dumb and useless but dared to post it

so the question asked to me was how would you spend $100,000,000 i have to spend it in 1 day - so here is my list from off the top of my head:

$50,000,000 - church ours and surprise -

1,000,000 - trust for aaron

300,000 - aaron's college fund

2,000,000 - college fund for all neices and nephews

60,000 - my escalade

50,000 - bobby's car
4 - 100,000 = 400,000 - gas card
1,000,000 - house fully furnished for my parents anywhere they wanted

1,500,000 - one for us too

500,000 - house in mountains

2,000,000 - house for 2 friends that really need it
8000 - $50 = $400,000 - target cards
300,000 - purchase of all the children's ministry things needed
100,000 - sports minsitry needs

10,000,000 - for 10 years - vaction with entire family for 2 weeks - any more than that and someone would surely die

10,000,000 - vacation in Hawaii with friends and 2 babysitters for the next 10 years

800,000 - 3 week vacation for bobby aaron and i for the next 8 years

1,000,000 - 2 week vacation for bobby and i alone - alone - alone - alone for the next 20 years
500,000 - girlfriend's 1 week vacations for 5 years
25,000 - me alone 3 day vacation for 10 years


450,000 - Bobby to go to school of ministry than off to finish college with out having to work

10,000,000 - homes for the families at the sheepfold in nice areas

100,000 - adopt 3 kids

3,000,000 - those kids trust funds

900,000 - those kids college funds
40,000 - for my little boyfriends therapy
50,000 - a car for jacob and to finish college
20,000 - clothes for aaron
20,000 - clothes for bobby
25,000 - splurge money for me
12,000 - to pay for Mathnesium for aaron until he graduates from school

1,200,000 - pay insurance for 40 years for health and home and auto
50,000 - brian needs a truck
200,000 - 1 have 4 vehicles to buy for some friends

1,700,000 - pay off entire families debt
100,000 - lessons for kids surfing - scuba - snowboarding - guitar - voice
87,500 - disney passes for 40 people for 5 years
150,000 - 3 church vans

so this is what i came up with in 7 min. - don't judge me it was just for fun - notice i gave nothin to uncle sam

Having to dig deeper

About 9-12 years ago i had studied the book of Esther and I remember gleaning so much insight and wisdom - really looking at all the awesome typology that is in that book - so fast forward to now and here i am studying it again and really struggling to find what our Lord has for me in this book - so i searched for my old study and to no triumph it's no where to be found - yes i know it wouldn't be right to copy what i got so many years ago and try to say it's what i got now but i really wanted to see the typology stuff more than anything - not to mention it's always encouraging to look where you've come - so a dear friend who will remain nameless, let's just say she's real cute with red hair ;0) - anyway she said well maybe God wants to show you new things, that was then this is now and God anointed that time and He wants you to bla bla bla bla bla bla bla- so you get it she is right and i am wrong (of course she's right) - yes of course i would use it as an easy way out - dang i hate when i'm called on the carpet - so note to self, next time i want to cheat on a Bible study DO NOT CALL THE PRETTY RED HEAD - so i'm struggling with this one we are in chapter 2 and there's alot of stuff but you know when you just know there is something big for ya - well that's how i'm feeling - i'll share some of the little things that i'm gettin with ya though -
here's a neat little fact to remember when reading Esther - God's name was is hidden in this Book. Remember the Lord told Israel that if they forsook Him, He would hide his face from them (Deut. 31:16-18). The Lord hid his face from his people, because they had deliberately chosen to stay in the land of their captivity, dwelling among the heathen, instead of returning to Jerusalem (instead of returning to him) with Zerubbabel. - this is interesting to remember when reading Esther because I know for me I want to over spiritualize Mordicai and Esther and I really do not think that can be accurate. - let's look at some things- - - 2:1 After these things when the anger of King Ahasuerus had subsided, he remembered Vashti and what she had done and what had been decreed against her. - -so the king comes back from war a war he has lost and finally when he can be quiet with his thoughts ( obviously that is not gonna happen out in war ) he really regrets what he has done to Vasti - boy how many times i have done this - in the heat of the moment making a decision and later regretting it - You can never have clarity when you are emotional - how many times have i set something in motion and regretted it: in parenting (disciplining while angry)- in my marriage ( being so frustrated at Bobby and trying to start a fight - o that's a real mature one) - in ministry ( being so busy and having so many fires to put out that i get task driven and become a discouragement to those around me instead of an encouragement) okay the list can go on and on but you get the point. - I have all too often made a rash decision in the heat of the moment and have later come to regret that decision – thank the Lord this is not quit as frequent in my life as it was when I wasn’t walking with the Lord. I have come to live by a basic principle in my life – when you are emotional you never have clarity – when emotions are running high it is just about impossible to be acting through the power of the Holy Spirit in us we are functioning on flesh and usually mixed in with a bit of satans lies - - -another interesting thing is in verse 11 Every day Mordecai walked back and forth in front of the court of the harem to learn how Esther was and how she fared. - - keep in mind he is disobeying God. God had told His people not to intermarry with the heathen. He is definitely breaking the Mosaic Law - - now of course we know the whole story here and we see God's providence and sovereignty but all these bad choices - i suppose it's evident in all our lives when we think from where we have come and how God's hand was there guiding even in the most horrible of circumstances - J Vernon McGee puts it like this Providence is the way God leads the man who will not be led. - i love that - you know i'm writing this and i see that i need to have trust in my sovereign God that this is true for those in my life that I pray for all the time - there is some comfort in that on dwelling on God's providence. - well i have a few more Esther chapter 2 things to share but i want to sit with it a bit more so i'll get back to ya later - - so until then chose Jesus - chose to live this day for His glory - chose to honor Him with your body mind and soul - chose to bless someone or maybe just maybe go out a bless 10 people today - now that's a great goal - i'm gonna do that - you in?

