Happy Monday !

Well most people dread the awakening of a Monday morning, I rather like it  - no I pretty much love Mondays. I guess it's coming off a day of serving the Lord and watching all the amazing things that God is doing in and through the lives of His people. I always wake with a song of praise on my heart and just a sense of thankfulness of all i got to see displayed by our Lord the day before. This morning the song resonating in my head was "Lovely" by Chris Tomlin. I had just finished choreographing it for our upcoming VBS - AND tomorrow is Chris Tomlin at the Gibson Theater. O MY I CAN'T WAIT !!!! Going with a few friends - we all do children's worship so you can bet we will all be doing hand motions to most likely every song he sings. Seeing that we have choreography for ALOT of his songs. LOVE Chris Tomlin for kids worship: perfect words, perfect beat - everything translates just right for the kids. I should write him and share with him how his music has taught our kids how to worship and praise our Lord!!!!
To see the joy on a face of a 6 year old autistic boy who has no ability to have a back and forth conversation YET he can sing every word to Exalted / Sing Sing Sing and do every hand motion. To see that face and you know he understands. That is priceless. To watch a 5th grade teacher singing and doing hand motions then falling to his knees in total abandoned worship to our King while singing' Jesus Messiah". To see the 10 year old girl who is often picked on by her peers at school, yet she can come to church and sing and dance and laugh with her Sunday school classmates in absolute joy to the song "Made To Worship? I could go on and on but I'll just state that I am so thankful for his gift of writing music. It is perfect for kid's worship!!!!


So Monday is here: back to running after a stupid ankle injury. Minor set back but one that is leaving me with some discouragement. I did 1-10min mile then walked 1/2  mile then ran 1/2 mile. SO stinks I'm supposed to be on week 8 of C25K which means 28min run. So the plan is do what i can this week, in what is responsible for my ankle and then pick up next week with week 8. Glad i went running though it felt good to get out there.
After run, home to morning coffee and time in the Word. Looking at Ephesians 4. That is what "k" group will be doing tomorrow night - remember I wont be there I will BE AT THE CONCERT!!!! spent the last 2 weeks inductively studying it. So many nuggets. As I was reviewing it this morning to look at what changes I'm going to be accountable to doing. I was drawn once again to verses 1-3  Therefore I the prisoner of the Lord implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with all patience, showing tolerance for one another in love being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Really seeing this as a question to myself - am I walking in a manner worthy of the calling placed upon my life?(  Then I see there is a check list to match the way I walk to check it by God's standards, if I am in deed walking worthy: humility, gentleness, patience, showing tolerance in love, being diligent to preserve the spirit of unity. That is a tough list but one of great self examination. So this is the standard and to not allow God to do the hard work in these areas would only mean 1 thing. NOT WALKING WORTHY. So today my prayers are focused around this verse, for the Lord to show me the true intentions of my heart in this and for me to have a conscience awareness of pulling from His strength to walk in this manner. Great piece of scripture!
Happy Monday All make it count for the Kingdom! - even if you only smile and say hello to one stranger then shoot a prayer up for them as you walk away. No telling how that could change that persons day, week, life. Yep I believe we have that kind of influence for Jesus.

Miles for Melanoma

So race day is coming soon May 21st to be exact. Our team leader, Mary - yes you all know Mary she is the one I complain much about with this crazy 5k idea. ANYWAY, most of our team was formed because we are a bunch of old out of shape mommas and this was APPARENTLY a good idea. However, Mary asked if any of us are running in honor of someone. I got this idea that I would put it out there to see if any of you have battled this yucky disease or have known someone who has. I would love to write names on my race day shirt as a small way to honor them all. So please let me know and I will run with my head held high and I will even throw in a cross the finish line victory dance - just wait and see!!!!

welcome monday!!!

Morning run  - check
Morning time with my Jesus - check
Morning Bible study time - check
Morning coffee - check
Favorite morning weather - check ( chilly and cloudy )
So why am i feeling like I just want to run back to bed and pull the covers over my head for the rest of the day.
Well I better purpose to bless others today otherwise I think my funk might stay awhile. OR maybe a good mid-morning ramble will be good for me................aaaa never mind I got nothing!!!!
O wait here is some super fun news.
francis chan wrote a kids book
WOW look I did have something amazing to say today!!!
Happy Monday ......

let's pray for Japan

Holy loving Jesus, our risen Lord, our Strength and Refuge, Creator of the Universe, Messiah, Healer, Provider You are and we are Your people. We praise You O Lord for You are Good, You O Lord are Sovereign - Praise You Jesus!!! Hold us and anoint us with your wisdom and bring clarity and guidance to our every step. Shielded us from all that is not of You, our King Jesus Christ.


We love You Jesus and we thank you for Your tender loving hand in our lives.

This morning Lord we come to you and pray on bended knee for Japan and all the catastrophic events that are happening because of the earthquake. Lord we trust that You will reign and show Yourself strong and good in all that seems so horrific for You Jesus have allowed this and we know that You are Good so Jesus we trust in that and pray for hearts to return to You, for hearts to seek and find You. We have seen revival begin in Haiti and we trust that nothing less will become of this as well. Bring aid to those in need, pour your comfort for those that are grieving, have MERCY on the suffering, bring strength to those that are exhausted, bring rescue to the displaced children, comfort the hearts of the mommas who don't know where their children are, bring a song of praise to your believers there and may they sing loud and may the hearers find rest in the praise. Bring aid quickly Lord

You are God!!!

AMEN

I'm still running

So I am still running and guess what?.....I'm not dead!
This 'couch to 5k'  really is a smart program. If someone like me can still be running after 5weeks ( restarted with my friend at the 3rd week ) then there really is hope for ANYONE! What I have learned at this point:
 - I no longer want to strangle Mary
 - God really will give you strength to take one more step
 - I could never do this alone - thank you Jesus for running buddies, especially my other book end.
 - Ones body really does start to crave it  - the other day i said, " O I need to run (as a fond thought in my head)"  i about jumped out of my skin thinking who in the world just said that, It honestly made me laugh out loud! that stinkin Mary was right all along.
 - not sure what the weight is doing - tying to not let that become an idol  on this road of honoring God with His temple - BUT I can tell that things are shifting - YET ANOTHER thing Mary said would happen. Shoot I'm beginning to think this Mary is smart and maybe one should listen to her a little more often - not this one but someone ;0) just kiddin I so adore her. not to mention I have complete hair jealousy. Pretty pretty pretty!

NOW this coming week is a little terrifying for me. The running sequence is jumped up way more intense ( wk4) so many have said that having to repeat it is pretty common thing. It will come for me after a 3 day no run - not sure that is a good idea. I think i may have to run while I'm in Arizona visiting my sis. Maybe my Hannie will run with me.
Well gotta get. Just wanted you all to know that I HAVE NOT thrown in the towel. I'm staying on course.
always remember............ Keep Chasing Righteousness!!!

