Monday, October 27, 2008

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There are a million things I want to write yet can't figure out where to start. Do I share my heart in my side of this friendship in cancer journey for almost 4 years? Do I share how I have been blessed to see the fruit of many hours of prayers between Donna and I come to fruition over the past 2 weeks. Do I share how God has cared even about my little hearts desires and have blessed me beyond measure? Do I share how I still pick up the phone to call her when I'm leaving church or when the late night hours come? Do I share how much it hurts and I wish tomorrow when I wake up that this would have all been but a dream? Do I share from my eyes view what I saw yesterday at the memorial service? Do I share my concerns for the kids because my faith is weak? Do I share how much I hate having to serve without her? Do I share that I'm sick of being in a fish bowl? Do I share how much I want everyone to stop asking me how I am? I'm standing - I'm missing my friend - I hurt real bad - I just want to talk to her but I don't want to be one of those people that talk to the earthly dead, it's to weird to me because I see it as wrong - but to just talk to her one more time would be so great - Do I share how proud I am of her and how she ran her race - what to share? maybe not anything as someone would surely call the men in white jackets to come take me away for a bit - wait a minute that might not be such a bad thing...........until tomorrow...........

6 comments:

Unknown said...

I'm praying my precious friend & I won't ask how you are doing anymore :)

I can't even begin to imagine the pain you are in and I have no wise words to give you! But you are loved my sweet friend!!

Susanz Place said...

i will always be honest with you and tell you xoxo- it's just when it comes from those that i know it's not appropriate to say the real deal - not that i would lie but to say everything i just don't think is right - so basically when asked i find myself having to be filtered and i just dont want to be - gosh i hope that makes sense

Unknown said...

Makes sense!! Oh how my heart hurts for you!! I know that our Lord is tenderly loving you, holding you, and healing your heart at this very moment...moment by moment my sweet friend!

God's Girl said...

The death of a loved one just doesn't compute in our hearts and minds. Don't you agree? It is really hard to grasp the finality of it all (on earth). The grieving process is so, so hard!

All I know is that Heaven will have no more pain and no more sorrow and that sounds amazing and heavenly.

I am praying for you Susan. You have been on my heart a lot lately.

I love you!
xoxoxoxo

Julee Huy said...

Thanks for the reminder today! Wanted to reply SHUT UP! ;)

I'm hear for the music and getting up to get my bible right now!

Hugs friend.

Call me when you're ready to stare off into the clouds again ;)

Erica said...

Oh my friend. I'm so sorry. What you write here expresses your pained heart. Pour it out to Jesus. Sending you cyber hugs - wishing I could give you a real one.