Surrounded by fire

so this morning is glum - gloom - whatever the word is......fires everywhere - these winds - this heat - this day will have many challenges. we woke to our fence down -basketball hoop destroyed all i know is i am so thankful that it wasn't worse. so on and on i could go about how bad everything is and trust me it is bad - california is burning - but then i am quickly reminded to keep praying - keep trusting - make wise choices - this to shall pass - and be incredibly grateful that my house is standing and my family is safe. i have some friends whose husbands are fighting these fires and i was thinking it must be so hard knowing they are in the thick of it then this thought came to me - yes they are but they are with the proper instructed attire and equipment they are prepared - so i had to ask myself am i prepared wearing the right equipment for my fire today - my battle - to fight against my enemy?

The Armor of God
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. 14 Stand firm therefore, HAVING GIRDED YOUR LOINS WITH TRUTH,( may i keep what is truthful completely surrounding me - may i be truthful in everything i say and do - may my gut instinct be prompted from the Holy Spirit) and HAVING PUT ON THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS,( may my heart be protected with His righteousness and may it penetrate my heart to keep me chasing His righteousness) 15 and having shod YOUR FEET WITH THE PREPARATION OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE;( may every step I take be in peace, God's will and as I step and there is no peace I will know that i have veered off His course and I will step back) 16 in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith( may my measure of faith grow more muscle today as i trust the shield that protects me - the only thing that is getting through to me is because my God is allowing it and I trust Him - He places it there to refine me to turn dirt into clay - clay into porcelain - coal into diamond - sand into a pearl) with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 And take THE HELMET OF SALVATION, ( that covers my head - Jesus is my salvation and He is the head on my life and let this helmet cover my thought life - my words that i speak - the words that i hear) and the sword of the Spirit, ( my only weapon to battle any warfare - Your Word Lord is the answer to everything may I remember this very day that with everything ..."BUT GOD" - you are able Lord)which is the word of God. 18 With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints,( Lord help me to remember to always be ready for battle fully clothes with Your Armor before fighting in Prayer for everyone - Your saints19 and pray on my behalf, that utterance may be given to me in the opening of my mouth, to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains ; that in proclaiming it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak. Eph 6:10-20
May we all chose this day to pray - may we all chose this day to walk His walk - may we all chose this day to trust Him in everything.
Holy Loving Faithful Lord - please stop the wind - stop the fires - bring the rain - keep these fire fighters safe Lord please keep them safe - We are calling for miracles - Thy Will be Done - Amen