My Memorial Service

so pretty much everyone is thinking I've lost my mind or that i am an absolute control freak. Well I suppose both can very well be true. HOWEVER, I went to a beautiful memorial service this past Saturday of a dear sweet servant in our Church. To sit and listen to this woman's life I was once again challenged in my life of what in the world would my legacy be - what would people say of me. This lady lived a remarkable life and strength and love were the resounding  themes in every ones testimonials of their relationship with her. I left that day to have lunch with a friend who also happened to be at that service and we got to talking about our own memorial service and and how we would like those to look. SO now I am writing out my memorial service. It's funny the responses you get from people  when you tell them and share the excitement of the plan with them. Why does death freak people out so much. I'm rather enjoying planning this day out. Whether it will be a a few weeks, years, or decades. There is no doubt that I want to be the one to plan it. Here are some loosely made plans so far:
Rockin live worship music, and of course children's ministry worship with the entire place participating in choreography that I have been so blessed to create through the years.
Food: yes all my favorite yummie recipes - so that means I need to start writing them all out since I NEVER follow a recipe.
Open mic time - it has been my goal for well over 10 years to give everyone I love a crazy Susan moment so that they can share them at my service. No crying allowed - just that head scratching thought "how did God ever use that crazy woman".
What Pastor to share - well the one who really knows me is Pastor Maury, so it will be him. I pretty much just want there to be an alter call and the bold question. "why are you choosing hell with the one who seeks to destroy you instead of choosing life eternal with the lover of you soul who brings peace and joy" I want him to be in their faces - call them out  - I am not worried about offenses - i am terrified of their eternal damnation.
No coffin for me burn it up - this flesh of mine has only caused me grief - no one needs to ever feel as if they should go to my grave site. Burn me up and toss it in the trash - honestly throw it away my battle with my flesh will be over and it needs to be forever gone.
Now Bobby knows for anyone who comes to my service they need to leave with the book "crazy love "  - by Francis Chan. This book is everything I ever tried to say to anyone who would ever give me a minute to talk to them. he says it in such a gifted way and those are the words I want as my departing words to anyone who has ever known me. Now my current repeated read " the privilege" - by Kay Smith. Well if you are female you need to read it. This will most likely be the 2nd book to be given out at my service. I think I'm quickly building a gift bag for everyone. Hey that is not a bad idea. People love gifts - hhhhmmmmm I'm gonna have to think through that - I like that idea. SEE now you all want to come - it's always about the gifts  ;0) - if you gift them they will come!!!!!
No need to dress up in something  you are not comfortable in. If you know me I always pick comfort. Ladies if I didn't have to have it be coed I would pick it to be a jammie party - aren't we always most comfortable in our jammies!!! but it will be coed so dress accordingly.
So there you have it  - I'm getting it all written down. rather enjoying the process but through it all really wondering what would people say about me? There is a great song by Nichole Nordeman - Legacy. In there she sings, "I want to leave a legacy How will they remember me? Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough  to make a mark on things I want to leave an offering A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed Your name unapologetically And leave that kind of legacy"
Love this and want it to be true of me.

Enjoy your day and be challenged by the thought of what kind of legacy are you leaving behind?

Move That Mountain Jesus!!!

I posted the other day about the mountain moving challenge I had put out there to my 'k' group and then could see the face of a handful of ladies that I knew I needed to send it to as well. ANYWAYS, of the ones I know, because I had said I didn't need to know if they were doing it or not, I heard back from 32 woman. Can you believe that! Even now writing this it brings a smile to my face and a tear of joy to my eyes. A few gals over the past few days have asked me about this challenge from when I did it 15 years ago and how that went. So here I am to share what that God experience was in my prayer/faith journey. .....
Bobby and I had been married a little over a year and even though we had already been together for 61/2 years, there were many 1st year marriage challenges that I was dealing with. I remember one day hearing this story of Doug and Bob on KWVE (I'm pretty sure that is where it was - I will post it later so you can read it).  Well my heart jumped out of my chest and I knew that I wanted and needed to have a mountain moved in my marriage, God needed to change my husband. So right there that moment I committed to God that "yes Lord I will do this". I picked Monday to start, because don't we always pick Monday to start everything????? ;0)   I couldn't wait to tell Bobby what I was going to do. O NO God stopped me and clearly spoke to my heart to not say one thing. Bobby was not to know. O MY THAT CANT BE!!!!! Well of course my Jesus knew my manipulative heart and knew I would use it as a tool to manipulate my husband - so here I was now with a restriction on this challenge. Then somewhere over the next couple of days I could hear the Lord tell me 2 more things that seemed weird but I knew it was Him.
1. pray in your closet on your knees - I had never done that before
here is the kicker
2. only pray the Lord's prayer!
Now how does that make sense?
So here I was getting ready to pray for the Lord to move a mountain in my marriage - meaning Bobby and I am not allowed to tell him, I'm in my closet on my knees AND praying the Lord's prayer, that has nothing to do with what I needed to pray for. O the things that God was convicting my heart about during those days was insane.
So that Monday I started - obeyed what were the rules for ME. 1st week - felt so silly - it all felt manufactured and couldn't imagine how this was going to work. But then somewhere along the way my heart began to change and I craved going in that closet and would weep when I would say 'Hallowed be thy Name" For a few days I think I forgot what I was praying for and just prayed the words to what was becoming the cry of my heart pray. Somewhere along the line with each word I prayed I could see how perfectly applicable they were to the things in my marriage I had wanted to pray for. I was seeing Bobby differently, I was seeing my marriage very differently.
Day 40 the mountain was changed. ME God changed ME! I was the mountain and had no idea. The things I thought needed changed in Bobby were now in many ways blessings in my life and I had clarity to see the beauty of what it brought to the marriage and in my life. The things I once tried so hard to manipulate a change in him with through guilt and trying so hard to get him to fight with me, were now the very things that I could see was the perfect fit to allow me to serve God on the level that He was asking me to serve Him. Even writing this now brings me so much joy and thankfulness that God knew me best and set those guidelines on me.
That was when I began to understand prayer and it's power and purpose in my life.
Thank You Jesus for moving this mountain!!!!

