cooking their meals and standing on my feet for 3 days. Serving those crazy kids....AAAAUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH you may say!
NO WAY this girl is so stinkin excited. i am always amazed at the things my Jesus will allow me to do for Him. Looking so forward to this weekend. To bless these kids and those youth leaders, what a honor. Sometimes I don't even recognize myself when I stop and think about what I am doing. 
This will be a fun weekend - sure it will be hard but who cares that is God's part to bring the strength and the wisdom. I know who my Lord is and He has it covered!
,,,,,,,NOW I may be in bed for 2 days come Monday but even this old gal needs her rest.
O and yes for those of you who know my saying about Jr. High .....well.... Yes I am aware that I broke my rule - lol

Sweet Gifts around the corner

So my string of the greatest concerts ever are just around the corner. This morning sitting here listening to some great worship music and just resting in His love, I started thinking about how blessed I feel that in just a couple of weeks I will be seeing Jeremy Camp. I love him so much. To listen to him via CD is one giant blessing, but to watch him on stage and the overwhelming joy he has in his obvious deep love affair with my Jesus is quit another experience. Gosh I can't wait. he does this one thing that just makes me smile with an overflowing heart. He will sing a verse then pull away and his face is just beaming with this smile that he can not contain because of his love for my Lord. It is so so evident. I think - man this guy has sung this song 1000's of times and still he can not sing it without just feeling as if he has just sung these swords for the very first time to his beloved redeemer. It is something so great to see and I DO IN 2 WEEKS!!!!!
THEN
in a few days after that I am off to the 1 concert I have always prayed I would ever be so blessed to attend. HILLSONG at the Staples Center!!!!!! can you picture just being there with that  amazing worship music - 1000's of people standing hearts and hands lifted high just worshipping with the Lover of their souls WOW I get to be there. Just thinking about it right now I can't write this without a giant smile on my face. Thinking about the non-saved workers at the Staple Center and knowing that they are about to have an encounter with my Jesus that will bring them to their knees. Holy Spirit come and and may salvation reign that night.
THEN
4 weeks later I will be at the Gibson Theater worshipping with
CHRIS TOMLIN!!!!!
so there pretty much is not many Chris Tomlin songs that i have not choreographed for our children's ministry - so Yep I will be there with some sweet friends and YEP I'm sure we will be doing our thing to all those songs. now that is going to be so great.
what a blessed season of worship in concerts that i have been given.
Thank You Jesus You sure know my love language!!!!

A perfect reminder to start this day.

In "K" group we are inductively studying the life of Paul. We are starting up Ephesians this Tuesday and I needed to look back on my study since I worked ahead during our break from regular group.,
Just reminded of a sweet truth that is so encouraging to my heart this morning:
Ephesians1: 7

⁷ In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace

His blood: I had did a long study on His blood and the unimaginable love it took to shed it for selfish unworthy people and looked at the tool that it is in our walk with the Lord to assist us in battling our enemy. Here is a piece that resonated with me this morning once again.

The shedding of our Lord's blood had the power to forgive all our trespasses. I have been redeemed because of that blood. I will not have to touch, hear, smell or see the tragic abomination that hell is because of the blood of my God who humbled Himself to come to this earth and give up his essence to become flesh, to be ridiculed, hated, betrayed, mocked so that He would be able to go to a tree and hang on a cross and think of me and His unfailing perfect love towards me. He took the pain and suffered long for me. He bleed from his feet to cover everywhere I would ever walk that was not according to His will – he bleed from his hands for every sin that I would ever commit with these hands – he bleed from his head for every thing I would ever think, say, hear that is against His ways for me – he bleed from His back for every time I would choose to have my back over His – he bleed from His side for every time I wouldn’t be on His side that I would selfishly choose my own side

 He bleed for me.

                             and for You!!!!

I'm not dead!!!

week one under my belt and OMYGOODNESS!!!! I survived - the Lord must have a purpose for all this nonsense. Won't spend humiliating time on the details but I'm alive when I was pretty sure I was gonna get to see my Jesus this week.
I got to thinking all these years my tag line has been keep chasing righteousness! I guess this has become a self fulfilling prophesy....lol.....be careful what your mouths say.

