Where He Leads Me - I will follow (?)

What a difficult season this is right now. Of course can't we always say that from one season to another. Growth is His purpose and surrender should be ours so getting those 2 things to blend in perfect harmony is the real challenge. Well at least that's my story right now.
This is always the most busy time of year for me, which I love because it's VBS time. The rub right now is that I am taking this med for my RLS that is really messing me up. I'm giving it the proper time to level out in my body but I'm pretty much very anti anything that messes with your state of mind. I figure battling my flesh is hard enough let alone having to battle it with an uncooperative state of mind. Or it blocks out something that God is trying to get me to deal with, SIN so that I can be more devoted to Him. This is my thing, if we are anxious, uptight, stressed, whatever you want to call it, well it's from sin in our life, somewhere somehow we allowed this sin to stay and now it has caused issues that we can barely even recognize the original sin because we are so focused on our state of mind of the above mentioned. Then there is the part that it takes away the ability to deeply touch the Lord (intimacy) and that absolutely freaks me out because that is my craving, my source of strength is to be able to be intimately worshiping my Jesus in prayer, in worship, in quietness. Taking this med was an act of submission to my dear husband who desperately wants his wife to be able to sleep. The lack of sleep from my entire life had begun to take some drastic health issues on my body. My Dr basically said until we get you to sleep at night your body will not heal. So there in lies my challenge. So I'm taking this med, sleeping far better then I ever have in my intire life except when I was pregnant but now this intensity I feel through out the day is driving me crazy. So enough of this - God help me see even but one purpose for this during a season that I need to be so much about your work. Lord please show me that You are in this!
Then it began to come over me the past couple of weeks and when He began to speak to me I realized these are Words that He has been preparing me for all year long.
Meekness
Meekness is a calm temper of mind, not easily provoked.

I have been forced to be calm and quiet, well quiet for me ;0) desperately trying to not react to the things going on around me. I have learned many things along the way so far. I know I am far from really understanding meekness because my inner heart is far from being meek - so really what I guess I am currently living is false meekness. You know what I mean when it shows on the out side but so not the truth for the inside. It's just like humility. You can act humble but inside your acknowledging to yourself that you are humble - hahaha that cracks me up!
Back to meekness I read this radio broadcast everyday online and the past 2 days it's been on this very thing. She states it far better than I so I will share some of her thoughts.
Meekness matters to God. You can’t avoid that in the Scripture. Zephaniah 2:3 says we are to seek meekness. Colossians 3:12 says we are to put on meekness. First Timothy 6:11 says we are to pursue meekness.

Psalm chapter 37 tells us "the meek shall inherit the land and delight themselves in the abundance of peace" (verse 11). Now that’s something I’d like to have. People who are not meek do not have an abundance of peace. They can’t have settled hearts and minds. But the person who is meek can be delighted with an abundance of peace. Peace of mind. Peace of heart. Peace in relationships.

Psalm 25:9 “The meek will He guide in judgment: and the meek will He teach his way” If we want God to guide us, to teach us the way that we should go, if we want to know good judgment, if we want to have insight and wisdom and understanding, we have to be meek.
Meek people are:
teachable people
humble people
open to counsel.


There was so much fantastic stuff in that message but the bottom line is this is me, this is where God has me, this is my training ground right now and He is using this season of me taking a med that provokes what is obviously already in my heart to be exposed to myself so that I can come to repentance, come to consecration and then grow in what God requires of me as His - Meekness!

I must say as I have been more silent I have been able to see so much more around me and this has given me great insight for prayer - so somehow I pray this makes even but a little bit of sense to you. Everything always comes back to God is desiring more of us for Him and the question becomes AM I WILLING TO WALK THIS HARD ROAD RIGHT NOW IN ORDER TO BE MORE LIKE HIM???? I pray the answer to that is YEs but we will see.
The proof is in the fruit!