Just some random thoughts this morning

Sitting outside in this chilly, 42degree Cali morning drinking a most fabulous cup of Colombian coffee, 20oz to be exact, with sugar-free vanilla syrup to sweeten and add a yummie touch of flavor, and a big splash of heavy cream mmmmmmm this is so good. Looks like my Lord made me a beautiful day to praise Him for. Thank You Jesus!!!!
So I decided on my mountain - well actually I had a friend decide for me. I figured since Doug chose Bob's or maybe it was the other way around that since i was still all in a quandary about my mountain that I should just have a friend pick for me. So she went a completely different route and picked my son. Yes I knew instantly she was right as this was the one i kept pushing out of my mind because It is the one I was most afraid to pray for ( honest confession ) So Aaron it is, with much trepidation I have enter these 40days for my son.
........... So tonight is Hillsong United concert. Coming off the heals of the Jeremy Camp concert where I was 2nd row I may add, I am flying high in a constant state of worshipping. This concert tonight at the Staple Center is gonna be so amazing. I have never been anywhere where 20,000 people are losing themselves in uninhibited abandoned worship. Well this girl will get to know that tonight. If my face is shining tomorrow well you know what that means.
...........going to the concert tonight means missing "k" group. I don't like to miss that but well this just seemed like a no brainer tonight ;o) It should be a great group tonight for the ladies though. We are in Ephesians 2. I love hearing all the personal applications that the gals get. So rich to hear so many different ways our Lord will speak so differently to each of us. I got 3 great nuggets out of Ephesians 2 but the one that has continued to resonate in my mind is Ephesians 2:1-2 ¹ And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, ² in which you formerly walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience.
I wont share the whole rabbit trail i did but the bottom line: to think that every time I walk in disobedience, I am walking with the enemy. The one who seeks to destroy me. To think that I can willing choose, that is a terrifying thought. To have walked with him before salvation is one thing but to willingly choose it once saved and sanctified - WOW pretty horrid to think that through.
............So Bobby thinks it's a good thing these days to have Geoffrey in our bed. NO IT IS NOT!!!!!! Don't get me wrong I love my dog - boy do I love him like crazy - HOWEVER this in the bed thing is killing me. He is this 11lb little thing that one would think wouldn't take up much room WRONG. He places himself in HIS perfect spot and will not budge. Some how I am most positive that in the middle of the night my lil'dog becomes a 200lb monster uuugghhh. All I know is this has to stop. Shoot i think he knows I'm writing about him as he is cuddled on my side licking my hand. This is one smart dog and I am one tired momma. ...................well Aaron has writing testing this morning that I need to get him too. O the joys of 7th grade.
Enjoy your day and remember who has given this day to you. make it count for His glory. When the bumps come your way, remember who brings wisdom and peace. When the temptations of compromise come across your path, remember whose intent it is to destroy you.
Choose Jesus I promise you will rest better tonight for it!!!!

40 Days of Prayer To Move A Mountian - day 1

starts today!!!
I was challenged in my faith recently from a prayer time with the Lord to have the faith the size of a mustard seed to move a mountain. Now this challenge is what started my prayer journey some 15 years ago, and indeed that mountain was moved. SO believing is the easy part. I know that things will happen in these 40days. The challenge has been what mountain do I really pick. Funny the enemy will come in to trip us up in whatever we give him and well I have been giving him my indecisiveness. uuugghhh!!!! How stupid relentless he is in his cause of confusion and darkness. Good thing that the lover of my soul is relentless in love, mercy, grace, healing, clarity, wisdom, and order. I am just hoping that sometime this morning that will take dominance over my thoughts and I will know what my mountain is I am praying for.
When I realized I was called to this, I put the challenge out to my "k" group sisters. How blown away I was when within  days 15 gals said "yep I'm in"
SO looks like in 40days Cali wont be recognizable  - somebody better warn map quest that things are about to change in this State.
Back to my original thought - i know that by the end of this day I will know what I am praying for - trust me there are many things, which is why I am having a hard time deciding. I want to pick 1. 
Here is a cute timing side note - God's timing is always just perfect. This 40days will end on the day of our Woman's Retreat . His timing not mine as i never even paid attention to the dates of the retreat this year since I knew I wouldn't be going. I just love how many of these woman that are doing this challenge will head into retreat on a high note - I am sure something great is gonna happen at that retreat for sure!!!!

going through my old uposted post

so i just went through to look at some unposted post. You see I write many post  that i never really intend to post because well i just don't......but mainly it is for a day when my son will have this blog and have all those to read. ANYWAY - not sure why I never posted this. Maybe I just didn't feel like it was finished but I'm gonna post it now, unfinished and just allow the Lord to finish it up in your own heart.


3/9/10
WHAT IF..........
So what if the very circumstance you desperately want to be done with is the very thing that is an answer to your bended knee prayers?

What if the what seems like a whole pot of crazy dysfunction is the very thing that brings unity because you choose to love, support and protect even when nothing about that makes sense?

What if you're supposed to be feeling lonely because God is desperate to be your One and Only and all the other people in your life are just the extra special fluff?

What if you're supposed to lose that house because it will only bring harder trials trying to keep it?

What if staying the course in homeschooling is Gods best because it's stripping you of pride and growing in you a patient, calm person - even if right now you scream and have no peace

What if you've been hurt and offended but the road of love is to forgive even if the other person doesn't get it at all?

what if we all stop thinking that the current trial we are in is this strange thing when the Word clearly tells us that it's NOT - do we not believe the WORD?

So what if you start spending time with the Lord each day in prayer, His Word and worship - do you think that just maybe your heart would grow peaceful or do you rather enjoy your messed up mind of confusion?

What if you knew that there was a piece of the equation in your current trial that you didn't know and if knowing it would give you a completely different view - are you willing to know that most likely that is fact - you don't know the whole picture. - - - I think we all need to clean out our filters !

What if you find out you have been deceived by the enemy with "this" yucky situation in your life and you are putting things out there according to the lie of the enemy  - remember he is the great deceiver and the best con is when you don't know you are being conned.

What if living a more simple financial life is far better for you because you can not be trusted with wealth and He is really saving you from your flesh
what if what if what if.....................

What A Weekend

Well rested from my non-sleeping weekend up at Jr. High Youth Retreat. Seriously no sleep for this gal. No need to share the details but I will say that God is faithful to give strength to do what He has asked you to do. I am a walking testimony of that so don't ever get hung up on that kind of stuff.
Now the good stuff. It was so amazing, I need a new word let's try awe-inspiring. Yes that's good. Anyway, cooking for those kids and their leaders was such a blessing. I had the best kitchen crew and well we pretty much had a blast. Many memories to laugh for years with.
I must say I am overwhelmed with a thankful heart for the work that our God is doing in our youth group. Jon and Mike are so God's anointed for this ministry. Their heart, their passion, their conviction is so Holy Spirit fueled. I am just one thankful momma that I have a son up in that youth group. These guys serve with such excellence and full throttle commitment. The teachings: gifted, inspired by the Holy Spirit, effective, and given with such conviction and humility. The worship: flooded with the Spirit of God - from inhibited worship to abandoned freedom in singing as loud as they could to the lover of their souls. The fellowship time: from insecure clicks to bigger groups of laughing and hugging. YES these were Jr. Higher. I have been blessed to serve my Jesus in many ways but this experience is one of the best. Just to be there and find myself losing myself in the beauty of my Jesus through the teachings and the worship - it was truly a gift.
To watch one of the kitchen guys have a young man come up to him broken and pouring his heart out to him and walking away from that conversation having met his savior for the very first time. I knew then, we are not there to serve food only. We are there to be His disciples. So many stories I could share but I will just say never miss an opportunity to serve if He is calling you - you never know what the bigger picture really is.
SO - the picture up top. YEP we got snowed in and YEP that is my van in the back - lol it was crazy but we knew God so had it covered. So yes we all got down eventually - well not everything. Much of our stuff is still up on that mountain for another day to grab.
Funny to me it  was profound to think that some stuff just needs to stay up there. it doesn't belong in our lives anymore.
Thank You Jesus for allowing me to serve.

On a harder note. I can't post this without making mention of the Youth group that came down that mountain yesterday and went over the cliff. My heart and prayers go out to them. These kids were just minutes away from where we were. The last I heard there was 1confirmed dead and at least 20 injured. May the peace of God flood this horrific situation and bring comfort, healing and salvation to overflowing.
http://www.ocregister.com/news/county-289171-fire-bus.html

What I know is this accident will have great power to bring many to salvation for all the youth that were up on that same mountain, that same weekend.  May Salvation reign !!!!!

