The line in the sand

Sovereignty - is resonating in my head over and over - today is a really hard day - we all have that line in the sand that we say if this happens than no i can not do that God not that - well today God allowed that - my line in the sand that i have held on to for many years was crossed - so i screamed ( truly ) pitched a big ol' fit ( gosh it look pretty) and just wanted to dwell in that yucky place of it's just not fair - this can not be happening - so as the day is coming to a bit of an end - the sand is settling and a little bit of clarity is coming my way. - i realize my Lord does not owe me an explanation but He expects me to behave in such a way that i do not hurt those around me with my sinful heart - i realize that God is telling me that i have hit a wall - i am in a place in Jesus that in order to go deeper He needs to purge those hidden thing - He can't use them - He doesn't want them - and as justified as i may be by anyone who could know my story - it really just doesn't matter to God - what matters to my Jesus is my heart and my usefulness for Him - Darn it this situation is really hard -before i go to bed tonight i need to make a decision, am i gonna order Satan extra padding for his lawn chair in this situation or am i kicking him to the curb - sure it seems like there is no real decision but there is this one is very hard for me. - this verse keeps coming to my mind
Psalm 24: 3 -
who may ascend into the hill of the Lord? who may stand in His holy place? he who has clean hands and a pure heart who has not lifted up his soul to falsehood, and has not sworn deceitfully. he shall receive a blessing for the Lord and righteousness from the God of his salvation. This is the generation of those who seek Him who seek Thy face O God of Jacob

i want clean hands and a pure heart - yes Jesus i do - i pray that as i lay my head down tonight that i can do so knowing that in the morning His mercies are new and i chose Jesus - recently i had to tell a friend that she could not be making decisions when she is so emotional....we just do not have the ability to have clarity or any discernment whan we are so emotional....i suppose i get to live out my own advise right now........maybe Jesus had that line crossed because it made me to much the judge of my life and he alone is the Judge. - ....things that make me go huuummmmm!