It's so hard to be a parent these days

to chose to live a life with Christ in Christ and for Christ - and parent with wisdom often that gets blurred - i am living a very uncomfortable situation lately - 1st off about a year ago we had a major break through in God's wisdom that we were sheltering Aaron in a very unhealthy way "the christian bubble"- i won't get into all that right now as it is not the premise of my post today - anyway long story short aaron has been wanting this vidoe game 'guitar hero' -bobby had promised it to him and was the main reason why he traded in all of his xbox stuff so he could get playstation and have this game - anyway it sounded harmless even though we didn't really know anything about it - besides many people we know have it - so by the gracious hand of God i saw a demo at the video store and was shocked at the songs - not sure what i was expecting but it just never really crossed my mind - i also didn't realize that you have no choice in what song you play until you have them all unlocked so not only do they learn to play the song but they learn the lyrics - many giving full hail to satan and the list goes on and on - yes i know the songs since i was into that music in the 80's (sort of) anyway we had to have the never fun conversation when you have to tell your child no after we already said yes - the good thing is we have been having many conversations lately as a family about the form of entertainment that we can be oblivious in that opens a door for the enemy to come in. Then sunday ( thank you Jesus) in aaron's 4th grade class they were teaching on this very thing - aaron was able to recognize that the Lord is really trying to talk to him. - well let's skip to tuesday morning - here comes my sweet boy strutting down the hall singing at the top of his lungs - ' here i am rock you like a hurricane'....and on and on...you see when he got to the video store that day he was playing the demo of the game....so here i was children's ministry worship director with my son singing this song about sex.....all i could think was o my goodness my innocent boy and o no he is gonna start singing that song in church and O MY GOSH!!!!!!! - yes we talked about never singing that song again but like i really believe that's gonna work especially since as i sit here typing that song is playing over and over again in my own head. you know you have to hate the humiliating situations. I know this is gonna come back to bit me. This morning i read this and well there is nothing more to say.


REGULATED CHASTISEMENT

"I will correct thee in measure" Jer. 30:11

To be left uncorrected would be a fatal sign: it would prove that the Lord had said, "He is given unto idols, let him alone." God grant that such may never be our portion! Uninterrupted prosperity is a thing to cause fear and trembling. As many as God tenderly loves He rebukes and chastens: those for whom He has no esteem He allows to fatten themselves without fear, like bullocks for the slaughter. It is in love that our heavenly Father uses the rod upon His children.

Yet see, the correction is "in measure": He gives us love without measure, but chastisement in measure." As under the old law no Israelite could receive more than the "forty stripes save one, which ensured careful counting and limited suffering, so is it with each afflicted member of the household of faith -every stroke is counted. It is the measure of wisdom, the measure of sympathy, the measure of love, by which our chastisement is regulated. Far be it from us to rebel against appointments so divine. Lord, if thou standest by to measure the bitter drops into my cup, it is for me cheerfully to take that cup from thy hand, and drink according to thy directions, saying "Thy will be done."

What does the Law say

This morning while reviewing Esther Chapter 1 for "K" group tonight ,I saw a little something that I didn't pick up while doing the study last week - in verse 15 it says - according to the Law what must be done - okay yes this was all a complete pagan situation with drunken people and nothing seemingly of God. But this came to me. They were first going to the Law. We know that Psalm 1:2 reads But his delight is in the law of the Lord and in His Law he meditates day and night.
yes 2 different laws here but it was a little reminder that we too should always go to the Law (Bible) first. If we go to the Bible first with all situations we would live a much more peaceful secure life. I know that when I go to the Bible seeking God's truth and I recieve wisdom there I know it, I trust it, I live it - no matter how unpopular it is i have complete confidence in it. So today let us exercise this chunk of wisdom and first go to the source - our SOVEREIGN LORD.

Solitude - soon.

there are times that i want solitude - like now i really have been wanting it now - Even my Jesus in Matthew 14 was seeking to go to a place of solitude - i just seem to be in this mind set right now and i was looking in the Word to seek the Lord for guidance because it seems like the more i desire solitude the more opportunities to minister to others comes up. So i was looking at Matthew 14 and realized some very sweet truths from our Jesus' life on solitude. let me set the scene: Jesus had just heard of John the baptist murder He was heartbroken - so he had went away to a secluded place by Himself. - when he got there he saw a large crowd of hurting people and healed their sick. - ....so i can see from our Lords life that yes there are times that i may seek solitude yet God will call me to minister to others even when I may be hurting myself......this i do know it does always lift my spirits and gives me something else to focus on - i suppose this is sort of like slapping "the pig monster" in the face - he desires me to go by myself and potentially even if i start out right in wanting solitude, when i'm hurting the enemy or upset he has a better chance at really getting me twisted up in my circumstances and feeding me lies and yet my Jesus has the victory He brings someone to me to minister the love of Jesus to and my spirits are lifted - .....later in Chapter 14 we see that Jesus did eventually get that time of solitude to pray this happened after the time of ministering to the people and eating ( the feeding with fish and loaves to 5,000 ) he sent the crowd and the disciples away and went to pray. - this is encouraging to me - solitude is coming for me it will just be once my Lord knows my heart is ready for such a time - it's sort of like this time right now for me is a time of purging out all the sadness, the frustration, the me me me focus - - -So it comes to this - solitude i seek but my Jesus calls me to be used for His glory right now when my heart is in a sweeter more receptive place of folding onto His heart then He will allow the solitude.
By the way - Keep chasing righteousness!!!!