What a Joy it is to serve

Tomorrow I am off to the mountains to spend a weekend with the Jr. High group cooking their meals and standing on my feet for 3 days. Serving those crazy kids....AAAAUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH you may say!
NO WAY this girl is so stinkin excited. i am always amazed at the things my Jesus will allow me to do for Him. Looking so forward to this weekend. To bless these kids and those youth leaders, what a honor. Sometimes I don't even recognize myself when I stop and think about what I am doing. 
This will be a fun weekend - sure it will be hard but who cares that is God's part to bring the strength and the wisdom. I know who my Lord is and He has it covered!
,,,,,,,NOW I may be in bed for 2 days come Monday but even this old gal needs her rest.
O and yes for those of you who know my saying about Jr. High .....well.... Yes I am aware that I broke my rule - lol

Sweet Gifts around the corner

So my string of the greatest concerts ever are just around the corner. This morning sitting here listening to some great worship music and just resting in His love, I started thinking about how blessed I feel that in just a couple of weeks I will be seeing Jeremy Camp. I love him so much. To listen to him via CD is one giant blessing, but to watch him on stage and the overwhelming joy he has in his obvious deep love affair with my Jesus is quit another experience. Gosh I can't wait. he does this one thing that just makes me smile with an overflowing heart. He will sing a verse then pull away and his face is just beaming with this smile that he can not contain because of his love for my Lord. It is so so evident. I think - man this guy has sung this song 1000's of times and still he can not sing it without just feeling as if he has just sung these swords for the very first time to his beloved redeemer. It is something so great to see and I DO IN 2 WEEKS!!!!!
THEN
in a few days after that I am off to the 1 concert I have always prayed I would ever be so blessed to attend. HILLSONG at the Staples Center!!!!!! can you picture just being there with that  amazing worship music - 1000's of people standing hearts and hands lifted high just worshipping with the Lover of their souls WOW I get to be there. Just thinking about it right now I can't write this without a giant smile on my face. Thinking about the non-saved workers at the Staple Center and knowing that they are about to have an encounter with my Jesus that will bring them to their knees. Holy Spirit come and and may salvation reign that night.
THEN
4 weeks later I will be at the Gibson Theater worshipping with
CHRIS TOMLIN!!!!!
so there pretty much is not many Chris Tomlin songs that i have not choreographed for our children's ministry - so Yep I will be there with some sweet friends and YEP I'm sure we will be doing our thing to all those songs. now that is going to be so great.
what a blessed season of worship in concerts that i have been given.
Thank You Jesus You sure know my love language!!!!

A perfect reminder to start this day.

In "K" group we are inductively studying the life of Paul. We are starting up Ephesians this Tuesday and I needed to look back on my study since I worked ahead during our break from regular group.,
Just reminded of a sweet truth that is so encouraging to my heart this morning:
Ephesians1: 7

⁷ In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace

His blood: I had did a long study on His blood and the unimaginable love it took to shed it for selfish unworthy people and looked at the tool that it is in our walk with the Lord to assist us in battling our enemy. Here is a piece that resonated with me this morning once again.

The shedding of our Lord's blood had the power to forgive all our trespasses. I have been redeemed because of that blood. I will not have to touch, hear, smell or see the tragic abomination that hell is because of the blood of my God who humbled Himself to come to this earth and give up his essence to become flesh, to be ridiculed, hated, betrayed, mocked so that He would be able to go to a tree and hang on a cross and think of me and His unfailing perfect love towards me. He took the pain and suffered long for me. He bleed from his feet to cover everywhere I would ever walk that was not according to His will – he bleed from his hands for every sin that I would ever commit with these hands – he bleed from his head for every thing I would ever think, say, hear that is against His ways for me – he bleed from His back for every time I would choose to have my back over His – he bleed from His side for every time I wouldn’t be on His side that I would selfishly choose my own side

 He bleed for me.

                             and for You!!!!

I'm not dead!!!

week one under my belt and OMYGOODNESS!!!! I survived - the Lord must have a purpose for all this nonsense. Won't spend humiliating time on the details but I'm alive when I was pretty sure I was gonna get to see my Jesus this week.
I got to thinking all these years my tag line has been keep chasing righteousness! I guess this has become a self fulfilling prophesy....lol.....be careful what your mouths say.

Couch to 5K

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH........... it has started. I'm pretty sure that i am going ro die!
Today is day 3 of week 1. Please Jesus let this be a sign that i just might actually do this thing.
Reader's Digest version:
exercise  - NO!!!! not allowed to be apart of my life. My line in the sand with the Lord. No No No Lord don't touch that rebellious part of my heart. I will give you anything else to buffet my body. I have taken every food allergy out - which has left me with a hand full of things I can eat - BTW thank you for how healthy I have become because of that. I will fast anytime you ask Lord. But exercise, it just can't be.
This is a common conversation I have with the Lord. We will use the word terrified to explain my heart towards exercise. Sure I know that my body will NOT lose weight without it, but it's just well alot of baggage in my head why I choose not to.
So here I am in the CM office and within a moment that Mary somehow cast this horrible spell on Susan C and I and we actually agree to train for a 5k in May. Now the part that is INSANE that makes me know that she 100% drugged us or cast a spell or something crazy of that nature is we both actually for that moment was excited, believing that shoot of course we can do this. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT???? my head was spinning thinking I can't back out  - Let no's be no's and your YES be YES! a principle I am trying to live by.
THEN..... I share with my son that I was going to do this and before I could walk away I'm asking him to join me. AND YES he is eager and bonding with me over this 5K nonsense. Now I have been praying so hard for our relationship as it is very challenged and here we are bonding over THIS!!!!!. So now this thing takes on a whole new life for me.
So fast forward to today  - day 3 of our 1st week of training. Aaron is a great motivator trainer for me. He is encouraging me moment by moment and something so tender is happening for both of us. It's crazy how it is taking this self denying thing in my life to bring about what i am daily on my knees about with my son. hhhhhmmmmmm yea I get it!
Lesson for the day  - what are you willing to die to for victory in the things you pray for?

BTW  - there are 16 people who are joining our team for this 5k. What in the world has been born???

well off for this run - if i never came back my parting words to you all are
Keep chasing righteousness!!!!!

Home Rested and Ready Yes Lord Ready

Not to sure if I'm ready to recap retreat so let's just see how this goes.