Couch to 5K

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH........... it has started. I'm pretty sure that i am going ro die!
Today is day 3 of week 1. Please Jesus let this be a sign that i just might actually do this thing.
Reader's Digest version:
exercise  - NO!!!! not allowed to be apart of my life. My line in the sand with the Lord. No No No Lord don't touch that rebellious part of my heart. I will give you anything else to buffet my body. I have taken every food allergy out - which has left me with a hand full of things I can eat - BTW thank you for how healthy I have become because of that. I will fast anytime you ask Lord. But exercise, it just can't be.
This is a common conversation I have with the Lord. We will use the word terrified to explain my heart towards exercise. Sure I know that my body will NOT lose weight without it, but it's just well alot of baggage in my head why I choose not to.
So here I am in the CM office and within a moment that Mary somehow cast this horrible spell on Susan C and I and we actually agree to train for a 5k in May. Now the part that is INSANE that makes me know that she 100% drugged us or cast a spell or something crazy of that nature is we both actually for that moment was excited, believing that shoot of course we can do this. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT???? my head was spinning thinking I can't back out  - Let no's be no's and your YES be YES! a principle I am trying to live by.
THEN..... I share with my son that I was going to do this and before I could walk away I'm asking him to join me. AND YES he is eager and bonding with me over this 5K nonsense. Now I have been praying so hard for our relationship as it is very challenged and here we are bonding over THIS!!!!!. So now this thing takes on a whole new life for me.
So fast forward to today  - day 3 of our 1st week of training. Aaron is a great motivator trainer for me. He is encouraging me moment by moment and something so tender is happening for both of us. It's crazy how it is taking this self denying thing in my life to bring about what i am daily on my knees about with my son. hhhhhmmmmmm yea I get it!
Lesson for the day  - what are you willing to die to for victory in the things you pray for?

BTW  - there are 16 people who are joining our team for this 5k. What in the world has been born???

well off for this run - if i never came back my parting words to you all are
Keep chasing righteousness!!!!!

Home Rested and Ready Yes Lord Ready

Not to sure if I'm ready to recap retreat so let's just see how this goes.

Home from retreat and full of so much hope. To watch answered prayers that I have prayed for so so long. Honestly -  don't ever lose hope in prayer!. For me that is what this retreat ended up being for me. I got to sit there and unwrap this beautiful gift from my Jesus' heart to my heart. Answered prayer all over the place. Now to others they may not be able to see it but it was happening from the moment we arrived until the moment we left - one new OMYGOOSH moment for me one after another. To see lives change right in front of my eyes. That is what My Jesus can do and did for me this weekend. The Lord so prepared my heart of "others focused" for this retreat and it was exactly where my head and heart needed to be. There was only but a moment that i was self focused on a O O situation that I put into motion, that I regretted and had a little bit of a pity party over doing something not relying on the Spirit of God. But other than that, to be others focused was the greatest gift and somehow my need tank got full to overflowing. Lord let me hold fast to that principle.
FAITH HOPE and LOVE:
Costly Grace
Living and Loving Outside of the Box
Free To Be Me and You
Linked in Love
Every teaching was seasoned with so much flavor and some bites were hard to chew, but to see God's heart in the matter how can we not say Yes and Amen to everything that is in His heart.
For me the main thing i walked away with was -  sure it's easy to keep the ones we like the most close but what about when the hard stuff comes and they hurt us. To leave them is missing out on such a beautiful work that God will do. Stay, forgive, allow restoration - YES walk in wisdom but we have a great big God who really can take any mess and bring beauty for ashes.
Well as I suspected when I first started writing this I'm not completely ready to put it all out there. This retreat sure is hard to articulate. It was the best retreat EVER for me. It was the most painful retreat to be present with EVER. yes both of those are true and only our Jesus, who is relentless in His pursuit of our complete hearts, could ever make those sentences come together be true for one event.
I have never witnessed such genuine sweet fellowship. The unity that we have been praying for 5 years for, well it was birthed at this retreat. Can I just say the labor pains are so stinkin worth it. SO DO NOT TRUST YOUR EMOTIONS  - trust the Lord and His Word. Unity comes at a cost - you can't bail, You need to stay in it and be honest and forgiving. This group that I am so blessed to be apart of, we are actually learning this, we are living in it and can i just say the fruit of that is sweet O so sweet. So thankful that fruit stayed on the vine a little longer than we all wanted it too.
I know this is just a jumbled rambling where are you going post. But I'm just trying to get some of this stuff out of my head and heart.
We will see some leave this year. Some for travels afar, some because it is time, and others because well just because. In all of it what i know is God has planted a gift deep within each one of our hearts and if we allow the Vine to nurious the branch the fruit will be sweet for another group of woman elsewhere.
Thank You Jesus for a gift that I couldn't have even imagined to pray for. I knew it would come at a cost but Lord You alone script Your ways.
Thank You Jesus that I get to be................!

the eve of retreat

just finished packing - sitting down with a yummie cup of decaf and just letting my thoughts go where ever they may:
What if God shows me stuff in my heart that I'm not prepared to deal with. I happen to say to  a friend today to trust God's timing. So what about me now and my thoughts of His timing in my life? Don't want to think about that..........
What if I can't connect with my Lord in worship? the voice inside of me says, 'DO IT ANYWAY'. Don't like that answer.........
What if I go to pray and there are no words? there is that voice again,' then sit in silence and listen to HIM'. Awkward what if everyone just stares at me. 'Let them stare'
What if ......what if.........what if.........what if......???????
What if God breathes on my life and sets me on fire!!!!
I'm in Lord .....YES AND AMEN  to everything that's in your heart!!!!