waiting with Jesus

sometimes when studying the Word of God it just doesn't come easy - as I have been reading Esther Chapter 1 for the past couple of weeks - I still had not really found anything in our 2nd set of verses for our Inductive study than this morning it came. Thank you Jesus!
here it is:

Esther 1:4-5 And he displayed the riches of his royal glory and the splendor of his great majesty for many days, 180 days. When these days were completed, the king gave a banquet lasting seven days for all the people who were present at the citadel in Susa, from the greatest to the least, in the court of the garden of the king's palace.

Application: Even in such a pagan place God is there watching setting things up for His glory – We know this because we know the whole story of Esther. We need to remember that in our circumstances that God sees the whole story, yes there is a complete story. Remember He is faithful to complete what He started. We need to be mindful that even in the most crazy of our circumstances that seem so of enemy and not of our God we need to trust the Hand who is allowing it. Every thorn has been placed in our life by love. If we believe that God is sovereign then we must conclude that He has allowed everything in our lives and we know that God is love and He can never depart from that so my perspective our perspective needs to be everything in our life is there by love. There is a little bit of exhaling in that thought. I know I've seen this perspective before I just think that my Jesus is really trying to drive this truth home to me
What are the areas in my life that is hard for me to think that it is there from love? I need to think about these things and see Gods hand in each area. I need to look up scripture to combat everything that is a struggle for me. Use the Word of God against the lies.
If we look at our Challenges and ask God what we could possibly be learning by it just maybe our perspective on the issue would change. I did this with 4 of my current biggest issues and although I am not vulnerable to put them out here in cyberspace I can assure you that I see God in everything. So today I can say pure of heart - Thank you Jesus for all that you have allowed in my life - may I walk in this truth and bring Glory to Your Holy Name.

Rabbit trails

it's been awhile since i've been here to post - so here we go - We just started Esther in our "K" group here is my first rabbit trail.........

Last week I told my ministry leader that I believed that God was requiring the practice of Prayer and fasting to be incorporated into our ministry - i really wanted God to speak to me in His Word regarding this before I went (go) before the group ,so here before I get to What our Lord confirmed in my heart through His Word let me share briefly where we are at as a ministry – for awhile now many of us have Known that things are changing in the ministry and as uncomfortable as it often can be, somethings will need to look different – we are growing so much - even our Pastor had come and spoke to us a few months ago regarding the big changes that he believes God is doing – he even spoke of us (leaders) doubling in number. ( our church is growing ssssssoooo much )Praise the Lord for that - many people are hearing pure anchanged Word. One of our prayers always on Sunday Mornings and on our Tues. night prayer times is for our Lord to open our eyes and ears and hearts to the things in our ministry that we need to be aware of as leaders for the better of the ministry - areas that God requires change and growth in - so we should not be surprised that lately we are experiencing and seeing many little challenges. We need to keep in mind that this is all an answer to prayer.

We saw in Nehemiah the practice of prayer and fasting – in fact in our group it became quit the conversation and a lot of us felt as if God was requiring that of us in our walks- we know it is important the Bible speaks of it many times: – yet it seems to be one of the most lacked areas of most of our walks, I know it is of mine.

I wasso blessed that our Lord had shown me in my quiet time, through His Word confirming what I had shared with my ministry leader last week:

Bare with me while I share my little rabbit trail to be able to communicate the end result – here we go.

Esther 1:21-22
This word pleased the king and the princes, and the king did as Memucan proposed. 22 So he sent letters to all the king's provinces, to each province according to its script and to every people according to their language, that every man should be the master in his own house and the one who speaks in the language of his own people.