Home from retreat and full of so much hope. To watch answered prayers that I have prayed for so so long. Honestly -  don't ever lose hope in prayer!. For me that is what this retreat ended up being for me. I got to sit there and unwrap this beautiful gift from my Jesus' heart to my heart. Answered prayer all over the place. Now to others they may not be able to see it but it was happening from the moment we arrived until the moment we left - one new OMYGOOSH moment for me one after another. To see lives change right in front of my eyes. That is what My Jesus can do and did for me this weekend. The Lord so prepared my heart of "others focused" for this retreat and it was exactly where my head and heart needed to be. There was only but a moment that i was self focused on a O O situation that I put into motion, that I regretted and had a little bit of a pity party over doing something not relying on the Spirit of God. But other than that, to be others focused was the greatest gift and somehow my need tank got full to overflowing. Lord let me hold fast to that principle.
FAITH HOPE and LOVE:
Costly Grace
Living and Loving Outside of the Box
Free To Be Me and You
Linked in Love
Every teaching was seasoned with so much flavor and some bites were hard to chew, but to see God's heart in the matter how can we not say Yes and Amen to everything that is in His heart.
For me the main thing i walked away with was -  sure it's easy to keep the ones we like the most close but what about when the hard stuff comes and they hurt us. To leave them is missing out on such a beautiful work that God will do. Stay, forgive, allow restoration - YES walk in wisdom but we have a great big God who really can take any mess and bring beauty for ashes.
Well as I suspected when I first started writing this I'm not completely ready to put it all out there. This retreat sure is hard to articulate. It was the best retreat EVER for me. It was the most painful retreat to be present with EVER. yes both of those are true and only our Jesus, who is relentless in His pursuit of our complete hearts, could ever make those sentences come together be true for one event.
I have never witnessed such genuine sweet fellowship. The unity that we have been praying for 5 years for, well it was birthed at this retreat. Can I just say the labor pains are so stinkin worth it. SO DO NOT TRUST YOUR EMOTIONS  - trust the Lord and His Word. Unity comes at a cost - you can't bail, You need to stay in it and be honest and forgiving. This group that I am so blessed to be apart of, we are actually learning this, we are living in it and can i just say the fruit of that is sweet O so sweet. So thankful that fruit stayed on the vine a little longer than we all wanted it too.
I know this is just a jumbled rambling where are you going post. But I'm just trying to get some of this stuff out of my head and heart.
We will see some leave this year. Some for travels afar, some because it is time, and others because well just because. In all of it what i know is God has planted a gift deep within each one of our hearts and if we allow the Vine to nurious the branch the fruit will be sweet for another group of woman elsewhere.
Thank You Jesus for a gift that I couldn't have even imagined to pray for. I knew it would come at a cost but Lord You alone script Your ways.
Thank You Jesus that I get to be................!

the eve of retreat

just finished packing - sitting down with a yummie cup of decaf and just letting my thoughts go where ever they may:
What if God shows me stuff in my heart that I'm not prepared to deal with. I happen to say to  a friend today to trust God's timing. So what about me now and my thoughts of His timing in my life? Don't want to think about that..........
What if I can't connect with my Lord in worship? the voice inside of me says, 'DO IT ANYWAY'. Don't like that answer.........
What if I go to pray and there are no words? there is that voice again,' then sit in silence and listen to HIM'. Awkward what if everyone just stares at me. 'Let them stare'
What if ......what if.........what if.........what if......???????
What if God breathes on my life and sets me on fire!!!!
I'm in Lord .....YES AND AMEN  to everything that's in your heart!!!!

Why DO You Fight So Hard To Get Out Of Your Situation

Was reading a prayer board this morning and it just seems like it's the same story in every circle
 [ names have been changed to protect the real ones] hard times are here and no one is going to be free of them.
Lakwanda - wants out of her marriage because her husband is a jerk ( her words not mine)
Matilda Lou - cant deal with her kids so she just sits in frustration and borders on depression.
Shanada Kay - hates her boss and just sits at work and stews
Rolika Lilly - well everything is overwhelming to her and she just cant get a grip on anything
Margreala Kathrine - is dying in her dysfunctional home
................... so you get the idea here everyone is drowning in their circumstances and wants it to just STOP!!!!!
Praise the Lord for so many scriptures on all of these however, it comes down to this simple principle.
If it's not this situation it will be another. God is going to use whatever is in your life to bring you to your knees in repentance of whatever he is desperately trying to show you to sanctify you for His glory. Is there a constant theme that keep coming up? I recently read this amazing and very timely book by Kay Smith "The Privilege"  - I took many nuggets away that I am trying to hold on to and practice in my life - one stands out right now in relation with what I am talking about. When you feel something that makes you upset, negative, critical, angry, bitter, insecure.....etc.... ask the Lord to name that root sin in your heart. He will and when He does, repent of it and allow God to forgive you of your wrong heart. This practice will soon find you not fighting your circumstances and realizing that God has allowed them to consecrate your life so that you can live a life sanctified for His glory.
I am not making light of any ones situation because we are all going through it  - it's just a shift in how we view those circumstances. We need to allow the Lord to show us our sin first - always start with self and get that cleaned up. Somehow the "others" just don't seem so daunting after that.

WOW THAT WAS FAST

OKAY THAT WAS WAY TO FAST  - HE DICTATED OTHERS. SO YES LORD OTHERS IT WILL BE.
THANK YOU LORD FOR A FAST ANSWER.

I'm Back - with a ramble

So this morning I was thinking about this blog of mine and how I really haven't even looked at it in like 15 years. Okay fine a slight exaggeration however, it has been a long time. Then i thought WHY??? truth is I've been going through some things that just have needed to be slightly protected from this blogsville. I tend to not care to much about how people interpret my post, as it is always just a raw unfiltered truth of my thoughts and emotions and what God is showing me. Well this past season I have needed to be a little more protective of circumstances and people so no blogging seemed to be the better right thing. But i'm back and just in need of a verbal unload  - shoot this is my therapy!!!!
3 days from now I will be up on a mountain with 22 fellow CM leaders, in a house, in jammies :), seeking the Lord for self and for our ministry, for 3 days. Now this sure has the potential of some pretty amazing supernatural works of our Lord Jesus but the reality of it all is that it will only be what we allow it to be or to make it completely personal - what I allow it to be for myself. O sure I want the big stuff - the really great personal revival great stuff. But! will I allow it? You see with out personal brokenness, repentance before a Holy God, not much can happen in the light of revival - okay NOTHING can happen. I have spent the last 5 months praying pretty much daily for these ladies, praying and fasting desperately seeking the Lord on their behalf - however, somehow I have forgotten myself in the process. Now maybe that is a good thing because I have always been greatly encouraged and exhorted along the way. But this day I am wondering if I need to shift my focus on just self for these last few days.  Now self tends to get a bit to up in the head with things and not always a good outcome so today my question before my Jesus becomes - WHAT LORD DO I DO- ME OR OTHERS? I'm sure I could debate both sides of that coin to a good resolve however I really just need my ever faithful Lord to press on my heart this day this last step before getting to retreat.
Last Friday we had an all night prayer and fast time for our ministry and upcoming retreat. Even in that evening God was showing me my stuff but all through the night I just continued  to see flashes of others hearts and circumstances and felt so compelled to pray for them. Just being completely about me was a task that took so much concentration and only for moments here and there was really able to accomplish that.
Here is a perplexing thought: one girl focused only on others and I knew that God needed her to see herself more than anything - while yet another girl focused so inwardly that it messed up her head and she needed to focus outwardly. So to see both situations so strongly it just makes me wonder for myself. ME OR OTHERS -  or is it balance?  whatever the natural bent is then the opposite is probably true for the moment. Well that confuses me even more. 17years ago I was only ever in my head - lived an entire life  as the perfect classic victim who could excuse any behavior and truly believed that EVERYONE was wrong, they just didn't get it. Light bulb moment brought me to my knees in complete disgust over myself  and repentance soon followed. Since then I have learned to live thinking of others and not trusting my own thoughts on self as there is just way to much insecurities wrapped up in self for me. So would it be that after 17years the Lord would say time to balance that all out? Remember this is just a vent session and I wouldn't expect anyone to actually track what i am saying here. Maybe with this vent you can see why I'm a bit of a mess - lol PRAY FOR ME!!!!
So today i will trust in the Lord for bringing the circumstances to the table of others or me. Tomorrow will be a new day and with prayerfully a little more clarity will do the same.