Why DO You Fight So Hard To Get Out Of Your Situation

Was reading a prayer board this morning and it just seems like it's the same story in every circle
 [ names have been changed to protect the real ones] hard times are here and no one is going to be free of them.
Lakwanda - wants out of her marriage because her husband is a jerk ( her words not mine)
Matilda Lou - cant deal with her kids so she just sits in frustration and borders on depression.
Shanada Kay - hates her boss and just sits at work and stews
Rolika Lilly - well everything is overwhelming to her and she just cant get a grip on anything
Margreala Kathrine - is dying in her dysfunctional home
................... so you get the idea here everyone is drowning in their circumstances and wants it to just STOP!!!!!
Praise the Lord for so many scriptures on all of these however, it comes down to this simple principle.
If it's not this situation it will be another. God is going to use whatever is in your life to bring you to your knees in repentance of whatever he is desperately trying to show you to sanctify you for His glory. Is there a constant theme that keep coming up? I recently read this amazing and very timely book by Kay Smith "The Privilege"  - I took many nuggets away that I am trying to hold on to and practice in my life - one stands out right now in relation with what I am talking about. When you feel something that makes you upset, negative, critical, angry, bitter, insecure.....etc.... ask the Lord to name that root sin in your heart. He will and when He does, repent of it and allow God to forgive you of your wrong heart. This practice will soon find you not fighting your circumstances and realizing that God has allowed them to consecrate your life so that you can live a life sanctified for His glory.
I am not making light of any ones situation because we are all going through it  - it's just a shift in how we view those circumstances. We need to allow the Lord to show us our sin first - always start with self and get that cleaned up. Somehow the "others" just don't seem so daunting after that.

WOW THAT WAS FAST

OKAY THAT WAS WAY TO FAST  - HE DICTATED OTHERS. SO YES LORD OTHERS IT WILL BE.
THANK YOU LORD FOR A FAST ANSWER.

I'm Back - with a ramble

So this morning I was thinking about this blog of mine and how I really haven't even looked at it in like 15 years. Okay fine a slight exaggeration however, it has been a long time. Then i thought WHY??? truth is I've been going through some things that just have needed to be slightly protected from this blogsville. I tend to not care to much about how people interpret my post, as it is always just a raw unfiltered truth of my thoughts and emotions and what God is showing me. Well this past season I have needed to be a little more protective of circumstances and people so no blogging seemed to be the better right thing. But i'm back and just in need of a verbal unload  - shoot this is my therapy!!!!
3 days from now I will be up on a mountain with 22 fellow CM leaders, in a house, in jammies :), seeking the Lord for self and for our ministry, for 3 days. Now this sure has the potential of some pretty amazing supernatural works of our Lord Jesus but the reality of it all is that it will only be what we allow it to be or to make it completely personal - what I allow it to be for myself. O sure I want the big stuff - the really great personal revival great stuff. But! will I allow it? You see with out personal brokenness, repentance before a Holy God, not much can happen in the light of revival - okay NOTHING can happen. I have spent the last 5 months praying pretty much daily for these ladies, praying and fasting desperately seeking the Lord on their behalf - however, somehow I have forgotten myself in the process. Now maybe that is a good thing because I have always been greatly encouraged and exhorted along the way. But this day I am wondering if I need to shift my focus on just self for these last few days.  Now self tends to get a bit to up in the head with things and not always a good outcome so today my question before my Jesus becomes - WHAT LORD DO I DO- ME OR OTHERS? I'm sure I could debate both sides of that coin to a good resolve however I really just need my ever faithful Lord to press on my heart this day this last step before getting to retreat.
Last Friday we had an all night prayer and fast time for our ministry and upcoming retreat. Even in that evening God was showing me my stuff but all through the night I just continued  to see flashes of others hearts and circumstances and felt so compelled to pray for them. Just being completely about me was a task that took so much concentration and only for moments here and there was really able to accomplish that.
Here is a perplexing thought: one girl focused only on others and I knew that God needed her to see herself more than anything - while yet another girl focused so inwardly that it messed up her head and she needed to focus outwardly. So to see both situations so strongly it just makes me wonder for myself. ME OR OTHERS -  or is it balance?  whatever the natural bent is then the opposite is probably true for the moment. Well that confuses me even more. 17years ago I was only ever in my head - lived an entire life  as the perfect classic victim who could excuse any behavior and truly believed that EVERYONE was wrong, they just didn't get it. Light bulb moment brought me to my knees in complete disgust over myself  and repentance soon followed. Since then I have learned to live thinking of others and not trusting my own thoughts on self as there is just way to much insecurities wrapped up in self for me. So would it be that after 17years the Lord would say time to balance that all out? Remember this is just a vent session and I wouldn't expect anyone to actually track what i am saying here. Maybe with this vent you can see why I'm a bit of a mess - lol PRAY FOR ME!!!!
So today i will trust in the Lord for bringing the circumstances to the table of others or me. Tomorrow will be a new day and with prayerfully a little more clarity will do the same.

I'll be back tomorrow with maybe a little recap of some things that have been going on. Or maybe just some more "WHAT IN THE WORLD IS SHE TALKING ABOUT"  post.

always remember......... keep chasing righteousness!!!!!!
stand firm and don't pray for the trial to go away - God is in it and He has something super fantastic for you to learn in it - You will praise Him one day for it !  just watch and SEE!!!!!