I was impressed with this thorough communication. I could see wisdom in this example of how our communication should be in life & in our ministry - we should leave nothing to chance –

Prov 13:17 17 An unreliable messenger can cause a lot of trouble. Reliable communication permits progress. ....
Kings would send reliable messengers to accurately rely their message. If the message received is different than the message given the relationship between giver and the hearer will always break down.
It is of the utmost importance to choose our words well with integrity / clean hands / pure heart. When we hear something it is also best not to react until we clearly understand what the other person is saying.
I started looking at all the many ways that God has communicated to people in the Bible:
Angels: Jacob, Zachariah, Mary, Shepards
Dreams: Jacob. Joseph, a baker, a cupbearer, Pharaoh, Isaiah, Joseph, the Magi
Writing on the Wall: Belshazzar
Talking donkey: Balaam
Pillar of cloud & fire: children of Israel
Verbally / Audibly: Abraham, Moses, Jesus at His baptism, Paul
Fire: Moses
Us: - through Jesus Heb 1:1-2 God, after He spoke long ago to the fathers in the prophets in many portions and in many ways, in these last days has spoken to us in His Son, whom He appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the world .
And we know that now Jesus speaks to us through His Holy Spirit that dwells within us (as believers - Christians) He said - But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you. John 14:26

So as I was meditating on this whole idea of how our Lord effectively communicates with us I was lead to

Acts 13:1-4 Now there were at Antioch, in the church that was there, prophets and teachers: Barnabas, and Simeon who was called Niger, and Lucius of Cyrene, and Manaen who had been brought up with Herod the tetrarch, and Saul. One day as these men were worshiping the Lord and fasting, the Holy Spirit said, "Set apart for Me Barnabas and Saul for the work to which I have called them." 3 Then, when they had fasted and prayed and laid their hands on them, they sent them away. 4 So, being sent out by the Holy Spirit, they went down to Seleucia and from there they sailed to Cyprus.

I could see the difference between man orchestrated ministry and Holy Spirit orchestrated ministry - At times the man orchestrated ministry may seem neater, cleaner, faster and more comfortable but we know that this is not always how our Lord works – we can have complete confidence in the most obscure work when we know it is of God – (that the Holy Spirit has spoken it to be. )

Sometimes thing can seem so smart and ideal yet if it is not Holy Spirit orchestrated it’s not God in it– so the bottom line is we need to know beyond all measure what our Lord is requiring of us in our ministries and life – we need to be on board when He speaks to us and our Leaders –-things often need to change and for some of the changes there is no easy way - it will require us accepting hard things but trusting our Lord in the process -(remember that little story of the COI walking around a great big wall in order for it to fall down - there was a reason God told Joshua they had to do that in silence - can you imagine what could have been going on in some of their minds) the need to be unified and in agreement is so vital for the effective work of the Holy Spirit in our ministries – so the bottom line is this:
We need to be praying and fasting:

So to see the beginning and the end of this rabbit trail – I guess I can say this - I was intrigued by the effective communication from the king to the people of all his land and that took me through a trail that led me to prayer and fasting – and we all know that prayer is where our hearts can become lined up with Gods heart – there it is pure communication perfect communication and the fasting is the stripping away of self and showing our Lord our seriousness in seeking Him. because we need to understand prayer is not a place where we go to our Lord to change His heart to our wills but it is the opposite - and when we are fasting there is a differant stripping away of self.
In Esth 4:15-16 Then Esther told them to reply to Mordecai, "Go, assemble all the Jews who are found in Susa, and fast for me; do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my maidens also will fast in the same way. And thus I will go in to the king, which is not according to the law; and if I perish, I perish."
Just like Esther sent word to fast for she was entering unknown territory - here we are now:

It is by far the most ignored things in our walk and often in our churches - My Bible reads that Jesus said "My house shall be called a house of prayer". ......it didn't say of programs or teachings - music..etc...all of these are very important but what i believe Jesus was getting at is that prayer is the most important thing ( there is a whole other rabbit trail there ) - and of course it is because just like i stated above - when we pray our hearts become aligned with God's - when that is happening than all the other eliminates of church become Holy Spirit lead.
so there is my little rabbit trail that i am so thankful for - i am encouraged by my Lord to have prayer and fasting this next level for my walk and i pray that God will use me to encourage others in my ministry to jump in - we are facing so many new changes and many of them will be hurdles that we most definitely need to be committed to this practice of seeking God.
I pray this makes sense - i'm not gonna proof it - so Jesus please bring understanding to this.

God Bless and keep Chasing righteousness!!!!!

* When they had appointed elders for them in every church, having prayed with fasting, they commended them to the Lord in whom they had believed. A cts 14:23

*Consecrate a fast, Proclaim a solemn assembly; Gather the elders And all the inhabitants of the land To the house of the LORD your God, And cry out to the LORD. Joel 1:14

* So we fasted and sought our God concerning this matter, and He listened to our entreaty. Ezra 8:23


* Jehoshaphat was afraid and turned his attention to seek the LORD, and proclaimed a fast throughout all Judah. 4 So Judah gathered together to seek help from the LORD; they even came from all the cities of Judah to seek the LORD. 2 Chron 20:3-4