I'll be back tomorrow with maybe a little recap of some things that have been going on. Or maybe just some more "WHAT IN THE WORLD IS SHE TALKING ABOUT"  post.

always remember......... keep chasing righteousness!!!!!!
stand firm and don't pray for the trial to go away - God is in it and He has something super fantastic for you to learn in it - You will praise Him one day for it !  just watch and SEE!!!!!

When we are frustrated it’s a big clue that our pride is flaring because we’re not getting our way, and it points us to our unwillingness to surrender.

spoken  from a faithful friend!!!

Scar Me Lord - it's gonna be worth it.

O Lord at what point and time will I not feel this pride and insecurity???

This season of allowing my Jesus permission to dig to "THAT" part of my heart that I have forever nurtured and "spiritually - covered up" is so stinkin painful. Studying the book of Galatians has brought me to this place of saying, enough is enough ! - I no longer choose bondage. I choose freedom!!! Now as lovely as that sounds, the reality is a process that is just about making the consequence of my chooses unbearable. Sure I get it - I see why and that it has to cost me something. It has to be painful. It has to bring me to that place of, I'm no longer breathing. However, today i have breath - which in my perspective is HOPE. Hope is being able to breathe. I feel His love and grace on me assuring me that it's gonna be worth it. His love is so perfect and knowing that this season of breaking me out of my self inflicted prison will leave scars but in those scars will be freedom that will enable me to be more useful for His glory. So this day I pray that when it hurts me, I will praise Him through the emotional pain and know that there is a day coming when I will feel light as a feather with a heart of gladness for having chosen the harder road.
 OOOOOO I wonder if I will look light as a feather tooooo!!!! 

I Believe!

I wasn't going to post this then tonight I got to thanking God for all he did last week with the prayers that were prayed during our 3-Day Prayer and Fast for our kids and i just couldn't resist putting this praise out here in blogsville.

A little prelude: after a series of many frustrating weeks and dire situations for myself and some friends, I figured we needed to pray and fast for our kids. Satan is relentless in his desperation to destroy our kids and it's time we get proactive and go to battle with the big guns PRAY & FASTING. We know its expected of us and we know that it works, yet we are so weak to deny our flesh that we can come up with many excuses why we don't. However the Word is clear:

1. Fasting helps subject our bodies to our spirits. (I Cor 9:27)
2. Fasting is disciplining the body, mind, and spirit. (Prov. 25:28)
3. Fasting is subordinating our flesh-desires to our spirit-desires. (Gal 5:17)
4. Fasting helps set the priorities in our lives. (Mt 6:33)
5. Fasting is longing after God. (Ps 63:1-2)
Why Should We Fast?
1. Honor God - Mt 6:16-18, Luke 2:37, Acts 13:2, Mt 5:6
2. Humble Yourself - 2 Chron 7:14-15
3. Discerning Healing - I Cor 11:30, James 5:13-18, Isaiah 59:1-2
4. Deliverance from Bondage - Mt 17:21, Is 58:6-9 (loose bands of wickedness)

5. Revelation - God’s vision and will - Dan 9:3, 20-21, Dan 10:2-10, 12-13

6. Revival - personal and corporate - Acts 1:4, 14 / 2:16-21, Joel 2:12-18
7. Repentance - personal failures - Psalm 51: Jer. 29:11-14, James 4:8-10

Anyway, I called upon some friends and was blessed beyond blessed to have 14 of them say yes lets do this - so we did. We denied the flesh to feed the spirit and fight the fight for our kids. to God be the Glory!!!! So that leads me to my story that I wanted to share.

It was the last night of the fast and i was driving home from church alone as Bobby and Aaron stayed behind to play basketball in the gym with some other guys. I was just praising the Lord for all things about Aaron and his life. i started really being thankful for his health. i realized how very blessed we have been as this kid never gets sick. as active as he is there have been no broken bones and no stitches and barely any normal sicknesses. I was just enjoying my drive home thanking the Lord for good health. So I'm home for about an hour and in walks Aaron, "Mom please help me it hurts real bad" there i stood looking at his arm thinking it must be broken. It's already black and blue and the lump was huge. At first I panicked then I started laughing- really cracking up laughing. he is looking at me like 'what is wrong with you, I'm hurt!' How could it be that I was just praising God for good health and no accidents and this walks in my house. O the comedy of it in that moment. I quickly composed myself as i new it looked pretty rude and I went into real mommy mode. Bobby was assuring me that it wasn't broke but that it was indeed a pretty bad bruising. I guess you want to know how this happened - okay well it's not glamorous but the bottom line is he kept missing his layups and well his temper got the better of him and he slugged some part of the wall. yes you heard me right.  Well anyways after i iced it and helped him get ready for bed ( he can't use it all). I lied there and I prayed for him, realizing this was the end of the fast so I just stayed there praying and asking God for a miracle, asking him to show Himself strong to Aaron and the power that He has to heal and bring comfort. i stayed and prayed until Aaron was at peace and ready to dose off to sleep. I begged God to do this for my son. How he needs to know the power of God for himself - his parents faith will not save him and make him a surrendered sanctified soul for the Lord. he has to know the power of God for himself. So the next morning i am sitting out on my chair having my quiet time and Aaron gets up, comes over to hug and kiss me good morning and I realize he is using his arm like it's nothing but a thing. I said, " Aaron how is your arm?", he says, " good why" I just laughed and said thank you Jesus. His response made me realize that he was saying 'why are you asking mom didn't we pray for a miracle'. So my 3 day fast ended in more than I could have hoped for and I know that this is just the beginning of many times on my knees for my son.

I BELIEVE!!!!!

Lessons From My Yard

This morning I woke with this thought on my mind. Is today His? I lied there and thought duh of course, isn't everyday His?! Then I realized that yes of course that is factually true however, will I allow it to really be His in all things in all ways. You see I'm really struggling these days with choosing all things Jesus over my deep painful hurt and insecurities. I went to my inbox and  I read these 2 very separate yet somehow connected verses.
And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

The little article was talking about how easy it is to live this out at a retreat as apposed to our daily lives. Saying that it is because at a retreat everything we do is based upon Jesus. So it dawned on me that is the answer - everything I do needs to be with the mindset of Jesus. Ok sounds simple enough - let's see how this plays it's self out today.
Then I read
I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. (John 4:35)
This one made me laugh a little. I have a friend who always talks about how she and I see life so very differently. She sees the field and is overwhelmed by the work and I see it and get excited for what can be produced from it.( Ministry)  The little devotion that went with it was great but it didn't seem to be the thing that God was wanting to speak to me about. So I decided to take a literal approach and go in my back yard and and look at the 'field'. So as I did this the Lord began to pour into me so many thoughts. You see I have this thing about homes and how they can really speak to the real condition of our hearts. I also have this avocado tree in the back yard that from day one God has used to speak spiritual wisdom to me about myself. Today I looked at my backyard - the grass! God was opening my eyes yet again. You see there is this weird thing going on with it. It has been dying all season. It gets watered and cut on a very regular bases. Yet it is dying. In fact 50% of the yard is painful to even walk on, as it feels kind of like dull thorns. Just very perplexing. I've been thinking I should talk to my Gardener and ask him why or for help. it's odd that he comes every week and sees it as well but hasn't done anything to help it either. I got to thinking that I'm going to have to spend some extra time with it, tilling it and planting new seeds and adding fertilizer. So all of these things make perfect sense right?! But I tend to go out side always and look at the part of the grass that is nice and just keep hoping that by some chance it will bleed into the died grass.  The weird thing is I think the dead grass is taking over the good grass. So here I am this morning with this verse in my head looking at my grass and realizing that it's time for something different. I need to invest in a new way. Just going out there and spending a little extra time with water isn't helping anything. I have been doing that for months now. I know that my yard is reacting to the odd abnormal summer season we have had, it's as if it just didn't know how to behave under that condition so it just gave up and died. But why did the other part of my yard adjust and thrive?? As you can imagine my mind is pounding with these aahhaa God thoughts and I have to laugh. No seriously laugh out loud by myself in my back yard. Wonder what my neighbor who sits in her back yard all day was thinking? funny that I even care. All of this to say that I now am completely aware that God is doing a work and I'm beginning to get it. Looks like I'll be having some dates with my backyard. You may be reading this with alot of " what is she talking about" but one thing if you know anything about me God always seems to talk to me most in the everyday things and I can tell that He is beginning to really show me what i need to know from My yard and it looks like we, my yard and i are gonna be doing some work - the horrible part is I HATE LOATHE did I say HATE yes HATE yard work. So isn't it just like God to take me to the very thing that I never want to do in fact i do the very bare minimal with it always just so it doesn't look trashy.  - or at least knowing that other peoples yards are struggling too i don't feel so bad about mine ( Good stinkin grief )
If you know anything about my story with my avocado tree here is a funny thing. My tree is in the part of my yard that is green and doing well. my tree is full of so many avocados -even after my gardeners cut like 5 majorly huge branches off - they did it when there were about 200 total babies on it. i was so frustrated when they did that thinking, 'seriously why now - there were so many babies on those brances' but looking at it this morning those branches that were cut have already produced new growth with many new babies on it. i hope everything I'm saying isn't nonsense and that you can see the spiritual analogy here. It's just blowing my mind. I'm just feeling thankful that today is a new day and I will make it His and consider the field!!!
 Lessons from my yard:
 - The part that is dead needs to be tilled up and re-seeded fertilized alot. that is a messy stinky process but the grass is dead and if it stays it will continue to kill the good that is in my yard. The dead is of no longer any use it needs to be gone and it's gonna take work.
 - My Gardener comes weekly yet I never ask him for help I just expect him to do the work. I can only imagine what he is thinking. "I wonder if she even cares that her grass is dying - i can help her if she will only ask - it will only cost a little extra for her"   - " if she doesn't ask soon it will cost her more as it is becoming a bigger problem"  - do you see they similarities between my "Gardener" and my Jesus!!!!
 - Of course the dead grass in infecting the good grass - things need to be removed and it's gonna take time and I need to be willing to get a little messy and stinky. Sure i can pay the gardener to do the whole thing for me but somehow I want to be apart of the growth. I don't want to miss out on the blessing that I know will come from it.
 - There is a time in our walks that just being watered on a daily basis is not enough anymore for the deeper growth. Things like praying and fasting - taking time to be still before the Lord - yielding first before reacting - all these need to become a more substantial part of my life. We need to long for the deep things but it comes at a sacrifice and are we really willing to make it.
 - this season of odd weather we have been having has made all things in my yard react very differently. I never thought that I should have been taking precautions or that it even mattered. But how like us that when the storms come or the droughts we begin to get a bit unnerved and behave differently. They show whats really deep down in our hearts  - the yuck is exposed and it becomes clear what needs to be cut away.
 - of course the growth will come from me becoming disciplined in doing the things that I would not rather do.
 - the "Gardener" cutting my branches off my tree - he knows what is best. i never even asked him to do that and yet he went to town on that tree. I was sad and frustrated to see very fruitful branches leave but he knew best that what would grow from it would be a more healthier branch and ultimately my tree is better balanced and not breaking down my fence or invading my neighbor's yard. So like ministry right now.

so as you can see in just a few minuets of going out and 'considering the field' so many spiritual truths have begun to take root in my heart. The really really stinky thing is I still do not want to go out there and dig up that yard - why do i hate yard work so much - most people love it and find it very therapeutic. Yea well not me - I JUST DONT WANT TO DO IT!!!

I hate the truth about myself

I've been going through this time of uncertainty of what is going on physically with my body. you see I found a mass in my neck 8 months ago or so. Well finally after all this time of test, Dr appts, blood work - you know the drill. I have an answer. Nothing that is going to take my life or cause me continued grief - it's only a lymph node reacting to something in my body. 1st I say Praise the Lord for answered prayer - then I have to stop and say O MY Goodness what in the world is wrong with me that I have worried off and on for over these 8 months. Bringing loved ones into a place of concern with what 'might' be happening to me. WOW crazy. Sure I know we need prayer and that is important but I get to thinking about my lack of faith and all that I have not done for Jesus because I would have rather been thinking about the "what ifs" of this situation. So not liking what I'm seeing in myself in all of this. I know these things are brought into our lives to shake us up and show us our lack of faith, our lack of trust, our lack of really living what we preach of wanting to be a disciple of His. But once the hard reality of it all hits, it becomes a bit humbling, an awareness of how much I need Jesus. Just when i think I'm growing I become that much more aware of the filthiness of who I am and all I can really do is fall on my knees in humbly surrender to a Holy God who loves me, died for me, uses me, and thinks I'm worth it. Isn't He amazing!!!!
Thank You Lord that You put the hard things in our way to expose the hardness of our hearts that are useless to You. Thank You that You never promise us a life of ease but only one of peace if we but stay the course with You and trust You in the storms of life.
Crazy how a stupid lymph node can bring such self awareness and even greater awareness to who He is.
Thank you Lord for a reactory lymph node!!!!!!

Hard Truth in my In Box

I love when I'm reading the devotions in my inbox and the very thing I read is the very thing i went to bed praying about. This is just way to powerful of a painful truth to not share here.

Inquire of the Lord

1 Samuel 30:8 tells us what David did as He sought to deal with the troubles that besieged him. After grieving and strengthening himself in the Lord, here is what he did, So David inquired of the LORD, saying, “Shall I pursue this troop? Shall I overtake them?” And He answered him, “Pursue, for you shall surely overtake them and without fail recover all.”
David inquired of the Lord.
There is a story in the book of Joshua that shows the importance of inquiring of God, of seeking His guidance, no matter how things may seem. The nation of Israel had entered the Promised Land and they were gaining great victories. One day a group of Gibeonites showed up. They had bags full of old moldy bread, their sandals were worn out, their water skins were cracked and old, and their clothing was old and worn.
They told Joshua and the leaders that they had come from a country far, far away. They went on to tell them they had heard about the great things God was doing through Israel, and they wanted to make sure they would not be attacked. So they had traveled from afar to make a covenant so that when Israel eventually reached them in the future, they wouldn’t attack the Gibeonites.
The Bible says specifically that Joshua and the men did not inquire of the Lord. Rather, they looked at the people’s provisions... the moldy bread, the old sandals, the old water skins... and they made a covenant with them.  It turns out they were the next door neighbors and Israel had been deceived. And it caused huge problems in Israel’s future.
I am telling you, things are not always as they appear. It pays to inquire of the Lord when you are going through difficult times. He will lead you
___________________________________________________________________________________

I've been studying/praying/ and pondering the whole idea of being deceived for a long time now. I wont get into all of that right now but let's just say that the 'church' needs to wake up, humble themselves and stop being against one another. Satan has infiltrated us and has spun such a web of deception that now he is just sitting back watching us destroy one another. We are no longer fighting the good fight. We now are obsessed with offenses, being selfish, not humbling ourselves in love, not sticking with what God calls us to so that we can learn what the real spirit of unity is. We have become a people who arrogantly stand in our rightness and leave dead bodies along the way.
God help us!
God remove the scales from our eyes!
God please save your people from themselves!

a day of golfing

My Beautiful Men!!!!

End of the Summer Ramblings

How did this entire Summer get away from me without blogging. Maybe that's why I've been on the verge of insanity this entire summer, seeing that blogging tends to be my therapy. Anyway, in typical Susan fashion there wont be much sense to any of this, just me trying to get A TON of thoughts out of my head. I apologize in advance if you take the time to read and at the end find yourself in need of a slap upside the head because you actually read this.
Summer started with a much needed trip to Montana. I posted some pictures of our time there and little did I know that being there in Montana was going to be the most rest I would get all Summer long. It was a great trip though being in that beautiful part of the Country and being with very missed family. I only wish i could have actually had the cup of coffee with my brother that i had hoped for but instead i got to see him for but a moment from a distance. I am however thankful that Aaron got to see him for a couple minutes and give him a hug. Time with Mom and Dad, Nancy, Brad and the kids, was so great. We shared many laughs that week.
Aaron had a Summer that was packed with all things not involving me. I guess I could see that as a blessing in some ways but there is much sadness wrapped up in all of that as well. He had 2 weeks of basketball camp - youth camp - Serving in VBS- a missions outreach  - concerts - movies and many hang out dates with friends. This boy of mine is growing up so fast. All the mistakes I've made as a parent are starting to become so evident as he is getting older and going about his life. Gosh to only know then what I know now. I need to post those things someday. Just maybe they might help someone out there - OKAY NO THEY WONT we always think our situation is different. Well for the record IT'S NOT!!!! 

Bobby's Summer except for the trip to Montana and taking the week off so he could serve in VBS, it was pretty much life as normal. Work  / Ministry  / Work  /  kiss the wife / Work  / ministry / Kiss the wife and so on and so on. I'm just grateful I'm in that equation. See this is the benefit of being married to someone with slight OCD - the pattern in his life is forever consistent. I will never go without in his pattern of life. (heheheh). he still amazes me at how sacrificial he is. I have honestly never known anyone ever who is as sacrificial as he is - except for JESUS!!!!

Me - my summer has been one of thankfulness for the perfect weather we had here in Cali. Okay truth is my grass and avocado tree have no idea what season it is and they are both behaving very inappropriately. My poor avocado tree had it's babies way to early. I just pray the fruit is good this year. i suspect it wont be and some how this tree that continues to speak spiritual truths to me will give me many lessons in fruit that looks good but not so good to eat. So not lookin forward to this season. Or maybe the lesson will be fruit that needs to be used for something else instead of the same known way. hhhhmmmmmm stay posted for that. Regardless it will speak hard things to me about myself. It always has. O here's a big thing that happened this summer  - I spent 7 hours in a salon chair doing color correction. yes you heard me correctly. In my attempt to make the black be brown, I ended up looking like a calico cat. No there are not any pictures but poor Margaret. 7 stinkin hours and finally I was brown - no hair damage either - shoot that girl sure knows her stuff. To top it off at the end of a very long day with my hair she reaches in her pocket and slices her finger on a razor blade she had in there. So not only did she waste her day on my hair and barely get any money for it, her tip was to cut the tip off. Good thing I'm a good conversationalist - other wise her day would have completely stunk. But i got my brown hair!!!!

VBS - The Adventures of The Apostle Paul. I love VBS. My favorite time of the year in ministry. I was super blessed to wear many hats this year. Worship / Food / Worker Kid entertainment / Janitorial and many services of registration. The more the better. for me it's always just a giant blessing to see Gods hand in all things so I get pretty hoggish to do what ever I'm allowed to do. Not sure why but i tend to thrive on serving with exhaustion. Seems like it's easier to die to self and allow God to do what only he can through me.
I tried to make many dates with friends this summer but well 97% of them never panned out. hhhmmmm I wonder why God continues to think aloneness is best for me. I must not be learning the better lesson in all of this.
Well regardless of what any given days agenda became one thing I know for sure. God is Good - God is Faithful - God is Strength - God is Love - God is Peace - God is Forgiving - God is Truth - God is Mine and I am His!!!!!! Thank you Jesus for a good Summer and beautiful weather and lessons.

A few pix from our Montana trip

tryin to get a pic of my boy is just short of impossible - we were at Giant Springs, my fav place at Mom's house.

Giant Springs - this is the smallest river in the nation or maybe even world - any whoseit i love to just sit there and listen to that water - it's peace at it's finest.

Everything Green - really really green!!

This had to be taken from very far away and zoomed in - I wonder what he's thinkin??

Morgan, Madison and my love - these girls ,ove them some uncle Bobby but duh who doesn't love Bobby. My nieces are so pretty.

Daddy, Aaron, and mom - I had to pay the child to take a pic with his grandparents - Yes I am that horrible of a parent. You see I figure it doesn't matter how much I mess the kid up God can fix anyone - shoot look at me!!!!!

Mom was telling him something so i actually got a real smile out of the kid.

Now this is Fred~ he is the squirrel that has lived in Mom's yard for 4 years. He is stealing the birds food. Now picture this Mom is outside yelling at Fred that he is stealing food. He just stares at her. it's hysterical. I just know that the neighbors call her the 'crazy old lady who talks to the squirrels" It's funny: all 4'9" of this lil'ol grannie shakin her finger at a lil'squirrel - lol

Now here's Taylor my nephew - this pic happened by complete accident because this kid is just like Aaron - no one ever gets a pic of him. Him and Aaron were actually in cahoots to take my camera and delete pics - UGH!!!!! He's a love though. I'm so glad him and Aaron had a great time together.

Bobby and Morgan (Mouch) - sweet!!

Madison and Bobby - proud uncle!

Just goofin around and no that is not my Geoffrey that is Josie down there. She helped me make it through the week w/out my baby.